Hehe, thanks for the reviews, here's another strange chapter...oh, and by the way...

Disclaimer: (mumbles) I don't own any of the characters in this story...

Chapter 3

"Oh yes Father, It came as quite a surprise to us all now if you don't mind I'm going to take Harry to see the Dungeons-er, I mean my room. You know, show him around."

"Alright Arty!" His father gave him another slap on the back, Artemis was feeling a little undermined at the moment,

"Its Artemis, Dad, not Arty," He picked his father's hands away from his shoulder and dragged Harry with him into the house, Holly following in a somewhat bad temper, muttering "Silly outfit? It's LEP! Silly indeed,"

As the four of them walked through the very large house Harry began to feel very small. This "house" if house is what you could call it, was so over powering that by the time they had gotten to Artemis's room, Harry felt dizzy.

"How many people live here?" He asked flopping down on to Artemis's extremely neat $100,000 comforter.

"Four, Butler, mother, father and myself."

"And her?" Asked Harry pointing to Holly Short.

"Me? Live in this house?!? You'd have to lock me in a room to keep me here...and that doesn't always work either." She said smiling at Artemis. It had been one of the child prodigy's greatest mistakes when he had tried to lock holly up and hold her ransom for faerie gold. She'd gotten away within a day of being locked up. Artemis didn't appear to find it funny at all, immediately He sat down at his desk and turned on his computer. "So Harry," He said while he typed away, "Lets hear more of your...secrets."

"Okay!" said Harry eagerly. "Well I do have this super secret crush on-"

"Not THOSE secrets!" snapped Holly. "I think what we want to hear is more along the lines of how the wizarding world is doing."

"Oh," said Harry. "Erm...well technically I'm not supposed to tell muggles about it."

"What?! But you just told us pretty much everything on the ride here! All we want to know is about the wizarding army and who the leader might be."

"Voldemort maybe...but I can't tell you about dumbledore's army...that's a BIG secret...Holly, wasn't it?"

"Yes mud boy. And if you won't tell us then I'll have to put you under the mesmer!"

Harry didn't think that sounded very nice. "Fine." He said. "But let me contact my friends first. Do you have a telephone anywhere close without me having to walk 3 miles down the hall?"

Artemis pointed to a telephone on his dresser and Harry went to call Hermione.

"Hello?" asked a voice on the other line. It was a mans voice and Harry supposed it must be Hermione's father.

"Hi, is Hermione there? Tell her it's Harry and I desperately need to talk with her."

"Harry potter?" Asked the Man.

"yes."

"Ok, hold on." Harry waited. This kidnapping thing seemed all wrong. Why was Artemis letting him call anybody and why wasn't he tied to a chair with a gag in his mouth yet? There was something else going on. He was just lucky that they had bought all that crap about his secrets. Like he'd really tell them where Hogwarts was! Hmph, what did they take him for...an idiot?

"Hello Harry, what's going on? Dad told me it was urgent! Are you alright?"

"Yes...well no...sort of. You see I've been kind of...kidnapped."

"What? Where are you? How did you escape? Were they holding you hostage?" Hermione asked urgently.

"Well...I haven't escaped." Whispered Harry. "Their letting me do whatever I want. We're at a HUGE house in Ireland and I'm with a kid called Artemis Fowl."

"They've captured other kids as well? This is horrible. I'm going to send a letter to Dumbledore and the ministry of magic right away...no, that won't be fast enough...er I know, I'll perform illegal magic."

"No, wait Hermione. Artemis Fowl IS the kidnapper. He's only 13 or 14 years old. I can perform illegal magic here if I get desperate but I want to know what's going on first. But I think you should send a message to Dumbledore. Just tell him that I'm alright and...hold on a second."

Hermione heard Harry put the phone down and then walk off. He picked up the phone a few minutes later and said "Butler will pick you up tomorrow at five-o-clock."

"Who? What?!? Pick me up? You want me to be kidnapped too?"

"Well it's not bad or anything. There are seventeen pools in this house, a hundred and eighty rooms and a library that's the size of the quittich field!"

"I'll pack right now. Do you think that Butler could get Ron as well?"

"Yes, I think so. I'll see you tomorrow, bye...oh, and stay clear of Artemis's parents. They don't know you're coming and they're sort of creepy."

"Right, bye." And Harry heard the phone click on the other line. When Harry turned to Holly and Artemis they were both deep in conversation about something.

