Chapter 5

Buffy woke to the sound of rain hitting the roof outside. There she lay, wrapped in the arms of the man she loved, both comfortably entangled in each other. Their cloths lay strewed over the floor, and the comforter tucked under their chins.

Buffy opened her eyes to look at her lover. A small smile played on his lips, and his head rested on top of hers. Thinking back to last night Buffy couldn't help but smile. He was so gentle, he made sure to take things slow, giving her ever opportunity for her to tell him to stop. Afterwards, as they lay in exhaustion he leaned over to her, looked into her eyes, and told her he loved her. In that moment, Buffy knew. She could never be with Riley, Angel was the only person she could ever love.

Angel's eyes slowly fluttered open. Seeing her face he smiled. "Hey," he said, reaching out to caress her cheek. "You okay?"

Buffy smiled, "Never better." Leaning in she kissed him softly.

When the kiss ended Angel looked at her seriously. "I'll never leave you again. I promise. I love you."

Buffy's grin grew bigger. "I love you." She whispered into his ear. "And I know that you'll never leave me. I know." She laid her head on his chest. There was no sound of a heart beat to greet her ears, but somehow that didn't bother her. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with this man. They would inevitably face problems along the way, but everyone did at some point in their lives together. And as long as they were honest with each other, and trusted each other, things would be okay. "Angel?"

"Hmm?"

"I have to tell you something. But I don't think your going to like it."

Angel slowly sat up. "You can tell me anything."

"I... when you were gone I..." She was trying desperately to force the words out of her mouth. He needed to know what was going on. He needed to know that they had technically had an affair last night. But she couldn't do it. The idea of how upset he was going to be when she told him that there was another man in her life was enough to send her into hysterics.

Angel tried to calm her as he saw the tears sliding down her face. "You can tell me Buffy. It's okay." More tears started to fall now. Angel looked at her with the utmost concern. Buffy rarely ever showed her emotion to people. For some reason she thought that she always had to be strong for others, forcing herself not to break down when things got rough. That's why Angel knew that something was wrong. To have her break down and weep in his arms was scaring him more then she would ever know.

Slowly he pulled her into his strong embrace and she broke. "Shh... hey, it's okay, it's okay. Look," he said pulling her away enough to look into her eyes. "You don't have to tell me now. Whatever it is, it can wait." Moving in, he kissed her soundly.

Finally calming, they spent the rest of the morning making love. Not worrying about what was to come, just taking comfort in one another.

Buffy didn't leave Angel's apartment until late. She wanted to tell him so badly about Riley. They couldn't be together without him knowing that she was engaged. That for the last three years someone else had been kissing her and touching her. If she didn't tell him and he found out some other way he would be crushed, and she just couldn't do that to him.

It killed her to do this. Riley was so nice and deserved the best, but she couldn't be with him. Her heart belonged to Angel, and if she was true to herself she would realize, her heart always did belong to him. Never to Riley, and it never would.

Upon reaching her house she found Riley there. He sat on her porch swing idly rocking back and forth. Willow was right, when Angel left, a little piece of her did died, although she didn't even know it at the time. But now that he was back, things felt right, like the way they were supposed to be, the way she always imagined it to be. She had to break things off with Riley now. If she put it off any longer, she wouldn't be able to go through with it.

"Hey," he said getting up to greet her. "Where've you been?" his arms slowly looped around he waist.

"Around," She said, her body was tense. Telling Riley that she didn't really love him was going to be the hardest thing in the world. He had never once done a thing to deserve this, and now she was about to break his heart just because he wasn't another man.

"I missed you today." He said smiling. "I was thinking, tomorrow, why don't I take the day off work and we can go to the beach. We can have a picnic and watch the sunset. It'll be perfect." Buffy smiled wanly, why did he have to make this so much harder? "Buffy? Is something wrong?"

"Uh, no. I'm just a little tired that's all. Umm, the beach sounds good tomorrow. Pick me up around eleven?" She couldn't believe she just said that! What was she doing? She was supposed to be breaking things off with him, not going on dates!

"Eleven sound perfect." Riley leaned down and swept her mouth up with a passionate kiss. "I'll see you then."

"Yeah, see ya." Buffy said walking into the house. She didn't even bother saying hello to her mother. She just headed straight upstairs to bed. After what happened today, she should have been exhausted, but she lay there into all hours of the night.

What was she going to do? She had the perfect chance to tell Riley that it was over and she blew it! Now she was going to the beach with him where kissing and groping would be inevitable. Buffy buried her head into her pillow. No matter what, she had to break it off with him tomorrow. No matter what.