Hmmm… Woo! Another chapter! This one was kinda rushed though, so forgive its crappiness, k?

Anywho, read on and enjoy!

Standard disclaimers apply.

Studs And Rabid Fan-girls

As we carefully made our way across the parking lot and towards the back entrance of the mall, I smirked to myself and pressed the little red handicap button. Both elves jumped back in fright as the self-opening door swung open, and I continued inside without a backward glance, a small smile playing on my lips. Both elves finally reluctantly started to follow me, and before I knew it, both were on either side of me, staying as close as they could to me without actually holding my hands. We stopped short a little ways in, and I gestured grandly to the closed in shopping center, "Gentle-elves, welcome to the Kitsap Mall!" Their eyes roamed in wonder and I took them by the hand as if they were small children. I tugged on their hands to get their attention and they finally looked down at me quizzically. I shook my head at them, a mischievous glint in my eyes, "Now, children (oh how grand it was to call them such, even though they were thousands of years older than I was!), don't go wandering off now for this place is pretty big, and if you don't keep a hold of my hands or my shoulder or whatever, you'll easily lose me." At their slight, hesitant nods I continued, "Okay, now here's the rules. No touching, no teasing, no whining, no biting, no kicking, no calling each other names or anyone else for that matter, no breaking things, no talking in Elvish or any other language besides English. No talking about Middle Earth, no shouting, no sleeping, no screaming, no shouting your names, and most definitely do NOT show your ears! This place is teeming with little fan-girlies who would love to have you for Sunday dinner, got it?" They both nodded again, Legolas looking slightly disturbed at what I just said, Haldir looking a bit annoyed at all the rules I laid down. But they were for their own good (and my sanity), so moving onwards! I then reached up and smoothed their hair ver their ears, both too shocked to do anything about it, looked them over with a critical eye, and grabbed both of their hands once more. As I led them further into the abyss of the mall, past the screaming children in the play pit, and past a cheesy game store, until we finally stumbled upon Zumie's; skater store extraordinare! I then decided not to take them in that store and opted for going down further into the massive sale arena, my grin widening into a devilish grin as I saw the familiar glowing red sign I so loved.

Haldir read the sign with a quizzical note in his voice, "Hot… Topic?" I then dragged the two confused Elves into the store, my grip on their hands tightening somewhat as the three of us disappeared through the entrance.

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"There is now way in all of the Valar I am coming out dressed as this!"

I whined softly, "Oh come on Haldir! It's not that bad! I just want to see!" I heard a rustle of clothing before the small dressing room curtain slid open to reveal quite an intriguing site. I fought not to laugh as Haldir stepped out, not at all looking like he once did. He definitely looked different! He stepped in front of a nearby full-length mirror and nearly gasped at his reflection: Knee-high black shiny combat boots, black baggy jeans, a black muscle tee-shirt that said, "Your momma tucks me in at night" with a black torn mesh tank over it, a nice spiked collar surrounding his neck. Lots of bracelets dangled on his wrists, including a few studded ones as well. To hold up his pants, he wore a thick, black studded belt, his hair pulled into a low ponytail, fastened with a nice black leather thong. Silver ornate ear cuffs covered his entire ear, the tops of the metal conveniently spike into a point to allow room for his ears without too much uncomfort, and around a loop on his pants, a keychain that said, "Kiss me, I'm Sexy" dangled freely. I winked at Haldir and whistled lowly, "Fits you." As Haldir rolled his eyes at me, I looked to Legolas who still wore his regular clothing, but not for much longer. I pushed him inside the small changing room and put the clothing I picked out for him on the stool inside. I then closed the curtain to both Legolas and his protests and waited with Haldir outside.

