The Cupid 500
Chapter Ten
The next thing she knew, someone was shaking her awake. Usagi blinked wildly, not entirely sure where she was. She had been having the most bizarre dream about men, busses, and baby carriages. Ran smiled down at her and helped her to her feet. Feeling somewhat embarrassed about not knowing what was going on, she took a quick look at her surroundings.
"You didn't miss much," Ran said reassuringly. "You drank too much wine after the first scene of the play and fell asleep," he reminded her.
Muddled images slowly crawled back into her head. She had taken a safe seat between Ran and Harry, so that none of her family members could grill her during the play. Unfortunately that would have been the better option, because the play was so pathetically stupid that she had submerged herself in wine, hoping that she could avoid the rest of the play. Just in case the rest was as bad as the first bit.
"So how was the end?" the blonde asked, slightly worried. The other people she saw around her were twittering excitedly about something-- Usagi hated missing out on things.
Ran shrugged. "You didn't miss anything. Around the second act, your Aunt showered some kind of glitter down on the audience. I don't know what it made them see, but apparently it was spectacular. Do you remember the dress you chose for Act II?"
Usagi opened her mouth, closed it, and then suddenly a beautiful, gauzy blue dress had popped into her mind. She felt a draft of wind, and glanced down at herself. Apparently the dress had decided it wanted to be beautiful and gauzy on her instead of on her bed. Ran's smile warmed her skin.
"I like it. Come on, the portal's over here. I'd like to issue a word of caution however. These portals tend to be rather unnerving. Keep your mind about you."
Usagi frowned, still half asleep, and looked up at where Ran was leading her. It was nothing but a simple door. Almost laughing at Ran's dramatic tendencies, she grabbed his arm and marched right in.
The world exploded around her.
For a few seconds after she landed Usagi was completely disoriented. There was a large warmth behind her, then suddenly the clamoring of a crowd of people, and then she was standing weakly on firm ground clutching Ran's arm tightly. Uncomfortably aware of the fact that she was betraying weakness, she picked imaginary lint off of Ran's arm and let her hands fall to her sides.
Beside her, Ran didn't move a muscle to indicate that he had even become aware of her display. The blonde at his side couldn't tell whether this was insulting or not, but was saved from an actual decision by Harry and Draco stepping through an open doorway, shrieking wildly and batting at the empty air around them.
The two eventually realized that there was no reason to flail about in such a way, and they simultaneously flushed a bright red. Usagi gave them a long look, and then cast her eyes toward Ran, who wasn't even trying to conceal his smile.
"Are they… alright?" Usagi asked quietly, not wanting to disturb their obviously delicate mental state.
Ran's smile turned to a grin. "My first reaction to one of those portals was much the same, I have to admit. See, it's a rather peculiar setup that really shouldn't be possible. The story goes something like this: the universe was created one way or the other. No one really cares how, as it doesn't much affect modern reality. At any rate, Creation was created. Whoever made this reality did a semi-sloppy job which was actually ingenious in and of itself, because those small mistakes allowed for reality to become a truly bizarre thing. One of those bizarre things our reality created was magic. This magic, of course, allows for even more bizarre things to happen. Your aunt somehow discovered a formula that creates a kind of bubble out of the very things reality is made from. Not necessarily our reality, mind you, but any reality. When this formula is put into effect, it creates a reality hanging on the outside of reality. This," he said with a sweep of his arm, "is that reality."
Usagi took a step back and looked around, absorbing all the alternate-reality…ness… of it. Once her once over was finished, she had only one sentence. "It's not really that impressive," she said disdainfully.
Behind her, Harry had to agree. All it was was a large, dark room that stretched too far for him too see. Curtains seemed to be hanging in front of them, but he couldn't really even make them out if they were even there. Hot and uncomfortable in his tuxedo, he tugged at the collar and shifted his feet. Nothing Hogwarts had taught him prepared him for this. Nothing!
Draco coughed, and Harry glanced over. "You doin' okay over there?"
The blonde boy looked startled at being addressed, and then ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm fine, but this whole thing… It's crazy. I don't even know why I was invited."
Harry grimaced. "I know how you feel. I don't even think they would have given me a second thought if I hadn't been some distantly removed cousin."
"Well I know damn well why I was invited," a girl interjected cheerfully from behind.
