SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE

The night was cold but it didn't affect me one bit. The wind whipped around me as if trying to sway me but all my attention was somewhere else. I stood rooted to the ground as I stared at the beautiful being a few meters away from me. She had her back facing me but even then, the mere sight of her sent a strange warmth throughout my naturally cold body. If my heart could beat, I knew it would be beating a mile a minute. Or probably stopped beating.

I couldn't believe that it was only a few months ago when I thought I had lost Buffy forever. I could still remember the look on Willow's face when she greeted me at the hotel. A combination of grief and sadness masked her face, causing my body to go numb with dread. Buffy's name fell out of my mouth without thinking and fear gripped my dead heart. The next I knew, I was on my knees, Cordelia rushing towards Willow and demanding from her the whole story. I didn't hear what she said to Cordy, the surrounding noises becoming muffled as my mind was filled with images of Buffy lying cold and dead on the ground.

I snapped back to the present and focused on the Slayer before me. She was seated on the bench now, looking everywhere but behind her. I knew I was late but I still made no attempt to reach her. I was too comfortable staring at her. It was only a moment later when I decided to meet her. As much as I wanted to stand back and savor the joy of her being alive, I wanted to hold in my arms just as badly.

I took a step forward, dry leaves crunching beneath my weight, and I approached her slowly. Buffy whipped around at the sound of my movement and her eyes lit up in delight.

"Angel," she whispered as she stood up. I produced a small smiled and gathered her in my arms. To have her in my arms, to feel her again was so refreshing that it made my head spin. A knot formed at the back of my throat and I squeezed my eyes shut to prevent any tears from falling. She pulled away from me and gazed into my eyes, her own filled with unshed tears.

"I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too," I said. I felt my voice crack a little and I nearly kicked myself. So much for me being manly. She covered the space between us, tilted her head and pressed her lips against mine. Her lips were warm and moist and tasted a bit like strawberries. Just the way I remembered. I kissed her back like I've never kissed her before, years of not seeing her and the feeling of relief to see her alive driving me on. I wanted to stay like this forever but I knew I had to stop. For her sake not mine. After all, she needed to breathe.

Buffy pulled away and my lips immediately felt cold and empty. I studied her face, every detail, every curve, memorizing her even though the image of her beautiful face was already seared in my head forever. "I missed you so much," I choked out. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"You can't make me stay dead that easily," she joked.

Angel chuckled. "Damn right."

We released each other and took a seat on the park bench. I reached out for her hand and took it in my grasp, giving a squeeze. I wanted to stay in touch with her, literally, to feel her warm skin against mine, just to remind myself that she was indeed alive and is not one of my many dreams.

"I'm glad you made it," Buffy said. "For a while there I thought you bailed on me."

Bail on her? Not likely. I had been dreaming about this moment since I heard about her death, praying, hoping and yearning that one of my dreams would come through. "Not in a million years," I told her.

Buffy smiled that smile I fell in love with. "Good."

"So, tell me what happened. Last I heard you jumped of a tower. You trying to leap tall buildings now?"

She fell silent and I wondered whether I brought up a touchy topic. "Long story," she said finally. She looked down at our hands and I couldn't help but follow her graze. I still couldn't believe how our hands looked together. They were a perfect match.

I realized the mood dampened a little bit and I knew at once I brought up a touchy topic. "Right. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," I assured her.

Buffy nodded, not replying. Then she spoke up. "I'm sorry."

I blinked at her apology. I was about to ask her what she meant when something dawn on me. I was brought back to the memory of a time when I was in Hell and wasn't there for Buffy. I couldn't imagine what sort of pain I brought on her for not being there but I guess she was trying to apologize for causing the same pain and the lost feeling she brought on for me when she died because she knew what it might have felt for him. Now I know how she felt. In a way weird way, they were even.

"Guess we are even now," I said with a small laugh, speaking my mind. Buffy looked up at me and I met her gaze. "So everything's ok now?" I asked. Buffy's blue-green eyes didn't leave my dark ones as she stayed silent. I could see her eyes filled with conflict as her contemplated about her reply. For some reason, I knew she was going to lie to me, to tell me that everything was ok even though things were clearly not. I could see it on her pained face she was still struggling to be alive, to be in this world.

"I trust that it would get better," she finally replied, surprising me with her answer. It wasn't exactly a lie but I hoped it was the truth.

I nodded, not wanting to push her any further. I knew she wouldn't clue me in on what's going on with her unless she sees fit to do so. I let go of her small hand and wrapped my arm around her, drawing her close. Buffy leaned against the crook of my arm, her cheek pressed against my chest where my non-beating heart was. The feel of her body pressed against me brought many repressed memories to the surface that I couldn't help but relive them all.

The old memories made me feel that I should be there for her, to help her regain her footing in this world again. I knew she had friends to help her but were they strong enough to give her the support she so badly needs?

I closed my eyes and shook my head slightly. Buffy wasn't a child anymore. She's practically a grown woman and I have to trust that she can take care of herself. Besides, she wasn't alone. Her friends and sister were there and I was just a phone call away. And for all I know, she may not want my help.

So instead I said, "Whatever you need, you know where to find me." I dropped a kiss on her head, telling her I meant every word. Please say you need me, Buffy. I'll be there for you every step of the way. Just say you need me. Much to my disappointment, she didn't respond. She just nodded. I pushed my disappointment away and focused on the fact that she was alive and here with me instead.

I stayed with her till the rays of the sun threatened to burn my existence. We didn't speak or move. We just stayed seated with my arms around her and with her being near my silent heart. She didn't think it was necessary to talk and I couldn't agree more. All I wanted to do was just sit here and enjoy her presence.

We promised to keep in touch when we departed. We kissed one last time and parted ways. My heart felt much lighter when I climbed into the car. Both my heart and mind were at ease to know that Buffy was safe and alive again.

My whole being was almost filled with happiness to know that Buffy was in the world again. My soul almost soared with joy.

Almost.

END