Hustino: ...What do you think we're doing! We've got these letters to mail!
Guru-Guru: Oh, yeah. Right. How are we supposed to get this stack to Gunsmoke?
Hustino: Erm...uh...hmm...
Legato: -walks by eating a hot dog- la la la
Hustino: Legato, I'll give you five bucks to take these to Gunsmoke! -holds up letters- Oh, and one of the twins asked me to order...this off the internet... -hands Legato a package along with the letters-
Legato: SW33T! -runs off with the letters-
Hustino: Okay, so what about the other letters?
Guru-Guru: Hmm... Maybe we can use this owl I caught the other day. -pulls out a caged owl and ties a few envelopes to its legs- It's been boring me to death anyway.
Kaepora Gaebora: What is this? Harry Potter?
Birthday Surprise
Chapter 1: Invitations
It was just another day at Hyrule Castle. Zelda was sitting on her world-dominator sized bed, which was about a kajillion times the size of a king-sized bed. Link, Servant of Time, sat in a nearby chair, reading Zelda's mountains of mail, using the Master Sword as a letter opener. "Let's see here... Win a vacation... Fan mail... Death threat... Party invite... Great deal on real estate..."
"Wait, Link! What was that last one?"
"Great deal on real estate?"
"No, the party invite!"
"Umm... I'll read it to you."
Zelda and Link,
You both are invited to Blu's surprise birthday party. It's in the Bad Comic Corner, so bring your random throwing objects. Oh, one condition. Zelda has to pull her dress out of her ass.
Guru-Guru
"What's he talking about?"
"I'll tell you later, Zel."
Far away, on the planet of Gunsmoke, a certain wandering gunman was...uh, wandering, which was something Vash the Stampede tends to do once in a while. He wandered his way into a small house where the insurance girls and a non-dead Wolfwood were. He was holding a bunch of envelopes and was tossing them over his shoulder as he read what they were, "Bill. Jury duty. Chain letter. Bill. Party invite. Natural male...enhancement..." he stared at the address on the box, "Oh, this one is supposed to be sent to Knives..."
"Vash, what are you doing with mail?" Meryl asked.
"Well, it happened a few hours ago..."
Flashback-
"Lalala, I like donuts," Vash said as he...wandered down the street. Legato walked into his path, which made the gunman scream like a little girl, which wasn't really all that too hard to do. "Are you here to cause me more eternal pain and suffering!"
"No, I do happen to have a life...and a part-time job. I am a...mailman."
"Your brother doesn't pay too well."
End Flashback-
"And that's how I got these letters, like this party invite," Vash said to no one, since Meryl got bored of his little flashback and left complaining. Vash opened the invitation and read it aloud:
Dear Vash, Millie, and Non-Dead Wolfwood
You are all invited to Blu's surprise party at Bad Comic Corner (don't blame me for the name). Bring whatever you want, as long as it's not the Gung-Ho Guns or Knives. Although, you can bring some knives if you want.
Hustino
"Well, that's odd..."
"Let's get going!" Wolfwood yelled and they, uh, goed.
"Hey, Ruto! What did you want to see me about?" asked Navi as she entered Zora's Domain.
"Oh, it's this letter," said Ruto, holding up a parchment envelope. "It's addressed to both of us and says to open it together."
"Weird. Well, open it and read it to me."
Ruto and Navi,
You are both ANTI-invited to Blu's surprise birthday party. If you are anywhere near the premises of Bad Comic Corner on October 1st at 1 PM, you will be promptly shot in the head. Thank you for your cooperation.
Guru-Guru
"It's almost like they don't like us..."
"Yo, Master Knives, we've got mail!" Midvalley yelled and brought the evil Plant the mail.
Knives went through it, "Where's that natural male en...I mean, my magazine subscription I ordered? Yeah...magazine. I should have gotten it by...now...yeah." He looked around awkwardly, opened the letter and read it to all the Gung-Ho Guns:
To Knives and...the rest of you,
All of you are ANTI-invited to Blu's surprise party. If you come you will have your head placed firmly within your colon. In short, stay away from Bad Comic Corner (the name isn't my fault) on October fir...on second thought, just stay away for good.
Hustino
P.S. If Zazie comes by randomly selling something, that's fine. Since he doesn't suck like the rest of you.
"Pfft, who would want to go to..." Knives watched as the Gung-Ho Guns, most of who were crying, were patting each other's backs and consoling one another for not being invited. "...I need new homicidal maniacs..."
Bunny ears flapping in the wind, the running man left Lon Lon Ranch in a hurry, presumably to cheat in a race using said bunny ears. So what was he doing on Lon Lon Ranch? After wandering into Termina by mistake, he chose to take up the same noble profession as his twin, the postman. Unlike his Terminan counterpart, this mostly got him laughed at, but I digress.
"Look, Epona, I got a letter!" squealed Malon as she picked up a Cucco to open the envelope with. Once the swarm of angry chickens cleared, and after she managed to cover up all the wounds and clean up the blood, she picked up the letter and read it to the horse, who was busy running from the chickens.
Malon,
You're invited to Blu's surprise birthday party. You're allowed to bring Epona, but no other farm animals, and for the love of Nayru, NO CUCCOS! The party's at Bad Comic Corner, so adequate defense against Diablo will be provided, meaning that Asako's gonna be following him around with a 10' long pipe.
Guru-Guru
"Somehow that doesn't make me feel any safer..." started Malon, when Epona collapsed on the ground next to her, pecked to death. "Uh-oh," said Malon, as she pulled out one of the 50 fairy bottles she filled every morning. Yeah, this happens a lot.