A/N: Thank you to all those who reviewed. You've inspired me to write more of this little RL/SB fanfic. I hadn't planned on writing more when I posted it, but fate has a funny way of working ;) - Kat
"So, what now?" Remus asked, gazing up at Sirius. They were still under the willow tree, though it was getting darker and judging by the lack of students, dinner was being served.
Sirius shrugged slightly. "I don't know. I suppose we'll have to tell James eventually and Peter."
"Are you sure you want this?" Remus asked, his tone suddenly serious. His hazel eyes seemed to pierce through Sirius in their intensity.
"Of course," Sirius replied easily.
"Because I'm giving you a way out," Remus warned. "If this isn't what you want, I would rather not start anything at all."
Sirius stared at the lake. The breeze had died down and the water was incredibly calm. The giant squid lazily raised his tentacles, as if waving to the boys sitting under the willow. Sirius thought back to swimming in that lake with James, Peter and Remus in fifth year. Remus had been reluctant. He was always self conscious about his body, due mostly to the scars he had collected over the years. Peter had jumped in first, a cannonball that disrupted the calm of the water and the birds that had been resting on it. James had finally given up trying to persuade Remus to join and had instead dived into the cool water. It was he, Sirius, though that wouldn't let Remus get off that easy. He wouldn't let him hide behind scars they had all seen hundreds of times. Scars they had even given him. He had assured him that no girls would be looking at him anyway, they would all be looking at James or himself. Remus had given in finally and they had jumped in together, ignoring the protests of James and Peter as they splashed them with their dives.
Now as Sirius turned back to Remus, he realized that he wanted to be the one to make Remus appreciate that body, appreciate those scars. How could he not want this? How often did one have the chance to turn friendship into something more? He supposed he could call the girls he had dated over the years friends, but truthfully they were always just girls to him. Only the Marauders stood by him no matter what. It was only for the Marauders that he would do anything.
"This is what I want, Moony," he finally said. A smile slowly spread over Remus' face, making Sirius smile too.
"Alright then," Remus nodded. "We'd better be getting back. Dinner is probably being served."
Sirius got up at the mention of dinner and started back to the castle, Remus beside him. He was aware that Remus didn't reach for his hand and had to put his own hands in his pockets to resist the urge to reach out and pull Remus' slender hand into his own.
During dinner they ate in silence, every once in a while stealing glances from each other. Again Sirius had to fight the urge to rest his hand on Remus' leg like he had done with his past girlfriends that had been in Gryffindor. After their close contact only moments earlier, being apart seemed impossibly difficult. He wondered how Remus could stand it at all. Remus has practice, that voice in his head reminded him. He nodded to himself as he ate. Remus had practice because he couldn't stand to tell his friends about Colin and whoever else he had been involved with. Remus had practice because Hogwarts and society as a whole would reject him as soon as they found out he was...what was he? Sirius found himself wondering. Remus had been with girls before, just not recently. Making a mental note to ask him later, Sirius turned back to his half-finished chicken pot pie.
In mid-bite, he felt a foot nudging his. He nudged back, a smile creeping onto his face. The other foot ran slowly up his calf and back down, up again and then back down. Sirius stole a glance at Remus to find his friend eating dinner as if nothing unusual was going on under the table. Sirius made another mental note to get much better at this secrecy thing. It wouldn't do to start grinning like an idiot every time Remus touched him.
"Tomorrow then?" James asked Sirius.
"What about tomorrow?" Remus asked, his eyes shifting between the two of them. Peter shifted uncomfortably beside James.
"Tomorrow it's time for Snape to get a little haircut," James grinned. Remus tried to sigh audibly but instead ended up chuckling at how excited James looked.
"He deserves it!" Peter insisted. "No one insults my mother and gets away with it." James patted him on the back in mock-pity.
"I'll do it during History of Magic," Sirius told James. "Binns won't notice a thing."
James rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "This is going to be great!" His eyes lit up with excitement until a red head sat down beside him, then his eyes were quickly averted towards her. Remus and Sirius exchanged amused smiles.
"Hi Evans," James smiled. He ran a hand through his hair.
"Hello," she said, not even looking up from her dinner.
"Nice day out there today," James continued, not discouraged in the least.
"I suppose," Lily said mildly. She looked at Remus and Sirius, as if pleading them to make him stop. Sirius shrugged towards her.
