A/N: I'm sorry the story is so slowly paced (ie. one day at a time), but it's the speed I feel like writing, so I hope you can put up with it. (Especially when I'm updating like every day because the story won't leave me alone).
Chapter Three
Remus Lupin first awoke when he heard the door open and close a little less than quietly. He abruptly fell back asleep, but was awakened again when the door opened and closed for the second time, and then for the third. This time he decided it was time to rise and face the day. He pulled back the curtain of his four poster bed to see James pulling on robes and Sirius wearing nothing but a towel, talking casually to James about the prank they were planning for first period class. Remus felt his breath catch in his throat. Later, he would wonder why Sirius never had that effect on him before, why he had always been able to breathe when Sirius was half naked. Right now though, his entire attention was focused on Sirius Black and his towel.
"G'morning," he smiled at Remus. Remus blinked rapidly and murmured something that might have been good morning, but Sirius wasn't sure. Remus abruptly left the room, leaving Sirius at a loss for what had left him so upset.
"You notice Moony acting funny?" James asked, motioning to the door that had closed moments earlier.
"No," Sirius shrugged. "It's full moon in a couple nights though. He's probably just worried or whatever."
"Yeah," James agreed. He turned back to the mirror to muss his hair up for the day. Meanwhile, Remus was taking a very cold shower in the men's room.
Bloody hell Sirius, he thought to himself. You sure have a way of waking me up. He washed his hair hastily. Unlike James who relished his showers, Remus hated being reminded of his scarred body and avoided it at all costs. He finished his shower quickly and took the stairs slowly up to the dormitory, half wishing Sirius had pulled some clothes on, and half wishing he hadn't. Both sides won because Sirius was only half clothed when Remus entered the room.
"All right Moony?" James asked as Remus towel dried his hair.
Remus made a non committal grunt-like noise and James didn't press the matter further. He knew that Remus wasn't a morning person and couldn't expect anything better than one word answers this early.
"Why does History of Magic have to be first thing in the morning?" Peter complained as he did every morning they had History of Magic.
"Relax, Peter. You can go right back to sleep once Binns starts rattling on," Sirius assured him. "Although, today you just might want to stay awake if you catch my drift."
Sirius and James exchanged amused smiles at the thought of what they had planned for this morning's first class.
Sure enough, when they arrived in History of Magic, Severus Snape was already seated. He sat rigid in his chair when he heard them enter. James looked around for Lily, and not seeing her, hissed at Sirius to hurry up and do it before Binns came in.
Remus watched warily as Sirius withdrew his wand and said the incantation articulately in a low voice. While Remus didn't condone their pranks, he found it very hard to discourage them. James and Sirius could be very persuasive when they were apart, but even more so when they were together.
The four of them sat in their usual bench and waited for Binns to come in, periodically glancing over at Snape, though not being very subtle.
Binns was halfway through the Goblin Rebellion of 1812 (or 1218? Sirius wasn't particularly paying attention) when there was a startled gasp from across the room. Naturally, Binns continued his lecture, but the rest of the class watched in morbid fascination as clumps of hair fell out of Severus' head. By this point he was positively panicked.
"You!" he screamed, pointing his wand at the Marauders. "You did this!"
"I don't know what you're talking about Snivellus," Sirius said calmly.
"Looks to me like all that grease made your hair so slippery it's falling out," James observed.
"Looks like an improvement to me," Sirius responded. Peter snickered beside him.
"Settle down, all of you," Professor Binns drawled. "You," he pointed at Snape, "Go see Madam Pomfrey."
Snape ran out of the room, leaving clumps of hair on the floor. Lily turned abruptly in her seat and glared at James. He held up his hands in surrender and mouthed 'it wasn't me!' This was true, it was actually Sirius who had spoke the incantation, though James wasn't entirely innocent and Lily knew it. She turned back around in her seat, but wouldn't talk to him for the rest of the day.
James and Sirius hadn't been in their dorm rooms long before Dumbledore summoned them to his office. They said the password (Turkish Delight. It hadn't changed from last week when they were in his office last) and watched as the stairs spiralled upwards.
"After you," Sirius said, motioning towards the stairs. James took them slowly, not looking forward to another talk with Dumbledore. As patient as Dumbledore was, James hated the feeling of his knowing blue eyes studying him, knowing exactly what he was hiding.