The two boys turned to be presented with that pink haired girl who was supposed to be Usagi's future daughter. Her smile was blinding in the midst of their despair. Intent on dragging her down as well, they moved in for the attack.
"You wouldn't have been invited if you weren't Usagi's daughter," Harry said callously.
"None of us matter," Draco agreed despondently.
Galled by this, Chibiusa dismissed them as lunatics and stalked off in search of some less depressed men.
Usagi growled softly. All the waiting was grating on her nerves. She was a princess! She didn't deserve to wait like this! What were they waiting for anyways? She had half a mind to just march right in there and—
The lights suddenly flashed on, blinding everyone, and revealing the true scope of the room. It was endless, stretching lengthwise forever, bending eternally towards the horizon. Usagi struggled to keep her jaw lifted in spite of the awe inspired by the room.
"Serenity darling!" someone suddenly called out.
Usagi flinched. She'd recognize that voice anywhere. But if she wanted to play nice, she'd play nice. Usagi turned around, her blonde hair gleaming perfectly in the light. Usagi gave herself a brief moment to consider the reasons for such lighting, but such thoughts were removed from her head as Beryl slid up and enfolded Usagi in a warm hug.
"Marvelous to see you again! It's really too bad you didn't join me in my evil plots that last time we killed each other; you could have helped me fill some of that time! Huge body of power or not, Metallia really isn't a good conversationalist. I'll just tell you right off the bat however, the only reason I'm not trying to kill you right now is because you'd just pop back to life again. Really, it's so daunting to all the others I've spoken to. There's no real use in killing you anymore. I believe that the current plan is to beat you violently with a shovel or gouge your pretty eyes out. But enough of that. Who is this with you?" Beryl asked appreciatively.
Barely recovering from the woman's onslaught of speech, Usagi wound a possessive arm around Ran's waist. "This is Ran. So you're not trying to kill me anymore? Pity. I'd probably whoop your ass now. Ah! Are we finally being allowed inside?"
Beryl glared at the curtains. "Not us, dear. The civilians are allowed in first without introduction. Notice, your dear Harry Potter is gone. Royalty and the highest ranking people are announced last. That would be my cue," Beryl said with a smile as her name was called.
The names kept being called and called and called until finally only Usagi, Ran, Chibiusa, Lily, and Serenity were left. There were a few others that Usagi didn't know, but it pissed her off that her name was called before theirs. Usagi had some measure of satisfaction, however, in the fact that her mother, aunt, and daughter were all called before her.
"Princess Serenity Usagi Ai Tsukino, hailing from Tokyo, and her consort Lord Ran, from Apollo's Gate."
Usagi composed her face and laid her arm on top of Ran's. He winked at her, and then looked right ahead. The curtains drew open, revealing at first only blinding light. The harshness of the light dropped away from Usagi's eyes, allowing her to see what, exactly, her dear auntie had created.
A grand ballroom sprawled across what seemed to be a carefully trimmed jungle. The marble floor was surrounded by all types of breathtaking vegetation. Huge trees twisted upwards, stretching up to the huge glass dome above them. A full moon hung directly above them, and the stars seemed to shine like true diamonds in the night's sky. On closer inspection, the stars didn't really look much like the ones that she knew— they burned with a visible fire that snapped and crackled against the velvet black. Then Usagi saw something else. The night wasn't black at all. What she really saw was dark, dark blue and purple, mixed in with undulating black threads.
She felt herself almost lose her step, and dropped her eyes back to the room before her, and was shocked anew. The princess was no stranger to crowds—she was raised to be able to manipulate them. This crowd however, was the largest she had ever seen. Not a single finger was moving however, and this made her practically swell with pride. Her gold against Ran's ebony would really be a striking image: an image, apparently, none were immune to.
Following this happy observation, her eyes moved to the room itself. Luminescent orbs hung from barely visible chains from the ceiling, to better illustrate the otherworldly effect. The blonde allowed her eyes to skip to the left, and allowed herself to be awed yet another time. Apparently Elizabeth had a lost civilization theme in mind when she created her reality, because there was what appeared to be an immense stone stairway, overgrown with some kind of plant.
On top of this stairway was a small statue of a woman and a man. The man had his arms wrapped around the woman's waist, and his head was buried in her neck. Her head was thrown back, and she was laughing. Above them, there was a large strip of cloth that extended from the rounded wall to a near invisible silver bar. From the silver bar, which was hanging above the statue and temple, the blue cloth ceased to be cloth, and fell from the bar as crystal clear water onto the statue, down the steps, and into a lake.