"I'll see you at the Quidditch game then tomorrow?" James asked, getting up to leave and motioning Remus and Sirius to do the same. Peter was still eating his pie greedily in a manner that reminded Remus of a small child.
"Uh huh," Lily replied, trying to ignore him.
"Great," James grinned. He gave Sirius and Remus a thumbs up behind her back. They shook their heads at him, but smiled in amusement nonetheless.
As they were leaving the hall, James was going on and on about his 'date' with Lily Evans.
"You're playing in the game, you twit," Sirius said, smacking his friend behind his head.
"I know, but she'll be there watching," James replied, rubbing his head but not deterred.
"And how is this different then all the other games she's attended this year?" Remus inquired politely.
"Oh, you guys are just jealous because you don't have a girl like Lily Evans," James replied with a grin. Remus and Sirius exchanged amused smiles behind James' back.
"You're right," Sirius said, slapping James on the back. "We certainly don't have girls like Lily."
"We don't even have girls at all," Remus pointed out.
"Well, you wait and see," James said. "She'll see me play and just fall in love. Just like that."
"Just like she did the last three games?" Remus asked casually. Sirius started laughing and Remus joined in. James scoffed at the two of them and didn't speak to them again until they were in Gryffindor Tower.
"So, tomorrow then," James repeated to Sirius.
"Yes already!" Sirius cried in exasperation.
"Okay, I'm going to practice for tomorrow's game," he told the two of them as he grabbed his Quidditch gloves and broomstick.
"See you later," Sirius called.
"Later," Remus echoed. Only when the door had been closed for three seconds did they allow themselves to look at each other.
Remus crossed the room to Sirius casually, a half-smile gracing his face.
"Hello," Sirius said to him once he had arrived in front of Sirius.
"Hullo," Remus replied. He had never noticed how close he and Sirius were in height. Sirius was taller only by about an inch. Two inches was about how far Remus was from Sirius. He rubbed his nose playfully again Sirius' before kissing him lightly. Sirius kissed back, still amazed at the comfort in which he could kiss Remus. Sirius broke the kiss but kept his lips near Remus', teasing. He breathed softly on the other boys lips, causing Remus to smile slightly. Remus leaned in to kiss Sirius, but Sirius pulled away, retaining the two inch distance.
"You're such a tease," Remus murmured.
"You're the one who was teasing during dinner," Sirius reminded him. He kissed Remus on the neck softly before letting go of his hand, which he hadn't realized he had been holding.
"I have questions..." Sirius started.
"I know," Remus sighed. He sounded tired and worn.
"You okay?" Sirius asked immediately. He stepped back from Remus and took in his appearance. Remus did look a little more pale than usual, and their were light circles forming under his eyes. It was more noticeable now that Remus had stopped smiling.
"I'm fine. What did you want to ask?" Remus sat down on his bed and Sirius joined him. The bed creaked in objection, but the boys ignored it.
"What are you?" Sirius asked uneasily. He ran a hand through his hair quickly.
"Mostly human," Remus replied with the traces of a smile.
"No, sexually. Are you gay?"
"It's not always so black and white, Sirius. I've only recently taken a liking to men. I'd say about a year," Remus said thoughtfully.
"And before that?" Sirius ventured.
"Before that it was women. Well, not exactly just women. I had the occasional fantasy involving men, but brushed them aside as hormonal illusions. I mean, you know as well as I do that when you're fifteen or sixteen everything turns you on."
Sirius smiled in agreement.
"And I suppose you want to know who else?" Remus asked, already guessing Sirius' other question.
"Yeah. You don't have to tell me though, if you don't want to." Sirius made to run his hand through his hair again but Remus patiently took the hand in his own.
"No, it's fine. I'd rather it were out in the open between us."
There was a long pause where Sirius' stomach slowly filled with dread.
"Good Godric, Moony! How many were there?" Sirius exclaimed. Remus laughed at his outburst.
"I'm not counting. I'm deciding which ones to tell you and which ones I'd rather keep to myself."
"You might as well tell me everything. I can take it, I'm a big boy."
"I know you can take it, Padfoot," Remus replied pointedly. Remus watched as comprehension swept over Sirius' face.
"Ah. Alright. Well, tell me the ones you feel comfortable with then."
