Disclaimers, etc. in Chapter 1

Chapter 8

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Jack's posture was that of a defeated man as he watched Janet try to revive Sam. "Maybe we should wait outside?" suggested Daniel, finding it hard to cope with what was happening and not wanting to watch.

"You go if you want, Daniel, I'm staying here," said Jack resolutely. Daniel shared a look with General Hammond. They both knew how much Jack was blaming himself for Sam being shot in the first place. To now have to watch her be resuscitated was going to take its toll and they didn't know if he would ever recover. If Sam didn't make it… they couldn't even bear to think of that.

"Thank God for that," said Hammond suddenly and the others followed his gaze to the heart monitor connected to Sam; it showed her heart was beating steadily.

After a few tense minutes, Janet was finally satisfied that she could leave Sam for a few minutes and she entered the Observation Room.

"She's stable for now," she said softly, "I'll run frequent brain scans to check if the anti-venom is having any reaction."

"Oh, it's having a reaction alright," said Jack in a tone dripping with sarcasm. Everyone else dipped their heads, unable to look at him when they knew he was right.

"I'm afraid it's a waiting game now," said Janet. "We'll monitor her closely."

"Can we see her?" asked Jack.

Janet met his gaze briefly before looking at General Hammond meaningfully. "You can all see her but, I'm sorry, Colonel," she said slowly, "I don't think you should. We have no way of knowing if she will have the same reaction as before."

"She unconscious," pointed out Jack testily.

"Yes, but she could wake at any moment. I'm not going to order you to stay away, Colonel, but I am asking you."

"Alright," he agreed, his mood somber and his eyes staring out into the room below, watching the prone form lying on the gurney. "You'll tell me if…"

"I'll let you know as soon as there's any change," said Janet gently.

---

Daniel found Jack an hour later sitting in his office playing with his Gameboy. "Sam's latest brain scan seems to indicate the poison is beginning to recede," he reported happily.

"Is she awake?"

"Not yet."

The Gameboy was tossed onto the desk and a yo-yo retrieved. "The Doc thinks she's getting better?"

"She's hopeful, yes," confirmed Daniel. Jack nodded and returned his attention to the yo-yo. "You'll be able to see her soon, Jack," he said encouragingly, but got no response whatsoever.

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The general mood around the SGC was beginning to lighten as news of Major Carter's improvement started to filter through. However, they were dealt another devastating blow approximately six hours after she had received the anti-venom. Little did they know that there had been six hours between her being hit with the bullet and falling unconscious originally.

"General Hammond to the infirmary," announced a voice over the tannoy. Jack, Daniel and Teal'c were in the commissary and, as soon as they heard the broadcast, they shared looks of fear. Quickly masking his emotions, Jack pushed away from the table, leaving the others to follow.

"Jack, we don't know it's her," said Daniel, his voice betraying him by sounding unconvincing. The three of them walked through the corridors of the base, taking as short a route as possible towards their destination. All the SGC personnel they passed gave them looks of commiseration, serving only to increase Jack's annoyance.

"Of course it's her, Daniel," he spat out bitterly, "there's no-one else in there right now that's in any danger."

"Jack, you know you can't go in—"

"Daniel Jackson, I do not believe you should finish that statement," warned Teal'c gravely, his gaze firmly fixed on the look of fury on O'Neill's face.

They arrived at the infirmary and Jack started to push the doors open, but suddenly stopped and turned to Daniel. His look was indecipherable, emotions locked firmly away, but when his hands dropped to his sides and his shoulders slumped, Daniel knew Jack had seen sense.

"Stay here, I'll check what's happening," he said softly, patting Jack's arm gently as he passed. Teal'c remained outside, ready to restrain O'Neill if he felt it necessary, although he would be reluctant to take such action.

Nearly ten minutes elapsed before Daniel reappeared. Tears were glistening in his eyes and Jack took one look at him before striding away from the infirmary.

"Jack, wait!" called Daniel. He was relieved when Jack stopped walking, but aghast when the older man let his fist fly into a wall. Rushing to his side, Daniel said hurriedly, "She's okay, Jack." Piercing brown eyes met Daniel's and he explained, "She crashed again, but they got her back. She's awake." The brown eyes grew wide, but Jack remained silent. "Janet wants to assess her properly and then she'll update us."

"Did she say anything?" asked Jack finally, his voice stilted.

