The Cupid 500
Chapter Four
LAST TIME:
Usagi and Minako meet up unexpectedly with their erstwhile companion (who had been in prison for dealing drugs), and get involved in a high-priority game of strip poker. Usagi meets up with Yohji at "the flower shop" and discovers (with a thundering headache) that Prince Diamond (who had somehow come back to life) was the customer who had purchased the last black roses. Usagi and Yohji go for a walk which is interrupted by yet another youma, and Yohji realizes that his girlfriend is running around in a pleated mini- skit fighting youma. The Senshi have a small apocalyptic fit at this news, but then retire to Quatre's dinner party. Usagi springs her last piece of revenge ("Thanks, it was fun,") and runs into her ex-daughter, Chibiusa.
One word basically sums this summary up:
"Damn," Usagi said softly.
Chibiusa's head whipped towards her mother, and Usagi found herself the recipient of a very disapproving look. The blonde rolled her eyes. If the strawberry-haired girl had a problem with swear words, she had better find herself some other mommy, because Usagi sure as hell wasn't going to clean up her act for a daughter she didn't even want.
"Yohji-kun," she said with an uneasy smile. "This is my cousin, Chibiusa! Chibiusa, meet my boyfriend, Yohji."
Chibiusa's red eyes widened. "He's your boyfriend? What happened to Papa- I mean-Mamo-chan? Usagi-chan, you can't break up with him now!"
Usagi sighed. "Chibiusa, I broke up with Mamoru Chiba several years ago, right before he went to jail for dealing drugs and fucking up several people's lives."
"Don't talk like that! I don't believe you! Mamo-chan wouldn't do something like that! I won't believe you!" she whispered furiously, shaking her pink pigtails. "And why aren't you wearing your pigtails? We always used to wear them together!"
"Sagi-chan, I think some explanations are in order," Yohji broke in smoothly. He hated it when little kids started to go into denial. They got all red in the face and their cheeks bulged out. It was incredibly unattractive and it was his opinion that parents gave in to these looks simply to make them go away. He glanced over to the side and wondered if Usagi would get mad at him if he punched her little bother. The damn kid had been staring at him for the last few minutes. Yohji hoped very deeply that the kid wasn't queer.
"I know you!" Shingo burst out suddenly. "Usagi-chan, he's a well known playboy! He's only playing with your feelings! You've got to believe me!"
Usagi groaned aloud. Why was this night going so horribly wrong? "Shingo- kun, I know very well that Yohji-kun is a playboy. What do you think I am- a girl who's on her first date? And it's impossible that he's playing with my feelings because I'd know if he were doing that. Besides, we're together purely because our respective other halves have run off together. Well, we're together because of revenge, too. And Chibiusa, I'm not with Chiba anymore!"
"You called him by his last name!" Chibiusa wailed.
"Usa, what's going-oh God," Mamoru said in shock as he popped up behind them. He swallowed and tried to ignore Chibiusa's accusing red eyes. Jesus, she looked like a demon. "Konnichiwa, Chibiusa-chan," he said finally.
"Mamo-chan! Is it true that you and Usagi-chan broke up?"
". Hai."
The smaller girl stamped her foot on the ground. "Then why am I here?" she demanded.
Mamoru and Usagi exchanged a look, and then Usagi knelt in front of Chibiusa. "I'll ask Setsuna, alright?"
Chibiusa sniffled loudly, and then nodded. "Hai. I guess. I want to know what's going on! Why aren't you two still together, and why am I even alive?"
"You know," Yohji ventured, "I think that she isn't your cousin at all. I think that she's your daughter from the future, but you're not together with her father anymore, so you're trying to figure out why she's possible."
Usagi and Mamoru stared at him with their eerily similar blue eyes and then nodded reluctantly. Yohji smiled. "Well, Mamoru might rape you sometime in the future," he said with a quirked eyebrow.
Chibiusa and Shingo gasped, but Mamoru and Usagi laughed. "As if that's ever going to happen!" she said with a chuckle. "Due to a small alteration in his physical makeup, our dear Mamo-chan couldn't hurt a fly, as long as it was human, if that makes any sense. Really, I don't think he should try. Chibiusa and Shingo, go mingle with people your age. Make it a point to flirt. Make connections. Mamoru, go do whatever you were doing before you came over here. Yohji, let's go and continue with me winning our bet. Now," she added when no one moved.
Chibiusa looked like she was going to protest, but Shingo rolled his eyes and dragged her back towards the thick knot of the younger rich snobs. Mamoru stared at Chibiusa as she retreated and sighed.
"Usagi," he said turning to her, "do you have any idea why she's here?"
Usagi shrugged fluidly and picked a glass of wine from a passing silver tray. "I haven't the faintest idea. Well, no, I do have a guess. I think this is the Old Queen's way of trying to get us back together,"
Mamoru snorted. "No offense Usa, but there is no way I'm getting back together with you,"
Usagi patted him on the shoulder and gave him a sweet smile. "Good, because I'd kill you if you tried. Come along Yohji darling,"
"Shall we go stun them all with our incredible wit and beauty?" he asked with a playful smirk.
"Of course!" Usagi said through the corner of her mouth. "Besides, I want to see you when you kiss Ami. It's going to be priceless. If she's going to play this game.." Usagi trailed off with a gracious smile at the approaching Suit and his lady.
"Konnichiwa," Usagi said in her silky talking-to-rich-people voice.
