Pain woke Lucy, and she shifted her body. When she did, Kevin tightened his grip on her and she realized that his arm was draped over her. The pain was from the fact that in his sleep, he'd reached around her and cupped her very tender, very full breast in his hand. From the way she felt, she knew she had a little while before the girls would wake, so she moved his hand down to her ribs and pushed her back against his chest. His grip tightened, and his hand started to move back up. Smiling to herself, Lucy took his hand and held it. The warm, safe feeling that came with being in his arms brought back a lot of memories that made her smile. One of her legs was trapped under his, but she brought the other one up and over his.
Sighing in his sleep, he snuggled closer and all but enveloped her body with his own. Still holding his hand, she closed her eyes and relaxed against him.
It wasn't ten minutes later she heard one of the girls begin to make those familiar noises that preceded a very hungry cry. Unwilling to give up the feeling of being in his arms, Lucy silently pleaded with her daughter to give her five more minutes. But in only a couple of minutes, the other baby joined in.
With a sharp breath, Kevin mumbled. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. They just woke up." She whispered and snuggled against him.
"Oh." Not really waking up, Kevin moved his hand up to her breast again.
She tried to stop him gently, but her position was awkward and her own wrist brushed up against her. Gritting her teeth, she hissed softly in pain.
"What?" Fully awake, Kevin tried to pull away, but she held his arm.
"Nothing. I'm sore, remember?" Holding his hand tighter, she pulled him back against her. "Don't move. This feels good."
"It sure does." Kissing the side of her head softly, he snuggled close to her.
"I would say this moment is absolutely perfect."
"Yep." Making a decision, Kevin lifted his head next to hers. "I want to spend the rest of my life waking up just like this. With you in my arms and our daughters waiting for us to take care of them." He kissed her again. "I love you, Lucy."
Tears came to her eyes, and she took a shuddering breath before answering him. "I love you, too."
Moving just enough to slide his free hand up between them, Kevin pushed her hair off her neck and kissed her gently. Smiling, Lucy tilted her head to further expose herself to him and he trailed his lips along her skin, kissing every inch of her neck softly. Giving him a second to move back, Lucy rolled over and looked up at his face. Her hand traced his features and he kissed her fingers.
When her eyes met his, he smiled and leaned over her. Being careful to not press on her, he finally kissed her lips. The feel of his lips on hers sent shivers up her spine and she gripped his hair. At first he softly opened his mouth over hers, but as soon as she responded to him, he slid his tongue between her lips and kissed her from his soul. Every muscle in her body tensed and she clung to him as she tasted him, wanting him to feel what was going through her. Shifting her body, she rolled over on her side so she could face him. They held each other's faces gently and continued to kiss. Kevin put his hand on her waist and pulled her against him gently.
Moving against him, Lucy wrapped her leg over his hip and felt the familiar craving to have him inside her. His hand slid down and cupped her rear, holding her tightly.
"Doc..." Breathless, Lucy kissed his neck.
"Lucy..." Pulling a bit away from her, he stared in her eyes.
"I want you." She bit her lip.
"I know. I want you, too." He kissed her once, softly. "We can't. Not yet."
"I know. Not yet." She sighed. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry." He smiled at her. "You want me as badly as I want you. That means everything to me, Lucy." Touching her face, he leaned closer. "Until I can actually make love to you."
Returning his smile, she kissed him. The soft noises from the cribs grew in volume as they held each other and kissed.
"They're going to have to eat." Kevin whispered to her lips.
"You think?"
"Um..... yeah." Laughing he moved away from her and looked down.
When she realized that the front of his pajama top was all wet, she laughed. "Sorry."
Laughing harder, he kissed her once more quickly before moving away from her. "Say sorry to them. It's past breakfast time for them." Taking off his shirt, he reached into the crib and lifted Victoria up into his arms. For a moment, he smiled at the baby and talked to her.
Watching his back as he played with their daughter, Lucy smiled and sighed to herself. When Marissa began to cry, Kevin handed Victoria to Lucy and picked Marissa up to comfort her. "I'll see if she'll take a bottle."
"Okay. I think Victoria will nurse if I give her a minute."
Stopping at the door, he turned back to her. "You want me to warm up some of those cabbage leaves Mary brought you?"
She wrinkled her nose. "They stink."
"But do they help?" He looked at her.
"Yes." She sighed at him. "I'll even let you put them on if you do it gently."
Laughing, Kevin shook his head. "Pass."
"COWARD!" Lucy yelled as he disappeared out of the bedroom.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
Before Scott could knock on the lighthouse door, Kevin opened it.
"What's up?"
"They're asleep." Kevin kept his voice down and stepped outside. "We got a court order for a DNA test."
"We knew that was coming. Now we have to have you have the same DNA test."
"And then?"
"Well, that test shows the same results for you, right?"
"Yeah. But I'm sure Ryan will push for an RFLP."
"THAT'S the one we need to avoid, right?"
Nodding, Kevin sighed. "That's the one that can tell the difference."
"Well, at least this will buy us some time. When can Lucy take them for the test?"
"How long can we stall?" Kevin turned to him.
"If we can get the Pediatrician to back us, we should be able to convince a judge that they can't be transported back to the hospital for the test for a few more weeks." Scott shrugged. "Buy us as much time as we can to give me a chance to find some answers." His eyes met Kevin's. "The ones I've found so far you aren't gonna like."
"He has rights, doesn't he." He didn't want to hear Scott's answer, but he had to.
