He approached her door slowly...he really had no idea what he was doing
there. He just wanted to see her. He started to knock, but something told
him to try the doorknob instead. It was unlocked. He entered quietly and
made his way toward the living room. He peeked around the doorway and
there she was. She was sitting on the sofa with her long legs folded
beneath her. Her hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail, and her glasses
were sitting slightly low on her nose. Glasses...he didn't know she wore
glasses. She was intently focused on a book...so much so that he didn't
think she had noticed him. "Alec, are you going to stand there staring at
me all day, or are you going to say hello?" Asha said with a smirk, never
looking up from the page. "How did you know it was me?" Alec said. "I can
always feel when you're close by," Asha replied softly, still staring at
the pages of her book. Alec smiled; 'maybe that's a start' he thought to
himself. "So, what are you reading?" he asked as he took a seat beside
her. "The Hobbit," she replied, finally looking up.
The pages were well worn and he could tell she'd read it dozens of times before. "I've never read it before, but isn't that a kids book?" he said. She giggled. "What can I say, I have a thing for happy endings. Since they don't seem to happen much in real life, I at least like to read about them. It's not just a kids book though," she replied, "What's your favorite book?" "Outside of war doctrines, there wasn't much time for reading in Manticore," he said. Asha folded back the corner of the page and closed the book. She carefully unfolded her legs and stretched, wincing at the soreness in her muscles from sitting in the same position for so long. "Come with me," she said, standing and taking Alec's hand. "Where are we going?" he asked as she pulled him along. She led him to the door across from her bedroom and down a short flight of stairs. There was a single light bulb hanging from the center of the ceiling. Asha tugged on the string to turn it on. In the dim light Alec suddenly found himself surrounded by hundreds of books.
"Wow," he said. It was all that he could manage. "Welcome to my pride and joy," Asha replied with a smile. Alec walked around the small space, slowly taking everything in. He could tell that much of her collection was antique...worth a lot of money on the black market. "You know you could be a very wealthy woman if you wanted to be," he said, as he fingered the pages of a first edition copy of 1984. "These mean more to me than money. Do you know I've read every book in this room at least once?" she said, "I just love the smell of old books...reminds me of the library I practically lived in when I was a kid." All he could do was stare at her in awe. She was such an amazing woman...beautiful, intelligent, sweet, an avid reader...she had it all. He looked at her as she rambled on about her love of books. She was wearing a well-worn pair of low slung jeans that were slightly baggy on her, a ratty old pre-pulse band t-shirt that hugged her in all the right places, and she was barefoot. With the glasses and the sloppy ponytail that left tendrils framing her long neck...she was incredibly sexy to him. "Alec, you're staring," she said, playfully punching him. "Blame yourself, it's your fault you're gorgeous," he said, smiling at the slight blush that crept up her cheeks.
He couldn't take it anymore. This was it...he had to let her know how he felt. "Hey, it's a nice day...feel like taking a walk with me?" he asked. "Sure, just let me go throw on some shoes and a jacket," she said, then quickly bounced up the stairs and off to her bedroom. He took a deep breath before ascending the stairs. Maybe by the time they finished their walk he would have worked up the courage to talk to her. She returned in less than five minutes. He took her hand and they headed out the door. They talked and talked about books, their favorite music, their favorite colors...finally they ended up at Alec's apartment. "Wow, it's dark. I think it's going to storm soon," Asha said as she took off her jacket and made herself comfortable on the sofa.
"Asha, I need to talk to you about something," he said, as he sat down beside her. She shifted uncomfortably as shivered involuntarily as a feeling of doom passed over her. He could see the nervousness cloud her normally vibrant blue eyes. "Umm, about what?" she asked. "I'm sure you know by now that I went to talk to Logan about you, and I apologize for violating your personal space like that...but I didn't know what else to do," he began, "I like you a lot...I think you know that. I feel like we could have something here, but every time it seems like we're getting somewhere you back away. I hope that you'll tell me what's going on, but regardless of that I need to tell you how I feel. Asha, I think I..." "Alec, don't. If you're about to say what I think you're about to say...please don't," she said as she jumped up from the sofa and began pacing the room.
"Why not? I'm just trying to tell you how I feel. I lo..." he began, only to be interrupted by her again. "Alec, don't! Please," she pleaded with him. "Asha, what the hell is going on with you? What is it about me that you don't like?" he asked. "It's not that I don't like you, Alec. I like you a lot. It's just...I-I can't talk about this," she said. "Damn it, Asha! What the hell are you so afraid of then? If we both like each other, what's the problem with me lov..." he said. "Damn it, Alec. Don't say it! Please!" she pleaded, tears flooding her eyes. "No! I can't hold back anymore and pretend like it's not there!" he said, firmly grabbing her shoulders, "I love you, Asha!" He could feel her crumble in his hands, her body wracked by sobs. "Why did you have to say that? I begged you not to do that," she cried, breaking away from him. The thunder boomed loudly and the lightning flashed...highlighting the tortured look on Asha's face. Alec didn't even know what he did to upset her so much, but he immediately felt terrible for doing it.
She grabbed her jacket and headed toward the door. "Asha wait, where are you going? It's pouring out there," Alec said, grabbing hold of her hand. "Alec, please let me go. I can't be here," she said. "I don't know what I did to upset you so much...I'm sorry for whatever it is, but I can't change the way I feel about you," he said. She sighed heavily, "Don't you get it, Alec? I can't love you! I'll only get you hurt. I-I just can't," she said, breaking away from him and running out the door. All he could do was stand there letting the cold wind and rain smack him in the face as she disappeared into the darkness. He stood there for several minutes before he finally snapped out of it and closed the door. He plopped down on the sofa and tried to make sense of what had just happened. It had all gone so horribly wrong. 'I can't love you! I'll only get you hurt'...her words echoed in his head. 'What did she mean by that?' he thought. Then he remembered what Logan told him. He couldn't give up on her...not yet. If he did, he could be losing the best thing that ever happened to him...and he wasn't willing to let that happen. He had to find her.
