I'm sorry if this is a short chapter, but I'm a bit sick and whenever I sit up or stand up I go all dizzy and my head spins... oh well, it's not too bad, and I'm sure I'll be able to manage!

Thank you to all my very dedicated readers AND reviewers. You don't have to review if you don't want to, just reading the story will make me happy! (Not that I know that you've actually read the story if you haven't reviewed... but oh well.)

So far: James has attempted to steal Lily's home videos, and Lily's caught him in the act- but stuffed it up by dropping her towel.

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JAMES

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"Er, Lily... could you please pass me the salt?"

A stony-faced Lily stared at her plate determinedly and ignored me.

"That's okay, then," I said hurriedly, starting to get up from my seat.

"Don't be silly, James!"

A bright but quavery voice interrupted our... quiet... dinner. Lily glanced up at the kitchen door, and I followed her gaze- and almost fell off my chair.

An old, wrinkly woman with bright green hair, holding a bright pink poodle under one arm and carrying a leopard-skin carpetbag was stepping into the kitchen. The door slammed behind her and the pink poodle turned its head and started barking at the door insanely, like it was alive or something.

"This is why you should always keep your door locked," I hissed to Lily.

"Oh, I'm not a loony!" The woman boomed, setting the poodle and the carpetbag down on the floor. She walked over to Lily and grabbed the salt resting in front of her, and rolled it down the table to me. "What are you eating, sugar?" she asked Lily, poking the scrambled eggs I had whipped up for us for dinner, seeing as her mother was still gone.

"Grandma?" Lily said meekly, looking up at the green-haired woman, who, upon closer inspection, was wearing an orange afghan and crocodile-skin high-heels. "What are you doing here?"

The crazy woman just grabbed Lily's plate and dumped it in the trash, and did the same with my plate.

"Don't worry, my dears, I'll make you something good to eat."

The poodle strutted over to me, sniffed my socks and looked at me rather viciously. I pulled my legs up onto the chair, just to be safe. As far as pink balls of fluff go, this one looked... evil.

Lily's grandmother tore herself away from the pantry, where she was obviously searching for something to cook, and picked up the poodle.

"Don't mind Fluffalina, Jamesie, she just loves chewing socks."

Fluffalina, in the safety of her owner's arms, gave me a doggie version of the evil eye.

"Gran..." Lily spoke out at last. "Why are you here?"

The old woman opened her carpetbag, and placed the poodle inside. The carpetbag was so big that only the poodle's little nose poked out of the top. She then walked over to the pantry again, and pulled out some macaroni, before answering Lily's question.

"That silly daughter of mine just had to screw it up, didn't she?" I watched as she boiled the macaroni on the stove and grabbed the cheese from the refrigerator. "I told her, be nice to Louis, he's a hard soul. But noooo... first she lets him get away, then two hours later, she goes after him, leaving two thirteen-year-olds in the house by themselves."

"We're fourteen," I said, but Lily shushed me.

"So, of course, I had to pack my carpetbag and catch the bus over here." She nodded her head at Fluffalina. "My poor little Fluffy-kins was not happy, she was howling the whole time I was trying to pack my bag. Sounded like she was being tortured."

That was when the old woman glanced over at me, and smiled.

"I'm Hendrevina, Lily's grandmother. You can call me Henny, if you like."

I smiled back, praying that she wouldn't be staying long. Henny looked... batty to me. Or maybe it was just the green hair?

Then Henny caught sight of herself in a saucepan, and winced. "Oh dear... look at my hair... I guess the travelling messed it up."

She closed her eyes, and screwed her face up in concentration. Then, in a matter of seconds, her hair changed from green to a pink.

"There we go!" Henny said brightly. "Now I match Fluffalina!"

Fluffalina gave a little bark of approval, and I turned my stunned face to Henny. "How... how did you do that?"

"Oh, I'm a metamorphmagus," she said proudly, mixing the cheese in with the macaroni.

"You mean... you're a witch?"

"Of course!" Henny said, her eyes dancing. "Where do you think little Lily got her powers from? I mean, neither of her parents are wizards, obviously..."

I turned to Lily. "Are you a metamorphmagus too?"

Lily didn't answer me, so Henny replied. "Of course not, dearie, they're very rare. I bet you'd like to be one though, James..." -her eyes drifted to my hair- "Look at the state of that hair... do you own a comb?"

"Yes," I answered stiffly. "Hey... there's this girl in Hogwarts... Tonks..."

Then it was Henny's turn to become stiff. "I am NOT related to Nymphadora Tonks," she said crisply, "Or any of her family."

"Why-" I started to say, but Lily glared at me, and even the poodle managed to lift its head and give me another evil eye.

