Once again Lily rose before sunrise. She had always been a bit of a morning lark, and she enjoyed the peacefulness of a solitary dawn in the library to clear her head a bit before the day's hustle and bustle began. Tiptoeing past her friends, she made her way once more to the library.
As far as she knew she wasn't breaking any rules by being out of bed. There wasn't a limit to how early you left your dormitory; just how late you got back. She knew she wasn't supposed to be in the library outside hours and, while she was not comfortable breaking rules of any form, it was a risk she was willing to take.
She still had the events of yesterday on her mind.
She was very confused, and part of her couldn't wait until her nights meeting with James. She could trust him to give her a realistic view on how bad the events were and to what extent she was likely to be affected.
Though to her slight disappointment he hadn't seemed very effected by it today (assuming he had read the article), breezing through classes with his usual happy-go-lucky spirit. After his short outburst on the matter just the day before, Lily found this extremely strange. Maybe...
"Ah...if it isn't little miss perfect prefect," a silky voice sounded from the shadows.
Lily spun around rapidly to see three 7th year Slytherins slipping out into dusky corridor. She felt her heart leap into her throat.
"Yes, can I help you?" her voice was tight.
"Oh we were just going for a bit of a morning stroll," the darkest haired one dismissed lightly. Though there was an undertone to his voice which convinced Lily that this was a lie. No one went out for "walks" at this time of morning.
They had come to find her. She knew it.
"Why, not going to give us detention are you?" said the second of the three boys, who strongly resembled a weasel, mockingly.
"Ha! Course she is. She'd give someone a detention for breathing if she could find nothing else wrong with them,"
Lily's blood seemed to boil and freeze at the same time.
"I'd never do that," her voice was calm, yet firm and the boys didn't look happy. A strange combination of fear and fury was pulsating through her, and she began to shake.
The dark one sneered and advanced on her, motioning for his cronies to follow suit.
"I heard you ran into my little brother earlier," he said icly.
Lily gulped.
"Grhmph," James leant over and smashed the alarm clock with his hand and then collapsed back down on his bed, feeling like hell. He glanced across and, saw Natalie's fair hair fanning over the pillow. He groaned on Nat... NATALIE!" he shook her shoulder with little affection.
"Uh...what? Oh.." she looked around and yawned.
"Come on, get dressed. We have to be back in the castle before seven or we'll get caught,"
"But it's only six!" she whined, "I'm too tired baby,"
"Well don't be then," he snapped
"Oh come on don't be like that. Come to bed?" her tone wa spalyful and it irked James no end.
"Not now Nat, I need a shower,"
"Well so do I Jamie, why I don't I join you?"
"No!" He saw the hurt in her expression and started to feel guilty. It was his own fault, he'd been the one to ask her to come with him in the first place.
"I'm sorry, Natalie but I'm just really not in the mood. Thanks for the offer, though,"
He proceeded into the tiny bathroom and turned on the shower. His head was spinning. Why, why did he have to be so fucking stupid?
This would be round the school like wildfire when then got back, everyone would know. Lily would know.
Between that and snogging in front of her the night after he asked her out, had less chance of dating her than he did dating McGonagoll.
He needed to talk to Padfoot. Seriously.
He got out of the shower five minutes later and dressed inside the bathroom. He didn't want to give Natalie any more reason to make innuendos at him.
He entered the room and to his great surprise he found Natalie reading the paper. Gosh... she can read, could've fooled me
"What you reading?" he asked
"Oh, Tom brought up the paper, but he said he could only give us yesterday's, today's haven't arrived yet," another asinine giggle.
"Anything interesting?"
"Oh, I don't really understand all the details, they use really long words! But it's something about segregating Whites and.."
"Give me that!" he snatched the paper out of her hands violently and paled as he read yesterdays headline. No, no not again, it couldn't be...
"What's wrong Jamie?"He didn't answer; his breathing was heavy and rapid, almost to the point of hyperventilating.
"I don't know much about politics," she gave a self depreciating laugh, "But I am glad there doing something about all the Shadows roaming around like they own the place!"