"Good afternoon boys," Dumbledore said pleasantly from where he sat in his office.
Sirius and James both mumbled a hello and settled into the chairs opposite his desk.
"Rather strange coincidence, don't you think, that Colin Nolan and Severus Snape both suffer hair loss after a certain Sirius Black takes out a book from the library on hair charms?" Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled behind his half-moon glasses. He appeared almost amused, but Sirius and James knew that his patience was waning.
"Yeah...I...uh," Sirius stumbled, "I needed help with my hair."
"I didn't realize getting it to look that messy required a charm," Dumbledore mused. "In any case, it is fortunate that the hair grows back within twenty four hours, otherwise the ones responsible might be facing dire consequences."
Sirius and James nodded sullenly.
"Now, boys, I do wish you would follow the example of your friend Remus Lupin who seems quite capable of keeping himself out of trouble, while you two seem to excel in it. I wish you would put that much energy into your schooling."
"We're doing fine in school," James contradicted.
"Yes, yes you do seem to be," Dumbledore replied, glancing down at a sheet of parchment in front of him. "Well, Sirius - " Dumbledore stood up. "Please send over that hair charm book once you're done with it." Dumbledore touched his own long gray hair fondly. "I dare say that my own hair could use one."
Sirius and James grinned at him before standing and leaving.
"Oh, and boys," Dumbledore called after them. They turned before going through the door. "Please do try and stay out of trouble, even if just to give me a bit of a holiday. I do tire sometimes of your pranks." Sirius swore he saw Dumbledore wink slightly at him but couldn't be sure. They left quickly, eager to get back to the dormitory, but for entirely different reasons. James was eager to get ready for the Quidditch game while Sirius found himself longing to see Remus. He chided himself silently at his hopelessness. He was like a lovesick teenager again. Somehow, though, he didn't mind entirely.
"You're going to the game right?" James asked Remus as he got ready.
"Oh, I don't know," Remus mused, a smile tracing his lips.
"Moony!" James almost whined, which caused Remus to chuckle.
"I'll be there," he reassured James. James flashed him a quick smile before pulling on his Gryffindor scarf. Although it was warm weather, flying at high altitudes required one to wear a scarf and gloves.
James left the room after checking his hair four times (Remus counted silently, his eyes following him from above a book). Peter followed behind, carrying James' broom. Sirius and Remus exchanged looks as the other two boys left and set down the books they had been pretending to be reading.
"We've got – "Remus checked the timepiece on the wall. "Half an hour until we need to go downstairs for the game."
"Hmmm.. Whatever shall we do Moony?" Sirius mused, a smile appearing.
"I have no idea, dear Padfoot," Remus replied while reaching over and setting his book on the nightstand near his bed. Sirius followed his lead.
Remus swung his legs down and climbed off his bed. He climbed onto Sirius' and laid down beside him. They laid on their backs, looking up at the ceiling for a moment. Their fingers intertwined comfortably.
"How do you do it?" Sirius asked suddenly.
"Do what? Lie down? Hold your hand?" Remus asked.
"No, how can you not want to do this –"He held up their hands. "All the time?"
"Why would you think I don't want to do this all the time?" Remus asked quietly.
"You don't seem bothered that you can't be affectionate in public."
"Ah. But I am bothered. It's just not worth being bothered over. Things aren't going to change."
"Why not?" Sirius asked stubbornly.
Remus gave an impatient sighing noise. "They don't like werewolves and they don't like homosexuals. If they knew I was both I would be burned alive."
"I would burn with you," Sirius responded.
Remus laughed outright. Sirius turned and stared at him, wondering exactly what was so funny.
"It was just an expression, Padfoot. No need to get so dramatic."
"Well, it pisses me off. It makes me so damn angry. I want to yell to everyone that you're a great kisser and so wonderful and I can't. I can't say one damn thing."
"It will get easier," Remus assured him. "Wait, I'm a great kisser?"
Sirius smirked slightly. "I was wondering if you were going to notice that part."
