A/N I was going crazy there fore a while. I was getting reviews and was unable to look at them. Just about finished me off.
Anyway, during this chapter I listened to Matchbox 20 Bed of Lies on repeat. So that's the influence here.
Crystal2- thanks for reviewing. Sorry you don't like Ginny. Reread the prophesy and then look at the children. You'll catch it I'm sure.
Natbag- You had to reason to worry. Neville belongs to Luna and I wouldn't let him belong to anyone else. As far as the problems…Harry and Ginny are both far to strong willed not to have problems. The road to forgiveness is going to be difficult for them both. But things do get better I promise.
Dementorchic- they fixed it!!!!!!! Good. Oh the many woes of Harry and Ginny.
Goddess of Darkness3- thanks for reviewing.
(Draco)
I held my breath as Pansy walked down the aisle toward me. She was lovely. Her dress white and shimmering in the light, a choker of emeralds round her neck and a thin circlet of diamonds in her hair. None of the guests dared make a noise as she stood beside me. I caught her eye and smiled a little to calm her nerves.
The marriage was not arranged so much as suggested forcefully. I did not consider myself prepared for married life, but my father thought otherwise. He insisted that I marry Pansy, which wasn't an entirely horrible idea. We had grown closer over the years, she knew all my secrets and I knew hers, but we had never been involved. In the end that mattered little, as she was the perfect wife for a Malfoy.
I caught her eye again as we said our vows and she smiled a little at me this time. From the corner of my eye I saw my father and mother sitting in their seats. Mother looked impeccable as always. Soft blue robes hanging perfectly, long blonde hair arranged delicately on her head, her eyes appraising every movement I made. Father sat quite still, his usual frown placed on his features. Beside them someone else sat, dark, cloaked, out of place.
My voice stumbled a little over the words as I tried to ignore the presence. He shouldn't be there, he wasn't supposed to be there. The war was not won, he should be hiding. Yet, quiet as smoke he sat, staring at me with those strange serpent like features.
Pansy and I rarely argued. She generally acquiesced to my decisions, which I found unnerving at times. Before the wedding we had discussed everything and sometimes not seen eye to eye. I wasn't sure I enjoyed her constant capitulation.
One night, though, she found something quite close to home to fight about. I was getting ready for bed, tugging on my green pajama bottoms, while she watched me nervously.
"They look alright to you?" I asked turning so she could see how I looked in my birthday present.
She smiled a little and nodded, "Silk is definitely you."
"Good."
I slipped beneath the covers beside her and doused the lights with my wand. To my surprise she curled close and wrapped an arm around my stomach, fingers tracing airy designs on my side.
"Something wrong?" I asked kissing her forehead.
"When is the ceremony for the Dark Mark?" She asked quietly.
I felt her hold a breath in, waiting for my response.
"Not for a while yet."
Slowly she released her breath and it tickled my chest, "hmm"
"Why do you ask?"
"We agreed to be honest with each other, right?" She asked looking up at me.
I frowned, "Yes."
"Don't take the Mark."
"I don't have a choice." I replied.
"There is always a choice."
"What would you suggest I do? Throw it back in my father's face? He did much to get me this far, I owe it to him to go through with it. Besides if I don't, the consequences would be more than we could handle."
"I just … I just want our son to be able to make his own choices." She whispered.
"Son?" I asked sitting up and looking at her hard.
She nodded and pressed her lips together nervously.
"Son?" I repeated unbelieving.
"Yes."
"When did you find this out? Why didn't you tell me? I'm having a son?" I cried excitedly.
"This afternoon."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
She paused and looked straight into my eyes, "You'd have told your father."
My joy faded at her words and I found myself feeling cold inside.
"Yes."
"I don't what him to know yet."
The cold spread and completely covered any trace of happiness. My throat wouldn't swallow correctly, I tried clearing it.
"Why?"
Her eyes never left mine, but she curled her knees to her chest and hugged them to her.
"He scares me, Draco. I don't like having him near me, and I don't want him near my child."
"He'll have to know eventually." I whispered wrapping my arm around her and leaning my cheek against her brown hair.