James's head snapped up. His anger was so hot it burnt. He was sick and shaking. "Shadow" was a very offensive word for someone who wasn't of pure wizard descent. A Grey.
"You disgust me," James said in a low voice. He saw the surprise spark in her heavily made up eyes.
"Jamie...what?"
"How can you think that?! How can you discriminate against someone just because they're a Grey? !"
"Because they're second class citizens," she replied, as though it was as obvious as knowing stealing was right and murder was wrong,
"NO THEY'RE FUCKING NOT, YOU BITCH!"
"Baby... I didn't mean to upset you I..." tears were streaming down her cheeks but he didn't care. He felt a strange satisfaction in watching her cry.
Serve her right for being so fucking ignorant.
"You can find your own way back to school!" He snarled viciously, and then turned and ran. Ran as fast as he could, down the stairs out the door and into the dawning light.
He needed to speak to McGonagoll. He needed to speak to his mum. He needed to speak to Padfoot.
He needed them to tell him it wasn't true.
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"SHADOW SLUT," the dark boy roared slapping her once more around the check. She left out a feeble moan of protest. She had never been in so much pain in her life. It was consuming her, it was eating her up.
She was bruised and aching, covered in blood. They had really let her have it, especially as she had protested at first and pulled her wand out on them. Now her wand was lying shattered in a corner.
"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? GIVING ORDERS TO YOUR SUPIERIORS? GO BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM BITCH! CRUCIO,"
Lily felt another wave of agony consume her, eating her up from the inside out. She was lost in a sea of pain. She couldn't feel anything, no emotion. She forgot who she was. She tried to scream but the silencing charm they had put her under prevented any noise coming out.
Just take me, she thought to the darkness, kill me, make this end, please just make it stop.
And then it did. And she was shaking with silent sobs.
What had she done to deserve this hell?
The dark boy came right up close, so she could feel his putrid breath on her face, making her gag.
"I wouldn't feel so sorry for yourself," he sneered, "Your only getting what you deserve shadow slut,"
Felling her first flash of strength for what seemed like eternity she drew back and spat in his face.
Almost immediately she felt her head snap back as she was slapped hard by one of the dark boys cronies. But she didn't care anymore. They were scum, and she wasn't going to waste any more pain on them.
The dark boys watery eyes were swimming with loathing, though as he surveyed her battered body, his expression changed slightly so his pale acne-ridden face pulsated a sort of animalistic hunger. He lent closer,
"Your only ever good for one thing shadow slut," and he lent down and kissed her roughly. She squirmed, more frightened than she had been at any other time today. His tongue was sticking right down her throat, making her want to throw up as she tried to wriggle from his grasp. But he was too strong for her.
He broke away slightly and began to undo her robes hastily, ignoring the tears streaming down her face. She hadn't expected this. Pain she could manage, but not this. Oh god please not this.
Ladish jeers sounded from his beefy companions, seeming to encourage him as he continued to strip her of her dignity. It wasn't long before she was lying naked in front of the trio, bruised, ashamed and sick with fear. She screamed silently into the beautiful morning:
Someone help me...
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The time it had taken James to get back into the castle had seemed to slip away in seconds and he was surprised when he had already reached the statue of the Humpback witch. He slipped out of the passage into the corridor, whispering the spell to seal the witch behind him.
The day was still new and the halls deserted, but he could count on his Headmistress to be awake. Anyway, this was urgent.
Unlike most students, James knew Hogwart's labyrinth of passages like the back of his own hand so he knew exactly where Mcgonagoll's office would be from here. He set off at an almost run, his head pounding in protest.
What had made James angriest, aside from the content of the article itself, was that no one had told him. They had known since yesterday morning and they hadn't bothered to let him know, hadn't bothered. Even the teachers, who knew his family's attitude to this sort of thing. They knew how much it meant to him.
But now was hardly the time to wrap himself up in his own affairs.
He had to stop this. He had to do something to make this right. The only thing was figuring out what.
He turned a corner and sprinted up a stone marble staircase, round a corner and up yet another flight of stairs. He'd have to catch her soon if he wanted time to say all he needed to before breakfast.
