THE DEAD BODY
Chapter Six: Rei's Alibi
AN: no flies were hurt in the making of this fic.
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"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! That's the stuff!" Misato yelled triumphantly before heading out Shinji's apartment renovations to follow the rest of the parade.
Rei sat quietly in her pristine room. It was a quiet moment for her when for once she was not involved with Eva or Nerv. She was totally alone and at peace with herself. Nothing moved . . . . Except . . .
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . .
This really annoying fly that had been buzzing around for the last fifteen minutes and ruining the whole room's calming atmosphere.
Rei had had enough.
She stared at the fly intently ready to catch the little bugger. Just a little closer now . . . a bit more . . . come on you evil, atmosphere wreaking pest . . . a bit more . . .
"Wonder girl are you home?" Asuka's sickly sweet voice rang out. Rei flinched. . . Not good. Maybe if she didn't make a sound?
Asuka ran through the hall to Rei's room, stopping for a moment to catch her breath. When she had caught it, she stomped towards Rei dagger pointing evilly at her.
"You!" Asuka growled.
Rei stared at her openly. Why was the pilot of unit two here? "Is there an emergency?"
"You could say that you evil killer!" Asuka shrieked advancing on Rei.
"I do not understand." Rei stated plainly
"You killed a man and chucked him in our-" Asuka started but was cut of by charging Shinji who knocked her over.
"Ahhhh!" Asuka yelled as she fell flat on her face.
Shinji didn't notice. "Hi Rei." He said sheepishly, waving.
"Pilot Ikari?" Rei asked unsure, it looked like pilot Ikari, but it was very green and bulky and last time she had checked Ikari was neither.
"Hi." Shinji said meekly. Funnily enough since all of Shinji's angry feelings have now disintegrated he turned back to normal Shinji.
"Pilot Ikari is there some kind of emergency?" Rei asked there was no other reason for the children of Nerv to be standing in her room exhausted.
"Uh Rei this is really silly but what were you doing last night?" Shinji asked shuffling his feet, a rose colour tingeing his cheeks.
"well.." Rei started.
~*~ FLASH BACK ~*~
Rei, Fuyutsuki and Gendo stood in Gendo's office. "oh please Gendo please could I have the access key to the dummy plug room. Please, please, please?" Fuyutsuki whined.
One of Gendo's eyebrows rose slightly. "The room with all the naked Rei's?" he asked.
Fuyutsuki nodded furiously.
"No." Gendo replied harshly, Fuyutsuki whimpered and left the office with a very long, sad face.
"Now Rei I have a special job for you." the commander said softly.
"Yes sir." Rei replied in her normal quiet voice.
Gendo grinned. "CLEAN MY OFFICE!" he cried manically then started laughing . . . . . . .evilly. "MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA."
He stopped laughing for a moment to hand Rei a mop and bucket then continued to laugh. "MWA HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA!"
Rei stared at the mop and bucket. "Excuse me sir. But how do I use these?" she asked.
Gendo sweatdropped.
~*~*~ END FLASHBACK ~*~*~
"MY FATHER TAUGHT YOU HOW TO CLEAN?" Shinji cried in disbelief.
"Yes." Rei replied, "I find it quite . . . . . enjoyable."
Shinji fainted landing hard on Asuka.
"Scheiße!" Asuka swore and fell to the ground once more.
Rei stared at her two comrades her mouth slightly open.
She blinked once.
She blinked again.
Then she swallowed the fly.
She blinked once more, in shock that she had just swallowed a live fly, that can't be good for her stomach.
And then she fainted on the two already unconscious Eva pilots.
Kaji burst into Rei's room; he was late because he had hit the jackpot! Someone was drying her underwear outside and Kaji, being kaji scaled the building and jumped onto her veranda and stuffed his pockets full of bras and panties.
His eyes quickly took in the scene of the pile of Eva pilots. "Oh well, while they're unconscious I might as well." he started before sitting down to play with his treasures.
Misato stumbled into the room. "What happened?" she asked Kaji who shrugged and continued to play. "You know we are getting no where with this." She told Kaji who shrugged again.
"It's time to get . . .serious." Misato growled.
_ _ After the Eva pilots had recovered from their . . . nap _ _
"Listen up ladies!" Misato growled marching up and down the line of pilots. "We are here for one reason and one reason only, to find out the killer of that man in our lounge room. Do my make myself clear?"
No one answered they were all too busy watching the big stick Misato was carrying.
"DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?" Misato barked. The three Eva pilots jumped back ten feet.
"Yes mam." They replied unanimously.