The Suit bowed and kissed Usagi's hand. "I don't think we've seen you before madame. And you, monsieur. Isn't this dinner party magnificent? The host is utterly charming," he said with a polite smile.
Yohji tried hard not to grin and utterly failed. "Yeah, it's pretty nice, huh?" Then he winced and glared at Usagi, who smilingly took her heel off his foot.
"Actually monsieur, it's mademoiselle. I'm not married yet, unfortunately," Usagi said lightly.
The man bowed slightly. "Forgive me mademoiselle. I shouldn't have presumed that you were married to this man here. What, by the way, is your name?"
Usagi smiled and waved her hand in a motion that Yohji was suddenly entranced by. Rich people had a sign language too, it seemed.
"It's really alright," Usagi was saying, "I don't mind at all. My name is Usagi Tsukino, and this is my boyfriend Yohji Kudou. It's a pleasure to meet you. I was noticing your necklace earlier," she said switching her attention to the wife, "and I simply must know where you got that utterly unique pendant!"
"Je suis Monsieur DeLaquil, and this is my wife Marie DeLaquil. I bought her the necklace for her at our fifteenth anniversary. We've gotten several compliments on it," he said proudly.
The wife nodded, and Usagi noticed that the woman's eyes were focused solely on Yohji, who was looking like he enjoyed the pretty lady's attention very much. The man was actually moving slowly in her direction.
Not yet buddy boy, she told him mentally as she clamped down on his arm with a sweet, blinding smile. "I know you're thirsty Yohji dear, but you must remember that you have that problem with liquids.." She said with a perfectly concerned face. Mamoru didn't call her a bitch for nothing.
Yohji's face went purple, and Marie DeLaquil backed up a tiny step and put her hand on her husband's shoulder. Usagi stared at Yohji expectantly, but he just glared at her. Then he switched his attention back to the supremely confused French couple.
"So," he said in a slightly strangled voice, "you've been married for fifteen years? Damn, that's a long time," he said admiringly, but his expression slipped when he saw the man's incredulous look of astonishment. Usagi was giggling to herself beside him.
"Fifteen years? Mon Deiu, sonny! We've been married for fifteen months, going on sixteen! Oh! Roger! Roger! There's mon ami, Roger Smith! Lovely meeting you Yohji and Usagi, but we must be going now. Roger! ROGER!"
The beautiful couple watched the old man and his trophy bride walk away hand in hand towards an equally old and probably lecherous man. Usagi covered her mouth with her hand and tried to smother her laughter. She snatched another glass of white wine from a maid, and sipped it daintily.
""Mon Deiu, Sonny! We've been married for fifteen months!"" Yohji said grumpily, in a surprisingly (and frighteningly) good imitation of Monsieur DeLaquil.
Usagi snorted into her third glass of wine and tried desperately to wipe the alcohol off her chin. Giggling, she grabbed his arm and pulled on it a bit. "Yohji, stop it! You're going to make me spit this on you, and you'll only have yourself to blame!"
"Sonny! He called me "sonny"!" he said indignantly, delighted when Usagi's face went red with the withheld laughter.
There was another tug on her arm, and she turned around again-carefully, this time. There seemed to be bad luck associated with her energy, the tugging of arms, and the action of turning around. It was Shingo again, and there was a beautiful, simpering girl with a tiara on her head hanging on his arm. Elation grew inside of her. She was a good influence after all!
"Konichiwa, Shingo-san," she said coolly. "Who is this *girl*?" she asked coldly, letting her eyes sweep over the girl and then flick in a different direction.
He frowned. "Usagi-san," he said (trying to play along with his older sister's antics), "this is Lady Mayumi Kurenda. I'm showing her to the bathroom," he explained.
Usagi turned her head around the slightest bit and gave Mayumi another cursory look, but smiled frostily. "Don't explain yourself to me. She's alright on my list," she said dismissively.
Shingo gave her another look, but Mayumi curtsied and gave Usagi an equally cool look. "I would like to express my thanks in that you find me acceptable, Usagi-san. Don't tell him," she said with a tiny smile, "but I like him a great deal. And since you are connected-history wise-with him, domo agriato. By the way, that pink haired friend of his needs some help. She's not mingling well," she explained, and then gave a small gasp as Shingo yanked her away.
Yohji waited until they were gone before rounding on the immensely pleased Usagi. "What the hell was that? Those mean looks? The "Usagi-san"? The- the-all that weird stuff!"
Usagi laughed and patted him on the arm. "Yohji-kun, if there's one thing you learn about being with these people all the time, it's that there's a special way to deal with all of the young ladies of the court. They love to be acknowledged, respected, and treated like their decisions make a damned difference in the world. So I gave it to her. Big deal. Now let's go save the socially floundering Chibi, shall we?"
Yohji sighed in exasperation and dropped his head. "Fine," he muttered. "Lead the way, Usagi-sama," he said with a sudden return of his characteristic smirk.
"Beauty before.never mind. That would put me before you," she said with her own smirk as she swept past him and delved into the crowd.
When they finally found Chibiusa, she was standing miserably by the punch bowl, looking very much like she wanted to either fly into a homicidal rage or cry. The homicidal rage was gaining brownie points by the minute.
