~Chapter 5: The fortune teller~

After we'd all had a nice long gape at Goku, he explained that he now had 6 dragon balls, and he needed the 7th and final one so that he could bring a friend's father back to life. I smiled when I heard him say that - Goku was still as noble as ever. Goku had apparently busted Bulma's dragon ball radar, so we all flew back to Kame Island so that she could fix it. We all got back into the airplane and took off, and Goku rode his Kinto'un. On the way to the island we all kept marveling at Goku. Muten Roshi even admitted that Goku had probably become even stronger than him, which very nearly sent me into a state of shock. Yamucha and I exchanged glances. We'd have to train a lot harder if we intended to try and win the next Tenka'ichi Budôkai.

Back at the Kame house, Bulma spent a few minutes working on the Dragon Radar. Goku fidgeted a lot. It was obvious that his time was way too important to waste on such a formality. To Goku, there's no such concept as "down time". It annoys him when he isn't on the go. After a little while, we heard the sort of "hmmm" noises that mechanics always make when something is very wrong issuing from Bulma. She told us that the dragon radar was working fine, but it couldn't find the last ball. She had a few ideas as to what could've happened, but the point was that she didn't know where the ball was.

Goku was utterly stumped. "It beats me... What am I gonna do now..."

Fortunately, Muten Roshi had a trick up his sleeve. He chimed in that "Uranai Baba" would tell us where it was. "She's a fortune teller," he said matter-of-factly. Goku instantly lit up with excitement and was ready to go again. Yamucha had to go with him because Goku couldn't read a map, and Pu'ar went along mostly to keep Yamucha company. I decided I might as well tag along. After all, I was pretty sure that by that time we were out of danger, and even if we weren't, Goku seemed to have become strong enough to take on the world with one hand tied behind his back, so I figured I was okay. Of course, we weren't quite aware of what we were getting into when we went off to confront Uranai Baba.

I had my initial doubts about the trip's likelyhood of success. I trusted Muten Roshi, but just the phrase "fortune teller" was enough to make me into a cynic. I wondered aloud if she'd really be able to tell us where the dragon ball was. Goku was wondering too.

Goku's clothes were filthy and half-destroyed from fighting the Red Ribbon Army, so we stopped in town to get him something more suitable to wear. We all had a little fun at Goku's expense by dressing him up in a dressy schoolboy outfit. The sight of Goku squirming around in a shirt, bowtie, and jockey cap is still ranked as one of the funniest things i've ever seen. We ended up just getting a tailor to make him a new Kame(turtle, as in the turtle master) school uniform like the one he'd been wearing. Goku sighed in relief. He must have actually thought for a moment that we were going to make him wear that outfit. Heheheh. That still makes me chuckle.

We had some time to kill after that while Goku's new clothes were made, so Goku decided to go off and fetch Upa, the kid who's dead father he wanted to wish back with the dragon balls. Yamucha took me and Pu'ar to a cafe and we had a bit of a meal while waiting for Goku. The three of us talked with enthusiasm about everything that was happening, and we talked for a bit about what we'd do next. Yamucha wanted really badly to become stronger so that he could compete in the next Tenka'ichi Budôkai.

"Hey," I said, "That's great! You should come back to the Kame House with me and get training from Muten Roshi! His training is hard but it's really good. It made Goku and I a lot stronger."

"I don't know... do you think he'd really train me? I've heard that the master is very strict about accepting disciples."

"Aw, don't worry about it, I'm sure he'll train you. You should ask him when we get back."

That's more or less how it went, as far as I can recall. Yamucha thanked me and made plans to ask to become a student of Muten Roshi. Anyway, after that we went and picked up Goku's new clothes, and Goku arrived back on the Kinto'un shortly after with a cute little tribal boy. He was a bit shy, but after Goku told him that we were Goku's friends, Upa oprened right up to us. He obviously respected Goku a lot. I casually wondered exactly what Goku had done to earn the kid's absolute respect like that. Whatever it was, I was sure it was something awe-inspiring. It usually is with Goku.