"I did," Remus smiled. He rolled onto his side and looked down at Sirius. He brushed a stray hair away gently with his smallest finger. He then decided that he should show Sirius what a great kisser he was again and proceeded to do so. His left hand traced circles around Sirius' navel lazily over his T-shirt while he planted gentle kisses on Sirius' lips. Sirius kissed back eagerly, not satisfied with being gentle. Remus smiled inwardly at his eager lover and rolled on his back letting Sirius dominate. It was a game they played while they were in wolf and dog form and it somehow seemed natural now to roll onto his back and show that he was submissive. Sirius caught on quickly and rolled so he was almost on top of Remus, his leg in between the other boys. He kissed Remus' exposed neck and down his jaw. When he slipped a hand up Remus' shirt though, the other boy gasped and pulled away as if Sirius had just burned him.
"What's wrong?" Sirius asked immediately from on top of Remus. His grey eyes were full of concern. His hand had moved from Remus' shirt hem to the bed.
"I just.." Remus paused, feeling a familiar sense of shame. "It's not you, I just...It's hard for me," he finished clumsily.
"Oh." Sirius breathed heavily for a moment, before asking, "Still?"
Remus nodded slowly. "Still."
"Why can't you see that your body is amazing?" Sirius asked. Confused was written all over his face as if this was the simplest question in the world with the most easy answer to come up with.
"I just can't." Remus made an impatient gesture with his hand. "I don't see myself that way."
"But I do," Sirius said softly. "You should trust me."
"I do, Padfoot, I do."
"Then... what's the problem?" Sirius cocked his head like his canine alter-ego.
Remus found himself smiling at how simple his companion made everything out to be. "With my other lovers, it wasn't particularly about me. I don't think they particularly cared much about my body which made it easier for me. Half the time I didn't even take my shirt off, Sirius, when things got to a point where I might have...Should have. But when I look in your eyes, I see this desire more then lust and I know you won't be satisfied with a quick shag in a dark cabin."
Sirius rolled off him and wrapped his arms around Remus, who had rolled on his side facing away from Sirius. "No, you're right," Sirius said softly. "It won't be about a quick shag for me. Although, it is an added perk," he added. Remus chuckled. "But, I've seen you a million times half naked, Moony. I don't particularly see what the big fucking deal is."
"You weren't looking at me then like you are now." Remus didn't need to be facing Sirius to know exactly how he was looking at him. It was how he had been looking at him for a few days now.
"I thought you liked how I was looking at you," Sirius retorted.
"I do! It just might take some time to get used to. I don't want to rush things, don't want to be the one to ruin them."
Sirius sighed heavily. "You're not going to ruin them you twit. Not unless you don't trust me. I'll try to be patient, I will."
"Thank you, love." Remus stroked Sirius' arms from around his waist while Sirius kissed his neck around his shaggy light brown hair.
"Now will you relax and let me kiss you? We still have twenty minutes."
Remus smiled and revelled in being so desired, so sought after by Sirius Black, the boy that most girls (and some boys) would love to have kissing them just like this. Sirius ran his hands gently over Remus' body, but above clothes. He avoided the particularly nasty scars that he knew by memory and instead was satisfied in tracing up and down Remus' arms and around his stomach. Remus rolled over and slowly unbuttoned Sirius' shirt, eager to see what he hadn't had time to enjoy earlier that morning. Once the shirt was successfully discarded on the floor, Sirius sighed softly in pleasure as Remus kissed his chest. He traced his tongue around Sirius' nipples leaving them harder than when he found them.
Suddenly Sirius opened one eye and groaned. Remus looked up from where he had been kissing Sirius along his navel. He followed Sirus' gaze to the clock.
"Damn it," he muttered.
"We could not go to the game." Sirius offered.
"No, we have to." Remus sat up abruptly but Sirius pulled him back down to him with a rough tug on his t-shirt. He kissed him hard on the lips before letting go.
"I don't know when I'll get to do that again," he said gruffly. Remus climbed off him gingerly and handed him the shirt that had been discarded. They pulled on their robes in silence, each facing their own bed, refusing to be tempted by the sight of the other.
"Shall we?" Sirius asked, a glum expression on his face. He couldn't remember ever being less excited about going to a Quidditch game.
"Yes," Remus replied in the same tone. It wasn't just the prospect of seeing Sirius half naked again that made him not want to go to the game, it was the missed intimacy that could only come when they were alone. It was the freedom of holding the hand of whoever you wanted. It was the right they only had when they were alone, the right to gaze unabashed into the eyes of the one you adored at that moment more than anyone.
So, it was with a heavy heart that they left their sanctuary of the dormitory and went to see their friend play Quidditch and (hopefully) impress the one he occasionally adored more than anyone.