She sighed a little, "I just want the baby to have options. I don't want him to be a Death Eater, no more than I want you to be one."
"Nothing will happen to you or the baby, I promise. He is my father after all, he wouldn't hurt us."
I kissed the top of her head and pulled her down next to me. As I settled in with her head pillowed on my chest I noticed a shadow in the corner of the room. Squinting in the darkness I could make out a vague outline of a person. Piercing red eyes stared out at me, blinking slowly. My breath quickened and I wanted to move, to take my wife and run, but I couldn't.
He was the most wonderful thing I had ever seen. Bundled tightly in his pale blue blanket, tucked safely away in Pansy's arms, eyes tightly closed as he wailed angrily. Little locks of pale hair stuck to his head haphazardly, I brushed them with my finger tips gently, afraid I might hurt him.
"Hello Bane." I whispered in his tiny ear.
A the sound of my voice his wailing quieted some and his eyes opened a little to reveal their soft grey color.
"Is that what we're calling him, then?" Pansy asked quietly.
"Yes. His name is Bane."
The newborn shut his eyes again and yawned a little. I sat on the edge of the hospital bed, one hand on my wife's the other touching our son's cheek. His skin was so soft and very warm, I had to fight the urge to just take him in my arms.
"Would you like to hold him?" Pansy asked, reading my mind.
"N … no." I stammered.
"It's okay. He's ours. You won't break him." She laughed and lifted him up for me to take.
I cradled him nervously, feeling as though I were holding a bundle of eggs instead of my son. With every little movement he made I felt myself relaxing just a little. One red rimmed eye looked at me tiredly and I held him close to my face.
"I'm your father." I murmured.
Pansy had closed her eyes for a moment, her body exhausted from birth. I was surprised she had managed to stay awake this long. After all the screaming and pain, it was a wonder she was even alive.
"But you are the real wonder. You are my son." I told Bane as his mother slept.
With a tired groan I got to my feet and began pacing the room. My mother had never sang to me as a child, so I didn't know any lullabies, nor did I know any stories. Father's were supposed to know these things, it was expected of them. Frowning, I simply began talking as I paced the room.
"You'll be going home soon. Maybe tomorrow, if your mother checks out alright. They think she will. I've bought you a new bed, just your size. And your grandmother, that's your mother's mum, bought you a great big teddy bear. It doesn't move or anything, just for cuddling. And my father bought you a toy dragon that really breathes fire, I'll be saving that for when you are older."
My wife moved in her sleep, pausing I waited for her to settle down again.
"Don't grow up to be like me. I'm not a good person. Not a good role model. But, I won't be taking the Dark Mark, at least not until you're a bit older. Your mother was right, you need choices and I'm going to try to give you those. I'll keep you safe." Gently I held him so close I could feel his tiny heart beating.
As I turned to lay him in the crib by the bed I saw someone in the doorway. Shrouded in black the figure did not move, merely watched me. Fear spread through the room and I wanted to move between my family and the monster who threatened them. Still I could not.
"Your father was angry at you." Pansy said as she stepped into the bath water.
I looked over from the sink and watched the bubbles slide to cover her body. The scent of cinnamon filled the air and a smile spread over my features.
"Yes." I replied.
She looked at me with a frown that caused a lock of brown hair to fall from the loose magical binding that held it up from the water.
"What did he say?"
"He asked if I would be at the ceremony and I said no." I replied drying my face with a towel.
"You were in there for a long time."
"I told him that since Bane had been sick, I couldn't afford to be away for the time it would take to complete my training. He didn't like that, reminded me of the house elf mother gave us. Pip may be a good house elf, but you had been sick as well and there was no way one house elf could care for the both of you."
Pansy smiled a little at that and one leg lifted out of the water as she scrubbed with the washcloth. There has been little to be happy about the past few weeks. Both my son and wife had suffered a terrible session of the flu.
"We're both feeling much better." She assured me.
I sighed and sat on the edge of the bathtub, leaning my elbows on my knees.
"Good. You had me scared."