He passed the Library and was nearing the common room when he heard an all-too familiar voice from around the corner,
"That's it my sweet, we'll see what all that commotion was about, at this time in the morning, dung-bombs I don't doubt, oh we'll have em in the dungeons this time my sweet,"
Filch. He groaned frustratedly. He wasn't technically breaking any rules but Filch had a habit of wasting time that James didn't have at the moment and before he'd have time to spin a yarn about why he was out there and go and report to Filch's office, breakfast would be long over and his chance wasted.
He ducked into a small alcove just off the corridor and leant against the wall trying to catch his breath. A small noise sounded somewhere to left of him, and James shot around, realising he wasn't alone in the alcove.
And what he saw made his heart stop as still as a statue.
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It had seemed to take forever for them to leave, and when they did, it was only because one of the dark boys cronies, who had been on look out, had reported Filch not far away. That had made them scarper.
Lily's more intelligent side had told her that attracting the approaching Filch's attention would be the wisest thing to do. He may not be nice, but he would help her.
But her instinct told her otherwise. She was too scared, too hurt, and too ashamed. She wanted nothing more than to hide. And hide she did. She wrapped her tattered robes around her shaking form and dragged herself along the floor on her hands into a nearby alcove. She let out a small whine of pain as she did so, and realised the silencing charm must have worn off.
Bloody good timing. She thought bitterly as she crawled into the darkest corner of the alcove and hid her face in her knees.
She felt like she'd bin split apart. This pain, this torturing mix between physical and mental agony was far worse than anything the Cruciatus Curse could ever give her. She felt dirty.
Suddenly she heard a noise right up close, and looked up heart pounding to see a dark haired form leaning against the wall of the alcove.
Her fear knew no boundaries. It was back, he was back and he was going to molest her again. He was going to ruin her again. She let out a small sob which she stifled quickly. He couldn't know she was here.
But it was too late; he had turned to face her. Her breathing increased and she drew into the wall, trying any last-ditch attempt to protect herself. But if he could do it once, he could do it again. There was no protection .
But then Lily got more of a shock than she could take in her present state. It wasn't the Slytherin come back to find her.
It was James.
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"L...Lily?" she let out a frightened whimper, "Oh my god Lily,"
He ran straight over and bent down towards her, but she backed away in fear.
"What happened to you?" he asked but she made no response. James couldn't believe his eyes. Had someone done this to her? If they had he'd hunt them down. Hunt them down and kill them. He took her hand in his but she drew it back quickly,
"We need to get you to Madame Pomfrey, you can tell her what happened when you're there, you don't need to tell me but you do need to see someone," she shook her head vigorously her gorgeous green eyes showing nothing but fear and mistrust.
"Come on Lily," he said soothingly, fear gripping his insides.
What, who, how had this happened?
She shook her head once more and this time she started to cry, tears raining down her bruised cheeks. James felt his heart break, there and then. He lent down and (very tentatively so not to hurt or frighten her) put an arm round her shoulder. At first she backed away but after he persisted she lent into it and buried her face into his chest. He pulled her into a careful hug, heaving her small weight onto his lap as he did so, letting her pour out all her angst onto his shoulder.
"Who did this Lily?" he asked, when her sobs had subsided slightly
"Sly...Slytherins, three of them they...they," her voice broke and James kissed the top of her head comfortingly.
"They what?"
But Lily didn't answer, choosing instead to bury her face in the crook of his neck as he continued to rock her from side to side.
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She felt warm, comfortable, cared for. Only five minutes ago she hadn't wanted anyone to touch her at all. She had been scared of it. But now...
There was something about James's embrace. A kind of innocence that didn't allow her to associate his touch with what had just happened with the Slytherins. She buried her face deeper into the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent. He smelt like fresh, clean and slightly bitter. Like the sea.