"All right." Remus repositioned himself so he was cross-legged on the bed. His glance flickered to the door briefly before continuing. "The first wasn't anyone you'd know. I met him while on holiday at my parent's cabin. That was last summer." Remus did the math silently in his head. "Nine months ago."
"What happened?"
Remus shrugged in indifference. "Nothing really. He just made me realize that perhaps I should not have dismissed my male fantasies so quickly. When I came back to Hogwarts, I tried being with girls again, but it was exceedingly difficult. It's really not their fault, but how can girls compete with blokes when blokes know exactly what they like and how to give it. Needless to say, I found myself extremely unsatisfied with the fairer sex."
"And so.." Sirius started.
"And so I started trying guys. There's only been two at Hogwarts and I'd rather not say who the other one was to protect his privacy. I'm not ashamed of it," Remus added quickly, "But I don't fancy he'd like me telling all of Britain he's a poof."
"I'm all of Britain?" Sirius asked, an eyebrow raised.
"No, you're just the best part," Remus replied. He looked like he was going to say more when the door opened and Peter entered. Sirius quickly pulled his hand from Remus' and got off the bed. Peter was oblivious to the awkwardness and barely glanced in their direction.
"Alright Wormtail?" Sirius said, a bit too cheerfully. Remus shot him a warning look.
"No. Damn Potions essay." He went through a string of curses before Remus got off his bed and took the parchment from Peter's hand. Peter watched as Remus sat down on his bed again, pulled a quill from his nightstand and proceeded to correct Wormtail's essay.
Sirius sat on his own bed and took out his Potions essay. "Care to do mine?" he asked Remus cheerfully. Remus gave him a look which clearly said 'no'. Sirius sighed and pulled out his quill.
"I'm not doing Wormtail's essay. I'm just correcting it," he informed Sirius.
"Same thing," Sirius muttered. He pouted a little and tried to look at Remus with his infamous puppy dog eyes. Remus ignored him for the first few minutes and then finally looked up in exasperation.
"Oh, fine. Hand it over once you're done."
Sirius grinned in triumph, and got to work, humming while he scribbled down his thoughts. Before long James stumbled in after practice and the four went to bed, all thinking about revenge before finally drifting off to sleep. Two were thinking about revenge for the next day, and the other two were thinking how funny it was that revenge had brought them together in the first place.
James awoke early the next morning. Well, earlier than usual. He was always the first one up in their dorm. He liked to have the shower to himself, let his thoughts run. Usually they ended up in the same place: Lily Evans. He groaned as the cold water hit his skin. Cold water seemed the only way to keep her out of his thoughts sometimes. It's not that he didn't enjoy thinking about Lily, he did. But it got to the point when it just hurt and his brain was shouting at him to stop being such a sadist.
Not today though. Today is different, he thought to himself. He would be so brilliant at Quidditch she would have to take notice. Do you really think that matters to her? Do you really think she would love you for your Quidditch skills? That annoying voice in his head spoke up. He sighed. He had always depended on Quidditch. It was always the thing he could fall back on. If Professor McGonagall didn't give him detention, odds were it was because he had Quidditch practice and she had a slightly more than professional interest in the Gryffindor team. Everyone knew him as the Gryffindor Chaser, not the boy who like to read comics and Muggle romance novels when no one was looking. No one knew him as the slightly clumsy but eager dancer once he got enough fire whisky in him, and he certainly wasn't known as the one who had sacrificed much so that he could be an Animagus to be closer to his friend.
Then again, he thought, If Evans doesn't know these things about me, why am I bothering? He knew the Marauders would still be his friend regardless of his Quidditch ability. He liked to think that Lily would be the same way, but how could she be when she didn't know the next thing about him? He puzzled over this as he let the water wash over him in the shower. Moments later he heard the door open as the dormitory stirred.
He thought eagerly about first period class, History of Magic. Never in all his life had he looked forward to History of Magic, but there was a first time for everything, he thought wistfully. He wrapped his bathrobe around him and left the bathroom, anxious to get dressed and get to class. The water dripped down to the floor as he made his way to the dormitory again to get changed. It left a trail from the bathroom to the dormitory, telling anyone who would notice that James Potter was not only the Gryffindor Chaser, but the one who got up early to take showers, to be alone with his thoughts, and to plan new ways to gain Lily Evans' affections.