Usagi almost growled when she saw the stupid girl. How could any child of hers turn out to be so socially inadequate? Mamoru was generally a live wire; he was partying and carrying on all the fucking time. Where had STUPID Serenity and Endymion gone wrong raising their STUPID daughter? Well, the answer was of course that they were STIFF, UNRELENTING, and violently against anything that wasn't WHOLESOME. Stupid people, she thought irately.
She marched over to the girl and spun her around. "What did you think you were doing, you selfish bitch?" she hissed loudly.
All teenage conversation froze and all attention focused in on the beautiful blonde and the pretty (BUT TOO SHY) teen before her. The blonde woman slapped her, and everyone winced.
Chibiusa stared at Usagi in confusion when Usagi let her hand breeze by her cheek while someone made a flesh-on-flesh noise. 'Play along', Usagi mouthed, and Chibiusa nodded, a small gleam coming to her eyes. Chibiusa's hand flew to her cheek, and she stared at Usagi in mock shock.
"I- I don't know what you're talking about!"
Usagi advanced on her, glowing with rage. "Like HELL you don't! You stole my guy! I did all the dirty work! I arranged "accidentally bumping into him"! I trapped him, fair and square, and then you STOLE HIM, YOU FUCKING BITCH!" Usagi's voice was beginning to raise.
"HE LIKED ME BETTER ANYWAYS!" Chibiusa hissed back, bringing some red fury to her cheeks. "You may have arranged it and you may have trapped him, but I caught him, so beat it! You lose! Get the hell out of my face, bitch! He's mine!"
Usagi suppressed a smile, and lowered her voice dramatically but made sure it carried to the ears of the nearest male viewers. "You may have won the battle Chibi, but I will win this war!"
With that she spun, made sure her hair fanned out gloriously, and marched away. Chibiusa watched her mother walk away with an angry, stomping gait and smiled. So Usagi would be there for her when she needed it. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of her heart. Usagi *didn't* hate her. Life was beautiful.
"Konichiwa Chibi-san, did I mention how beautiful you are tonight?"
"Er.no?"
Yohji burst into laughter as soon as they cleared the teenage area. "Jesus, the expression on her face was priceless! She actually thought you were going to hit her! Christ," he added for effect, she supposed as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"Well," Usagi said with an impish smile, "she needed help, and I'm not socially heartless. So, Yohji-" she was cut off as the bell began to toll the midnight hour. Her smile turned positively demonic. "I'd say I behaved myself tonight, Yohji," she said while capturing his wrist.
An intensely amusing series of expressions ran across his face, fascinating the watching blonde to no end. She was pleased when he settled on smug.
"The kiss," he said with a satisfied smirk.
"The kiss," she confirmed with a delighted smile.
Suddenly his eyes focused behind her, and the smirk was wiped off his face. Usagi turned and almost dropped her wine glass. DAMN TURNING AROUND, she thought incoherently. Duo and Saori were waltzing *very* closely, and then Duo leaned down and captured Saori's lips in what looked like a semi- passionate kiss, the kind she would use if she was trying to get someone in her bed. Usagi became aware that the sharp edges of the wine glass were cutting into her hand, so she took a deep breath and turned back around to Yohji, deliberately loosening her death-grip on the glass.
"Are you worried about Saori?" she asked gently.
Yohji snapped back to attention. "Ah... iie! Iie! Of course not!" he laughed feebly, and then slumped when he saw Usagi's left eyebrow climbing into her hairline. "Hai. If I kiss Ami... that'd be like brushing Saori off-"
"I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you! You and Saori brushed each other off! You are no longer "Yohji and Saori"! She is Saori! You are Yohji! There is no "and" in between your names anymore! Move on and move up! Ami outclasses her (literally) by a trillion to none! Go for the gold, Yohji. Not the used silver, kay? We're both free right now. Going back to them would be bringing back bad old memories, and neither of us needs that kind of mental abuse right now! Aaaaiiiieee! There she is! Go for it!" she cheered.
Yohji stared at her and for one moment Usagi was afraid that he had read a little too much into her little pep speech than she had meant for him to, but then that same old grin/leer came to his face and he sauntered over to Ami. Usagi sighed in relief, and then watched with a satisfied smile as Yohji kissed her smack on the lips.
She blinked sudden tears out of her eyes. This was a moment she would probably remember and cherish for the rest of her life. A romance gone right for someone. There was just something beautiful about something like that. There was a quick flash of inspiration. Maybe she would never find true love, but maybe she could help other people find it!
Suddenly cheered up as if she had downed six more glasses, she almost floated out to the Jeep and sat herself down on the hood. Sighing to herself, she turned the radio on to "It's All Been Done' by the Barenaked Ladies. Ah. Great song. It had been her song for herself and Mamoru while they were together (because of all the talk of past lives). She pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and took a long drag.
When had she begun to smoke? It had probably been after watching that movie about the rich family with the jackass dad, the rich mom, the historian step-dad, the suicidal-downwards-spiraling tennis star son, the safety obsessed son, and the adopted daughter that kicked some serious ass, or when she had figured out that because of the perks of being immortal, she wasn't going to be dying of cancer. She considered both of these possibilities, and decided that it was probably the perk idea.
"There she is! Usagi! I'm going home with Himiko!"
"Oi! Usa-chan! Hii-kun's driving me home, saa?"
"'Sagi-chan! I'm walking this lovely young lady home!"