"Yeah. I mean, there are cases on both sides that I need to review, but it's not looking good. The lawyer he's got is good. He's big into getting convicts parental rights. Everything from drug dealers to murderers."
"Great. Ryan's right in his class." Kevin sighed. "We need to tell her, Scott. I know it's the last thing she wants to hear, but she needs to have a realistic view of what we're up against."
"How is she?"
"If you can hang out for a while, you can see her. They've all three been asleep for a couple hours, so I'm guessing they'll wake up shortly."
"Is it normal for her to sleep so much? I mean, is she suddenly catching up for all the years she NEVER slept?"
Laughing, Kevin shook his head. "She should be more awake in the next couple days. Her iron count was low. Mary's bringing her some iron pills when she comes by tonight. It should help." Kevin stopped and looked at Scott. "She wants to go see Ryan."
"She WHAT?"
"She wants to see him. She has this idea in her head that trying to keep things civil with him is the way to go."
"Are you sure that her iron count isn't effecting her brain? I mean, she KNOWS what he is!" Scott shook his head.
"I guess I don't have to tell you that I feel the same way about it you do. The question is, how do we convince her that it's a really bad idea?"
"Let's see, Lucy has a hairbrained scheme hatching in her head, and you want ME to try to talk her out of it?" Smiling at him, Scott shrugged. "Yeah, sure. I'll talk her out of it. Then I'll just fly on up to the South Pole and tell Santa that all we want for Christmas is world peace."
"I'm serious, Scott."
"So am I, Kevin! I don't know how to talk her out of anything she's got her mind set on." He thought about it for a moment. "The trick is to make HER think it's a bad idea."
"Yeah, well, I'd even listen to one of YOUR hairbrained schemes at this point to stop her."
"If I come up with any, I'll let you know." He was quiet for a moment. "Think she'll be up to Serena coming over? She's making me nuts to come see the girls."
"Definitely. Bring her by anytime. Lucy would love it as much as Serena would." Kevin smiled. "Come on in."
When they entered the house, the sound of crying brought both men to the bedroom. Both girls were crying, and Lucy was standing between the cribs, crying as hard as they were. Kevin crossed the room and took Lucy's shoulders. "What's wrong?"
Lucy didn't answer except to shrug.
Watching her for a moment, Scott leaned over and picked up one of the girls. "Let's try to cut down on the noise a little."
It only took him a few seconds to take her out to the bassinettes and come back for the second one. As he picked up the second one, he looked at Lucy. As he passed Kevin, he shrugged. "She's freaking. She'll be fine."
Kevin glared at Scott, but wrapped his arms around Lucy and held her against him. "What happened?" He whispered in her ear.
After a moment, Lucy nodded. "He's right. I'm freaking."
"Why?"
"I don't know." She continued to cry. "One started crying, then the other started crying, then.. I don't know. I couldn't help it. I started crying. Then I couldn't stop."
Kevin held her for a few more minutes until her crying slowed.
Finally she leaned her head back against his shoulder and forced herself to take a few deep breaths. "I don't get it. I'm fine, and then all of a sudden I completely freak out and I can't stop crying."
"It's normal.-"
"You say the word 'hormones' and I'll slap you so hard you'll be crying, too! I'm sick of it." She was half laughing, half screaming at him and he kissed the side of her head.
"You ready to go rescue Scott?"
One more deep breath and she nodded. "Yep."
When they reached the living room, they stopped at stared.
Scott was holding one baby while he kneeled beside the bassinette that held the other one. They were fussing, but Scott was managing to keep them both from really crying.
Smiling, Kevin turned to Lucy and realized that Scott was a better choice for a godfather then he'd wanted to admit when she'd said it.
Crossing the room, Lucy stood behind Scott. "Ready for some help?"
"I guess that depends on if you're going to freak out again." He was laughing.
"Not at the moment." Answering him, she reached for the baby he was holding. When she freed his hands, Scott reached down and picked the other one up, cuddling her in his arms.
"I'll go get a bottle for her." Kevin headed for the kitchen while Lucy sat on the sofa with Victoria and held her.
"Which one am I holding?" Scott knew that Lucy could tell them apart without even looking.
"Marissa."
As Lucy unbuttoned her shirt to nurse Victoria, Scott moved to the window with Marissa. "You know, you're going to take half the fun out of being twins."
"Why's that?" Victoria wasn't ready to cooperate, but Lucy patiently coerced her.
"Because every time Victoria says she's Marissa, YOU'RE going to know better."
Lucy laughed softly. "You're right. I will."
Turning, Scott looked at Lucy. The look on Lucy's face while she nursed her daughter stopped him. Slowly, he walked around the sofa to sit beside her.
Finally Lucy looked up at him. The way he was almost studying her made her self-conscious. "What?"
"You." Unable to stop himself, Scott reached out with his free hand and touched the side of her head. "I've known you a lot of years."
"Don't go there." It was a warning.
He laughed. "I'm not going to say how many." Growing serious again, he moved his hand to her face and stared into her eyes. "I've never seen you look happier."
Smiling, Lucy looked at each of the girls before looking back at Scott. "I don't think I've ever been this happy."
"It shows." Marissa wiggled in his arms and he pulled his hand back to pat her gently.
Exiting the kitchen with a bottle, Kevin crossed the room. "I'll assume you remember how to do this."
"I don't know, it's been a while." Laughing, Scott shifted Marissa and gave her the bottle. At first, she wanted no part of it and Scott laughed. "We know she comes by her stubborn streak naturally." He tried for a few more seconds before he was finally rewarded by Marissa putting her hands against the bottle and eating hungrily.
