Chapter 2—Minerva's Classroom

When Minerva entered her classroom, she saw that Draco Malfoy was there early.  He was sitting at a desk, trying to hold back tears.

            "Hello, Draco.  Did you want to talk to me about something?"

            "Professor, I…my father wants me to be a Death Eater….and….and……I WILL BECOME ONE!  MWAH HA HA HA HAAAAAA!!!!!!!"

            "Draco, that isn't the right path to follow."

            "I know.  I know.  I'm just misguided and horrifically abused.  As I told my very bestest friend Pansy Parkinson last night…wait a minute, I hate her!"  Hermione came running in.

            "Professor, I….oh, um, hey there, Draco…..your, um, hair looks nice today……"

            "Hermione!  You're really hot!  Can I rape you?"

            "No, you disgusting Slytherin dog!"

            "I mean, can I make sweet, sweet love to you tonight in the astronomy tower?"

            "Of course you can, you sexy beast.  Grrrowl."

            "Mudblood."  Minerva sighed.

            "Oh, Hermione, Professor Snape told me to tell you he'll be a little late with the child support this month….whatever that means…."

            "Damn him!  I'm already getting stiffed by Ron and Neville, I don't need this!"

            "Hermione, dear, please tell me you're kidding…."

            "I don't regret a thing, Professor.  Except maybe Ginny."  Minerva blushed.  Harry sauntered in.

            "I am invincible!  I am a god among men!  Everything I touch turns to a lovely kind of stone called anthracite!"  Draco shot him a look.

            "Potter, I've always hated you, but….you're just so attractive right now……."  Hermione slapped Draco.

            "Come on, Draco, let's get out of here.  You can rape me in the prefect's bathroom, if you really want to."

            "Hermione, did I ever tell you that I self-mutilate?"  They walked out of the classroom together.  Harry slumped down at a desk.

            "Professor, I've been so depressed ever since Sirius died….after that night of beautiful lovemaking I think we had a kind of attachment."

            "Harry, that's not something you should really joke about."

            "I swear, I'm serious….Sirius!  Serious!  Ha ha!  Aren't I hilarious?"

            "Well, um…"

            "YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY!  I'VE GOT BIGGER PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW!"

            "Calm down, Harry…." He dissolved into tears.

            "Professor, I'm so depressed, I can't handle it, I just can't handle it…."

            "Have you talked to Dumbledore lately?"

            "Minerva, I don't need to talk to Dumbledore…he's not nearly as sexy as you are…."  Minerva stood up.

            "Potter, get out of my classroom.  You're confusing me, and I'm already in a bad mood."  Harry left.  "God, I need a drink…."