The cloud stopped a few feet off the ground, and the two men jumped off.  They each offered a hand to the stunningly beautiful girl, and she stepped daintily onto the ground.

            "All right.  First things first.  You, Davey, go find me a Diet Coke.  You, Billy, make me a turkey wrap.  Extra guacamole."  The two men nodded and ran into the castle.  Minerva blinked.

            "Mary Sue?  Is that you?"

            "No, but we're related.  I am The Writer of this fantastic fanfiction."

            "Oh!  You're the writer?  Well…could you please make this stop?  This isn't right at all!  I just know that something's not right!"

            "Nah, it's all good.  See, this is just a fanfic.  This isn't the real story.  It doesn't have to be really strictly canon."

"Canon?  Fanfic?  What?"

"Well, you see, there are the real books you're in.  Right now, the person who writes the real books is too busy rolling in piles of money to crank out the next one, and the fangirls are restless.  So, we write our own stories about y'all, except that most of them are…well, special.  If they're kind of close to what things are like in the real books, they're canon.  If they probably wouldn't happen in the real books, they're non-canon.  I, for one, consider non-canon to be…an improvement.  I mean, wouldn't the books be so much better if Draco and Harry were lovers?  Wouldn't they?"  

            "No!  They wouldn't…don't you have any common decency?  How can you possibly defend this horrible writing?"

            "Well, I usually defend it sort of like this…OMG lyke wtf?  I got a right to write what I want cuz its a free contry and ur just close minded!  Lyke if ur gonna flame me I dont care cuz I know what im doin and if u dont lyke it then…whateva!!!!!!!11  Daniel Radcliff 4eva cuz he is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hott!!!!!!1"

            "I didn't understand a word of that."

            "Don't worry about it, it doesn't really mean anything."

            "So, what I'm picking up is that you have no morals."

"It's less no morals and more no brain."

"Juuuust perfect.  And, just for the record, who were those two men?"

            "Well, you see, anything can happen in fanfiction.  Especially in Author Inserts.  So I made Davey Havok and Billy Corgan my love slaves.  And I described them as devastatingly attractive so that none of you fictional peons can argue."

            "But…the one's completely bald, and the other one is slathered in makeup and—"

            "Shut up!  Do you want me to make this an AU?"

            "What an AU?"

            "It's essentially code for 'I can screw with anything as much as I want as long as I keep the names.'  It won't be pretty for you, trust me on this.  How about I make you a crackhead hooker in London who get arrested by Officer Snape and then has hot sweaty sex with him in the back of his police cruiser before he bashes your head in with one of those British policeman baton thingys?"

            "Please…no…not that…"

            "Okay.  Just don't insult my love slaves anymore."

            "I won't, I promise.  But…can't you just…stop writing this and let me wait out the interval between real books in peace?"

            "Well, I'm getting a lot of reviews…not as many as those Lily/James fics, but that's okay…so, as long as I keep getting reviews, I guess I'm gonna keep writing.  Naturally, I'm a review whore.  Wink wink, nudge nudge."

            "Oh.  Damn."  Billy and Davey arrived at her side with the Diet Coke and turkey wrap.

            "Mmm…lunch.  Thanks, boys.  Let's roll."  They jumped back onto the cloud.

            "Wait!  Wait!"

            "What is it now?"

            "Why am I the only one who knows what the hell's going on?"

            "Oh, silly, I can't answer now…we have to have some sort of interesting conclusion when I finally run out of ideas!"  The cloud flew back into the sky and disappeared.

            "Well, that was disappointing," said Minerva.  Severus was standing next to her and drooling.

            "I can't decide who was hotter…The Writer or that guy with all the tattoos and the silky…luxurious…long…black…hair…mmm…"

            "Keep it in your pants, Severus."  She heard a splash coming from the lake, and ran over.  Sirius, covered in seaweed, was pulling himself out of the pond.

            "Sirius?  How can you possibly be alive?"

            "It's really not important."

            "Oh, God, not this again."  Remus ran over and embraced him.

            "Paddy!  I knew you were alive!"

            "Oh, Moony, my one true love…well, most of the time…"

            "Sirius, do you remember when we were young?"

            "Ahh…those happy days…"

            "Let's do a flashback."

            "Yay!  Marauders power!  Minerva, you wanna come too?"

            "Ugh…not really."  Sirius shrugged.

            "Well, sorry…we're dragging you along whether you like it or not.  Moony and I can be the narrators, though.  You know, give it that intimate first-person feel.  Well, let's go!"  Everything swam in front of Minerva's eyes, and she fell to the ground.