Chapter Four: Detention and Decapitation
Yo Diary,
Well, we arrived at the Death Star and found out that they'd blown away Alderaan. WHY?! I can't for the life of me imagine why'd they blow up Alderaan. It was a peace loving planet and had never done anything to the Empire. The rest of the troops are having a celebration party down in the canteen but I'm not going. Every day I hate the Empire more and more.
After I'd reported in to my new post this afternoon we got sent around on routine patrol the ship. In the main hallway I saw two troopers leading a Wookie in binders. Now all Wookies look the same to me, but I'd swear in front of the Imperial High Court that it was the same Wookie I'd seen in the cantina back on Tatooine. Not ten minutes later there's some sort of commotion up in the Detention Level and we get called up there on the double.
The first thing I saw when I arrived was that the control panel had been blown to hell. The second thing I saw was that not only was the Princess not in her cell, but she had been joined by two guys in Storm Trooper uniforms (sans helmets) and a wookie. The same Wookie we'd seen not a few minutes before. Personally, I think the blonde guy was a little short for a Storm Trooper. We tend to be tall and stupid and can't hit the broad side of a hanger bay door with a blaster. Speaking of blasters, the team started shooting and hitting everything but their targets (as usual), but the Princess and Company disappeared down the garbage shoot.
They're as good as dead if the Death Star has a Dia Nogu that lives in the garbage mashers. It's going to eat them alive if it catches them. The Dia Nogu eat anything organic, dead or alive that are chucked into the garbage because it's more eco-friendly...it's a strange symbiotic relationship, if you ask me. Dia Nogu are standard-issue for Imperial ships. Hell...everything is standard in the Empire, right on down to our whitey-tighty Storm Trooper underwear. I wonder if the Dia Nogu likes Storm Trooper underwear?
Anyway, there was hell to pay when our commander arrived. "How did they get in there? Where did they get the uniforms?!" No one else seemed to be able to piece it together that the two Storm Troopers we'd seen in the hall with the Wookie had obviously knocked someone over the head somewhere and stolen the uniforms. All they had to do was check the logs and see who was missing and/or couldn't be accounted for. The Imperials are such morons!
Well by this time the whole place was on alert and we got sent down to the hangar bay to guard the ship that I'd seen blast its way out of Mos Eisley. I was surprised when less than an hour later Darth Vader himself showed up and proceeded to have a lightsaber duel with some guy that was at least two hundred and three. Unfortunately, we were all so engrossed on what was going on that we didn't see the Party of Four (aka Princess and Company) make a mad dash for their ship. It was about then that Vader chopped the old guy's head off. But the weird thing is...he just disappeared. I mean, his body disappeared. The brown robe he was wearing dropped to the ground. It was the strangest thing I'd ever seen (well, except for maybe that time last year at the Microastronomy Department's Annual New Year's Fete when Dr. Sinclair got drunk and started dancing on the Sabaac tables with a lampshade over her head and calling everyone "Johnny").
So the young kid starts screaming and my cohorts start firing at him. In the end, they got away. How they got the tractor beam off, I have no idea. They sent some TIE's out to catch them but they still escaped. Personally, I am glad.