Victoria started to spit a bit and Lucy grabbed a cloth before transferring the baby to her shoulder.
Watching Scott for a few more minutes, Lucy finally spoke. "How long did Serena stay on a bottle?"
"I guess by the time she was...." Scott thought about it for a moment. "Three, she wanted nothing to do with a bottle. The hard part was finding a formula that agreed with her after taking her off breast milk cold turkey." Realizing what he said, Scott looked up in time to see a brief look of pain flash across her face. "Sorry."
Blinking back a few tears, Lucy shook her head. "It's okay. I mean, it hurts that I missed so much of her life, but I want to know." Victoria burped and spit up a bit. Moving her to her lap, Lucy wiped her face and held her in a sitting position. "And I'm not going to miss one minute of that time with them." Victoria looked at her and she raised the tone of her voice a bit to keep her attention. "That's right. Momma's not going to miss one minute." Inhaling sharply, Lucy made sure to keep her tone at the same level. "Doc, she's smiling! Look at her!"
Jumping to his feet, Kevin moved to stand behind her.
"That's right. She's smiling." Lucy continued to talk to Victoria and Kevin smiled as he watched.
Shifting Marissa to his shoulder, Scott watched the utter joy on Kevin and Lucy's faces and felt a pang of regret run through his body. So many wonderful moments in Serena's life that he could have shared with Lucy that he didn't.
Finally, Victoria had enough smiling, and began to fuss a bit. Reaching over Lucy, Kevin took her and began to walk the floor with her.
Scott handed Marissa to Lucy and looked at her. "Neither one of you are going to miss one of these moment, Lucy. No matter what happens, there's nothing Ryan can do to make either one of you miss one second of their lives. And this is what it's all about." He touched Marissa's head as Lucy held her.
Tears filled Lucy's eyes and all she could do was nod.
"Come on, stop it. She won't smile at you if you're crying."
That made her cry harder, and Scott slid closer to her. "Don't go freaking out on me, here, Luce." Putting one hand on Marissa, Scott wrapped his other arm around her shoulders.
She leaned against him and continued to cry.
Watching them, Kevin put Victoria in her bassinette and took Marissa from them.
As soon as his other arm was free, Scott took her hand and squeezed it. "Lucy, you're freaking on me, here, and I don't know what to do about it."
"I know. I can't stop." She shrugged.
Looking over her at Kevin, Scott shrugged. "Can they give her something for this? I mean, it's her hormones, right?"
Kevin nodded, but Lucy pulled away from him. "STOP SAYING THAT!" Jerking her hand away from him, she slapped his arm. "You.... You...... MEN keep saying that like it's a cold! It's NOT!" As Scott pulled away from her, she hit him again. "It's like patting me on the head and sending me to my room! I hate it!" As Scott raised his arms to protect himself, he was laughing, which made her even angrier.
"You think you're so smart! You have NO idea what it's like to be hot, then cold, happy, then crying!"
Still deflecting her blows, Scott looked at Kevin. "You know, you could help me out, here."
"And be YOUR human sacrifice? I don't think so." Amused, Kevin watched as she continued to assault Scott. "Watch it-"Lucy landed a slap on his chest that made Kevin wince. "That sounded painful."
"It was. But she's wearing herself out." Scott waited as she slapped his arm a couple more times before she sighed.
"I feel better now."
"All done?" Scott looked at her.
"For the moment." She glared at him again. Then she winced and held her hands to her breasts. "That hurt."
"Hurt me more." Scott rubbed his chest where she'd smacked him.
"Good." She turned to Kevin. "I feel okay now."
"Good to hear." Kevin smiled at her. "Scott, you going to live?"
"Only if I never say hor-"Lucy glared at him and he smiled at her. "The H word again, right?"
"Right." Shaking her head, she looked at the highly amused men. "You guys just don't get it."
Reaching for her nose, Scott grabbed her playfully. "You know, you're cute when you're trying to beat me senseless."
Glaring at him for a second, Lucy lost the battle and smiled at him. "What say you come over a couple times a day, say, for stress relief?"
"What say I come over in the morning and bring Serena?"
"You mean it? Really?" Grabbing his arm, she jerked him closer to her. "Can she spend the day with me?"
Scott realized that Lucy was almost asking permission to see her daughter, and he suddenly decided that it was time to do something about that. "Really. She can stay as long as you're up to having her."
Victoria grew tired of being alone in the bassinette and started to make noise. Moving to her, Lucy picked her up and walked towards Kevin. "They're starting to stay awake for a while after they're done eating."
Standing, Scott watched them for a few minutes. "I've got to get going."
"You're going to be back in the morning with Serena, right?"
Moving to her, Scott hugged her gently. "I'll even bring chocolate donuts." He waved to Kevin before he left.
Turning to Kevin, Lucy smiled. "We have about twenty minutes before they're ready to go back to sleep."
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" Mary watched as Victor clenched the wheel in his hands.
"I need to tell Kevin about what Ryan said. I don't know if it will help, but he needs all the information he can get."
"I don't think it's a good idea to hit Lucy with this. She's jumpy enough."
Shaking his head, Victor sighed. "I agree with you on that. But Kevin needs to know what's running through Ryan's head. He might be able to make more sense out of it than I can. He's had more contact with Ryan than I have."
A car passed them going the other way and Victor's head turned to catch a better look.
"What?" Mary watched him.
"That was Scott. I hope he had some good news for them."
