"Alec, she's fine, will you relax please?" Max said as she approached his table. He had been sitting in Crash for hours, drinking himself silly thinking about Asha. He still had her note in his hands as if reading it over and over would make her magically appear. "She could have said goodbye," he slurred. Max sighed. "She's not gone forever Alec, how many times does Logan need to explain that to you? She left most of her clothes, and her books. Logan said she doesn't go anywhere without her books. From what you guys told me, she has a lot to work out. Give the woman some time to get her head together," she said. "It's been a week. How much time does she need?" he asked. "Alec, she lost her entire family...that's not something you can let go of in an instant," she started, "I know you love her, and the fact that you can't help her with this is killing you...but you have to just let her do her thing. She'll come back when she can." He sighed and nodded his head in agreement. He paid his tab and followed Max out. Wherever she was, he hoped she was ok.

It was late, dark...she hadn't been there in years, but she still remembered the route to the apartment as if it were yesterday. The closer she got, the more she thought that this was a bad idea. Before she knew it she was standing at the door. She took a deep breath to calm herself, but her hands were still shaking as she knocked lightly. Just as she was about to lose all her nerve and run, she heard the click of the locks. There was no turning back now. "Hi Mrs. Copeland," she managed to choke out at the sight of the familiar face. "Asha Barlow, I can't believe you have the nerve to come here after all these years and call me Mrs. Copeland...you know it's Cheryl honey, come on in," the woman said with a huge smile on her face. After that, Asha felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted from her shoulders. Seeing that smile again...she had no idea why she had been scared in the first place, this was a woman who at one time loved her like she was her own daughter.

"It's so good to see you sweetie, I've certainly missed you," she said, hugging Asha tightly. "I've missed you too Cheryl," Asha said softly. "Well let me take a look at you," Cheryl said as tucked a strand of hair behind Asha's ear, "You're so tiny! The last time I saw you, you were...I'm sorry." She stopped short when she saw Asha drop her head. She realized she was about to bring up the baby. "It's ok," Asha said softly. It was a sore subject for both of them. "Come on sweetie, have a seat," Cheryl said, leading Asha to the living room, "Are you hungry? Thirsty? I just made lasagna." Cheryl laughed as she watched Asha's eyes light up at the thought of homemade lasagna. "I'll take that look as a yes," she said, getting up and heading to the kitchen. Asha followed and took a seat at the small kitchen table. Cheryl returned with two plates, one piled high with food...that she sat in front of Asha. "Oh wow, this smells so good. You have no idea how much I've missed this, but this is way too much for me to eat," Asha said. "This from the girl who ate an entire pizza the first day I met her," Cheryl replied. "Point taken," Asha said with a laugh. Cheryl cracked open a bottle of wine and they had a silent but enjoyable dinner.

When they were done with dinner, Asha offered to do the dishes but Cheryl refused and they headed back to the living room. "We have a lot to talk about," Cheryl said, finally breaking the awkward silence that had settled over them. "I know," Asha said, sighing and staring down at her hands. "It's been a long time Asha. Five years. Why now?" Cheryl asked. "I-I don't know. It's just...this was a bad idea, I shouldn't have come," Asha said, clearly flustered. "You do know, and you should have. I'm happy to see you, but I need to know why. You know you can tell me anything," she replied. "I guess I thought seeing you again would help me let go. As far as what took me so long, you're Kieran's mother, it's my fault your son is dead...how could I face you after that? I respect you, I love you...to see blame in your eyes would have broken my heart even more, and I couldn't have taken it then," Asha said.