Usagi's eyes roved across the miniature world that Elizabeth had created for herself, hungry for more. It was breathtakingly beautiful—so beautiful that her heart throbbed and emotion rose into her throat, only barely choked back down. She glanced up at Ran and saw nothing of what she was feeling on his face. Then he glanced down at her and started ever so slightly— enough to let her know that he had been searching for the same expression of wonderment on her.
Pleased that her poker face skills hadn't deteriorated along with her will to play hard to get, she allowed warmth to beam at him through her eyes, and then pulled a smirk to her face. Ha! She would show everyone exactly what kind of girl the legendary Princess Serenity was. With any luck, it would be the exact opposite of what they were expecting.
After what seemed like an eternity, their feet tapped gently against the bottom of the stairs. Usagi shook herself out of the stupor induced by the splendor around her and spun back around to see the three that were more important than she was. God, that pissed her off. She hated not being the most important. A sudden thought tugged her eyes towards Ran, who was talking quietly with a group of men behind her.
What if…. What if she was only number four because of Ran, and his position as a Lord of Darkness? She gave herself a hearty mental beating. How could she even think something like that? That, she reassured herself confidently, was totally impossible. She was way too important to be number four only because of a man. Poor Ran, she thought suddenly. He must have only been number four because of her. He was only a Lord, after all. Poor guy, she thought sympathetically.
Then she realized that she had missed number three's name, so she snapped back to attention, and was utterly dismayed to find what seemed to only be a teenage girl descending the stairs. Some of the indignation that she was feeling must have showed in her face, because the next thing she knew Ran was right next to her, whispering in her ear.
"Her name's Skuld— she's a goddess, love. Only second class, but still divinity. You can't get much higher up than that. And there's her sister Urd, also a second class goddess. Next ought to be Belldandy, who's a first classer. You're jealous, aren't you?"
Usagi started in surprise, and then looked up and him with a raised eyebrow. "Of course. I'd like very much to be at the top of that list," she said, eyes fixed on the woman descending the stairs.
Feeling cranky now, Usagi was very much in the mood for wine. Or a pair of violet eyes to cheer her up. A funny comment would do her wonders right then. Loneliness washed over her, then. God, she missed Duo. A few days ago she would have denied it until she breathed her last, but she was realizing more and more how much she truly….
Usagi sighed out loud and shook her head slightly. If she wanted to retain hope of ever getting over Duo, she had better not even think the damned L-word. It would mean the end of her sanity. She'd probably go nuts and do something very rash and most likely very, very stupid.
Then suddenly the sound of the final foot stepping onto the tiled floor echoed through the room. Excitement swelled against the walls and pressed against Usagi's body. She felt like she wanted to jump up and scream.
JUST GET THE GODDAMN PARTY STARTED!
And then as if it had been waiting for her cue, the party began.
*
So, Duo thought to himself. Here he was. At home. All by his lonesome self. Goddammit, he thought sourly. He really was a screw up. He should just accept it and get on with life… life without Usagi….
"GGGGGGGAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" he yelled into his empty house, dropping down onto his bed.
God, he was such a dumbass. It was like some kind of curse upon him. See girl, get with girl, inevitably lose girl. The better the girl, the more explosive the breakup. Jesus, it really kind of pissed him off!
He pressed his knuckles into his eyes and growled. He felt helpless now, and that made him feel even worse. Duo pulled himself to his feet and scuffed his way to the kitchen. He needed food. Or maybe beer. Ugh. To even think that a stupid woman could reduce him to such a mess. It was humiliating… and yes, that made him mad too.
He reached up and grabbed the box of Cheerios down from the cabinet and dumped the remaining cereal into his bowl. Sighing to himself, he drowned it in milk. Poking the mess experimentally with a spoon, he suddenly made a noise of disgust and dumped it all down into the sink.
"Aw, shit," he grumbled.
There was a creaking noise behind him. He spun around quickly and scanned the room quickly. The kitchen door was swinging slightly. A cold hand clawed at his heart, and he gave the room an once-over again.
"Where the fuck are you? I know you're in here, dammit! I'm drunk and I'm dangerous!"
"If you're drunk," a voice purred from behind him, "that means that your reaction time is much, much slower," the person whispered into his ear, hands slipping around his waist.