"He might not have, Victor. This might not be the best time to spring this on them." Mary shook her head. "I wish I knew what to say, but I only saw Ryan when he was working at GH. I mean, I heard all about what he did, but I never saw anything but the upstanding Pediatrician."
"He hid what he was well, for a time." Victor thought about Ryan's words about not pretending to be something he wasn't.
As he parked the car, Mary looked at him. "Don't say anything until you find out what Scott's had to say. It might be irrelevant."
"I promise."
Knocking on the front door a couple times, Mary entered the living room. It was empty, but the French doors were open and she moved to them. She stopped, and waved for Victor to join her.
Spread out on the patio furniture cushions, Lucy and Kevin were on the floor of the deck holding the girls. Sigmund was between them, and the girls seemed fascinated by the sight of the much larger duck in front of them.
Turning, Lucy spotted them and waved. "We thought it was time to bring them outside."
Sigmund quacked loudly, startling both of them and making them cry. Laughing, Lucy and Kevin tried to soothe them. The sound of them crying only made Sigmund quack again, and Lucy reached for the duck, trying to quiet him. Moving to sit beside her on the ground, Victor reached for the baby in her arms so Lucy could pull the duck into her lap.
"He's jealous." Lucy stroked the duck softly and nuzzled his neck a bit. He responded to her and settled down in her arms.
Reaching over next to him, Kevin picked up a stray leaf that had blown onto the deck and held it in front of Marissa. The little girl's eyes tracked it as he moved it back and forth.
When he put it in front of her reach, she moved her arm towards it and brushed her fist against it. Opening her fist, she clenched it around the leaf and crushed it. As Kevin laughed softly, she moved her fist towards her mouth.
"No." Keeping his voice soft, he took her hand and cleared the leaf from it. "No, Marissa. That's NOT good to eat."
"Good luck with that word, Doc." Lucy smiled at him. "It's not a word I ever learned."
"I noticed." He returned her smile and shrugged. "To be honest, there are times I've been very glad of that."
Marissa began to cry and kick her feet.
"Doesn't look like you're going to have good luck teaching her that word, either." Mary laughed at Marissa's temper.
Grabbing her feet gently, Kevin tried to distract Marissa. The less he was in control of the situation, the more Lucy, Victor, and Mary laughed. He looked so pathetic when he looked at Lucy that she laughed harder.
"Uh-uh. No way, Doc. I'M the only one allowed to freak out. I'M the HORMONAL one, remember?" Her tone was sweet, but her smile was wicked as she watched him.
"It's time for a change and a bath." His tone sounded firm, but he was still losing the battle to make her stop crying.
"I guess it's time to bail Daddy out." Still laughing, Mary reached down and took Marissa from him. Instantly she stopped crying, which made them all laugh harder.
Actually pouting, Kevin looked at Lucy, who shrugged. "It's an art. You'll get it."
Standing, Kevin waited for Lucy to move Sigmund out of her lap before gently pulling her to her feet. "I'll watch and take notes."
"Spoken like a true scholar." Kissing him once, softly, Lucy turned and took Victoria out of Victor's arms. "Come on. He might not have the magic touch, but he's right. Time for a bath and a fresh diaper."
As Mary and Lucy went inside, Victor stood and faced Kevin. "Looks to me like you're making progress with her."
Smiling, Kevin nodded. "We're getting there. The hardest part for her is to realize that my feelings for her aren't completely tied to how I feel about them."
"She'll get there. She loves you." Victor stared at him. "She always has, Monk."
Sighing, Kevin turned and leaned on the rail. "How did I miss that? We were so connected once, and for so long I...... I had no idea how she felt. It took RYAN to show me." He said the name like it was poison. "And she had to pay for it. Maybe now for the rest of her life."
"Actually, I need to talk to you about Ryan." Victor began with the moment he picked up the phone and told Kevin about the entire conversation.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
"Looks to me like the two of you are getting along better then very well." Mary smiled knowingly at Lucy.
"In case you haven't noticed, I'm busy giving my daughter a bath." Smiling, Lucy tried to deflect the conversation.
"And I'm giving the other a bath. And I also know that you are very good at doing two things at once. So......"
"So....." Lucy sighed. "So things are getting pretty intense between us." She glanced at Mary and grinned at her. "Okay, extremely intense."
"Sounds like that's a good thing."
"I don't know." Shifting Victoria in her tub, Lucy bit her lip and lowered her voice. "We were in bed this morning and-"
"You know better then that." Mary's voice took on that nurse tone again and Lucy shook her head.
"NO! We didn't. I mean, we wanted to, but we didn't."
"Is there another reason besides the obvious that you don't sound happy about that?" Mary stared at Lucy, knowing there was more to that.
As Lucy thought about what she was going to say, she took a towel and wrapped it around Victoria, picking her up. "You know I love him."
"But...."
"No buts about that. I love him." Sighing again, Lucy watched Mary lift Marissa out of her small tub. A guilty look crossed her face and she shrugged. "As much as I wanted to make love to him this morning, I'm kind of glad we couldn't."
"Honey," Mary couldn't stop a small laugh from escaping. "it's not a crime to not want to. The why you're glad has to be the bad part, right?"
Laying Victoria on the changing table, Lucy put her diaper and sleeper on her, not answering Mary at first. Once Victoria was in her crib and Mary was finished dressing Marissa, Lucy sat on the side of the bed.
"Out with it." Sitting next to her, Mary smoothed Lucy's hair back off her face. He's really getting to you, isn't he."
