"I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you."
Chapter 1: Not Much of Anything
It's not much fun being in custody, not when you know that somewhere outside those sealed and guarded doors[1]your precious department is falling into shambles. I know, because despite my arrest and the fact that I have no remaining actual authority, I keep getting calls from people asking what to do. Like Rostov, who – while only an ensign – is now in charge of the whole shebang. Poor kid. There's a reason it's a three-person job, and the commander's and my quick departures left us with no time to train him on all the higher up administrative functions. Apparently, his first department heads meeting was a fiasco. He was so nervous that he dumped an entire carafe of coffee onto Ensign Sato. And all over the table where it seeped into a small flaw in somebody's pad and caused all the electronics to blow up, not to mention the security logs for an entire week. Malcolm said because he used to work for us, that he did it on purpose. Rostov denied this, and Phlox had to step in because he thought that Rostov was having a heart attack. Shortly afterwards I got a secret message from Commander Tucker (a.k.a. Prisoner No 1), assuring me that he captured the whole episode on tape.[2]
By noon on day three, there's trouble in our former paradise. I'm still waiting to talk to my lawyer – "Communications glitch, Hess. We're a little short on engineers now, or we'd have it fixed" – when the doorbell rings. It's not dinner time (I'm waiting for the bread and water, but the captain just won't oblige me), so I'm wondering who's come to hassle me this time.
I pull a small device out of my desk and walk over to the door. It's one of the first things Commander Tucker helped me build when he took me on as his protégé, and I'm not going to tell you how it works. I snake a couple of wires from the device into the door control and push a button.
The door opens to reveal a contingent of engineering uniforms and a couple of very startled guards. I guess they weren't expecting the door to be opened from the inside, and they're also trying to figure out why I didn't do it before.
"Gentlemen. We've been over this. I cannot help you. I have been relieved of duty, relieved of my command. There is nothing I can do."
"That's what we tried to tell them." One of my guards looks relieved. "They wouldn't listen to us." They may be guards, but they're outnumbered six to one.
"We're not here to ask for engineering advice." Crewman Bitten steps forward from the group, clearly the leader. He's also the one with the most seniority, which is saying something "We're here because we need a legal advisor."
"Oh." Well this is refreshing news. "Well in that case, step into my office. It's going to be a little crowded… try not to step on anything important…and we'll see what we can do."
"Um… ma'am…" The guard looks panicked. He knows he's not supposed to let them in but – like most intelligent people – doesn't want to get stuck in a legal mess.
"Relax." I reach out and give him a pat on the arm as the last of the group files past me. "They're just here to talk to me in a legal capacity. It's perfectly allowable. We'll be very good, and I won't try to escape. I promise."
As he opens his mouth to protest, I close the door. And lock it.
"Now. What is it you wish to talk to me about?" Yes, I sound formal, but I always do in lawyer mode.
"We're going on strike." Bitten announces it so bluntly that I almost suspect he's joking. "We can't take it anymore. The schedules are all screwed up, work isn't getting done, Rostov's snapping at everybody like he's Patton or something… not only that, but the captain assigned a couple of people from command support to help Ros with the admin duties, and…they're all blaming us for their screw-ups."
"Who'd he assign?" Not that it's my department any more, but I do still care.
"Brigman and Schacter."
Okay, shoot me now. "He's letting those jokers run my engineering department?" I mean technically it's Commander Tucker's engineering department, but he's more of a good looking figurehead. I do most of the gritty management stuff. "Those assholes couldn't breathe if they didn't look it up in the rulebook first."
"So, how should we go about it…" He's not sure what to call me right now, because technically I'm not an officer. Especially not in my current capacity.
"Call me Nic. I'm your legal advisor now, not your commanding officer." I sit down on my bunk (there's no other space available). I may look and sound calm, but I'm steamed. Captain couldn't have done a better job of pissing me off if he'd tried. Maybe he did.
"As your legal advisor I must inform you that such an act would be tantamount to mutiny and as such you should not undertake it. And since you will not be doing it, you should not begin with a 'Work To Rule' campaign, which you most certainly should not follow up with a withdrawal of non-essential services such as general housekeeping. And since you will not be doing that, it cannot fail, and there will be no need for you to move on to picket duty. Oh, and since a general strike requires a union – which you do not have – you will have no need to form said union for the purposes of a non-occurring General Strike."
"And I suppose…"
"I do not have the paperwork for the legal creation of a worker's union in the top drawer of my desk." I do not tell a lie, it's in the bottom drawer. Fortunately, I am also well known for my ability to mix up simple things like left and right, so Bitten finds it without much looking.[3]
"Do you think we should involve other departments?" Crewman Karcy is having a little difficulty with the concept of not doing anything.
"Don't be ridiculous. While without them joining you in solidarity it would not fully be a General Strike, simply an engineer's strike, you are not going to have a General Strike so therefore you will have no need to involve other departments."
"Theoretically," Crewman Starr has been an engineer longer and knows how to avoid the pitfalls of implied guilt, "in the event of a General Strike, who mans the essential services if the workers refuse?"
"Management." Since it's just a theoretical question, I can answer it directly. "Now theoretically that would be anybody with a commission: ensign or above." Poor Rostov. He thought he had it bad before. I do feel sorry for him, because it's not his fault, but that's life in the lovely world of management and politics.
And while legally this could be a problem, I think they're on pretty solid tactical ground. Archer's not going to want to go down in history as the first Starfleet captain to charge the bulk of his crew with mutiny. No, he'd rather go after the ringleaders, which would be me. And since I have been relieved of my command, and am therefore no longer an officer, it is technically impossible for me to mutiny.[4] He also cannot run his ship without a crew, which means he may be more inclined to listen to their requests. Besides, while he may well and truly want to be rid of me, I know he doesn't want to be rid of Commander Tucker. And since this whole mess started because Commander Tucker wouldn't let Captain Archer get rid of me (without getting rid of him), I think I'm pretty safe. Provided Commander Tucker doesn't change his mind, of course.
Needless to say, we don't map out a plan of action or organize the Union structure at that point. The question of dues is not raised and debated, nor is the membership drive started.
I feel good. Things are cooking again. Stuff is being done.
[1] We're engineers. And Commander Tucker is known as a break and enter artist. # You think the captain didn't post guards?
# Or in this case it would have to be break and exit.
[2] Which is why the captain really should have gone with the airlock. He didn't expect us to sit in our quarters and behave did he?
[3] I assume. Because I'm not there. And neither is he.
[4] Okay, very technically. But technicalities win cases, especially if you're the defendant.