You know, I actually mistook Upa for a girl when I first saw him, and Goku took a jab at me about how he could tell boys from girls better than me nowadays. However, Goku immediately proved that he still wasn't very civilised by changing in the middle of the street. I swear, poor Yamucha almost had a fit.

With our appetites satisfied and Goku properly clothed, we set out directly for Uranai Baba's place. It was a very odd location. We almost missed the building in the middle of the desert, by the only lake for miles.

When we landed, we saw that there were quite a few people in line ahead of us. We were placed in line by a strange little ghost-looking thing that made me nervous. The line reminded me of the qualifiers at the tournament: All of the people in it were large and imposing, and outwardly looked very strong. This disturbed Yamucha, who thought it quite odd that all of the people waiting in line to see a fortune teller should be so tough. It should have disturbed me, too, but I was still smugly set in my "we're out of danger" mood, and I told him not to worry about it. We did notice one group that didn't look tough, although they did look very rich. My mood got shaken a bit just before our turn came when all of the people who had been in line ahead of us came out beaten and bruised, but I tried not to let it worry me.

Actually meeting Uranai Baba was a bit shocking. She looked like some sort of miniature witch hovering around on some sort of crystal ball. She seemed amused to see us because we were so young. We shrugged it off and asked her to tell our fortune, and we were pretty surprised when she asked us if we had 10 million zenii. Actually, "shocked" is an understatement. Why didn't Muten Roshi mention anything?

She chuckled at us. "I thought not. Come this way..."

She led us to a platform that reminded me very much of the Tenka'ichi Budôkai ring. We were all nervous - we were keeping an eye out for whatever might have beaten up those other people in the line. Soon Uranai Baba explained to us that we had to fight her five warriors one-on-one, and if we won she'd tell us our fortune for free. I guess the reaction she got to that announcement probably wasn't what she was expecting: we sighed in relief. After all, Goku, Yamucha and I were already among the world's top martial arts experts, so we felt in our element. I fell head-first back into my way too confident mood. I volunteered to go first, and I even went as far as to declare that I'd likely beat all five by myself. Yeee-eeesh. Have you ever wished you could go back in time and smack yourself? Sometimes I do.

My opponent wasn't at all what I expected. It was a vampire. You can imagine how that caught me off-guard. Still, I felt pretty confident until the battle actually began; he didn't look so tough. I tried to kick the thing, but it kept turning into a bat and flying all around me, and then it bit me and started sucking my blood. Brrrr. That made me panic, and there wasn't much I could do about it. I was so disgusted by the fact that this freak would actually suck my blood that I just kind of ran around and screamed. I managed to shake him off eventually, but I had lost so much blood that I could barely stand, and I was still bleeding profusely. I managed to stop the bleeding through force of will, using a prayer and a concentration technique I had been taught at the Orinji temple. Goku screwed up my concentration by making fun of me and pissing me off, though, so I got knocked out easily. I probably would have died if Uranai Baba's little ghost assistant hadn't been on the sideline ready to give me a blood transfusion. Man, that was probably the most embarrassing battle I've ever taken part in.

After I got eliminated we regrouped quickly. Since we knew that he was a vampire, we decided to use that against him. We convinced Uranai Baba to let Pu'ar and Upa both fight at once because they weren't really martial artists. Upa chewed some garlic and breathed it at the vampire, which made him panic, and Pu'ar used her shapeshifting abilities to finish the job. It was a pretty big blow to my ego that Pu'ar and Upa had to step in for me and beat my opponent, but I managed to mutter out some words of congratulations for them anyway.

