A/N: Apparently "chat dialogue" is not allowed so I had to revise this author's note so my story would not be liable for deletion. Pffft. Right. Anywho, enjoy, people.

Disclaimer: I own nothing! NOTHING! *sobs uncontrollably* WAIT! I own myself! lol. Okay.

My house is pretty big for normal standards… It has two levels: the downstairs level is has the den, a small shower less bathroom, and the 2-door garage. The upstairs contains three bedrooms, the living room, the kitchen, dining room, and two full-size bathrooms. One of the smaller bedrooms has been turned into an office for my parents and I live in the next biggest bedroom. Of course, being in the second biggest bedroom means that I am right up against my parents' master bedroom. Not very great.

You see, this month, I get the whole house to myself. Yay! They have decided to treat themselves and fly down to New Mexico for my nephew's first birthday and stay there for a while. Oh yeah! They claimed that they hadn't enough money to get me a plane ticket, but I knew better. They just didn't want me going. But that's fine. I'd rather have the house to myself for a month any time. While they were gone, I'd take over the duties of the house. Which is the usual. I'm not going to elaborate. Anyways, they had just left a day ago and I was down in the 1 ½ acre backyard, phone strapped to my jeans, practicing my archery skills when I heard something land with a loud "oof" in the bushes to my right. I curiously went over with an arrow notched and slightly moved the bushes. A blonde head of hair popped up through the slight opening and I jumped back, yelping in fright. It was a man! I then noticed pointy ears and how long the blonde hair was. Okay, so it was an Elf. An ELF?!?!?!?!? What was an Elf doing here?! He started speaking in a familiar language that I soon recognized as Sindarin… He seemed to be asking frantically, "[Where am I?! Who are you?! What am I doing here?!]" he had also gotten up into my face as he was asking me these things. I didn't even see him pull out his bow and arrow, which was now pointed at my throat. I just merely looked at him, my expression saying, "Are you fucking crazy to be pointing that thing at me?"

I opened my mouth, lifting an eyebrow, "To answer your oh-so frantic and demanding questions, you are in my world called Earth, my name is Jennifer, and for the last one, I have no clue why you are here. I was just practicing archery when you thumped down into one of my bushes that were just beginning to recuperate from the nasty winter until your fat ass decided to smash it to pieces." I crossed my arms over my chest in a defiant pose, daring him to give me shit. The Elf merely looked at me in slight disgust and I glared at him, walking up to him and poking him in the chest, hard, "Look, buddy, I don't know who you are but if you think I'm going to tolerate your attitude towards me, think again. I may be human, but I'm the only chance you've got to surviving in my world. Got it?"

He still glared, "You will not touch me ever again, mortal. [Now you listen to me… I am an Elf, I am captain of the Lorien guard and I will NOT be ordered around by some pesky, little human girl.]"

I smirked, "So… You're Haldir, are you? I've heard you had quite an ego… Guess they're right."

Haldir's eyes narrowed into slits and he stood just a few centimeters apart from me, looking down on me, "[How do you know my name, girl?]"

My eyes glinted dangerously, "Oh, just a lucky guess. I have a few friends who visited Middle Earth and they told me ALL about you…" I walked away from him, getting back to my rudely interrupted archery practice. Haldir glared once more but reluctantly walked over to where I was standing. I let the arrow fly through the air before it hit the bull's-eye on the target, my eyebrows knitted together in anger at the Elf's words. I looked over at him, "Look. I know you can't stand me, but I AM the only person to guide you through this world. It's a lot more different compared to Middle Earth and you wouldn't last a day without me. Unfortunately, that means you'll have to stay in my home, and you're lucky that my parents are gone for a month visiting family." she then sighed, her expression softening somewhat, "Okay. We got off on the wrong foot. My name is Jennifer. Welcome to Earth!" I stuck my hand out, insisting he shake it. He merely looked at as if it had some disease. I sighed and took my hand back, rolling my eyes, "Haldir, if you could only cooperate, things would be so much easier."

He huffed, "I do not need a human telling me what is best for me…"

I cried out angrily, "Fine, you stubborn ass! When you decide to seek out my help and apologize, I will be waiting. Until then, be off with you. I do not need an Elf glaring down on me." I returned back to my archery and Haldir silently walked off in a haze of anger. I smirked to myself and missed the target, hitting the ancient tree that had taken residence in my backyard. I cursed loudly at my mistake and took the arrow out of the tree, silently apologizing for my mistake. To my amazement, the tree groaned its response by moving its branches to push me slightly in the other direction as if it were saying, "No problem, child… Now continue practicing your skill."