And with those words, Mamoru, Minako, and Yohji were all gone, leaving Usagi sitting on the hood of her Jeep with a cigarette hanging unflatteringly out of her mouth. She realized this and stamped the cigarette out on the asphalt.
"Some friends they are," she muttered to herself, hopping into her car.
"I don't really need them," Usagi mumbled to herself as she slammed on the gas , "Not Duo, not Yohji, not Minako, not anyone!"
Aware that she was beginning to swerve on the road, she pulled over on side of the street. She was lucky that she had found a parking spot so close to where she was headed. Hopping out of her car, she walked unsteadily down to her favorite hangout, the Jane St. Claire. It was a bar, but it didn't have the disgusting sleaze that usually staggered into some of the other shady establishments. She wasn't totally sure, but the St. Claire was a pretty big drug trading post. Mamoru would know, she thought venomously.
The bartender, Jiro, looked up from the newspaper when she staggered in. "Konnichiwa Usagi-san! You look like shit! Here, sit down and have a drink."
She looked up at him with big, bleary eyes and slumped onto a barstool. "I need to wallow in self-pity for a while," she proclaimed suddenly.
Then she let her forehead hit her arms and let out a huge breath that she had forgotten she was holding. Life was a mess, she decided. It was just too hard sometimes! Everyone hated her-no, that wasn't true. But it was true that no one cared enough about her to do anything but see her as Ms. Heartbreaker! What if she had left a suicide note? They probably would have laughed it off as one of her more dramatic jokes and gone out for pizza and sex.
Usagi snuffled loudly and continued with her self-pity. After pizza and sex, they'd get a call from some trucker telling them that he had found a blonde haired woman floating facedown in the river. There was a hate letter in her jean pocket, and it said that he needed to call the number on the letter, tell them that her death was all their faults, and then hang up.
A mug of beer clunked down on the bar in front of her, and she raised her eyes to glare at it. IT was making the world look worse than it already was.
"Sorry to say this, but you look like you could use it," a man said conversationally.
"You're a man," she mumbled. "Go away," she added, waving a shaking hand at him.
Her love life problems eclipsed her impending suicide issue by a world. Why couldn't she just live happily ever after? She had a chance with Mamoru, but then something screwy had happened there and he started to push drugs. She had had a chance with Duo, and that had gone all wrong. Then she had had some kind of a chance with Yohji, but then she had let him go to Ami. Then you had to figure in the countless bad men falling madly in love with her, the times she had died for love, and everyone who had died for love of her, and you come up with one horrible love life.
Maybe she was bad luck. That would make sense. She should become a nun so no more men would fall victim to her luck (or lack thereof). That would work. Nuns weren't allowed to see men most of the time. Of course, they weren't allowed to sleep on real beds either. AND they had to worship God 24/7. Now did that sound like fun? No.
Usagi groaned again and lifted her head off the bar. The mug sat innocently before her. She really shouldn't drink anymore; she had already had too much at the dinner party. The golden beer caught the light, and she sighed. Grabbing it up, she downed it in seven deep gulps.
The blonde plunked the mug down on the table and staggered to her feet giggling. Wobbling wildly out to her car, she yanked open the door and sat down. She worked on getting her key in the slot for about fifteen minutes, got it in, and then looked up in time to see Duo and Saori walk past hand in hand. She swore loudly and gunned the engine.
Usagi was going faster than she normally would, and for some reason the world was kind of wobbly and strange looking and she couldn't see past the rain in her eyes- She took both hands off the wheel and rubbed furiously at her eyes. There was a screech, a loud shout, a flash of Duo and Saori kissing-
*
The next thing she knew was that sunlight was falling directly onto her eyes and it was pissing her off. She waved her hands irritably at the light, trying to make it go away. Then the headache hit her full force.
"Damn light," she rasped.
Minako flinched and looked like she was going into a convulsion, and then leaped out of her chair. "Usagi-chan! You're alright! How do you feel? Do you need water? Or food? You always like food-"
"Minako," Usagi complained. "Be quiet! You're giving me a headache! And why wouldn't I be alright?"
Minako stopped. "You don't remember?"
Usagi frowned. This wasn't sounding good. This was the scene in the soap opera when the heroine finds out that she had gotten in a terrible accident, Usagi thought with a wry grin. Ha! She was like Supergirl! Nothing could ever happen to her! Nothing so mundane, anyways.
"Usa-chan, you were in an accident.."
The smile was wiped right off Usagi's face. "Dammit..."
___________
Er... so how'd you guys out there like it? Jesus, I never know. I've been having such a crap case of WB, I haven't been able to STAND IT! AAAAAAHHH!!!! It was like being stuck in.. well, you guys 'd know wouldn't you, though? HA! Stupid writer's block. And this is the only thing I'm unblocked on, too! Well, I take that back. I can prolly write more on Godforsaken, but I'm still trying to recuperate after seeing "The Ring". That was four days ago, and I'm STILL having nightmares and I can barely gather the courage to run to the light switch every morning. I think if that fucked up little girl EVER comes for me, I'll kick her. No, I take that back too. I'll be dead on the floor with that fucked up gross face- HAVE YOU SEEN THAT MOVIE???? I'M GETTING THE CREEPS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT! *hides behind pillow and looks apprehensively at OPEN, DARK closet* Dammit, I need to get a hold of myself! *hears a soft noise and screams* I'll be leaving now! Watch the Ring! Be terrified along with me PLEASE! *leaps under comforters, shaking in terror* Save me...