He swore and spun around, finding himself face to face with… Usagi. His voice got stuck in his throat. As he tried futilely to clear the junk from his throat, she smiled at him and drew closer.
"Don't even try to talk, Duo," she whispered. "That was always the problem, wasn't it? It was always talk between us…. We never let each other really say anything though, did we? I'll bet that if I had just listened to what you really wanted to say… I'll bet things would be really different now, huh?"
A strangled cry managed to make its way out of his throat, and she smiled at his attempt. "It told you to stop trying," she whispered, laying her gold head against his chest.
"Did we ever let ourselves just sit together? Don't you wish that we still could? Don't you wish that my pride didn't get in the way of the things I had to say to you? Don't you wish that maybe your pride wasn't getting in the way… now?" she asked, touching his throat with two feather light fingers.
"Doesn't all that wishing get tiring?" she asked, snuggling closer. "Don't you wish that it was all over, and your pain could just go away?"
He felt his eyes beginning to close. Yes. Oh god yes, he wished it was over. He just didn't have the energy to keep on pretending like he was over Usagi. It was too tiring to even pretend that he would ever find someone. It was useless—he led a cursed love life. No one would ever love him. Usagi was never coming back to him. Life was never going to have a happy ending.
Suddenly the phone rang, but he blocked it out of his mind. He just wanted to just drift away… screw everyone else. Then the answering machine came on, and the last voice he ever expected to hear rang through his head.
"Um, god I feel like a moron. Uhhh… shit. Okay. Goddammit, I'm not good at this! Alright. As friends, Duo, I could really use one of your… uh. One of your jokes right now. I feel kind of shitty, and I'm at a party… and god that pisses me off… and it's all your fault… goddammit why couldn't you have just picked up your goddamn phone? Okay, okay, I've got to go. Maybe we can hang out if I ever come back to Tokyo, okay? JESUS CHRIST I HATE DOING THIS!"
Then she hung up.
For Duo, it was like sunshine had just broken through a particularly dark cloud. Suddenly remembering that he had been hallucinating about holding Usagi, he looked down. And then he screamed and shoved the blue, scaly woman in his arms away from him.
Her eyes narrowed dangerously and she hissed, dropping down into fighting stance. Duo shook his head like a dog and stared at her in total shock.
"What the fuck is going on?" he asked incredulously.
"Basically," the creature hummed, "I've been sent to kill you. It's all very complicated and confusing—"
"Care to explain it to me? I'd really prefer to be killed for a cause that I know, rather then be randomly knocked off by your average scaly blue woman. Okay?"
She sighed. "Fine. Basically it's like this. There's a department of people that deal with supernatural love. Specifically dealing with the Class A wild cards, like your ex-girlfriend Usagi. Since they'd all fall madly in love with her upon seeing her, they sent one of their members in the form of a child to try to get Usagi back together with her true love, or else he'd have to kill her. But see, it turns out that back in Serenity's old life she was quite a bit of a heartbreaker, and his was one of the hearts she broke. She was also quite a bit older than he was, which didn't really help much. It was all very scandalous and wonderful. Anyways. He decides that he doesn't want to see Usagi with anyone at all if it wasn't him, so he hires this horde of youma to attack Usagi and you. Then there's this guy Ran who was supposed to be killing Usagi sometime soon, but we just got a report that he decided to fall in love with her instead, so now the only option we have is to kill you before Usagi realizes that you're her one true love (as corny as that sounds). So pretty much he wants to bring on the apocalypse. And since Usagi was very drunk when she just called you, the probability that you'll ever get back together is slim to none. Sorry buddy. You're going to die either way, so… suck it up."
"Would you mind being turned into a parrot? You strike me as a very nice person, and I'd really hate to see you killed or something. So how about you just not kill me, and become a pet parrot or something?"
Her jaw suddenly dropped wide open and he pointed a wavering finger at him. "Oh my god! HOW COULD YOU? YOU'RE A FUCKING CLOSET TYPE A! I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!" she screamed.
And then she disappeared.
Duo stared at the place that she had previously occupied and chalked it down to severe delusions brought on by waaaaay too much alcohol. Yes. Much too much alcohol.
Incidentally, there were two other boys who were enjoying much the same sensation. Not the sensation of an insane woman with blue scales attacking you, but rather the sensation of having consumed more than what was considered to be a reasonable amount of champagne.