I looked towards the fuming Elf and then looked up at the sky, "Why me? What have I done to deserve this torture? Is this all just some sick joke for your damn amusement?" Of course, just then, I heard another THUD and "Oof" and I reluctantly turned my gaze over to the very same bush that was fallen on earlier to see yet another male Elf land in my world. He was blonde, also, but was wearing different clothing than Haldir. Oh great, now Legolas has joined! My very own Elven tea party! Yippee! I thought in my head, sarcastically. "It appears to be raining Elves today, Bob!" No, I wasn't speaking to anyone in particular. Yes, I know I'm insane…

Legolas looked around in confusion before he saw someone familiar, "Haldir???"

Haldir looked up, "Legolas????"

Legolas raised an eyebrow towards me, "Mani marte? Manke naa lye? Ar' mani naa lle umien sinome, Haldir?" (What happened? Where are we? And what are you doing here, Haldir?)

Haldir shrugged a little, "Amin uuma sinta, mellonamin…"(I don't know, my friend…) With their little side conversation, I rolled my eyes and continued with my archery practice, grumbling under my breath the whole time.

Legolas looked over towards me, then back at Haldir, "Ya naa tanya?" (Who is that?)

Haldir almost rolled his eyes, "Jennifer. Re naa Edan…"(She is human…) Haldir almost shuddered, but he stopped himself from doing so.

Legolas then turned towards me, "Jennifer! Lle quena i'lambe tel' Eldalie?" (Do you speak Elvish?)

I turned and looked at him, "Mankoi lle irma sint, Legolas?" (Why do you want to know, Legolas?)

Both Haldir and Legolas gasped simultaneously, then Legolas walked up to me, standing only a few inches away from me, practically towering over me since I'm only 5 foot three, "Sut lle anta sinta amin esselya? Kwentra amin!"(How do you know my name? Tell me!)

I cringed slightly, "I just do, okay? Back off!"

Legolas glared, "That is not a good enough answer, girl! You will tell me!"

I glared right back at him, "Lle lakwenien? I just told you! Amin uuma sinta!" (Are you joking? I just told you! I don't know!)

Legolas glared some more, "How could you not know?! Did an Orc hit you upside the head one too many times?" I was fuming after he said that. How dare he insult my intelligence and think he can get away with it!

I started to walk towards him, "You know, you Elves have such an attitude problem! Here I am, minding my own business, then you two appear and it's instant hatred toward the innocent human girl who also has no idea of what is going on! Are you Elves thickheaded or do you ignore the fact that Humans have feelings too? I mean, come on! Just because I'm human does not mean that I'm lower than you! I may live a lot shorter than you do, but hey, I'm still a person that deserves a little respect! Mankoi lle irma tanya?! Mankoi???" (Why do you do that?! Why???)

Legolas looked to the ground, knowing I was right, before he murmured softly, "Amin hireatha, arwen en amin…" (I'm sorry, my lady)

I smiled slightly, still fuming, though calming down now that he apologized, "Diola lle, Legolas. You are forgiven." (Thank you, Legolas.)

He looked up and smiled, then I turned to Haldir, "And what about you? Are you going to apologize for your rude behavior?"

Haldir glared at me, "Amin feuya ten' lle, edan. Why in all of Middle Earth would I apologize to you?" (You disgust me, human.)

I glared right back, "Because it would be the right thing to do, instead of holding a grudge against someone you barely know, avarier." (unwilling one.) I then looked at Legolas, "You are free to stay in my home, but he isn't until he checks his attitude and improves it. I will not have such disrespect in my home." As I said the last sentence, I looked directly at Haldir. He still glared at me.

Legolas chuckled at our childish behavior and laid a hand upon my shoulder, "Diola lle, lirimaer. I am most grateful for your generosity." (Thank you, lovely one.)

I looked up at him in surprise, "You just called me lirimaer. Mankoi?" (You just called me lovely one. Why?)

Legolas' eyes twinkled in amusement, "You intrigue me. I am already very fond of you for your attitude… Never have I met such a woman with spirit."

I smiled brightly, "That is because I am one of a kind!" Legolas laughed and took my hand, leading the way up my hill to my house. I looked over my shoulder at Haldir, "You might want to get rid of that attitude, for it is about to rain soon. Wouldn't want you all wet, now would we?" I then winked at him and disappeared around the front of my house. Haldir growled in frustration and sat with a, "hmmph" on the grassy floor, with his arms crossed over his chest like a defiant child.

I hope you liked this so far! It's my first LOTR fic and I hope nobody took any offense to this. lol. It's my style of dry humor, I guess. I think... I don't know. It's 1:20 in the morning when I wrote this, ok? Mooooving on. Yeah. Don't forget to review! *smiles cheesily* You know you want to!

-Niffers