"What else did he say?" She asked changing the subject back.
"He reminded me of my place and the honor I was turning down. I told him I would gladly take the Mark when Bane was a bit older."
"Will you?" I caught an edge in her voice.
"What is it about the Mark that frightens you so much?" I took the washcloth from her and bade her to lean forward so I could rub her back.
"It's not the Mark, it's the responsibility that comes with it. You have to answer when he calls. You have to do exactly as he tells you. And if something goes wrong, he hurts you. And I'm afraid he'll hurt our son."
I trailed my fingers up her spine and over her shoulder, gently pushing her back. The illness had left her gaunt and bony, shadows lived in her cheeks and under her eyes. I knew I looked no better, having been up many nights caring for the both of them.
"He wouldn't hurt you or Bane." I said.
Her eyes stared into the slowly dissipating bubbles.
"Come on, I think you're clean." I took her hands and pulled her up against me, soaking my pajama bottoms and the bath mat.
She let me dry her off and then I helped her get dressed for bed.
"I'll support whatever choice you make." She said as I let the room go dark.
A hissing breath above me sent chills up my spine. He shouldn't be here in my bedroom. He shouldn't be near my wife. But every muscle in my body seemed frozen.
"I'm not a Death Eater." I whispered to no one.
The silent slab of granite did not answer, merely stood there, reminding me of her absence with it's unforgiving permanence. Her name was etched into the stone with fierce determination, deeply and undeniably. It seemed strange to me that after a person died they carved their name in rock, as if fearing they might return; nothing was eternal until it was carved in stone.
I stood very still, letting my words ring about me. There was not a breath of wind on the air, dark clouds hung motionless in the sky, threatening rain.
After I returned from the hospital it had seemed very important that Pansy know I kept my promise. She needed to be assured that I would not betray her trust.
I closed my eyes and saw her face. I could not remember her alive, only the cold, dead stare of her eyes. Her fingers always reaching for her wand, always trying to protect her son. My heart froze at the thought and the cold seeped into the rest of me. No amount of fire could warm this chill from me.
She had died without me and been buried without me. It occurred to me that I did not even know if it was she in the coffin. Perhaps it was all a terrible nightmare. I would return home to find her in the nursery with our son, crooning over him. False hope. Forgotten daydreams.
Minutes passed and I became aware that someone was behind me. Turning I found myself face to face with my father's Lord and Master. His sudden appearance alarmed me and I took a step back, to find myself walking a dark path through a forest then, in a flash, I was back at the cemetery.
Very slowly I understood.
"I won't let you do this." I shouted stepping towards the creature.
He gave no response.
With all my strength I let the memory go. Let the dark sky fade and the imminent rain slide into nothingness. Slowly the grass darkened and became empty, leaving only the grave stone and I. Then little by little that to left me.
I was trapped in a dark space, unable to move, unable to speak or even to breathe. It felt as if I rode upon a raft in the middle of the sea, bobbing up and down with no control over my progress. A noise echoed around me, a voice.
"Find them. Kill them." It hissed.
I wrapped my thoughts around that voice and it carried up upward toward a pinpoint of light I had not noticed before. The light grew little by little, engulfing me in it's soft glow. I thought I could see something through it, trees waving perhaps. As if through a tunnel I could see the real world, see where I truly was. Branches of the Forbidden Forest stretched above me and the thin leafy path continued on in front.
"Find them. Kill them." The voice continued.
"This is my body, my mind." I thought back, fighting the urge to simply slip back into memory.
"At last, free again."
"NO! THIS IS ME!" I screamed my thoughts at the voice.
"So long."
"STOP!" And through the tunnel I saw that I had.
The voice stumbled and cursed for a moment and something pushed be down a little, but I clung on to the light, refusing to let my life go so easily. The struggle to remain in control was hard, but I knew now that I could affect things still. If I tried hard enough to could force the creature with in me to obey, if only for a moment.
I could not change my direction and take myself back, away from the children. Instead I ceased to struggle as much, biding my time and gaining strength as we came ever closer to our destination. My only hope was that I could gain control until someone incapacitated us, or killed us.