"There's NOTHING new about that. He always has." Lucy sighed again and bit her lip. "It's just that.... As much as I want him, it's not just physical. It never was with him."
"And you're not sure you're ready to take that step with him?" Mary was trying to guess where she was headed with the conversation. "It's a big step, Lucy. And there's nothing wrong with not being ready to make that kind of a commitment."
Suddenly, Lucy remembered what a devoted Irish Catholic Mary was and she started to laugh.
"What's funny?"
"Big step. Commitment. Those are just words I never associates with sex." Biting her lip again, she looked at Mary. "I wasn't raised with a lot of religious faith. I always believed that I had to fight for what I wanted, and then fight even harder to keep it." She shrugged. "Sex was just one of the ways I fought the battles." Tears came to her eyes and she shrugged again. "Until I met Kevin. I can honestly say that he was the first man that I ever truly, really truly made love to. And I think what I'm really afraid of is being vulnerable to him." It was hard for her to admit it, and her voice shook. "I'm not ready to open myself up to the point of no return."
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
Staring at her for a moment, Mary finally spoke quietly. "Aren't you already there?"
After listening to Victor, Kevin shook his head. "I wish I knew what he was really after."
"He really wants the girls named as his. For what reason, I can't fathom."
Turning back to the rail, Kevin leaned on it. "Lucy's intent on finding out herself. She wants to go see him."
"Do you think that's a good idea?"
"Hell no! But I don't know how to convince her of that."
"You know, her instincts are usually pretty good."
"Not about this." Kevin turned to him. "And don't even say that you think she might be right about going to see him."
"I don't want her anywhere near him, either. He's done enough to her. But you and I both know that as long as he can do more damage to her or someone she loves, she's not going to stand back and expect anyone else to fight her battles."
"Maybe I NEED to fight this one for her, Victor." Sighing, Kevin shrugged. "I haven't done a damn thing for her since the day I walked out on her. Except take her friendship for granted. I need to do this for her. And OUR twins."
Victor moved closer to Kevin. "Whatever is going to happen with Ryan, there is nothing you can do about it right this minute. It seems to me you have something more important that you need to stand up for."
"Which is?"
"How about the way the two of you feel about one another? You know, as much as you and I both hate to admit it, there was some truth to what Ryan said about me running and teaching you to do the same."
Kevin began to argue, but Victor interrupted him. "You did exactly what you'd seen me do. You walked away and completely shut down. If you can't admit you did, how can you ever hope to convince her that you won't do it again?"
Victor's words struck home to Kevin and he sighed. "That's exactly what she's afraid of."
"Can you blame her? Monk, she's not perfect. I know that part of her that keeps you coming back is also what seems to infuriate you about her."
"Well, when she's out of control, or going off on some-"
"THAT'S exactly what I'm talking about. Being out of control IS Lucy. She is exactly the opposite of everything your life was with me." Desperate to get his point across to his son, Victor grabbed his arm. "As much as you love her when she's doing something you approve of, you hate her when she's not doing what you think she should do."
"I HAVE NEVER HATED HER!" Kevin was furious and he struggled to keep his voice down.
"No, you've just not spoken to her for months on end. No matter how much she begged you to. That's not hate?"
"No, it's not. It's...." Kevin couldn't find the words, and it made him angrier.
"Let me tell you something, Monk. I was there. I watched her. From where she was standing, you hated her. For being who she is." Before Kevin could start again, Victor shook his head. "I'm not attacking you, if it sounds that way, I apologize. I'm just telling you that she loves you, but she's afraid that if she makes you angry you'll turn your back on her again."
"And how do you know what she's thinking?" His tone was challenging.
"Simple." Victor shrugged. "You left her. I didn't. I've always loved her and I've always made sure to keep her in my life." He stared at Kevin for a moment before finishing. "And as much as it took Ryan to show you how much she still loves you, it also took Ryan for me to realize that I taught you to run when all else failed. And for that, I'm sorry."
It all hit Kevin at once. Everything Lucy had said about what would happen to them the next time he threw her out, everything Victor had said, and everything he'd done when he had thrown her out. "It's not your fault, Victor. I'll admit that there might be some truth to what you're saying about me, if you'll tell me how you think I can convince her that I've learned what my life is like without her and I don't ever want to live that way again."
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
Lucy was silent for so long Mary began to wonder if she was going to speak again. Finally she stood and moved to the cribs, staring at her daughters for a moment before turning back to Mary. "I'm there. I've always been there. But that's the problem."
"Why is that a problem?"
"Because as wonderful as it feels when he looks at me when he's happy with me, it hurts twice as much when he can't stand to look at me." Her eyes filled with tears and she put her hand to her face.
"Lucy..." Standing, Mary moved to her and hugged her.
"I remember how much that hurt." She began to cry harder in Mary's arms. "And I know that if I do something wrong, I'll be right back there."
"You don't know that."
"Yes, I do! I tried so hard for him, Mary. He loved me so much, and I screwed it up. I made him hate me as much as he loved me. I can't help it. I always screw up. And I don't think I could take it again. It was so hard to get past it, and...."
"Come here." Leading her gently to the bed, Mary sat down beside her. "Have you told Kevin any of this?"
"Some."
"And what did he say?"
"He said it won't happen again. Because of them." She gestured to the girls. "But that's not fair to them."
"But you both agree that they're the most important thing, here, right?"
Lucy nodded.
"Then maybe, just maybe, Kevin will be more ready to talk to you before shutting you out. There's too much at stake for him to just walk away again, right?"