"She recognized Janet, but she was confused," replied Daniel. "Janet started checking her over, so I left before anything else was said. She didn't mention you though, Jack. Last time it was the first thing she said, so hopefully that's a good sign."

"Daniel Jackson, the eternal optimist," said Jack sarcastically, but a small smile tugged at his lips and Daniel knew that he was trying hard to believe in the faint hope.

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"Good to know nothing changes," murmured Major Sam Carter to herself as she stood outside her lab. Two days had passed since she had been given the anti-venom and Janet had finally allowed her to leave the infirmary, on the premise that she remained confined to base, in particular her quarters and the commissary.

The reason for her comment was the 'No Entry' sign hanging on the door of her lab, with the words, "That Means YOU, Carter' written underneath it in the very familiar handwriting of Colonel O'Neill. She was tempted to enter anyway, but restrained herself, realizing that she would not be surprised to find her lab booby-trapped in some way to prevent her from working if she even got inside.

Shaking her head and suppressing a chuckle, she about-turned and headed for her quarters. It was there that she found another note, attached to her door. Her laughter echoed around the corridor as she read, 'Well done, Carter, you found your way here. Now stay here.' It amazed her that the Colonel managed to get away with doing things like that, but he always found a way.

Flopping down onto her bed, Sam let her mind wander, replaying the events of the previous two days. When she awoke in the infirmary, she didn't remember anything of the mission she had been on, other than that she had been grazed by a bullet. Her memory of the mission itself was still hazy, but anything after the bullet hit was completely blank to her. Janet and General Hammond had told her everything; how she thought Colonel O'Neill was dead, how her condition worsened every time he was near and how she had undergone resuscitation twice after being given an anti-venom to counter-act the poison.

She didn't remember any of it and, as she expected, she had been subjected to a fair amount of teasing from the rest of SG1, well, Daniel anyway. Teal'c had expressed that he was glad to have her back in her normal state of being. The Colonel though had hardly said a word about it. He had visited her a couple of times in the infirmary, but always with Teal'c or Daniel, never alone. He had been in good humor, helping Daniel to tease her a little, making her apologize for not recognizing his presence was real, but there was something in his eyes every time, as if he didn't quite believe she was back.

Her musings were interrupted by a knock on the door and she rose from the bed to answer it.

"Colonel, hi," she greeted, stepping back to let him enter.

"Hey, Carter. I just thought I'd drop by, make sure you found the place alright. You've not spent much time here before," he said dryly.

Rolling her eyes at his comment, she motioned for him to take a seat and he dropped into her desk chair while she sat down on the end of her bed. His eyes scanned his surroundings, noting the photos of her father, brother and his family. A giant poster of Einstein adorned one wall, with the others bare.

"Is that to remind you to comb the bedhead out of your hair?" he grinned, pointing to the poster. She chose not to dignify his question by giving an answer.

"So, uh… How can I help you, Colonel?" she asked hesitantly after a few moments of silence.

"I'm not Colonel O'Neill anymore."

Carter looked at him blankly, then her face split into a wry grin as she said, "Very funny, Colonel. I guess I deserve that though. I've already apologized nine ways to Sunday for thinking you were dead, how many more times do I have to say sorry?"

"No, Carter, that's not what I meant. I'm really not Colonel O'Neill anymore."

"I don't understand."

"That's not something I hear from you every day," he grinned. "I've resigned, Carter, retired, whatever you wanna call it."

"When? How? Why?" she asked, her mouth opening and eyes growing wide with shock.

"I'll answer those in order," he smiled. "About ten minutes ago, a letter handed to General Hammond and a few reasons," he shrugged. "Doesn't really matter, I just thought I'd let you know."

"Sir, has something happened?" His reluctance to explain was worrying and her thoughts were jumping around. "Is this anything to do with what happened to me?" she asked quietly when he didn't answer her earlier question.

"It's a factor," he admitted, "but it's not the only reason." Rising from his seat, he walked to the wall with the poster and leaned back against it, dropping his gaze to his boots. "My knees have gone, Carter, you know that. I'm tired, physically and emotionally."

"Sir, you've been like that for a while," she pointed out, adding, "no offence," as an after-thought, but tempering it with a smile. He raised his eyes to meet hers briefly, but then looked down again. "Sir, there's so much we still have to do. The poison I was infected with, we can try to use that against the Gou'ald, the way the inhabitants of the planet did. The Tok'ra are willing to let their scientists experiment with it, see if there's a way they can develop the mind control aspects. There's so much to achieve and it's within our grasp," she said earnestly.