Anyway, during this chapter I listened to Matchbox 20 Bed of Lies on repeat. So that's the influence here.
Crystal2- thanks for reviewing. Sorry you don't like Ginny. Reread the prophesy and then look at the children. You'll catch it I'm sure.
Natbag- You had to reason to worry. Neville belongs to Luna and I wouldn't let him belong to anyone else. As far as the problems…Harry and Ginny are both far to strong willed not to have problems. The road to forgiveness is going to be difficult for them both. But things do get better I promise.
Dementorchic- they fixed it!!!!!!! Good. Oh the many woes of Harry and Ginny.
Goddess of Darkness3- thanks for reviewing.
(Draco)
I held my breath as Pansy walked down the aisle toward me. She was lovely. Her dress white and shimmering in the light, a choker of emeralds round her neck and a thin circlet of diamonds in her hair. None of the guests dared make a noise as she stood beside me. I caught her eye and smiled a little to calm her nerves.
The marriage was not arranged so much as suggested forcefully. I did not consider myself prepared for married life, but my father thought otherwise. He insisted that I marry Pansy, which wasn't an entirely horrible idea. We had grown closer over the years, she knew all my secrets and I knew hers, but we had never been involved. In the end that mattered little, as she was the perfect wife for a Malfoy.
I caught her eye again as we said our vows and she smiled a little at me this time. From the corner of my eye I saw my father and mother sitting in their seats. Mother looked impeccable as always. Soft blue robes hanging perfectly, long blonde hair arranged delicately on her head, her eyes appraising every movement I made. Father sat quite still, his usual frown placed on his features. Beside them someone else sat, dark, cloaked, out of place.
My voice stumbled a little over the words as I tried to ignore the presence. He shouldn't be there, he wasn't supposed to be there. The war was not won, he should be hiding. Yet, quiet as smoke he sat, staring at me with those strange serpent like features.
Pansy and I rarely argued. She generally acquiesced to my decisions, which I found unnerving at times. Before the wedding we had discussed everything and sometimes not seen eye to eye. I wasn't sure I enjoyed her constant capitulation.
One night, though, she found something quite close to home to fight about. I was getting ready for bed, tugging on my green pajama bottoms, while she watched me nervously.
"They look alright to you?" I asked turning so she could see how I looked in my birthday present.
She smiled a little and nodded, "Silk is definitely you."
"Good."
I slipped beneath the covers beside her and doused the lights with my wand. To my surprise she curled close and wrapped an arm around my stomach, fingers tracing airy designs on my side.
"Something wrong?" I asked kissing her forehead.
"When is the ceremony for the Dark Mark?" She asked quietly.
I felt her hold a breath in, waiting for my response.
"Not for a while yet."
Slowly she released her breath and it tickled my chest, "hmm"
"Why do you ask?"
"We agreed to be honest with each other, right?" She asked looking up at me.
I frowned, "Yes."
"Don't take the Mark."
"I don't have a choice." I replied.
"There is always a choice."
"What would you suggest I do? Throw it back in my father's face? He did much to get me this far, I owe it to him to go through with it. Besides if I don't, the consequences would be more than we could handle."
"I just … I just want our son to be able to make his own choices." She whispered.
"Son?" I asked sitting up and looking at her hard.
She nodded and pressed her lips together nervously.
"Son?" I repeated unbelieving.
"Yes."
"When did you find this out? Why didn't you tell me? I'm having a son?" I cried excitedly.
"This afternoon."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
She paused and looked straight into my eyes, "You'd have told your father."
My joy faded at her words and I found myself feeling cold inside.
"Yes."
"I don't what him to know yet."
The cold spread and completely covered any trace of happiness. My throat wouldn't swallow correctly, I tried clearing it.
"Why?"
Her eyes never left mine, but she curled her knees to her chest and hugged them to her.
"He scares me, Draco. I don't like having him near me, and I don't want him near my child."
"He'll have to know eventually." I whispered wrapping my arm around her and leaning my cheek against her brown hair.