"From this point forward we begin, OPERATION LITTLE BLACK DRESS!" Misato commanded and a huge plasma screen dropped down from the ceiling.
"Wow Rei I didn't know you got that!" Shinji said obviously impressed by Rei's system. Not only did she have the plasma screen but the surround sound speakers and matching t-shirt, which Misato was currently wearing.
"Neither did I." Rei replied.
"Now Today at 15.00, Recruits Rei, Asuka and myself will go shopping for a little black dress. At 16.00 Kaji and recruit Shinji will go and buy grappling hooks and other spy tech equipment. At 21.00 recruits Asuka, Rei and myself will go to the local police station and divert their attention, while Kaji and recruit Shinji will break in through the back window and hack into the computer files, retrieving everything they can about the man with the scar, the killing and so forth. At 23.00 we will meet back at my apartment where you will await further instructions. Any questions?" Misato asked eyeing her new "recruits" carefully, they jumped another mile as she poked them with her very large stick.
"Um miss misato?" Shinji stammered.
"Yes."
"Why are you shopping for little black dresses?" Shinji asked meekly.
"So that we can divert the attention of the police officers, why else?" Misato answered as if it was obvious already.
"oh . . . what if they are female?" Shinji asked again.
"What's the difference?" Misato asked casually.
Asuka + Rei + Shinji: 0.o!!!!
"I think you just crossed the line Major Katsuragi." Rei informed her quietly.
"What line?"
"The line of too much information!!" Asuka yelled running for the bathroom, hands clamp over her mouth.
They heard a large thud.
"Schiße! Sliding door!" They heard her curse.
"Hmm." Misato contemplated. "I didn't think. . . . Wait get your minds out of the gutter!" She yelled hitting Shinji with her stick. " Henati baka!"
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Pen Pen crawled carefully through Nerv's ventilation system. He came to a small grate where he promptly looked through it to see if it was Gendo. Instead he saw Fuyutsuki, who seemed to be looking at some kind of magazine. It was opened on the centerfold, a picture of some of the female staff of Nerv. //this has gone far enough// Pen Pen thought and removed the grate. Don't ask me how a penguin can do these sorts of things they just can.
//I really don't want to kill him.// Pen Pen thought moving the gun away from Fuyutsuki's head, instead he aimed it in between his legs.
BANG.
The whole worlds male population: OW!
Pen Pen continued down the vent leaving Fuyutsuki's wails and howls of pain behind him.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
You know what I actually feel sorry for Fuyutsuki in this chapter. . . Oh well ^^ To my wonderful beautiful, special, fantastic reviewers!!
Hououza: True Rei is a very quiet character! I hope you liked this chapter I tried to keep Rei true to her character. Except for maybe when she called the fly a little bugger, but hey you never know! Yes I actually can't wait till Pen Pen actually gets around to killing Gendo. Wait I'm the authoress I should know that eh @_@! Meh. Thanks for the review ! ! ! [belated] Merry Christmas and a Happy 2004 ! ! !
Dark Titan: I'm not sure who I am going to put Shinji with, either Asuka's going to force him to be with her, or he's going to go after an uninterested Rei I dunno? What do you with? A she-hulk is not a bad idea, but I'll need to make more horrible-lethal-out-of-date-green-stuff, or maybe I can add an unrequited love that is a she-hulk? And just between you and me I am in LOVE with the air duct idea!!! Unfortunately I don't know who Nabeshin is @_@! Anyway I loved this review like always! I updated kinda of late but. . . summer holidays is my excuse! ^^ hehe thanks for reviewing hope you liked this chapter XD!
Konous the grey: I'm glad you like the whole Shinji incredible hulk thing I thought I went over the top -_-U! I'm not sure who I am going to pair shinji up with, who do you think? Thanks for the review! I hope you liked this chapter!
Somonewashere: HEY BUCK! Horrors of your mind? I'm sure there are many very, very, many . . . 0.o! no I read uh wait I'll remember the name . . . *thinks hard* Oh I know Track 26? I loved it! It was so hilarious I haven't reviewed it yet but I will! Soon ish. Meh. Yeah I am itching to kill the bridge bunies, they are so irrelevant. Especially Ayoba, but he is funny ^^ Perhaps Asuka with knives is not sane. But hell Pen Pen isn't sane either . . I'll let you in on a little secret . . . . . he's evil! Ha! Hm. I think some of your craziness is rubbing off on me ^_^! Thanks for the review! Hope you liked this chapter!!
Thanks for reading guys! Review! Just in case I crossed the impenetrable line of "this has gone really weird." Thanks!