"Hey, Gran... how is that macaroni coming along?" Lily asked quietly, a deadly tone in her voice as she sent me a look that said, "I hate you".

"Er... you know, I'm really not that hungry," I said quickly, while the delicious smell of cheese drifted towards me. "Lily... maybe we should go to bed... it's getting late," and shot her a look that said, "We need to talk".

Henny glanced at the small, chestnut clock the Evans kept above the counter, and frowned.

"It's only eight o'clock, James."

"You see, James comes from one of those snob families that believe in beauty sleep," Lily said, looking smug. "And I'm worn out from all the things that happened today..."

We both got up from the table and headed for the stairs. I heard Henny mumble to Fluffalina, "Oh well, all the more for us, dear. Do you want a bit? Come on... I know you like cheese..."

"Crazy," I muttered, and Lily turned around from her position on the stairs and kneed me where she knew it would hurt most. And it did hurt. I hopped around on the stair I was on, squeezing my legs together and trying not to fall back down the stairs.

"Bastard!" Lily screamed, and stormed up the stairs, running into her room.

I ran up the stairs as fast as I could, ignoring my throbbing crotch, and entered her room to find her on my bed (or rather, Petunia's bed), stripping the sheets off it and chucking them in my direction.

"Er... Lily?" I said quizzically, when she moved on from the bed to my suitcase.

"I- HATE- YOU!" she screamed, chucking my silver hairdryer at me.

"Lily-"

"First- you- invade my privacy-"

My favourite book came whizzing at my head.

"Then- you WITNESS- my parents divorce, and you see me naked-"

"It was very nice," I said meekly, but she didn't seem to hear me.

"AND- you- you- stole my videotape, what for? To show to Sirius and all your other gang members? Or were you gonna make copies and send it round Hogwarts?"

I blushed, and she promptly threw a pair of red swimmers at me.

"Ah! So I did bring them!" I said brightly, but Lily just gave me another death stare.

"AND now you go and bag out my grandmother! Even if YOUR- your- grandmother had aqua hair and a cat, I wouldn't complain, even- even- though I'm ALLERGIC to cats!"

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, staring at the wall where my picture had previously hung. "Really I am."

Lily was suddenly worn out by all her screaming and lay down on Petunia's bed, her eyes staring at the ceiling.

"Are you really sorry?" she whispered.

I sensed a romantic moment approaching, and sat down next to her on the bed.

"Yep... and your kiss earlier, that was beautiful."

I slowly leaned towards her, parting my lips and closing my eyes.

Suddenly something very pointy and very hard jabbed me in my closed eye. I opened my un-damaged eye, and found Lily holding my gold-plated pen.

"I am NOT one of your little bimbos that you go out with and then cheat on!" she cried. "And obnoxious, lying, know-it-alls do NOT sleep in my room! GET OUT!"

I knew by her tone that she meant business, and grabbed a pillow. On my way out, I decided to try one more time and stopped in the doorway.

"What about hot, handsome guys who like to kiss you?"

My gold-plated pen flew at me and whacked me on the cheek.

"Jeez," I mumbled to myself, and as I started down the stairs, I heard the door to Lily's room slam shut.

In the living room, I settled down on their short, uncomfortable couch. It was terribly unpleasant in the living room, with the grandfather clock ticking loudly and the shadows of the wonky vases imprinted on the walls. The cold air went right through my thin t-shirt, and I shivered. I got up to get the thin quilt from a cabinet beside the empty fireplace, and then lay back down on the couch, feeling considerably warmer.

That was when the door opened to the kitchen, and the figure of Henny appeared in the doorway. She entered the living room, followed closely by Fluffalina.

"James," she said softly, walking up to my makeshift bed. "When you say that you're sorry... look the person in the eye."

She walked slowly up the stairs, leaving me bewildered. How did she know?...

My thoughts were broken by something tugging at me, and I sat and watched as Fluffalina tugged off my thin blanket, and followed her master upstairs, letting it drag behind.

I turned my back on the stairs, and gave up.

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If anyone's feeling a little freaked out by Fluffalina, I can explain! I just LOVE poodles, and I named this poodle Fluffalina after one of my friends.

Don't worry... Fluffalina will soon have a VERY important role to play in this story!

I'm feeling a bit too worn-out to do separate thank-yous, but I will just say, THANKS HEAPS to everyone that's reviewed and showed that you care. Even the littlest sentences matter cough cough NINA. However, I just want to add a little note to Lilykins... since I wasn't alive in the seventies, I have no idea about what happened back then in England at that time (My parents are Polish, you see)! So right now I'm sort of pretending it's happening in current new-millennium times, rather than making a fool of myself talking about stuff I hadn't experienced. Have you gotten over the Speedo yet?