TBC...
The pages were well worn and he could tell she'd read it dozens of times before. "I've never read it before, but isn't that a kids book?" he said. She giggled. "What can I say, I have a thing for happy endings. Since they don't seem to happen much in real life, I at least like to read about them. It's not just a kids book though," she replied, "What's your favorite book?" "Outside of war doctrines, there wasn't much time for reading in Manticore," he said. Asha folded back the corner of the page and closed the book. She carefully unfolded her legs and stretched, wincing at the soreness in her muscles from sitting in the same position for so long. "Come with me," she said, standing and taking Alec's hand. "Where are we going?" he asked as she pulled him along. She led him to the door across from her bedroom and down a short flight of stairs. There was a single light bulb hanging from the center of the ceiling. Asha tugged on the string to turn it on. In the dim light Alec suddenly found himself surrounded by hundreds of books.
"Wow," he said. It was all that he could manage. "Welcome to my pride and joy," Asha replied with a smile. Alec walked around the small space, slowly taking everything in. He could tell that much of her collection was antique...worth a lot of money on the black market. "You know you could be a very wealthy woman if you wanted to be," he said, as he fingered the pages of a first edition copy of 1984. "These mean more to me than money. Do you know I've read every book in this room at least once?" she said, "I just love the smell of old books...reminds me of the library I practically lived in when I was a kid." All he could do was stare at her in awe. She was such an amazing woman...beautiful, intelligent, sweet, an avid reader...she had it all. He looked at her as she rambled on about her love of books. She was wearing a well-worn pair of low slung jeans that were slightly baggy on her, a ratty old pre-pulse band t-shirt that hugged her in all the right places, and she was barefoot. With the glasses and the sloppy ponytail that left tendrils framing her long neck...she was incredibly sexy to him. "Alec, you're staring," she said, playfully punching him. "Blame yourself, it's your fault you're gorgeous," he said, smiling at the slight blush that crept up her cheeks.
He couldn't take it anymore. This was it...he had to let her know how he felt. "Hey, it's a nice day...feel like taking a walk with me?" he asked. "Sure, just let me go throw on some shoes and a jacket," she said, then quickly bounced up the stairs and off to her bedroom. He took a deep breath before ascending the stairs. Maybe by the time they finished their walk he would have worked up the courage to talk to her. She returned in less than five minutes. He took her hand and they headed out the door. They talked and talked about books, their favorite music, their favorite colors...finally they ended up at Alec's apartment. "Wow, it's dark. I think it's going to storm soon," Asha said as she took off her jacket and made herself comfortable on the sofa.
"Asha, I need to talk to you about something," he said, as he sat down beside her. She shifted uncomfortably as shivered involuntarily as a feeling of doom passed over her. He could see the nervousness cloud her normally vibrant blue eyes. "Umm, about what?" she asked. "I'm sure you know by now that I went to talk to Logan about you, and I apologize for violating your personal space like that...but I didn't know what else to do," he began, "I like you a lot...I think you know that. I feel like we could have something here, but every time it seems like we're getting somewhere you back away. I hope that you'll tell me what's going on, but regardless of that I need to tell you how I feel. Asha, I think I..." "Alec, don't. If you're about to say what I think you're about to say...please don't," she said as she jumped up from the sofa and began pacing the room.
"Why not? I'm just trying to tell you how I feel. I lo..." he began, only to be interrupted by her again. "Alec, don't! Please," she pleaded with him. "Asha, what the hell is going on with you? What is it about me that you don't like?" he asked. "It's not that I don't like you, Alec. I like you a lot. It's just...I-I can't talk about this," she said. "Damn it, Asha! What the hell are you so afraid of then? If we both like each other, what's the problem with me lov..." he said. "Damn it, Alec. Don't say it! Please!" she pleaded, tears flooding her eyes. "No! I can't hold back anymore and pretend like it's not there!" he said, firmly grabbing her shoulders, "I love you, Asha!" He could feel her crumble in his hands, her body wracked by sobs. "Why did you have to say that? I begged you not to do that," she cried, breaking away from him. The thunder boomed loudly and the lightning flashed...highlighting the tortured look on Asha's face. Alec didn't even know what he did to upset her so much, but he immediately felt terrible for doing it.
She grabbed her jacket and headed toward the door. "Asha wait, where are you going? It's pouring out there," Alec said, grabbing hold of her hand. "Alec, please let me go. I can't be here," she said. "I don't know what I did to upset you so much...I'm sorry for whatever it is, but I can't change the way I feel about you," he said. She sighed heavily, "Don't you get it, Alec? I can't love you! I'll only get you hurt. I-I just can't," she said, breaking away from him and running out the door. All he could do was stand there letting the cold wind and rain smack him in the face as she disappeared into the darkness. He stood there for several minutes before he finally snapped out of it and closed the door. He plopped down on the sofa and tried to make sense of what had just happened. It had all gone so horribly wrong. 'I can't love you! I'll only get you hurt'...her words echoed in his head. 'What did she mean by that?' he thought. Then he remembered what Logan told him. He couldn't give up on her...not yet. If he did, he could be losing the best thing that ever happened to him...and he wasn't willing to let that happen. He had to find her.
TBC...