Minerva sat up and rubbed her head. "Holy hell, that was strange..." She looked around. She was near the pond, with Sirius and Remus sitting on the ground next to her bitch-slapping each other vigorously.

"I told you to stop obsessing over David Bowie!"

"But Sirius, it's not my fault he's so damn sexy!"

"When I caught you writing that disgusting letter to the man—who, by the way, is married—you vowed to give up that stupid little crush!"

Minerva groaned. "Okay, boys, quit it. Can't you just make out? It's a little less...loud." Remus and Sirius stared at each other, shrugged, and started biting each other on the neck while moaning softly. Minerva stood up, brushed off, and walked over towards the castle. On the way, she spied Severus sitting under a tree scratching his head psychotically and humming and decided to check him out. "Severus, what's the matter?"

"I...can't...get...this...song...out...of...my head!"

"Hmm, let me guess...it wouldn't be 'Ziggy Stardust,' would it?"

Severus gasped. "By God, it is! How did you know that?"

"You know, I couldn't explain it if I tried."

"Hmm. Well...maybe if I sing it to you, I'll get it out of my head!"

"No thank you..."

"No! I'm a genius!" Before Severus could start singing, Minerva whipped around and ran into the castle. She paused in the hallway. "Hmm...now, to take that nap." Suddenly, Harry Potter barreled down the hallway and slammed into her, almost knocking her down.

"Why, Harry, that was quite rude of you."

"YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY! I'VE GOT BIGGER PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW!"

"And what would those be, young man?"

"Cho Chang! She's chasing me with a paper clip she stole from Snape! You've gotta help me!"

Sure enough, Cho came rushing into the hallway, brandishing the rapier and foaming at the mouth. "Blood...Potter...blood...kill...kill..."

Minerva pushed Harry away and walked up to Cho. "Cho...give me the paper clip, Cho..."

"Can we talk about Cedric? Please? Pretty please?"

"Yes, but please give me that—"

"I...miss...him...so...much...sniffle...sniffle...Cedric! Cedric! Come baaaaack to my loving arms, Cedric! I miss your hot Hufflepuff humping so baaaaad, Cedric!!!!" Cho fell to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably but still clutching the paper clip. Minerva tried to grab the paper clip from her, with no success.

Harry was still standing behind Minerva, gaping in horror. "Emotions...too...scary...must...flee..." He whipped around and ran out of the hallway.

When Cho heard him leaving, she stopped crying and jumped up. "Harry! You bastard, where are you going?"

"Cho, calm down, let's just talk this out...why are you so angry at Harry?"

"Because...because...because! HARRY, GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE SO I CAN...can...ohhhh...God, I'm such a fool! How could I have let him go like that? My one true love...screw Cedric, it's Harry-humping I really want!" She grabbed Minerva's sleeve. "Where'd he go, Professor? I must rectify all of my vicious, vicious wrongs against that poor sweet man!"

Minerva shrugged. "For once, this stupid personality disorder is working in my favor...give me that paper clip, and I'll tell you were Harry went, okay?"

Cho eagerly handed over the paper clip, and Minerva stuffed it in her robes pocket. "Where? Where? Where's my little snuggle bunnies?"

"He ran down the hallway behind me."

"Yaaaayyy!!!! HARREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!" Cho shoved past Minerva and ran down the hallway.

The instant Cho disappeared, Snape rushed in, robes billowing and wand blazing. "Where's my paper clip, goddammit? Minerva, have you seen it? Where is it?"

"It's right here in my pocket, Severus...but why do you want it so badly? It's just a paper clip..."

"It's not just a paper clip, Minerva! It's my...uhh...special paper clip! Now hand it over!" Minerva took it out of her pocket, and examined it for a moment before Snape grabbed it from her.

"What are those stains, Severus?"

"Uhhh...ketchup!"

"How would ketchup get on a paper clip?"

"I...uhhh...I tripped!"

"Just take your paper clip and go do whatever you want with it. I don't have time for this."

"Uhh...but...don't you want to know what I do with it?"

"I believe you carve swear words into your—"

"I DO NOT!"

"But you recently informed me that you—"

"All right! All right! You got it out of me, dammit! I cut! Cut! Cuuuuttttttt!!!!!!"

"Yes, yes, it's quite horrible and sad...may I leave now?"

"But...don't you want to help me?"

"I honestly don't care anymore, Severus."

"Meanie!" Severus stormed off, and Minerva rushed back to her apartment, hoping to finally get that damn nap.