Draco and Harry, however, were completely unconcerned with their frightening inability to focus on the other. Harry giggled, rolled his eyes madly and guffawed.
"And then he put his hand on my shoulder like this," the boy said practically falling over with the effort it took to put his hand on Draco's shoulder, "and told me the secret."
Draco giggled in response and leaned in closer, almost knocking Harry off balance. "What was the secret?" he whispered loudly.
Harry frowned at him. "Why are you whispering?"
The blonde boy was silent for a long time. "I'm not whispering," Draco finally whispered.
"Yes you are."
"No I'm not! Stop whispering Harry," Draco mumbled as he peered suspiciously down into his champagne glass.
Harry, stunned by the logic, reeled wildly and only barely saved himself from falling over… again. "So… when I TALK LIKE THIS," he yelled, "I'm whispering. And when I talk like this," he said softly, "I'm… not."
Draco shrugged and stole another champagne glass from the waiter. "I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about," he said primly.
"You boys are utterly wasted," Usagi said amusedly, popping up beside them.
They both promptly gave her large hugs. "Can I have your babies?" they asked in unison.
The blonde let out a loud laugh, indicating that Draco and Harry hadn't been the only ones drinking. "Nooooooo," she said in a very peculiar voice. Then she was grabbed by a passing man and whisked out to the dance floor. Draco looked solemnly after her.
"What," Harry asked in fear, "sis… sit… sissy… itty… titty… heeheehee… is… that?" he implored, jabbing a finger at the floor.
"I think it's Usagi's… thing."
"Thing?"
"Yes," Draco said imperiously. "Her thing."
They both looked at it.
"What does it do?" Harry asked finally.
"Things," Draco said promptly.
"Things?"
"Yes. Things."
A pretty girl suddenly stomped towards them, black hair bouncing. "Have you seen a jerk with silver hair and dog ears running by here?"
They stared at her. Obviously displeased at not getting a reaction, she stomped closer to them. The two boys continued to stare at her. Her face was getting red by now. They both smiled in unison. She opened her mouth to bellow.
They both beat her to the punch. "Did you know that you're very, very pretty?" Draco and Harry asked.
The girl froze in her tracks. "What?"
"You have beautiful hair," Harry began.
"And the most enrapturing eyes I have ever seen." Draco finished.
A tell tale blush spread like wildfire across her face. Mortified at her reaction, she pressed her hands to her cheeks. "Oh, I don't know what to say!"
"Say you'll stay," Harry asked sincerely.
"Please," Draco added for extra touch.
The two boys noted in amazement that they could see her cheeks burning through her fingers. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, she nodded.
"Yeah, I guess so. It's not like anyone I came here with cares about me. I'm Kagome. Who're you two?"
Draco opened his mouth and then shut it again quickly. Then he shrugged. "Platter."
"I… am… Mount… Rushmore." Harry said with great difficulty.
Kagome gave them a very odd look, and then laughed suddenly. "You two are completely wasted. I think I need to get dunk too," she suddenly declared. "I'll be right back, though. I need to save some blonde haired Galaxy Police woman or something from Miroku. And then I'll need to save Miroku from Sango. Hey, is this your cell phone?"
"Yes, that is our thing," Draco said imperiously as he carefully took it out of her hands.
She sighed and then laughed again. "You have no idea how wrong that sounds. I'll be right back!" she called over her shoulder as she ran off.
Once she was out of sight Harry grabbed the phone from Draco, pushed a random button, and held it to his ear. They waited, Draco and Harry almost mashing their faces together in order to hear what was going on. Suddenly the phone picked up.
"Usagi! I got your call but—"
"What?" Harry gargled. "Usagi? YOU KNOW HER? DRACO," he "whispered", "THIS MUST MEAN THAT HE KNOWS HER EVIL THING THAT IS ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH TO… THINGS."
"Dude, you're drunk."
"Dude, you're drunk."
"Dude, your mom!"
"Dude, your sister!"
"Dude…." Draco paused meaningfully and flapped his hands. "BOTH OF THEM!"
"Dude, stop whispering."
"DUDE, YOU'RE DUCKING FRUNK!"
Upon hearing these magical words they both gasped loudly and then exploded with laughter. "Ducking frunk, ducking frunk, ducking frunk!" they bean to carol as they waltzed madly around the punch table. Muttering nervously amongst themselves, the crowd backed slowly away, until someone hurtled himself at the table.