~Lee the ice Queen~
Chapter Six: Rei's Alibi
AN: no flies were hurt in the making of this fic.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! That's the stuff!" Misato yelled triumphantly before heading out Shinji's apartment renovations to follow the rest of the parade.
Rei sat quietly in her pristine room. It was a quiet moment for her when for once she was not involved with Eva or Nerv. She was totally alone and at peace with herself. Nothing moved . . . . Except . . .
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . .
This really annoying fly that had been buzzing around for the last fifteen minutes and ruining the whole room's calming atmosphere.
Rei had had enough.
She stared at the fly intently ready to catch the little bugger. Just a little closer now . . . a bit more . . . come on you evil, atmosphere wreaking pest . . . a bit more . . .
"Wonder girl are you home?" Asuka's sickly sweet voice rang out. Rei flinched. . . Not good. Maybe if she didn't make a sound?
Asuka ran through the hall to Rei's room, stopping for a moment to catch her breath. When she had caught it, she stomped towards Rei dagger pointing evilly at her.
"You!" Asuka growled.
Rei stared at her openly. Why was the pilot of unit two here? "Is there an emergency?"
"You could say that you evil killer!" Asuka shrieked advancing on Rei.
"I do not understand." Rei stated plainly
"You killed a man and chucked him in our-" Asuka started but was cut of by charging Shinji who knocked her over.
"Ahhhh!" Asuka yelled as she fell flat on her face.
Shinji didn't notice. "Hi Rei." He said sheepishly, waving.
"Pilot Ikari?" Rei asked unsure, it looked like pilot Ikari, but it was very green and bulky and last time she had checked Ikari was neither.
"Hi." Shinji said meekly. Funnily enough since all of Shinji's angry feelings have now disintegrated he turned back to normal Shinji.
"Pilot Ikari is there some kind of emergency?" Rei asked there was no other reason for the children of Nerv to be standing in her room exhausted.
"Uh Rei this is really silly but what were you doing last night?" Shinji asked shuffling his feet, a rose colour tingeing his cheeks.
"well.." Rei started.
~*~ FLASH BACK ~*~
Rei, Fuyutsuki and Gendo stood in Gendo's office. "oh please Gendo please could I have the access key to the dummy plug room. Please, please, please?" Fuyutsuki whined.
One of Gendo's eyebrows rose slightly. "The room with all the naked Rei's?" he asked.
Fuyutsuki nodded furiously.
"No." Gendo replied harshly, Fuyutsuki whimpered and left the office with a very long, sad face.
"Now Rei I have a special job for you." the commander said softly.
"Yes sir." Rei replied in her normal quiet voice.
Gendo grinned. "CLEAN MY OFFICE!" he cried manically then started laughing . . . . . . .evilly. "MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA."
He stopped laughing for a moment to hand Rei a mop and bucket then continued to laugh. "MWA HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA!"
Rei stared at the mop and bucket. "Excuse me sir. But how do I use these?" she asked.
Gendo sweatdropped.
~*~*~ END FLASHBACK ~*~*~
"MY FATHER TAUGHT YOU HOW TO CLEAN?" Shinji cried in disbelief.
"Yes." Rei replied, "I find it quite . . . . . enjoyable."
Shinji fainted landing hard on Asuka.
"Scheiße!" Asuka swore and fell to the ground once more.
Rei stared at her two comrades her mouth slightly open.
She blinked once.
She blinked again.
Then she swallowed the fly.
She blinked once more, in shock that she had just swallowed a live fly, that can't be good for her stomach.
And then she fainted on the two already unconscious Eva pilots.
Kaji burst into Rei's room; he was late because he had hit the jackpot! Someone was drying her underwear outside and Kaji, being kaji scaled the building and jumped onto her veranda and stuffed his pockets full of bras and panties.
His eyes quickly took in the scene of the pile of Eva pilots. "Oh well, while they're unconscious I might as well." he started before sitting down to play with his treasures.
Misato stumbled into the room. "What happened?" she asked Kaji who shrugged and continued to play. "You know we are getting no where with this." She told Kaji who shrugged again.
"It's time to get . . .serious." Misato growled.
_ _ After the Eva pilots had recovered from their . . . nap _ _
"Listen up ladies!" Misato growled marching up and down the line of pilots. "We are here for one reason and one reason only, to find out the killer of that man in our lounge room. Do my make myself clear?"
No one answered they were all too busy watching the big stick Misato was carrying.
"DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?" Misato barked. The three Eva pilots jumped back ten feet.
"Yes mam." They replied unanimously.