Since they weren't really fighters, Pu'ar and Upa declined the right to fight the next opponent and it was Yamucha's turn. I guess we figured we'd save Goku in case it got really tough at the end. Yamucha's opponent was even weirder than mine. While we were waiting for him to arrive, Uranai Baba informed us that he already had. Apparently, Yamucha's opponent was the invisible man. You know, there had to be an easier way to get that dragon ball, or at least one that made more sense.

Yamucha tried his best, but he just couldn't fight someone who he couldn't see. As I watched him, an odd scheme began to form in my mind. I kept thinking that the best thing to do would be to coat the guy in something so that Yamucha could see him, and for some reason, all I could think about was the terrible nosebleeds that Muten Roshi gets when he sees a sexy girl... Suddenly, my mind caught on something. I turned to Goku.

"Goku! Bring Muten Roshi-sama and Bulma here!"

"Huh?

"Just hurry!"

Goku seemed puzzled, but he nodded and left on Kinto'un. I've got to hand it to Yamucha, he put up a good fight while we had to wait. He even managed to hit his opponent by listening carefully to his movements, but Uranai Baba ruined that by singing loudly. Oh well, I guess that for all the cheating that we were doing, she was allowed to cheat a bit too. Goku got back with both Bulma and Muten Roshi as planned. They were awfully confused as to why I had summoned them, but I just positioned them as I had pictured it in my mind, tilted Muten Roshi's head up, and... and.... well, and pulled Bulma's top off.

...

Ahem.

For the record, I was only thinking of strategy and working for the greater good of the group. I SWEAR. I didn't even look at Bulma. And I'm sure that if Bulma is reading this, she'll recall the heartfelt and gracious apology I made to her later, and I know that she won't do anything rash like send a Saiyan over to my house to beat me up.

Anyway, to my credit, it worked perfectly, and Yamucha easily defeated his opponent. Bulma hit me good and hard in the head for my trouble, which I deserved. I really could've thought of a less embarrassing way to solve the problem. Oh well. Don't knock it if it works. After that fight, we got a startling piece of news - Uranai Baba was actually Muten Roshi's older sister! I hadn't thought that anyone was older than Roshi, much less his sister. Unfortunately the siblings weren't close enough for her to do us any favors, and we had to keep going. Uranai Baba moved us to another location for the next fight, and as soon as I saw it, I was suddenly very glad that I'd been eliminated so early. She called it the Devil's Toilet, and it was basically a couple of thin platforms high over deadly acid. Uranai Baba demonstrated the acid to us by dropping in a piece of meat and had a hearty chuckle at the horrified looks on our faces. I couldn't believe what a sick mind she had that she actually enjoyed people fighting in serious danger of losing their lives. That is just wrong. Once again, I have to give credit for Yamucha for having the courage to choose to continue after that.

Yamucha's next opponent was a mummy. Where did she GET these people? We were all really scared for Yamucha, because those platforms were really not very substantial at all, and we didn't want him to die. We got even more anxious when the mummy turned out to be a much better fighter than Yamucha, and ran circles around him. Yamucha was knocked off and very nearly fell to his death, but he caught the ledge in time and pulled himself back up. He snarled and used his ultimate attack, the fist of the wolf-fang, on the mummy, but none of the hits even connected. The mummy actually knocked Yamucha down and started gloating at him. Things looked really bad, but suddenly Yamucha tripped his opponent off the side of the platform. We thought he'd won for sure, but the mummy used his wrapping to get back up. Yamucha promptly surrendered. I can't blame him - he didn't want to die. We breathed a sigh of relief when Yamucha came back to us. It was a trial just having to watch him out there, and being so afraid that he would fall...