She sighed a little, "I just want the baby to have options. I don't want him to be a Death Eater, no more than I want you to be one."
"Nothing will happen to you or the baby, I promise. He is my father after all, he wouldn't hurt us."
I kissed the top of her head and pulled her down next to me. As I settled in with her head pillowed on my chest I noticed a shadow in the corner of the room. Squinting in the darkness I could make out a vague outline of a person. Piercing red eyes stared out at me, blinking slowly. My breath quickened and I wanted to move, to take my wife and run, but I couldn't.
He was the most wonderful thing I had ever seen. Bundled tightly in his pale blue blanket, tucked safely away in Pansy's arms, eyes tightly closed as he wailed angrily. Little locks of pale hair stuck to his head haphazardly, I brushed them with my finger tips gently, afraid I might hurt him.
"Hello Bane." I whispered in his tiny ear.
A the sound of my voice his wailing quieted some and his eyes opened a little to reveal their soft grey color.
"Is that what we're calling him, then?" Pansy asked quietly.
"Yes. His name is Bane."
The newborn shut his eyes again and yawned a little. I sat on the edge of the hospital bed, one hand on my wife's the other touching our son's cheek. His skin was so soft and very warm, I had to fight the urge to just take him in my arms.
"Would you like to hold him?" Pansy asked, reading my mind.
"N … no." I stammered.
"It's okay. He's ours. You won't break him." She laughed and lifted him up for me to take.
I cradled him nervously, feeling as though I were holding a bundle of eggs instead of my son. With every little movement he made I felt myself relaxing just a little. One red rimmed eye looked at me tiredly and I held him close to my face.
"I'm your father." I murmured.
Pansy had closed her eyes for a moment, her body exhausted from birth. I was surprised she had managed to stay awake this long. After all the screaming and pain, it was a wonder she was even alive.
"But you are the real wonder. You are my son." I told Bane as his mother slept.
With a tired groan I got to my feet and began pacing the room. My mother had never sang to me as a child, so I didn't know any lullabies, nor did I know any stories. Father's were supposed to know these things, it was expected of them. Frowning, I simply began talking as I paced the room.
"You'll be going home soon. Maybe tomorrow, if your mother checks out alright. They think she will. I've bought you a new bed, just your size. And your grandmother, that's your mother's mum, bought you a great big teddy bear. It doesn't move or anything, just for cuddling. And my father bought you a toy dragon that really breathes fire, I'll be saving that for when you are older."
My wife moved in her sleep, pausing I waited for her to settle down again.
"Don't grow up to be like me. I'm not a good person. Not a good role model. But, I won't be taking the Dark Mark, at least not until you're a bit older. Your mother was right, you need choices and I'm going to try to give you those. I'll keep you safe." Gently I held him so close I could feel his tiny heart beating.
As I turned to lay him in the crib by the bed I saw someone in the doorway. Shrouded in black the figure did not move, merely watched me. Fear spread through the room and I wanted to move between my family and the monster who threatened them. Still I could not.
"Your father was angry at you." Pansy said as she stepped into the bath water.
I looked over from the sink and watched the bubbles slide to cover her body. The scent of cinnamon filled the air and a smile spread over my features.
"Yes." I replied.
She looked at me with a frown that caused a lock of brown hair to fall from the loose magical binding that held it up from the water.
"What did he say?"
"He asked if I would be at the ceremony and I said no." I replied drying my face with a towel.
"You were in there for a long time."
"I told him that since Bane had been sick, I couldn't afford to be away for the time it would take to complete my training. He didn't like that, reminded me of the house elf mother gave us. Pip may be a good house elf, but you had been sick as well and there was no way one house elf could care for the both of you."
Pansy smiled a little at that and one leg lifted out of the water as she scrubbed with the washcloth. There has been little to be happy about the past few weeks. Both my son and wife had suffered a terrible session of the flu.
"We're both feeling much better." She assured me.
I sighed and sat on the edge of the bathtub, leaning my elbows on my knees.
"Good. You had me scared."
"What else did he say?" She asked changing the subject back.