Nodding again, Lucy thought about what Mary was saying. "You're saying that he loves them enough to put up with me, and that's what I'm saying isn't fair to them."
"No, that's NOT what I'm saying." Sighing, Mary looked at Lucy. "I'm saying that Kevin loves YOU. I can see that every time he looks at you." Leaning closer to her, Mary stroked her hair gently, like a mother would a child. "What happened to the woman who wasn't afraid to take a chance? You strike me as the type that jumps in to see how cold the water is. You're going to tell me that now that everything you want is in the water you're going to stand on the side and stick your toe in to test it first?"
A literal picture of what Mary said formed in Lucy's mind and she began to laugh. "I was the one that jumped in first and if I came up screaming everyone knew the water was cold." She looked at Mary for a moment and wiped her eyes. "This is so strange for me. I mean, I can't believe I'm sitting here telling you all this. No offense, but I'm not usually this easy to work."
"I know all the tricks. I'm a mother." A strange look crossed Lucy's face and Mary sighed. "This really is all new to you, isn't it."
Shrugging, Lucy nodded.
"You told me your aunt raised you. What did she say to you when you talked like this?"
Thinking for a moment, Lucy shrugged again. "Don't get knocked up by some poor jerk that won't stick around?"
Mary was shocked. "That's horrible!"
"I guess you can figure out that we didn't really talk like this." Lucy laughed again, then became serious. "She did the best she could. None of her boyfriends or husbands ever stuck around. The one thing she really wanted for me was for me to NOT end up like she did. And I wasn't exactly easy to talk to. I was too busy fighting."
"Well, you're more then easy to talk to now. And as far as how you turned out, she must have done something right." Smiling, Mary squeezed her shoulders.
"I don't know. I did do the one thing she always told me not to do. But I don't think she ever imagined RYAN when she told me that." She sighed. "I did want to ask you something. Kevin's not to happy about it, but there's something I really think I have to do."
"And that would be....?"
"I need to see him."
Stopping, Mary stared at her. "Ryan?"
Lucy nodded.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"I'm sure I won't know what he's up to unless I face him. There's more."
"What are you about to get me involved in, Lucy?"
"I want to take them with me."
"Oh, Lucy!" Jumping to her feet, Mary paced in front of her. "I'm not sure that's a good idea. I understand you have a need to face him, but to take them with you?!"
"SSHHHHHH!" Lucy tried to quiet Mary.
"And you're not going to tell Kevin?"
"Kevin knows I want to go see Ryan."
"And I raised two boys that beat around the bush better then that. He knows you want to go, and he's not happy about it, so you're not about to tell him that you want to take the girls with you, right?" When Lucy didn't answer, Mary leaned closer to her. "Isn't this the kind of thing that got you in trouble with Kevin before?"
"Mary, he's convinced that I'm wrong. That's what got HIM in trouble with ME before." Lucy sighed. "Ryan won't hurt them. That much I'm sure of. And the only way to find out what he's up to is to face him. Kevin wants to poke him with a stick, and I think that's the wrong way to handle him."
"And how do you plan to pull this off?"
"Kevin has to go back to work. He doesn't want me alone, so he's going to ask you and Victor to come help me when he's not here."
Mary didn't look sure.
"I'll tell him as soon as we get back. I promise. But if I tell him that I want to do it, he'll get angry, I'll get angry, we'll end up fighting, and he'll try to put his foot down with me, which REALLY makes me mad." She stared at Mary. "Please?"
"I have to admit something to you. I've been curious about him. And according to Victor, there is something there for him where you're concerned." Now Mary sighed. "I have a feeling I'm going to regret this, but let me know when."
Standing, Lucy went to Mary and hugged her.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
Kevin opened the door and grinned when he saw Mac and Felicia standing there with their arms full of presents. "Come on in. We've been so busy we haven't had a chance to call you until this morning."
"Don't even pretend we're here to see you." Smiling, Felicia blew past him and went to the bassinettes. "They're beautiful!"
Lucy was sitting on the sofa watching her. "I think so, too."
After handing Lucy the brightly wrapped boxes she was holding, Felicia gently picked a baby up and moved to sit next to Lucy. "Which one am I holding?"
Glancing at her, Lucy answered. "Marissa."
Mac looked at Kevin, who shrugged. "Go on, there's no such thing as small talk when there are babies in the room."
Slapping Kevin's arm playfully, Mac went over and picked Victoria up in his arms. "She looks like her mother. Lucky girl."
Groaning, Kevin stared at him. "If I tell you Scott said the same thing, will you be as scared as I am?"
They all laughed.
Lucy began to tear into the boxes Felicia had handed her. While she opened them, Felicia watched her. "I hope you can use them."
"Yeah, it's hard to figure out what to give the woman that has everything." Mac shrugged. "AND has it delivered."
Shrugging, Lucy opened the box and pulled out several terry sleepers.
"They were a godsend when I had Georgie." Felicia looked at Lucy, who smiled.
"Definitely." Lucy agreed with her and grinned.
"I got them a little larger, so when you go to snap one and it's too small, you'll have some that will fit them."
Now Lucy laughed. "That seems to happen every other day."
"They grow so fast at this age." Felicia agreed with her.
"I love them. Thank you. These are the best."
"The other box was my idea." Mac pointed to it, and Lucy handed it to Kevin.
"You mean I get to open one?" Kevin smiled at her.
"Only if you do it before I change my mind."
Opening it, Kevin was confused at first to find a large envelope. Opening that, he found gift certificates. The first one was for the Outback, but the second one made him laugh.