"Er...I think I'll go to bed now." Said Harry. "Where do I sleep?"

Artemis looked up. "Room 37, here's the key." He handed it to Harry and continued his conversation.

Harry left feeling as if this place was possibly better than Hogwarts itself. He'd even be able to see his friends the next day. Meanwhile Artemis and Holly were more of arguing than conversing.

"What kind of kidnapper are you?" Holly snapped, "You're letting him use the phone? His friends are coming over?"

"Well you were against the kidnapping idea in the first place, Captain Short, plus the more wizards we have the more information we have."

"That's ridiculous!" Holly said, "You heard Potter! He says that he'll use illegal magic if he has to, now how are we supposed to cope with three wizards performing illegal magic?"

"With any luck you'll be doing the magic first," Artemis said, "We'll need a mesmer."

"If I didn't know any better," Holly gave him a half smirk, "I'd say you're just letting Potter get his own room complete with play station and direct access to a pool because you want a few friends around you're age to play with."

Artemis opened his mouth with what was sure to be a petty contradiction and closed it again. His gaze returned to the computer screen, "Its really quite late Captain Short, I suggest you go home now so that I can get some sleep. Come to think of it, I'm rather tired."

The next day Harry got up and almost forgot that he wasn't at the Dursley's or at Hogwarts. Harry had always imagined that being kidnapped would be well...messier. For one thing, he probably would not have had his own room with everything that Dudley could only dream of getting and he would most definitely have not been able to invite his closest friends over. Perhaps Artemis wasn't as bad as Harry had originally thought. He was still fully dressed from the day before, but as he looked around he saw that all of his things had been sent to his room. He found a note taped to his trunk. It read:

Dear Mr. Potter,

Your owl, Hedwig, has been sent to the bird dome. She is being sufficiently provided for and you will be able to see her after breakfast. Please meet Artemis in the south dining hall so that he can give you a tour of the house and show you where your friends will be staying.

Yours, sincerely Butler.

Harry changed quickly and flew out of the door...literally. He certainly wasn't going to walk all the way to the south side of the house, so he took his broomstick instead. It took him an hour to find the south Dining room. When he arrived he could see that breakfast had already been served. Artemis sat at the end of a long table, nearly as long as the house tables at Hogwarts. Harry stifled a laugh. Artemis looked like some spoiled pampered prince or something. Harry thought about it for a second and realized that Artemis WAS a spoiled pampered prince.

Artemis retained his urge to laugh at the sight of Harry riding his broomstick all the way to the south dining hall, he had been watching by surveillance cameras and especially liked it when Harry had gotten lost and started heading north again. Harry floated about five feet off of the ground and smirked at the child genius in front of him.

"Is there something that you would like to say?" Asked Artemis, staring in wonder at Harry's childish grin.

"Nope,...er...no. I mean, what time is it?" Harry was finding it hard to hide his amusement.

"It is ten O clock Mr. Potter. Extremely late in the day for me, but not everybody has a high enough IQ I suppose, to be at breakfast on time."

"Why? What time was I supposed to be here?"

"Nine O clock."

"Oh, right well I sorta got lost on my way here."

Artemis almost gave in to the absurd idea of actually smiling.

"I noticed. Why don't you grab some toast...use a napkin! So that we can eat and walk at the same time. I'll bring you to see your precious predatory bird. I might also add that she ruined a very nice Armani suit of mine when she arrived. You shall be paying for all damages of course. Ten thousand pounds I should say. She did after all cough up mouse legs on the seat of the pants,"

"Er...I can't-"

"After we visit your owl of course, I shall have to go meet Holly. You'll be on your own till five, so please keep to your room and pool only. If you bump into my parents tell them that I'm busy. They will be outraged if they find I've left you."

Harry frowned.

"Artemis, can't I just come with you? I promise that well...I won't be so loopy like yesterday. And won't your parents find out anyhow?"

Artemis shook his head. "No and no. Now lets go see...what was her name? Hedwig, right."

"Why do you want to see her so much?" asked Harry. Artemis did not answer.

After they'd gone and fed two frozen mice to Hedwig, and Artemis had given the poor bird a lecture about Armani suits, Harry bid Artemis farewell and headed off down the hall on his broom. Halfway there he decided to walk, and it was lucky he had for at that moment Angeline and Artemis Fowl (the first) turned a corner and nearly knocked Harry over.