Finally, Goku was up. Frankly, we should've just put him up in the first place. He ran right up to the platform, not nervous in the slightest. We got ready for a heated battle to start. Unexpectedly, though, the mummy struck first and hit Goku, beating him around all over the place. It looked like he had knocked Goku out cold. Goku jumped to his feet - he had been LETTING his opponent hit him. Even as a kid, Goku was amazing beyond belief. Oh, by the way, he proceeded to beat the mummy with one punch that looked half-pulled. Geez. The next thing that Goku had to fight looked like some kind of devil, and Goku outclassed him easily. However, despite how badly he was beaten, the guy had a strange look of confidence. Soon he exclaimed that he'd be using his ultimate move, a beam that expands one's "evil mind" within their consciousness and causes it to explode, killing them. We all panicked. This thing was going to kill Goku! Even Uranai Baba tried to stop him, but it was no use, he went ahead with it. We all stood suspended by terror as we awaited the inevitable.

Nothing happened. Nothing at all happened. Apparently Goku was so pure, there was no evil in him at all. I didn't know about that, but that sure reaffirmed my feeling that Goku was not normal at all. Goku defeated the devil-creature Akkuman with one unbelievable kick, and he was on to the last fighter. There was a big suspenseful moment as to who the ultimate fighter would be, just before the old man with the halo and the funny mask walked out. He requested that we go back out to the stadium so that he could fight Goku all-out. I couldn't believe my eyes - THIS guy was the best fighter? Still, I had learned by now not to be decieved by appearances, so I was wary of the guy.

As we walked out to the stadium for the last fight, I noticed something odd about Goku. His nose, which was as keen as a dog's, was twitching, and he seemed to be smiling a bit.

"That guy smells good," he said. "It's... a happy scent."

I had no clue what he was talking about at the time. I just thought that Goku was being weird again. Oddly, Muten Roshi also seemed to be regarding the strange-looking warrior unusually. I puzzled as to what there could possibly be to this guy that would make them do that.

The guy turned out to be really tough. He and Goku seemed to be about even, and they exchanged blows with great speed. The strange warrior grabbed Goku and threw him up high into the air, then jumped up and threw him back down, making a dent in the floor, but Goku was hardly fazed. He leapt back up and kicked him. Both recovered almost immediately. You know, it's interesting how amazing that match was and how I can still recall it as such even though we all passed up the power level they were fighting at in that battle ages ago. I guess it had a quality to it that was deeper than just going fast or hitting hard. The old guy really surprised us by using a Kamehameha on Goku. Goku dodged it by taking to the air, which his opponent said was a huge mistake because it left him open. However, Goku retorted with his own Kamehameha. His opponent seemed even more surprised than we were. Apparently, he didn't expect Goku to know that move. Pretty soon Goku had the guy pretty much finished, and he asked him to surrender. It wasn't over yet, though - the fighter got up and grabbed Goku's tail. Grabbing Goku's tail was, at the time, his major weakness, and it made him lose all his energy. That came as a huge surprise to everyone but Yamucha, who must have learned it at some point. After that, the guy threw Goku around like a rag doll. It looked painful. We were afraid that we might lose. None of us really expected what happened after that to happen - Goku's tail got ripped right off of his body. That must have hurt tremendously, and it got Goku so pissed off that his opponent wisely surrendered before things got nasty. He complimented Goku, and removed his mask, startling Goku. He revealed himself to be Son Gohan.

Suddenly I remembered the "grandpa Gohan" that Goku had affectionately referred to several times during our training, and who had also been a student of Muten Roshi. They had told me that he was dead. It turned out that he was - hence the halo. Uranai Baba had the ability to bring the dead back to earth for a day. Goku was enormously happy to see his grandpa again, and he cried and ran up to him and hugged him. It was a bit of a reality check. As powerful as Goku was, he still had emotions, and he was still just a kid. It was a very tender moment. Goku and Gohan did some catching up, and then Gohan had to return to the other world. Goku didn't seem sad, though - he seemed happier than ever. We were all silent and savored the moment as Goku's grandpa said good-bye to him forever and vanished. Then we told Uranai Baba that she'd better tell us our fortune, or we'd be really upset.

"All right," she said, hopping off of her crystal ball so that she could read it, "Let's see..."

--END OF CHAPTER 5--