"From this point forward we begin, OPERATION LITTLE BLACK DRESS!" Misato commanded and a huge plasma screen dropped down from the ceiling.
"Wow Rei I didn't know you got that!" Shinji said obviously impressed by Rei's system. Not only did she have the plasma screen but the surround sound speakers and matching t-shirt, which Misato was currently wearing.
"Neither did I." Rei replied.
"Now Today at 15.00, Recruits Rei, Asuka and myself will go shopping for a little black dress. At 16.00 Kaji and recruit Shinji will go and buy grappling hooks and other spy tech equipment. At 21.00 recruits Asuka, Rei and myself will go to the local police station and divert their attention, while Kaji and recruit Shinji will break in through the back window and hack into the computer files, retrieving everything they can about the man with the scar, the killing and so forth. At 23.00 we will meet back at my apartment where you will await further instructions. Any questions?" Misato asked eyeing her new "recruits" carefully, they jumped another mile as she poked them with her very large stick.
"Um miss misato?" Shinji stammered.
"Yes."
"Why are you shopping for little black dresses?" Shinji asked meekly.
"So that we can divert the attention of the police officers, why else?" Misato answered as if it was obvious already.
"oh . . . what if they are female?" Shinji asked again.
"What's the difference?" Misato asked casually.
Asuka + Rei + Shinji: 0.o!!!!
"I think you just crossed the line Major Katsuragi." Rei informed her quietly.
"What line?"
"The line of too much information!!" Asuka yelled running for the bathroom, hands clamp over her mouth.
They heard a large thud.
"Schiße! Sliding door!" They heard her curse.
"Hmm." Misato contemplated. "I didn't think. . . . Wait get your minds out of the gutter!" She yelled hitting Shinji with her stick. " Henati baka!"
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Pen Pen crawled carefully through Nerv's ventilation system. He came to a small grate where he promptly looked through it to see if it was Gendo. Instead he saw Fuyutsuki, who seemed to be looking at some kind of magazine. It was opened on the centerfold, a picture of some of the female staff of Nerv. //this has gone far enough// Pen Pen thought and removed the grate. Don't ask me how a penguin can do these sorts of things they just can.
//I really don't want to kill him.// Pen Pen thought moving the gun away from Fuyutsuki's head, instead he aimed it in between his legs.
BANG.
The whole worlds male population: OW!
Pen Pen continued down the vent leaving Fuyutsuki's wails and howls of pain behind him.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
You know what I actually feel sorry for Fuyutsuki in this chapter. . . Oh well ^^ To my wonderful beautiful, special, fantastic reviewers!!
Hououza: True Rei is a very quiet character! I hope you liked this chapter I tried to keep Rei true to her character. Except for maybe when she called the fly a little bugger, but hey you never know! Yes I actually can't wait till Pen Pen actually gets around to killing Gendo. Wait I'm the authoress I should know that eh @_@! Meh. Thanks for the review ! ! ! [belated] Merry Christmas and a Happy 2004 ! ! !
Dark Titan: I'm not sure who I am going to put Shinji with, either Asuka's going to force him to be with her, or he's going to go after an uninterested Rei I dunno? What do you with? A she-hulk is not a bad idea, but I'll need to make more horrible-lethal-out-of-date-green-stuff, or maybe I can add an unrequited love that is a she-hulk? And just between you and me I am in LOVE with the air duct idea!!! Unfortunately I don't know who Nabeshin is @_@! Anyway I loved this review like always! I updated kinda of late but. . . summer holidays is my excuse! ^^ hehe thanks for reviewing hope you liked this chapter XD!
Konous the grey: I'm glad you like the whole Shinji incredible hulk thing I thought I went over the top -_-U! I'm not sure who I am going to pair shinji up with, who do you think? Thanks for the review! I hope you liked this chapter!
Somonewashere: HEY BUCK! Horrors of your mind? I'm sure there are many very, very, many . . . 0.o! no I read uh wait I'll remember the name . . . *thinks hard* Oh I know Track 26? I loved it! It was so hilarious I haven't reviewed it yet but I will! Soon ish. Meh. Yeah I am itching to kill the bridge bunies, they are so irrelevant. Especially Ayoba, but he is funny ^^ Perhaps Asuka with knives is not sane. But hell Pen Pen isn't sane either . . I'll let you in on a little secret . . . . . he's evil! Ha! Hm. I think some of your craziness is rubbing off on me ^_^! Thanks for the review! Hope you liked this chapter!!
Thanks for reading guys! Review! Just in case I crossed the impenetrable line of "this has gone really weird." Thanks!
~Lee the ice Queen~