"TA RA RAH BOOM DEEEE AAAAYYYYY!!!!"
Then there was a huge roar and the crowd cautiously surrounding the table surged at it, all laughing hysterically.
When Kagome finally made her was back to where she remembered Mount and Platter being, she was shocked to find that she couldn't find her former companions anywhere. She was about on the verge of a panic attack when something grabbed her leg and yanked her downwards.
She fell with a squawk and suddenly found herself staring right at Platter and Mount. So. There they were. The three of them. Sitting under the table. Harry had a firm grip on her ankle while Draco was nursing another glass of champagne. She swore softly, and then yanked her ankle away from Harry.
"Do you know how much you scared me?" she demanded hotly.
They said nothing. Instead of using words, Draco waved his hand and another glass of champagne appeared. Harry snatched it out of the air and offered it to Kagome.
"To being ducking frunk," he cheered.
She blinked, and then sighed. She might as well give in to it. Without knowing how she got to the party or how to leave, she was going to just have to sit it out. And… seeing as Inu Yasha obviously didn't give a damn about where she was or what she was doing, she might as well sit it out drunk off her ass.
Yes, the other 90% of her brain told her. Good idea.
So she took the glass.
MEANWHILE
Usagi turned a baleful eye on the appetizers. They were still there. She looked around warily, and took a small step towards them. The world, following the pattern that had defined her life for the past few minutes, spun happily around her. She felt like she should very much join the world's merriment, but there was food there, and she wanted to eat it, dammit!
"Here, do you need some help?" someone asked from behind her.
Her internal sex fiend alarm went off crazily, and she sighed in happiness. It was about bloody time someone who just wanted a good time came along. She turned around with a smile. The man before her was by no means match for either of her two lo--- friends, but he was, all things considered, a very hot piece of ass. His lavender hair fell messily in his eyes, and Usagi was suddenly struck by a realization.
The current long haired shaggy fad for guys was for the sole purpose of driving girls mad with the urge to brush it out of their eyes. So, thinking of nothing else to do, she told him so. His first reaction to that was surprise, but it was rather alarmingly replaced by a smirk.
"By all means, be my guest," he invited.
Usagi smiled and leaned closer to him. "I don't even need to be invited," she whispered reaching up.
"Princess Serenity Usagi Ai Tsukino! What on Earth do you think you're doing?" Queen Serenity snapped, marching up to her daughter.
Usagi didn't even pause, but wound her arms around the other man's neck. "I'm just acquainting myself with this lovely young man. Surely you don't have an objection to that, do you?" she asked, one eyebrow cocked.
The Queen sputtered. "What about Ran?" she demanded finally.
"We're not even dating, Mother. What you witnessed between us was called flirting. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go dancing with this guy, okay?"
"Some people never change. Even after countless spells and multiple deaths. Never could get you over your little habit," Queen Serenity growled.
That comment, however, stopped Usagi. She looked up at the man, and then drew away from him. Then she spun on her mother, eyes blazing furiously.
"Is there something you'd like to tell me, Mother?" she hissed, getting right up in the lavender haired woman's face. "Maybe a little tidbit about my life that you perchance forgot to mention?"
"Girls, girls calm down. As much as I'd love a bloody bitch fight, this is not the time," her aunt Lily said, breaking in between the mother and daughter. "What Serenity here is talking about is a little trait that she locked away inside of you when you were…"
Usagi raised an impatient eyebrow. "Yes? What?"
"When you and Endymion made your engagement "official". Before that time you were a bit of a, uh, rampant heartbreaker."
"You mean slut," a new voice broke in. "Hi Serenity, remember me?"
Usagi looked at the new speaker with a smile. "Yeah, if whatever they're saying is true, I guess that'd be the word to use. I've heard it used often enough on me. Now, if you'll excuse me," she said with a smile as she began to edge back towards the man, who reached out and inconspicuously began to draw her towards him.
"Oh no, you're not going ANYWHERE! Mother, I want you to tell my dear cousin exactly what she was in her past life. Now!" the girl yelled, shaking Usagi's arm furiously.
The blonde was feeling very much abused. This was not how parties were supposed to go. But there! There, behind the girl in front of her, was salvation! Something that would make her whole night feel better! With this thought in mind she began sneaking slowly closer to joy.
Her Aunt Lily, who was apparently the mother of the other blonde menace, sighed heavily. "Arimi, dear, I'm not going to tell your cousin anything that she doesn't want to— what the bloody hell are you doing?"