Chapter Four
LAST TIME:
Usagi and Minako meet up unexpectedly with their erstwhile companion (who had been in prison for dealing drugs), and get involved in a high-priority game of strip poker. Usagi meets up with Yohji at "the flower shop" and discovers (with a thundering headache) that Prince Diamond (who had somehow come back to life) was the customer who had purchased the last black roses. Usagi and Yohji go for a walk which is interrupted by yet another youma, and Yohji realizes that his girlfriend is running around in a pleated mini- skit fighting youma. The Senshi have a small apocalyptic fit at this news, but then retire to Quatre's dinner party. Usagi springs her last piece of revenge ("Thanks, it was fun,") and runs into her ex-daughter, Chibiusa.
One word basically sums this summary up:
"Damn," Usagi said softly.
Chibiusa's head whipped towards her mother, and Usagi found herself the recipient of a very disapproving look. The blonde rolled her eyes. If the strawberry-haired girl had a problem with swear words, she had better find herself some other mommy, because Usagi sure as hell wasn't going to clean up her act for a daughter she didn't even want.
"Yohji-kun," she said with an uneasy smile. "This is my cousin, Chibiusa! Chibiusa, meet my boyfriend, Yohji."
Chibiusa's red eyes widened. "He's your boyfriend? What happened to Papa- I mean-Mamo-chan? Usagi-chan, you can't break up with him now!"
Usagi sighed. "Chibiusa, I broke up with Mamoru Chiba several years ago, right before he went to jail for dealing drugs and fucking up several people's lives."
"Don't talk like that! I don't believe you! Mamo-chan wouldn't do something like that! I won't believe you!" she whispered furiously, shaking her pink pigtails. "And why aren't you wearing your pigtails? We always used to wear them together!"
"Sagi-chan, I think some explanations are in order," Yohji broke in smoothly. He hated it when little kids started to go into denial. They got all red in the face and their cheeks bulged out. It was incredibly unattractive and it was his opinion that parents gave in to these looks simply to make them go away. He glanced over to the side and wondered if Usagi would get mad at him if he punched her little bother. The damn kid had been staring at him for the last few minutes. Yohji hoped very deeply that the kid wasn't queer.
"I know you!" Shingo burst out suddenly. "Usagi-chan, he's a well known playboy! He's only playing with your feelings! You've got to believe me!"
Usagi groaned aloud. Why was this night going so horribly wrong? "Shingo- kun, I know very well that Yohji-kun is a playboy. What do you think I am- a girl who's on her first date? And it's impossible that he's playing with my feelings because I'd know if he were doing that. Besides, we're together purely because our respective other halves have run off together. Well, we're together because of revenge, too. And Chibiusa, I'm not with Chiba anymore!"
"You called him by his last name!" Chibiusa wailed.
"Usa, what's going-oh God," Mamoru said in shock as he popped up behind them. He swallowed and tried to ignore Chibiusa's accusing red eyes. Jesus, she looked like a demon. "Konnichiwa, Chibiusa-chan," he said finally.
"Mamo-chan! Is it true that you and Usagi-chan broke up?"
". Hai."
The smaller girl stamped her foot on the ground. "Then why am I here?" she demanded.
Mamoru and Usagi exchanged a look, and then Usagi knelt in front of Chibiusa. "I'll ask Setsuna, alright?"
Chibiusa sniffled loudly, and then nodded. "Hai. I guess. I want to know what's going on! Why aren't you two still together, and why am I even alive?"
"You know," Yohji ventured, "I think that she isn't your cousin at all. I think that she's your daughter from the future, but you're not together with her father anymore, so you're trying to figure out why she's possible."
Usagi and Mamoru stared at him with their eerily similar blue eyes and then nodded reluctantly. Yohji smiled. "Well, Mamoru might rape you sometime in the future," he said with a quirked eyebrow.
Chibiusa and Shingo gasped, but Mamoru and Usagi laughed. "As if that's ever going to happen!" she said with a chuckle. "Due to a small alteration in his physical makeup, our dear Mamo-chan couldn't hurt a fly, as long as it was human, if that makes any sense. Really, I don't think he should try. Chibiusa and Shingo, go mingle with people your age. Make it a point to flirt. Make connections. Mamoru, go do whatever you were doing before you came over here. Yohji, let's go and continue with me winning our bet. Now," she added when no one moved.
Chibiusa looked like she was going to protest, but Shingo rolled his eyes and dragged her back towards the thick knot of the younger rich snobs. Mamoru stared at Chibiusa as she retreated and sighed.
"Usagi," he said turning to her, "do you have any idea why she's here?"
Usagi shrugged fluidly and picked a glass of wine from a passing silver tray. "I haven't the faintest idea. Well, no, I do have a guess. I think this is the Old Queen's way of trying to get us back together,"
Mamoru snorted. "No offense Usa, but there is no way I'm getting back together with you,"
Usagi patted him on the shoulder and gave him a sweet smile. "Good, because I'd kill you if you tried. Come along Yohji darling,"
"Shall we go stun them all with our incredible wit and beauty?" he asked with a playful smirk.
"Of course!" Usagi said through the corner of her mouth. "Besides, I want to see you when you kiss Ami. It's going to be priceless. If she's going to play this game.." Usagi trailed off with a gracious smile at the approaching Suit and his lady.
"Konnichiwa," Usagi said in her silky talking-to-rich-people voice.