"He reminded me of my place and the honor I was turning down. I told him I would gladly take the Mark when Bane was a bit older."
"Will you?" I caught an edge in her voice.
"What is it about the Mark that frightens you so much?" I took the washcloth from her and bade her to lean forward so I could rub her back.
"It's not the Mark, it's the responsibility that comes with it. You have to answer when he calls. You have to do exactly as he tells you. And if something goes wrong, he hurts you. And I'm afraid he'll hurt our son."
I trailed my fingers up her spine and over her shoulder, gently pushing her back. The illness had left her gaunt and bony, shadows lived in her cheeks and under her eyes. I knew I looked no better, having been up many nights caring for the both of them.
"He wouldn't hurt you or Bane." I said.
Her eyes stared into the slowly dissipating bubbles.
"Come on, I think you're clean." I took her hands and pulled her up against me, soaking my pajama bottoms and the bath mat.
She let me dry her off and then I helped her get dressed for bed.
"I'll support whatever choice you make." She said as I let the room go dark.
A hissing breath above me sent chills up my spine. He shouldn't be here in my bedroom. He shouldn't be near my wife. But every muscle in my body seemed frozen.
"I'm not a Death Eater." I whispered to no one.
The silent slab of granite did not answer, merely stood there, reminding me of her absence with it's unforgiving permanence. Her name was etched into the stone with fierce determination, deeply and undeniably. It seemed strange to me that after a person died they carved their name in rock, as if fearing they might return; nothing was eternal until it was carved in stone.
I stood very still, letting my words ring about me. There was not a breath of wind on the air, dark clouds hung motionless in the sky, threatening rain.
After I returned from the hospital it had seemed very important that Pansy know I kept my promise. She needed to be assured that I would not betray her trust.
I closed my eyes and saw her face. I could not remember her alive, only the cold, dead stare of her eyes. Her fingers always reaching for her wand, always trying to protect her son. My heart froze at the thought and the cold seeped into the rest of me. No amount of fire could warm this chill from me.
She had died without me and been buried without me. It occurred to me that I did not even know if it was she in the coffin. Perhaps it was all a terrible nightmare. I would return home to find her in the nursery with our son, crooning over him. False hope. Forgotten daydreams.
Minutes passed and I became aware that someone was behind me. Turning I found myself face to face with my father's Lord and Master. His sudden appearance alarmed me and I took a step back, to find myself walking a dark path through a forest then, in a flash, I was back at the cemetery.
Very slowly I understood.
"I won't let you do this." I shouted stepping towards the creature.
He gave no response.
With all my strength I let the memory go. Let the dark sky fade and the imminent rain slide into nothingness. Slowly the grass darkened and became empty, leaving only the grave stone and I. Then little by little that to left me.
I was trapped in a dark space, unable to move, unable to speak or even to breathe. It felt as if I rode upon a raft in the middle of the sea, bobbing up and down with no control over my progress. A noise echoed around me, a voice.
"Find them. Kill them." It hissed.
I wrapped my thoughts around that voice and it carried up upward toward a pinpoint of light I had not noticed before. The light grew little by little, engulfing me in it's soft glow. I thought I could see something through it, trees waving perhaps. As if through a tunnel I could see the real world, see where I truly was. Branches of the Forbidden Forest stretched above me and the thin leafy path continued on in front.
"Find them. Kill them." The voice continued.
"This is my body, my mind." I thought back, fighting the urge to simply slip back into memory.
"At last, free again."
"NO! THIS IS ME!" I screamed my thoughts at the voice.
"So long."
"STOP!" And through the tunnel I saw that I had.
The voice stumbled and cursed for a moment and something pushed be down a little, but I clung on to the light, refusing to let my life go so easily. The struggle to remain in control was hard, but I knew now that I could affect things still. If I tried hard enough to could force the creature with in me to obey, if only for a moment.
I could not change my direction and take myself back, away from the children. Instead I ceased to struggle as much, biding my time and gaining strength as we came ever closer to our destination. My only hope was that I could gain control until someone incapacitated us, or killed us.