Minerva sat up and looked around. She was still near the pond, but things looked...different.

"What happened?"

Sirius and Remus popped into the scene. "Didn't Paddy and I tell you? It's a Marauders flashback!"

"Marauders? What?"

"Well, you see, Moony, James, Peter Pettigrew and I are....The Marauders!"

"That's an incredibly stupid name."

"Oh, our nicknames are even worse...I mean, Prongs is pretty bad, that's James, and Pettigrew got stuck with Wormtail, but he deserves it...but I still don't think it's fair that I have to be Moony. I completely got shafted. That's the worst nickname ever."

"Shut up, honey lumpkins! We're the narrators! We have to narrate!"

"Right. Ahem...so. Here we are. Back in the good ol' days..."

Minerva stood up and stared at Remus. "Why are you speaking so...oddly?"

"Um, duh...he's narrating in italics...it makes it look all professional-like."

"Exactly. You're so smart, Sirius. Well, as I was saying...I was a devastatingly attractive yet sexily intelligent young lad. All the nerd chicks had the hots for me. On this beautiful spring day—just like pretty much every day at Hogwarts, because this isn't an angst-fic yet—I was sitting under a tree, reading a book." Minerva looked around and saw that a young version of Remus was sitting under a tree, reading a book.

"And I, Sirius Black, was also uncommonly sexy. All the ditzy chicks had the hots for me. On that day, I walked over to Remus." Young Sirius walked over to Young Remus.

"Hey, Moony. Still...uh...still reading?"

"Yep."

"Do you ever stop reading?"

"No. There's an indentation the shape of my heiney in the ground..." Young Remus put down the book. "Padfoot...your hair...growl." Young Sirius dropped to the floor and started making out with Young Remus.

"And that's how Remus and I fell in love."

Minerva snorted. "That's it? Oh, come on, surely you can do better than..." Minerva turned to the left and realized that Remus and Sirius were too busy making out to answer her. "Quit slobbering all over each other and hurry up with this stupid little flashback. I'd like to get back the real world and take a nap sometime soon." They pulled apart.

"Right. So, when Padfoot and I stopped making out we noticed that James and Wormtail were coming over." James and Peter Pettigrew were walking over to the tree. "Well, actually...James was striding and Peter was slinking. But anyways, they were going over to the tree. James, of course, was the sexiest one of all. All the preppy chicks had the hots for him. And nobody had the hots for Peter, except for a couple of people currently incarcerated in secure mental facilities."

"JamesJamesJamescanIshineyourshoesandcombyourhairandwashyourboxers?"

"No, Wormtail."

"Awww..."

"Oy! Moony! Padfoot! What's up?" James and Peter sat down.

"Well, Moony and I decided that we're in love."

"Eternal love, Paddy."

"Right, eternal love."

James beamed. "Well, that's just spiffing! So, anyone want to do something?"

"Well, Moony and I could make out some more."

"AndIcouldwashyourboxers!!!!!"

"Shut up, Wormtail." James leaned back against the tree and rolled his eyes.

"Jeez...I sure wish that someone could come over here...someone socially awkward and ugly that we could torment without fear of reprisal...y'know, someone like..."

"SNIVELLUS!" Sirius stood up and pointed to a young version of Severus, who was walking over with a giant pile of books under his arm.

"And that was Severus. While Severus was incredibly ugly and socially awkward, all the goth chicks had the hots for him. Unfortunately for him, there were no goth chicks at Hogwarts. Severus walked...no, that's too boring...ugh, jeez...Moony, do you know any good verbs for Snivelly here?"

"Uhhh...swooped?"

"No, he's not old enough to swoop yet."

"Slinked?"

"No, we've already used that for Wormtail..."

"Sniveled?"

"As tempting as it is, I think I'll have to pass...damn...uh, Minerva, can you help us out?"

Minerva sighed. "If it gets me out of here sooner...try twitched."

"Minerva, you're a genius! The ugly and socially awkward Severus twitched over to the tree. Moony grabbed a book and buried his head in it, while James jumped up and pointed his wand at Snape."

"Librus droppicus!"

Snape dropped the books. "You...bastards!"

"While Moony kept his head buried in the book, I mocked Severus for his ugliness and social-awkwardom."

"Ha ha! Snivellus! Snivellus! Snivellus!"

Minerva poked Remus. "Snivellus? Couldn't you boys have come up with something a little less...incredibly stupid?"

"I don't know. I didn't do it. I just read. And sighed once in a while. Now let Sirius talk, he has such a pretty voice."

"Thank you, Paddy. Well, anyways, Severus snarled and took out his wand."

"You bastards! Now I will destroy you all with one of the elaborate curses my mommy taught me so that I could fend off my daddy's drunken—ow!" "James had tackled him, and I ran over and took his wand. James raised his fist to Snape's face."

"Ha ha, Snivelly! Now I'll beat your face in...with my Snitch-catching arm!" "Just then, Lily Evans dashed over. She was also sexy, though at one point in her life she had been fat, pimply, and generally hated...but that's beside the point, because now she was one hot mama. And she had niiiice boobies."

"Potter! You great bullying toerag!"

"Buh...guh...duh...Evans, I...uh..."

"Just because he's ugly and socially awkward it doesn't mean that you can be such a...toerag!"

Minerva nudged Remus again. "Remus, what the hell is a toerag?"

"Uh...some British thing."

"But The Author isn't British!"

"But the real books are, so to seem authentic we all say random British things she picked up from the real books and Monty Python reruns on BBCA...now shut up and pay attention to Paddy, you wanker!"

"Oy, you're really interrupting my artistic flow. "Anyways, James immediately let go of Severus. Lily smiled sweetly, because she does that a lot."

"Good, James. Thank you. Maybe you're not such a toerag after all..."

"Mudblood," spat Severus.

Lily glared at him. "Oh, shut up...Snivellus." Severus stormed off towards the castle.

"You know...Evans...you're one sexy thang."

"So are you, Potter...you sweet little toerag you." They started making out. "And that's how James and Lily fell in love."

Minerva sighed. "Nice story, you two. Are we quite done now?"

"Hmm...what else can we do? There are three Marauders stories...and we've done two...what's the other one, Moony?"

"Uhhh...oh! How Snape became a Death Eater!"

"Right! Sorry, Minerva. We're not done yet. Let's follow Snape back to the castle...for some angst!"

Minerva rubbed her eyes. "Oh, God almighty."