The Suit bowed and kissed Usagi's hand. "I don't think we've seen you before madame. And you, monsieur. Isn't this dinner party magnificent? The host is utterly charming," he said with a polite smile.
Yohji tried hard not to grin and utterly failed. "Yeah, it's pretty nice, huh?" Then he winced and glared at Usagi, who smilingly took her heel off his foot.
"Actually monsieur, it's mademoiselle. I'm not married yet, unfortunately," Usagi said lightly.
The man bowed slightly. "Forgive me mademoiselle. I shouldn't have presumed that you were married to this man here. What, by the way, is your name?"
Usagi smiled and waved her hand in a motion that Yohji was suddenly entranced by. Rich people had a sign language too, it seemed.
"It's really alright," Usagi was saying, "I don't mind at all. My name is Usagi Tsukino, and this is my boyfriend Yohji Kudou. It's a pleasure to meet you. I was noticing your necklace earlier," she said switching her attention to the wife, "and I simply must know where you got that utterly unique pendant!"
"Je suis Monsieur DeLaquil, and this is my wife Marie DeLaquil. I bought her the necklace for her at our fifteenth anniversary. We've gotten several compliments on it," he said proudly.
The wife nodded, and Usagi noticed that the woman's eyes were focused solely on Yohji, who was looking like he enjoyed the pretty lady's attention very much. The man was actually moving slowly in her direction.
Not yet buddy boy, she told him mentally as she clamped down on his arm with a sweet, blinding smile. "I know you're thirsty Yohji dear, but you must remember that you have that problem with liquids.." She said with a perfectly concerned face. Mamoru didn't call her a bitch for nothing.
Yohji's face went purple, and Marie DeLaquil backed up a tiny step and put her hand on her husband's shoulder. Usagi stared at Yohji expectantly, but he just glared at her. Then he switched his attention back to the supremely confused French couple.
"So," he said in a slightly strangled voice, "you've been married for fifteen years? Damn, that's a long time," he said admiringly, but his expression slipped when he saw the man's incredulous look of astonishment. Usagi was giggling to herself beside him.
"Fifteen years? Mon Deiu, sonny! We've been married for fifteen months, going on sixteen! Oh! Roger! Roger! There's mon ami, Roger Smith! Lovely meeting you Yohji and Usagi, but we must be going now. Roger! ROGER!"
The beautiful couple watched the old man and his trophy bride walk away hand in hand towards an equally old and probably lecherous man. Usagi covered her mouth with her hand and tried to smother her laughter. She snatched another glass of white wine from a maid, and sipped it daintily.
""Mon Deiu, Sonny! We've been married for fifteen months!"" Yohji said grumpily, in a surprisingly (and frighteningly) good imitation of Monsieur DeLaquil.
Usagi snorted into her third glass of wine and tried desperately to wipe the alcohol off her chin. Giggling, she grabbed his arm and pulled on it a bit. "Yohji, stop it! You're going to make me spit this on you, and you'll only have yourself to blame!"
"Sonny! He called me "sonny"!" he said indignantly, delighted when Usagi's face went red with the withheld laughter.
There was another tug on her arm, and she turned around again-carefully, this time. There seemed to be bad luck associated with her energy, the tugging of arms, and the action of turning around. It was Shingo again, and there was a beautiful, simpering girl with a tiara on her head hanging on his arm. Elation grew inside of her. She was a good influence after all!
"Konichiwa, Shingo-san," she said coolly. "Who is this *girl*?" she asked coldly, letting her eyes sweep over the girl and then flick in a different direction.
He frowned. "Usagi-san," he said (trying to play along with his older sister's antics), "this is Lady Mayumi Kurenda. I'm showing her to the bathroom," he explained.
Usagi turned her head around the slightest bit and gave Mayumi another cursory look, but smiled frostily. "Don't explain yourself to me. She's alright on my list," she said dismissively.
Shingo gave her another look, but Mayumi curtsied and gave Usagi an equally cool look. "I would like to express my thanks in that you find me acceptable, Usagi-san. Don't tell him," she said with a tiny smile, "but I like him a great deal. And since you are connected-history wise-with him, domo agriato. By the way, that pink haired friend of his needs some help. She's not mingling well," she explained, and then gave a small gasp as Shingo yanked her away.
Yohji waited until they were gone before rounding on the immensely pleased Usagi. "What the hell was that? Those mean looks? The "Usagi-san"? The- the-all that weird stuff!"
Usagi laughed and patted him on the arm. "Yohji-kun, if there's one thing you learn about being with these people all the time, it's that there's a special way to deal with all of the young ladies of the court. They love to be acknowledged, respected, and treated like their decisions make a damned difference in the world. So I gave it to her. Big deal. Now let's go save the socially floundering Chibi, shall we?"
Yohji sighed in exasperation and dropped his head. "Fine," he muttered. "Lead the way, Usagi-sama," he said with a sudden return of his characteristic smirk.
"Beauty before.never mind. That would put me before you," she said with her own smirk as she swept past him and delved into the crowd.
When they finally found Chibiusa, she was standing miserably by the punch bowl, looking very much like she wanted to either fly into a homicidal rage or cry. The homicidal rage was gaining brownie points by the minute.