"What?" Lucy tried to see what he was holding.
"Gift certificates. For the Outback, The Grille, and Luke's. But, with every dinner gift certificate, there is also a certificate that promises a night of free babysitting." Kevin and Lucy both laughed.
"I know you won't want to leave them for a minute for a while, but trust me, there will come a time, sooner then you think, that you'll want a night away." Felicia grinned at Lucy.
"And, if you read the bottom, it says ALL NIGHT. Just in case." Mac smiled.
"This is great. Thanks." Kevin shook Mac's hand while Lucy hugged Felicia.
"There was an ulterior motive for inviting you over tonight." Lucy began, and looked at Kevin.
"We were discussing when we were going to christen them. And we realized that before we even started to plan that, we had to find godparents for them."
Lucy took over again. "And we both decided that you'd be our first choice for Victoria. If you want to."
Mac and Felicia were both stunned for a moment, and Felicia recovered first. "We'd love to!" Shifting Marissa to one arm, she hugged Lucy before getting to her feet to hug Kevin.
Mac was doing the same and he moved to sit next to Lucy. "It's our pleasure, Luce."
She was crying, and Mac put his arm around her shoulders. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I just.....I get this way. It'll pass." She turned to Kevin. "Unless he says the 'H' word." Her tone was threatening.
"No. Never again." Kevin held his hands up in a defensive gesture. "I learned from watching what happened to Scott. I don't want to be next."
At Mac and Felicia's questioning glances, Kevin dramatically whispered. "Scott accused her of being hormonal and she almost beat him to a pulp."
"He deserved it." Felicia announced. "That was mean."
Finally, Lucy managed to stop crying and she smiled at them. "We need to make arrangements, but we'll let you know as soon as we decide when and where."
"We'll be there." Mac promised. "I'll even let Felicia dress me for the occasion."
They all laughed again.
When someone knocked on the door, Kevin went to answer it. Grabbing Serena, Kevin hugged her tightly before standing back so she could come in.
"Daddy's parking the car. I couldn't wait to see my sisters!" Running to them, Serena kissed one, then the other before hugging Lucy. As Lucy pulled Serena to sit next to her, Scott came inside.
"She didn't just barge in, did she?"
"No. But she's always welcome to." Kevin smiled at him and the men joined the group in the living room.
"I didn't know you had a houseful, here." Scott nodded to Mac and Felicia. "But we had something really important to talk to Lucy about."
Serena looked around the room, then back at Scott.
"We can do this in private, if you want. I mean, she'll tell everyone, but we can tell her alone." Scott leaned down and looked at Serena, who nodded.
"Tell me what?" Lucy was instantly worried.
"Don't get paranoid on me. Nothing bad."
Grabbing her arm, Serena tried to pull Lucy to her feet. When Lucy winced, Scott grabbed Serena's shoulders gently. "Why don't you let me help her." He took Lucy's hand and helped her up. "Come on. She's not going to stop until you talk to us."
Lucy glanced at Kevin for a moment before following Scott and Serena to the bedroom.
Mac looked at Kevin, who shrugged. "I have no idea."
"That was weird." Mac sighed.
"That's Scott." Felicia laughed.
When Scott and Serena had Lucy in the bedroom, Lucy sat down and stared at them. "Okay, out with it. What's going on?"
"Well, I've been thinking, and I talked to Serena, and she was all for it. I mean really happy about it. So we decided to get everything ready before we talked to you about it and-"
"SCOTT!" Lucy glared at him.
"I promised her she could tell you." He pointed to Serena, who jumped up on the bed and kneeled next to Lucy.
"You know how you're my almost mom. I mean, I know I have a real mom, but you've been taking care of me for her, right?"
"Right. And I love every minute of it." Lucy touched Serena's face.
"Daddy and I talked about it, and I want you to be my real almost mom."
Lucy was confused, and Scott handed Lucy the papers he'd had in his jacket. Her eyes scanned them quickly, and she looked at him, hoping they said what she thought they said.
"It's all legal. Well, not the original petition. I kind of forged your name on those. But these are the final ones. The ones that make it real, legal, and forever." He sat next to her and took her hand.
"These are......" Lucy stared at Scott for a moment.
"Adoption papers!" Serena answered her. "Now you're my REAL mom!"
Handing her a pen, Scott looked at her. "All you have to do is sign them."
Lucy's breath caught in her throat and her mouth literally dropped open.
"Well? What are you waiting for?" Scott looked at her. Grabbing a magazine off her nightstand, he handed it to her. "Oh, something to lean on."
Without a word, Lucy signed the papers and handed them back to Scott. As soon as she did, Serena grabbed her and hugged her. As Lucy pulled Serena to her, she finally started to cry. Once she started, she couldn't stop, and she started to shake she was crying so hard. Touching Lucy's head for a moment, Scott went to the bedroom door and looked at Kevin.
"You want to come in here? I don't think she's going to stop crying any time soon."
Immediately, Kevin ran into the bedroom and sat next to Lucy. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong." Releasing Serena, Lucy continued to cry. "I'm happy."
"Yeah, you look it." Laughing softly, Kevin looked at Scott.
"Serena and I figured it was time Lucy was really a mother to her. So," He waved the papers. "I take these down tomorrow and file them, and Lucy is really, legally, her mother."
"Her...." Kevin realized what Scott had in his hand. "You're going to let Lucy adopt her?"
"Yeah, well, it was past time, you know?" Shrugging, Scott looked at Lucy. "I should have done this a long time ago."