"Lily?" she felt an odd nostalgic feeling in her stomach as he spoke. She didn't want to tell what had happened, not yet. She just wanted to bury herself into his arms and forget it all happened. But it was no use. She looked up and was surprised at the mix of emotions showing on his striking face. She took a deep breath,
"They, well they were 7th years and I told one of there brothers off earlier for, well, doing some nasty things to a painting, it was stupid really, but it meant a lot to me so I took points," he nodded encouragingly and she continued,
"And then this morning I...I," she could feel the tears welling up again and willed them to stop.
"Shhhhhhhh," James rubbed her back and smoothed her hair and she felt ok enough to carry on,
"I was going to the library and they stopped me and they put the..." she took a deep breath, "Cruciatus curse...on...on me," she choked
She looked up to see if James had heard and saw him staring at the floor, his expression stony. He looked up, as though feeling her eyes on him and his expression melted into one of sympathy. He brought a hand up to touch her cheek.
"Who Lily? Because whoever it was we'll find them. I'll find them. And they'll pay," he spat the last words. Not that she minded, she found his fury oddly comforting.
"Then they..."
"There's more?" She nodded and leant her head against his shoulder, this would take some strength.
"One of them, the one whose brother it was he...he started to...he made me," she couldn't say it. She couldn't say the word rape.
"He didn't...he didn't rape you?" James's voice was shaking. She looked up at him and a spark of understanding passed between their eyes. She didn't have to say anymore.
His only answer was to pull her close once more and they sat there, both clinging desperately to the other, until they heard the bell for breakfast time.
Lily looked up to tell James that they should go get themselves cleaned up saw that he was looking the other way,
"James?" she ventured. He turned to face her, the look on his face cold and loathing. Though his eyes looked oddly brighter than usual, as though full of unshed tears.
"I'll kill them," he said in a low voice, "I'll fucking slaughter all three of them", he looked away, avoiding her eyes. Lily felt like her heart was going to explode.
"Oh James, James" she took his face in her bleeding hands, forcing him to meet her eyes. And when he did, he looked at her with such unconcealed adoration she felt the tears well up once more. Though it was not a cold, dull feeling filling her stomach now, but a warm tickling one.
She stroked her thumbs along the hinges of his jaw. She couldn't describe what she was feeling at the moment. She felt safe and yet as though she was standing on the edge of a cliff. She felt calm and yet unnerved, frightened though she knew he wouldn't let anything happen to her ever again.
Not having the time, nor the strength to think logically about all of these emotions threatening to engulf her, she decided to do the only thing she could think of doing at the moment.
Lily leant up, but before she could do anything more, he had leant down and pushed his lips against hers.
Lily accepted the kiss gratefully feeling her heart begin to back flip.
She was kissing James Potter.
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Is this happening? Oh lord please don't let this be a cruel dream, please let this be real...
He was lost in her, lost in the pressure of her mouth against his, lost in the way she tasted, the way she smelt. It was delicious. She coiled her arms around his neck and began paying with his unruly hair and he let out a small moan.
She was heaven.
His stomach seemed to be roller coasting up and down as he pulled her closer, running his tongue over her bottom lip. There was hardly any space between them and yet they seemed to grow closer every second. Kissing deeper and deeper...
And then with a sickening jolt James's roller coaster plummeted. He broke away, feeling awfully small and ashamed.
"Lily I'm, I'm so sorry,"
He couldn't believe himself. She had just been sexually assaulted, the last thing she needed now was for someone who she thought was comforting her to start snogging her brains out.
She probably didn't hate him. It was much worse than that. She was probably afraid of him.
"What? Why?"
"Because you obviously aren't feeling so great about guys at the moment or anything...like that, and now, well, I'll go and get help for you and..."
he sighed,
"I can't say how sorry I am for taking advantage of you," he turned to go.
"James! James wait! Please..." he turned back and she stretched out her arms reaching for him. He took a small step towards her and she took both his hands in hers,
"Please don't be sorry," she pulled at his hands so he sat down next to her once more, "Please...please don't leave me,"
"Never," he said vehemently, though his hands were gentle as he tucked some of her cherrywood hair behind her ear, "never,"
"Thank you," she said with a gentle smile and with that she pulled his head down to hers and kissed him once more.
And James's heart was dancing.