Usagi almost growled when she saw the stupid girl. How could any child of hers turn out to be so socially inadequate? Mamoru was generally a live wire; he was partying and carrying on all the fucking time. Where had STUPID Serenity and Endymion gone wrong raising their STUPID daughter? Well, the answer was of course that they were STIFF, UNRELENTING, and violently against anything that wasn't WHOLESOME. Stupid people, she thought irately.
She marched over to the girl and spun her around. "What did you think you were doing, you selfish bitch?" she hissed loudly.
All teenage conversation froze and all attention focused in on the beautiful blonde and the pretty (BUT TOO SHY) teen before her. The blonde woman slapped her, and everyone winced.
Chibiusa stared at Usagi in confusion when Usagi let her hand breeze by her cheek while someone made a flesh-on-flesh noise. 'Play along', Usagi mouthed, and Chibiusa nodded, a small gleam coming to her eyes. Chibiusa's hand flew to her cheek, and she stared at Usagi in mock shock.
"I- I don't know what you're talking about!"
Usagi advanced on her, glowing with rage. "Like HELL you don't! You stole my guy! I did all the dirty work! I arranged "accidentally bumping into him"! I trapped him, fair and square, and then you STOLE HIM, YOU FUCKING BITCH!" Usagi's voice was beginning to raise.
"HE LIKED ME BETTER ANYWAYS!" Chibiusa hissed back, bringing some red fury to her cheeks. "You may have arranged it and you may have trapped him, but I caught him, so beat it! You lose! Get the hell out of my face, bitch! He's mine!"
Usagi suppressed a smile, and lowered her voice dramatically but made sure it carried to the ears of the nearest male viewers. "You may have won the battle Chibi, but I will win this war!"
With that she spun, made sure her hair fanned out gloriously, and marched away. Chibiusa watched her mother walk away with an angry, stomping gait and smiled. So Usagi would be there for her when she needed it. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of her heart. Usagi *didn't* hate her. Life was beautiful.
"Konichiwa Chibi-san, did I mention how beautiful you are tonight?"
"Er.no?"
Yohji burst into laughter as soon as they cleared the teenage area. "Jesus, the expression on her face was priceless! She actually thought you were going to hit her! Christ," he added for effect, she supposed as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"Well," Usagi said with an impish smile, "she needed help, and I'm not socially heartless. So, Yohji-" she was cut off as the bell began to toll the midnight hour. Her smile turned positively demonic. "I'd say I behaved myself tonight, Yohji," she said while capturing his wrist.
An intensely amusing series of expressions ran across his face, fascinating the watching blonde to no end. She was pleased when he settled on smug.
"The kiss," he said with a satisfied smirk.
"The kiss," she confirmed with a delighted smile.
Suddenly his eyes focused behind her, and the smirk was wiped off his face. Usagi turned and almost dropped her wine glass. DAMN TURNING AROUND, she thought incoherently. Duo and Saori were waltzing *very* closely, and then Duo leaned down and captured Saori's lips in what looked like a semi- passionate kiss, the kind she would use if she was trying to get someone in her bed. Usagi became aware that the sharp edges of the wine glass were cutting into her hand, so she took a deep breath and turned back around to Yohji, deliberately loosening her death-grip on the glass.
"Are you worried about Saori?" she asked gently.
Yohji snapped back to attention. "Ah... iie! Iie! Of course not!" he laughed feebly, and then slumped when he saw Usagi's left eyebrow climbing into her hairline. "Hai. If I kiss Ami... that'd be like brushing Saori off-"
"I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you! You and Saori brushed each other off! You are no longer "Yohji and Saori"! She is Saori! You are Yohji! There is no "and" in between your names anymore! Move on and move up! Ami outclasses her (literally) by a trillion to none! Go for the gold, Yohji. Not the used silver, kay? We're both free right now. Going back to them would be bringing back bad old memories, and neither of us needs that kind of mental abuse right now! Aaaaiiiieee! There she is! Go for it!" she cheered.
Yohji stared at her and for one moment Usagi was afraid that he had read a little too much into her little pep speech than she had meant for him to, but then that same old grin/leer came to his face and he sauntered over to Ami. Usagi sighed in relief, and then watched with a satisfied smile as Yohji kissed her smack on the lips.
She blinked sudden tears out of her eyes. This was a moment she would probably remember and cherish for the rest of her life. A romance gone right for someone. There was just something beautiful about something like that. There was a quick flash of inspiration. Maybe she would never find true love, but maybe she could help other people find it!
Suddenly cheered up as if she had downed six more glasses, she almost floated out to the Jeep and sat herself down on the hood. Sighing to herself, she turned the radio on to "It's All Been Done' by the Barenaked Ladies. Ah. Great song. It had been her song for herself and Mamoru while they were together (because of all the talk of past lives). She pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and took a long drag.
When had she begun to smoke? It had probably been after watching that movie about the rich family with the jackass dad, the rich mom, the historian step-dad, the suicidal-downwards-spiraling tennis star son, the safety obsessed son, and the adopted daughter that kicked some serious ass, or when she had figured out that because of the perks of being immortal, she wasn't going to be dying of cancer. She considered both of these possibilities, and decided that it was probably the perk idea.
"There she is! Usagi! I'm going home with Himiko!"
"Oi! Usa-chan! Hii-kun's driving me home, saa?"
"'Sagi-chan! I'm walking this lovely young lady home!"
And with those words, Mamoru, Minako, and Yohji were all gone, leaving Usagi sitting on the hood of her Jeep with a cigarette hanging unflatteringly out of her mouth. She realized this and stamped the cigarette out on the asphalt.