Kevin didn't even have to look at Lucy to know what that meant to her. "I can't argue with that. But I'm glad you did it."
"Come on! Let's go tell my sisters! They're REALLY my sisters now, right?" Serena pulled on Lucy's hand.
"Yep." It was a struggle for Lucy to get one word out. Standing, she squeezed Serena's hand as they went back into the living room.
Mac and Felicia were on the sofa, holding the girls. "You okay?" Felicia looked at Lucy, who nodded.
"Better then okay." Lucy hugged Serena again and watched her run to the girls.
"Mom just adopted me! For real! She really IS my mom now!"
Mac and Felicia looked at Lucy, who could only nod.
Scott looked at them. "It won't be official until I turn these in tomorrow morning, but then it will be."
Felicia put Marissa on Serena's lap and stood to hug Lucy. When she moved to Scott, she tugged gently on his jacket. "You did the right thing."
"For once, huh?"
"Well, no, but.." Felicia realized he was kidding, and she laughed. "I guess we have a lot to celebrate, then."
"I forgot!" Lucy turned to Kevin, who shrugged.
"Scott kind of beat us to the punch on surprises. But go ahead."
Wiping her eyes, Lucy looked at Scott. "We were going to ask you tomorrow, but since you're here...."
"What?"
"Mac and Felicia are going to be Victoria's godparents, and-"
"Hey! That's great!" Scott turned to them.
"Will you let me finish!" Lucy looked at him. "We still need godparents for Marissa. And, believe it or not, Kevin and I BOTH agree that you'd be a great godfather."
After a second, Scott smiled. "I'd love it. For a second there, I thought you were going to say Luke or Sonny."
Lucy and Kevin both started to laugh, which confused everyone else in the room.
"Why is it that when I say the word 'godfather' everyone thinks of Luke or- Never mind, don't answer that. Either of you." Lucy glared at the Scott and Kevin, who had both opened their mouths to answer her.
"So who's the lucky godmother?"
"Karen." Lucy answered. "If she agrees to it."
"I'm sure she will." Scott sat next to Serena, who was still holding Marissa on her lap.
"Wow, we're like one really big family, now, right? Victor and Mary are my grandparents, too, now right? And you and Karen are her godparents, and Kevin's going to be my stepfather someday, right?"
Lucy and Kevin both stopped and stared at her in shock. Then they looked at each other and Scott realized that Serena had just put them on a major spot. "We're just one big, happy, maybe a little dysfunctional," He looked around for a moment. "okay, a LOT dysfunctional family."
Mac turned to Felicia, who just smiled at him and nodded. "Give them time." She whispered to him. "She'll come around."
From the look on Kevin's face, Mac had a feeling it would be soon.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
Kevin put Marissa in her crib and turned to Lucy. "You look beat."
"I am." She sighed, and curled up under the blanket.
Sitting next to her, Kevin reached for her hand. "It's been a busy day."
"It's been an absolutely wonderful day." Lucy smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "Perfect comes to mind."
With his other hand, he brushed a few stray strands of hair off her face. "I bet you will be asleep in about five minutes."
"Probably less." She admitted.
"Then I guess I'll see you in a few hours." Smiling, Kevin leaned closer to her and kissed her softly. As he moved away from her, she gripped his hand and held him.
"Don't."
"Don't what?"
"I'm tired of the game."
"What game?" Kevin honestly had no idea what she was talking about.
"The game where you say goodnight to me and you go upstairs, pretend to be able to sleep for a while, but I wake up and find you watching us."
"I can't help it. I just...." Thinking Lucy was complaining, Kevin shrugged.
"I know you can't. So why do we keep pretending that you can?" Smiling, Lucy moved over on the bed. "Why don't we just cut to the chase?"
"Are you sure?"
"Am I sure that you'll be here by morning? Yes. Do I want to wait till 4 am to snuggle with you? No." He hesitated and she glared. "I'm NOT asking again."
Literally jumping into the bed with her, he reached for her. "No need to." Once she was in his arms, Kevin held her tightly and whispered against her head. "You don't ever have to ask to snuggle with me."
"Good."
They were both quiet for a moment, but neither closed their eyes. Finally Kevin spoke. "I was thinking about what Serena said tonight."
Lucy was quiet, but Kevin could feel her muscles tense.
"I'm not pressuring you, Lucy. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to put your faith in me again after-"
"You have my faith, Doc. And my love." Her words were quiet and he could tell she was crying. "It's just that I'm so afraid that I'll so something-"
"Stop." Moving her gently so he could look in her eyes, Kevin held her. "If that's how you still feel, then you're not ready, and that's okay."
"I'm sorry, I-"
"Don't be sorry for how you feel." Stroking her hair, he looked at her. "I know I did the one thing I swore I'd never do."
"Doc, don't-"
"I have to, Lucy. It took us so long to build trust between us, and somehow we lost it. I don't want you to be afraid to tell me the truth. I always knew that you lied to protect what you cared about, and instead of understanding the fact that you felt like you had to protect yourself from me, I turned around and did exactly what you felt you had to protect yourself from." She opened her mouth to protest, but he touched her face. "Right or wrong?"
She shrugged, but didn't answer him.
"When you're ready, you'll tell me." Smiling at her, he held her closer and sighed. "I have the rest of my life to wait for you."
Wishing she could tell him she was ready, she closed her eyes laid her head on his chest. His hand played softly with her hair, and she reached out to hold his other hand tightly in her own.