"I know, but I'm done waiting," he sighed. "Carter, I've had enough."

"What's happened, Sir?" she pushed. Daniel had told her of the Colonel's reactions to what happened when she was poisoned, how he started to let his emotions show. General Hammond had also alluded that the Colonel had said more than he should.

Letting out a deep sigh, Jack retook his seat in front of the desk and rested his elbows on his knees, face in his hands. "I don't want your worst fear to come true," he almost whispered. Before she could say anything, he pressed on. "I think I should tell you what my worst fear is."

"Sir, you don't have to," she said quietly, stunned by the track the conversation was taking.

"It's similar to yours actually," he told her. "I worry that you'll be killed on a mission. Actually," he amended, "I worry that you'll be killed anywhere."

"And you think that by leaving you won't worry?" she asked incredulously. "Wouldn't it make more sense to stay on the team, where you can protect me?" She let out a gasp as she realized what she had just said.

"You don't need protection, Carter, you can handle yourself; you're a good officer." His tone was serious and she regarded him carefully. "You're possibly right though, it probably would make more sense to stay on the team, but I can't."

"Why not?"

"It's not just that you'll be killed," he responded slowly, "it's that you'll be killed before our work at the SGC is complete." Sam knew exactly what he was talking about and understood why he couldn't voice the words. "I also… I didn't handle your situation well, Carter, when you were poisoned," he said in self-annoyance. "I couldn't stand to see you like that and I hated that I could have prevented it."

"You couldn't have, Sir," she objected immediately.

"Nothing you say will make me change my mind about that," he replied. "I'm too tired to put myself through that again, time after time, which is what we both know will happen."

"So you're just going to leave, cut yourself off?"

"I'm not going to cut myself off, but I am going to leave," he confirmed. "I've told Hammond I'll be available if I'm ever needed, but I won't be involved in any run-of-the-mill missions or day-to-day events."

"I can't believe you're doing this," she said, her tone accusing.

"I hoped you'd understand, Carter, but I guess I'd be the same if the situations were reversed."

"Maybe I should leave," she mused. "I could stay on as a civilian, not put myself in any life-threatening situations."

"You know that's not the answer," he said firmly. "You're going to lead SG1, I've discussed that already with the General. You're going to do a damn fine job too, or you'll have me to answer to."

"Sir, I –"

"Carter, please, I came to tell you my decision, not discuss it with you."

"So, that's it? I don't even merit a proper explanation?" Her anger was rising and she pushed off the bed to pace around the room. "Don't you think I'm going to worry? Don't you think that, by not seeing you pretty much every day, I'm going to wonder where you are, what you're doing, if you're okay?"

"I'm not leaving the country, Carter, I'm not even leaving the State."

"You're not going to Minnesota?" she queried in surprise. "I thought you'd be going to your cabin."

"Well, you know what thought did," he grinned. "I want to enjoy my retirement, spend time with friends, get to know them a little better." The hint in his voice did not go unnoticed and Sam dipped her head a little.

"You're really sure about all this?"

"Yeah, Carter, I am," he said seriously. "I'm gonna go, have to sort a few things out before I can leave."

"Organizing your farewell party?" she teased.

"No-one knows I'm leaving and they won't until I'm already gone. I'll let Daniel, Teal'c and the Doc know, but that's it." At her confused look he added, "It's the way I want it, Carter. I just wanna go, no fuss."

"Okay," she nodded. "Take care, Sir."

"I'm leaving the Air Force, Carter, I'm not leaving you," he said softly, prompting another confused look. "I'll give you a call. I'm not exactly a good cook, as you know, so I figure I'm going to be eating out a lot; you can join me."

"Is that an order?" she half-smiled.

"No, it's a request. Will you have dinner with me?"

"Sure," she replied, a full smile gracing her lips.

"Good," he nodded. "I'll call you," he said as he slipped from the room to start his new life, which would, in turn, be a new life for her too.

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The End

Thank you yet again for the amazing reviews I've received for this fic. It ended up being a lot longer and a lot more angsty than I planned, but knowing you enjoyed it has made the work worthwhile.

I'm not entirely happy with the ending, but it's the best my cold-addled brain can do at the moment, so I hope it satisfies. :-)