"Some friends they are," she muttered to herself, hopping into her car.
"I don't really need them," Usagi mumbled to herself as she slammed on the gas , "Not Duo, not Yohji, not Minako, not anyone!"
Aware that she was beginning to swerve on the road, she pulled over on side of the street. She was lucky that she had found a parking spot so close to where she was headed. Hopping out of her car, she walked unsteadily down to her favorite hangout, the Jane St. Claire. It was a bar, but it didn't have the disgusting sleaze that usually staggered into some of the other shady establishments. She wasn't totally sure, but the St. Claire was a pretty big drug trading post. Mamoru would know, she thought venomously.
The bartender, Jiro, looked up from the newspaper when she staggered in. "Konnichiwa Usagi-san! You look like shit! Here, sit down and have a drink."
She looked up at him with big, bleary eyes and slumped onto a barstool. "I need to wallow in self-pity for a while," she proclaimed suddenly.
Then she let her forehead hit her arms and let out a huge breath that she had forgotten she was holding. Life was a mess, she decided. It was just too hard sometimes! Everyone hated her-no, that wasn't true. But it was true that no one cared enough about her to do anything but see her as Ms. Heartbreaker! What if she had left a suicide note? They probably would have laughed it off as one of her more dramatic jokes and gone out for pizza and sex.
Usagi snuffled loudly and continued with her self-pity. After pizza and sex, they'd get a call from some trucker telling them that he had found a blonde haired woman floating facedown in the river. There was a hate letter in her jean pocket, and it said that he needed to call the number on the letter, tell them that her death was all their faults, and then hang up.
A mug of beer clunked down on the bar in front of her, and she raised her eyes to glare at it. IT was making the world look worse than it already was.
"Sorry to say this, but you look like you could use it," a man said conversationally.
"You're a man," she mumbled. "Go away," she added, waving a shaking hand at him.
Her love life problems eclipsed her impending suicide issue by a world. Why couldn't she just live happily ever after? She had a chance with Mamoru, but then something screwy had happened there and he started to push drugs. She had had a chance with Duo, and that had gone all wrong. Then she had had some kind of a chance with Yohji, but then she had let him go to Ami. Then you had to figure in the countless bad men falling madly in love with her, the times she had died for love, and everyone who had died for love of her, and you come up with one horrible love life.
Maybe she was bad luck. That would make sense. She should become a nun so no more men would fall victim to her luck (or lack thereof). That would work. Nuns weren't allowed to see men most of the time. Of course, they weren't allowed to sleep on real beds either. AND they had to worship God 24/7. Now did that sound like fun? No.
Usagi groaned again and lifted her head off the bar. The mug sat innocently before her. She really shouldn't drink anymore; she had already had too much at the dinner party. The golden beer caught the light, and she sighed. Grabbing it up, she downed it in seven deep gulps.
The blonde plunked the mug down on the table and staggered to her feet giggling. Wobbling wildly out to her car, she yanked open the door and sat down. She worked on getting her key in the slot for about fifteen minutes, got it in, and then looked up in time to see Duo and Saori walk past hand in hand. She swore loudly and gunned the engine.
Usagi was going faster than she normally would, and for some reason the world was kind of wobbly and strange looking and she couldn't see past the rain in her eyes- She took both hands off the wheel and rubbed furiously at her eyes. There was a screech, a loud shout, a flash of Duo and Saori kissing-
*
The next thing she knew was that sunlight was falling directly onto her eyes and it was pissing her off. She waved her hands irritably at the light, trying to make it go away. Then the headache hit her full force.
"Damn light," she rasped.
Minako flinched and looked like she was going into a convulsion, and then leaped out of her chair. "Usagi-chan! You're alright! How do you feel? Do you need water? Or food? You always like food-"
"Minako," Usagi complained. "Be quiet! You're giving me a headache! And why wouldn't I be alright?"
Minako stopped. "You don't remember?"
Usagi frowned. This wasn't sounding good. This was the scene in the soap opera when the heroine finds out that she had gotten in a terrible accident, Usagi thought with a wry grin. Ha! She was like Supergirl! Nothing could ever happen to her! Nothing so mundane, anyways.
"Usa-chan, you were in an accident.."
The smile was wiped right off Usagi's face. "Dammit..."
___________
Er... so how'd you guys out there like it? Jesus, I never know. I've been having such a crap case of WB, I haven't been able to STAND IT! AAAAAAHHH!!!! It was like being stuck in.. well, you guys 'd know wouldn't you, though? HA! Stupid writer's block. And this is the only thing I'm unblocked on, too! Well, I take that back. I can prolly write more on Godforsaken, but I'm still trying to recuperate after seeing "The Ring". That was four days ago, and I'm STILL having nightmares and I can barely gather the courage to run to the light switch every morning. I think if that fucked up little girl EVER comes for me, I'll kick her. No, I take that back too. I'll be dead on the floor with that fucked up gross face- HAVE YOU SEEN THAT MOVIE???? I'M GETTING THE CREEPS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT! *hides behind pillow and looks apprehensively at OPEN, DARK closet* Dammit, I need to get a hold of myself! *hears a soft noise and screams* I'll be leaving now! Watch the Ring! Be terrified along with me PLEASE! *leaps under comforters, shaking in terror* Save me...