Usagi froze in the midst of disappearing under the table. "I am," she said finally, "escaping so I can have one goddamn dance with that VERY UPSET MAN OVER THERE!" she shouted, waving an arm at the man.
They all turned and looked at him. He was just standing there. Apparently something tragic happened very suddenly, because he began to sob hysterically. A look of true sadness overcame Usagi's fairy-like features.
"See? This is all making him cry, and I feel that I need to set this to rights. Now," she added meaningfully.
The girl scowled and crossed her arms. "I'm not letting you go anywhere. My name's Arimi. I'm the reincarnation of your cousin from the Moon Kingdom, and I want to challenge you to a duel!"
A gleam came to Usagi's eye. "Say, Arimi, since we're such good buddies and all, would you mind telling me where I can get some of what you're smoking?"
The blonde girl clenched her teeth. "I'm SERIOUS!" she yelled.
Usagi sighed and stood up, dusting off her knees. "Now listen here. I don't know what you think you're doing, challenging me to a duel or whatever, but you've got to be kidding. There is no way that you could beat me. Hell, I whipped Chaos' ass, and he's apparently the big bad of the universe or whatever. Why do you want to duel with me anyways?"
Arimi's cheeks were flushed with fury. "For my boyfriend, Ginta! He confessed that you two had a thing going while he was dating me! And it was all your fault, too!"
Usagi was hard pressed to keep from laughing. Yeah, she remembered Ginta. She had decided to go to tennis camp over the summer one time while she and Duo were broken up, and she had a little fling with a guy there. It *was* just a fling, and she was glad it was over. He hadn't been all that great, and he kept on thinking that they were going out or some weird shit. And he was blaming her for it? Granted, she had a fair hand in the relationship (hahahaha, fair hand… *cough*) but it was as much his fault as hers.
"So then Ginta, you've forgotten exactly when we did hook up?" she asked lightly. Ooooh watch the bastard squirm. WATCH HIM SQUIRM!
He squirmed obligingly, and Arimi threw her arms around him protectively. "You have no right to traumatize him like this! Ginta's a great guy, and I know he wouldn't do that to me! I know it!"
Usagi opened her mouth to snap out a nasty comment, but suddenly she met Ginta's pleading eyes and all her fight drained out of her. It was love, for better or for worse. And the guilt he would have to live with would be far worse than whatever scene she could possibly cause.
"Right, Arimi. It was totally my fault. But it was just a fling, and I know that I am a seductive little bitch," she said with a wink at the other girl, "so whatever. A duel isn't necessary. If my apology is all you needed, you have it. So I'm really going to go dance with this nice man— by the way, what is your name?" she inquired of the purple haired man.
"Trunks," he said with a grin as he captured her hand and dragged her out to the dance floor. "I'd ask your name, but I've heard it being screamed at you all night, so I think I've got it down well enough. So why'd you lie back there?"
Usagi shrugged and nestled her head on his chest. "It was love. I always feel bad about messing with it. And the guilt he's going to feel will eventually be worse than what I could have done tonight."
"Out of curiosity, how did you guys get started?"
Usagi laughed. "I had been flirting relentlessly with him for about three days. I had broken up with my boyfriend again and I was really in need of some attention. He seemed like a nice guy, so I went for it. I gave up after a while and was just going to go for one of the bigger sex fiend guys at camp, but then about after two days of no flirting whatsoever he cornered me—well, I let myself be cornered, more like it—and, well, that was completely his fault. It was, however, very nice," she said nostalgically.
Trunks laughed. "You're still hung up on that boyfriend you broke up with, huh?"
WHAT? Stunned, Usagi pulled away from him. "What?" she whispered. WAS SHE SO FUCKING OBVIOUS? JESUS CHRIST!
The man opposite her chuckled again and drew her close. "Princess, hmm? I'd heard people talking about you all night, you know. The way you smiled seemed to be a big topic. Your attitude was another. And another I heard a lot was the way you smelled," he mumbled, inhaling softly. "I mostly looked for you out of curiosity, to see if there really could be a woman so amazing that people had heard about her everywhere. So I found you, and you have no idea how surprised I was to see that they were all right about you."
Usagi sniffed. "I catch myself by surprise in the mirror every day. 'Who could that lovely, nice smelling girl with a wonderful smile possibly be?' And then I remember that it's me and—"
"Another topic of conversation was your arrogance," he interrupted with a laugh.