A vehement, "No, no, NO!" could be heard as he opened the curtain. I nearly gasped with laughter at the sight of Legolas wearing such ridiculous clothing! He nearly screamed when he saw his reflection, his face turning even paler than its normal pigment. Black army boots, Baggy camouflage pants, and a bright orange shirt, saying, "Turn That Frown Upside Down!" with a happy face on it. His hair was left down, and it was quite amusing to see the sky blue dog collar around his neck. All in all, both Haldir and I fought to keep from laughing, as we heavily leaned on each other and covered our mouths with our hands. Then, one after the other, I had them change back and leave the clothing in the changing rooms as I bought them the collars.

We exited the store and went back up the way we came when both Legolas and Haldir stopped short in front of a particular store I was hoping they wouldn't notice. The Gap. I groaned as they started pulling me towards the entrance, and I must admit that had to be a weird site. Two fully grown men dragging a young woman towards a popular store, the woman almost clawing and biting in her desperation to get free… Yep, definitely odd. I finally gave in and let them bring me into the store, where the cheery salesgirl greeted us, of course not without checking Legolas out thoroughly and he greeting her in return. I then went into crazy shopping girl mode and picked out a few shirts, some turtlenecks, and some pants for them to try on in the fitting rooms. After the people who granted them access looked away, I quickly slipped into the fitting rooms after them.

Let's just say this: Haldir and Legolas look HOTT in pastel Gap clothing. Almost makes me rethink about my hatred of that company. ALMOST. We stopped in a few more clothing stores, and The Bon, getting Haldir quite a lovely floor-length black trench coat for 50 bucks, and Legolas a nice pair of shoes. Haldir insisted I get him some shoes at Payless, so we went there next, where a salesman measured his feet and got him a nice pair of white high-top sneakers. Don't as why he got white, Haldir said they fascinated him. Elves…

While the two Elves were in newly bought clothing and laden down with bags (they wouldn't let me carry a single one!), we went down towards the food court to get a smoothie from Orange Julius, and we passed a store called Forever 21 (my love! My own! My precioussssssssssssssss).

Haldir looked at the clothing, then at me mischievously, "Oh Jennifer…" he said in a singsong voice.

I looked at him wearily, "What?" I saw him look at my favorite clothing store and nearly groaned, "Noooooo! I am not going to be your guys' dress up doll! Nuh-uh! No way!"

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"I can't believe I'm doing this."

Haldir smirked at me, "As you would say, 'you better believe it'." They both smirked mischievously as they steered me off to the dressing rooms. About 2 hours later of having to try on ever single thing in that store, Haldir and Legolas had their favorites down to 5 outfits, which they made me get. And who knew, Haldir and Legolas have great taste in clothing. In fact, they made me wear one of the dresses they had me buy. A short little form-fitting dress that was PINK, and actually complimented my figure without getting lost in it! And me, I usually despise dresses, but not the ones they picked out! Hmmm… Elvish Eye For The Impaired… Yeah. Getting off-topic.

Anywho, we got to the food court when all of a sudden a group of girls who had been secretly following us finally popped out of nowhere, screaming, "LEGOLAS!" at the top of their lungs. The Elves and I looked at each other, looked back at the screaming fan-girls, then high-tailed it back through the mall and out to the car, Haldir picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder when I fell down and lost a high-heeled shoe in our haste to run from the bloodthirsty wenches. We got to the car and I unlocked the doors from over Haldir's shoulder and we threw the stuff in, Haldir putting me down so we could all get in the car. I started it up, and took off as fast as I could without killing anyone as we all hurried to buckle our seatbelts. Then we laughed long and hard at a stoplight.

As I dumped out the contents of stuff that the two mischievous Elves made me buy, I noticed a few tiny things mixed in with the clothing. As I investigated further, my mouth dropped open in shock and surprise as a tiny black thong dangled from my middle finger. I looked and the rest were the same, all thongs. I then noticed a little note attached to one of them and as I read it, I'm sure the whole neighborhood could hear my scream, "HALDIR!"

Sooo… Whaddya think? I know it's probably not what you all expected, but it just kind of came out that way. Don't shoot the messenger! Shoot the muse! Lol. Anywho, hope you enjoyed it!

-Niffers