"My only son is gone, my granddaughter is gone, you were all I had left and you disappeared on me. But I'm not as hurt about that as I am that you think I would blame you. It wasn't your fault. My son was a good man. You didn't get him killed; he chose to give his life to protect his child and the woman he loved. He could have left you with Aidan to fend for yourself, but that's not who he was and you know it. The only one who blames you is you, you've got to stop that," Cheryl said. "I'm sorry I disappeared on you, and I should have known you wouldn't blame me...but that isn't the only thing that kept me away. There's a lot you don't know..." Asha replied. She then began to tell Cheryl all about recovering from the accident, and about her parents. By the time she finished she was crying and Cheryl had gone over to her and pulled Asha into her arms.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have had to go through that alone...I wish you had come to me instead of running. I know it's hard to deal with so much, but you can't just run away from your problems forever. You have to face them. You've been running for five years, you're still running...you're here because you're running from something," Cheryl said softly as she stroked Asha's hair and tried to calm her, "What is it sweetie? You can tell me." "It's nothing," Asha mumbled. Cheryl sighed. "Asha honey, look at me," she began as she gently lifted Asha's chin so she could look her in the eye, "I know you. You're like a daughter to me; I can tell when something's on your mind. The downside to those gorgeous blue eyes of yours is that you can't hide a thing. Your soul, every thought, every emotion, everything is in those eyes. So spill it."

Asha sighed; she knew there was no getting out of it. "There's this guy back in Seattle...his name's Alec. He told me he loved me and I freaked out. I like him a lot but...I don't know, I'm just so confused," she said. "You think you don't deserve love. You think that you'd forget about Kieran or be betraying him in some way if you love someone else. Is that it?" Cheryl asked. Asha nodded her head yes. "Baby listen. All Kieran has ever wanted was for you to be happy. You're cutting yourself off, pushing everyone away...not allowing yourself to be loved because of him. He wouldn't want that for you...deep down you know that. If Alec can make you happy, be with him...at least give it a shot. You're too young to be a martyr Asha. What you and Kieran had was very real, and it was wonderful. But you're 27 years old, you've still got a whole lifetime ahead of you...don't waste it living in the past," Cheryl said.

Asha didn't say anything. She just sat there with her head in her hands and contemplated her almost mother-in-law's words. There was still so much to sort out...she was starting to feel that familiar pounding in her head. She slowly massaged her temples and before she knew it there was a glass of water and two aspirin on the coffee table in front of her. "You look exhausted, where have you been staying?" Cheryl said. Somehow she knew Asha had been in New York for a while before she decided to grace her doorstep. "With some friends, not too far from here," she replied. "Well, you're staying here tonight...and for the rest of the time you're here. Go pick up your things and bring them back here in the morning," Cheryl said. "It's ok, I don't want to impose," Asha argued. "You're family, you can't impose. You're staying here and that's that...maybe I can get some meat on those bones before you leave," Cheryl insisted. Asha managed a weak smile. "It's late. Why don't you head to bed? Take Kieran's old room. Goodnight," Cheryl said as she turned to retire to her own room.

Asha gulped down the pills and the water then headed off to the bedroom. She opened the door and the sight was almost too much for her. Kieran hadn't lived there full time in years, but there were many times they had visited or crashed there. Asha giggled as she remembered the times the three of them would come to the city and party the night away. Too tired to drive home, they would come here...Aidan would crash on the sofa, while she and Kieran stayed in his room. They would be too tired to drive home, but not too tired to try and make love quietly...albeit unsuccessfully. Just then Cheryl was on her way out of the bathroom and noticed Asha standing in the doorway with a smile on her face. "Yes, I could hear you...thin walls," she said, startling Asha a bit. "Um...sorry about that," Asha mumbled, her face becoming increasingly red. Cheryl just laughed and returned to her bedroom.

Asha shut the door and stripped down to her panties and tank top. She pulled back the covers and crawled into bed. So many years had passed, but she could've sworn she still smelled Kieran on those sheets. Too many memories, too many emotions...being in that room, seeing Cheryl again...she was once again overwhelmed. She hadn't even noticed the tears begin to soak the pillow. It was familiar territory...she cried herself to sleep just like she had done on so many nights before. In the next room, Cheryl's heart wrenched as her ears picked up the sound of Asha's muffled sobs through the thin walls. She forced herself not to go to her, to hold her in her arms and tell her everything was going to be ok. That would be a lie. There was nothing she could do; she couldn't take the pain away. Asha had to deal with her own pain...it was the only way things would ever get better.

TBC...