Usagi laughed in response. Trunks' laughter was infectious, and it was nice to laugh. With Ran it was always like it was too… intense to laugh. "So your story's wonderful, but is there a point?"
He grinned down at her with a flawless white smile. "Of course, dear. When I found you, you were yelling into your cell phone at some man named Duo— about how you were bad at admitting that you were weak without him."
"I'm not weak without him!" Usagi snapped hotly. "I can function perfectly fine without him!"
"You're weak without him," Trunks repeated, ignoring the blonde. "And so I thought to myself, 'What kind of asshole would bring a woman like this one down to that level?' To me, the answer was obvious. He's the kind of asshole that you must be head over heels in—"
She clapped a hand over his mouth and squeezed her eyes shut. "Please. Please don't say it. I've been forcing myself away from that word all night and if you say that word it will ALL be in vain and I swear to God that I will hunt you down and kill you once I'm done making a total fool out of myself," she hissed fiercely.
"What makes you think that you'd make a fool out of yourself? You seem to be a quite reasonable person."
"Do I?" she asked, one eyebrow arched. "That's strange, because I am quite enthusiastically not. I am the kind of person who will make a huge scene—quite against my own will, of course." She shrugged. "These things happen to me," she said with a slight grin.
"And I'm sure that you love it that way," he smiled down at her.
"Mmmmm. I do love it. Until it comes down to this night, where I have to choose, I guess. I hate it when that happens," she explained.
"I'm not sure I understand—"
Regretfully, he was cut off by a trumpet sounding off. Confetti erupted from the sides of the grand staircase, and a huge lion burst out from behind the curtains. Gold showered down from the ceiling, and somewhere someone burst out into a very badly sung rendition of Barenaked Ladies' "One Week". At roughly the same moment there was a loud bang and a huge rip appeared in the air. Mist billowed out from the mist, swirling quite nicely around the glowing figure that was slowly descending from the rip.
"What the hell is going on?" Trunks demanded, staring at the happenings in utter confusion.
Usagi plucked a glass of champagne off a passing tray, and took a sip. "I'm pleased as piss to say that I haven't the faintest idea," she announced. "I do know, however, that I'm not nearly drunk enough to be hallucinating this. I need to fix that," she muttered, stealing another glass of champagne.
"Amen," Trunks muttered.
DavesWickedAngel: I'm THRILLED to the core that you like my story! My computer crashed, so I lost all of the junk, which is why I haven't emailed anyone much lately…. Thousand apologies!!!!!!
Sage: The Dark Dryad: I'm sorry it took so long to update!!! You wouldn't believe how slow ideas can come. And now… guess what? I'm TOTALLY STUCK. *weeps*
x3-staR3e-x3: I'm not called Crazygurl for nothing!
kaekoe: Thanks for the pigeon/chipmunk tip. I'll make sure to watch out. *dons protective gear*
Riru-chan: I'm terrified of you. I don't like being sat down! *begins to cry* And… and… GIVE ME INSPIRATION! PLEASE!!! I'm so humbled….
Lynn: That's GREAT! I love it when people love my stuff!!!! I like spastic and crazy Usagi. She makes me laugh. I know, kind of (really) OOC… but… OH WELL.
Ginzou Tsuki: Of COURSE I'll continue this and other stories… eventually….
Aisha Chang: Cool indeed.
Yukai O Kitsune: I have four words for you: thanks for the review!
Robin the Jarbog: THE TOAST SONG SHALL RULE THE WORLD! AND THE BEST JOKE IN THE WORLD INDEED!!! Lol. I'd forgotten about Duliet and Pomeo. Wow. Amazing what you can remember about jr. high when you read back over your old work…. THANKS FOR BEING A SUPER REVIEWER!
Celestial DreamBlaze: UNSTABILITY IS MY FORTE! I love your reviews…. THANKS FOR MAKING ME LAUGH MADLY!!!!!
Silver Blaze: I WRITE TO PLEASE!!!! *beams happily* Of course… I also write to make sure that insanity in my work doesn't bubble up in ME…..
Chibi-Morri: Differences aside, you're a great reviewer! I'd better get it finished then, so you can refresh your memory (providing that you don't decide to hate me)!!!
adb: I LOVE THE CRAZINESS OF THIS WORLD!