"Look at me Harry."
I try to pry my gaze away from the window, away from staring into nothingness. I try to turn my head but it refuses to obey my commands. I cannot bear to face her, not now she knows. How can I look into those soft brown eyes again without betraying everything I've tried to suppress, everything I've held inside for so long? I just want to quash the voice inside that keeps reminding me that maybe, just maybe, she feels the same way.
"Turn around," it whispers to me. "What's the worst that could happen?"
I blot out the voice, but I can't make it go away. I can't stop it from controlling me. The voice is my love for her, and nothing can hold it back. Sooner or later it must escape.
I still say nothing.
"If you don't look at her, you'll never know..." the voice reminds me.
It has a point. I can feel my thoughts starting to drift, I imagine what would happen if the voice is right. What if she does feel the same way? If she knows, then everything is already lost, everything will change no matter what.
Why don't I just look into her eyes and lay bare all the secrets of my soul? If I lay all my cards on the table, at least I'll know if she's for real or just bluffing. The game is over and I've already lost, she has the upper hand now and she knows it. My resistance is crumbling.
I curse myself for being so obvious, for allowing my stares to linger past the point where they become pointed, for allowing my mind to roam through the what-ifs, the wherefores and hithertos.
I curse the times I let down my guard and let slip even a glimpse of my true feelings, and most of all I curse myself for letting the voice take over, for not checking my feelings while I had the chance. For now the voice is always there, and I no longer control my feelings - they control me.
I steel my gaze upon the blackness outside the window, but I'm about to break.
"Look at me," she says again, but her tone is softer. She knows and she's trying to let me down easily.
I turn around.
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"What was it then?"
Ginny looked nervous. She caught Harry's eye for a moment, trying to read his feelings, then she turned away again, continuing her sudden new-found interest in her feet. She sighed, then abruptly she looked at Harry again, and her eyes were softer. Harry couldn't remember her looking at him like that for a long time. She opened her mouth to speak.
"I... I-"
She never got to finish the sentence though, for at that moment the door of the compartment sprung open once more, and the grinning faces of Ron and Hermione appeared.
"Caught you!" Ron exclaimed, flopping onto the seat beside Harry. "I told you to watch out for her mate, she's a man-eater that one!" He looked at Ginny, expecting the usual scowl to cross her face, but she just looked thoughtful, as if she had not even heard him. She still stared straight ahead at Harry.
"Ron!" exclaimed Hermione disapprovingly. "Oh Harry it's great to see you!" she crowed, pulling him into a quick hug and then sitting down opposite him beside Ginny. "You have no idea how much we missed you this summer. We begged Dumbledore to let you leave the Dursleys but he wouldn't have it, he said there was nowhere safe for you to go."
Harry tried to shake the look of bewilderment from his face. He was torn between happiness at finally seeing his friends again and curiosity over what Ginny was about to say. The cogs whirred silently in his brain and he thought he knew what Ginny meant. With a sudden stab of nervousness he also realized that he didn't know what his response would be.
After a few more awkward seconds he finally tore his eyes away from Ginny's. "Yeah well you know Dumbledore," he said, "it's not really summer unless he packs me off to Privet Drive for another two months of torture."
"Oh Harry, you know he's only doing it for your own good," Hermione said, hoping that Harry would was not about to go into a rage like he had the previous year.
"She's right mate," Ron agreed, "if Dumbledore's doing this then he must have a good reason. At least it's over now though, eh?"
"Yes it is." Harry said, smiling broadly. He couldn't contain his happiness and excitement at finally being with his two best friends again. And to his delight they seemed just the same as ever, Ron boisterous and uncouth, Hermione disapproving but amused. Everything was just like it had always been.
"So how was your summer?" he asked, smiling, all traces of bitterness now gone from his voice. Seeing his two friends again had freed him from the depression he'd been feeling a moment earlier, and he found that he could not be angry at them even though he had wanted to be.
Ron and Hermione shot each other a curious glance. "It was great," Hermione answered. "Ron's parents let me come and stay at the Burrow again while my mum and dad were in France, and you know what that's like Harry, never a dull moment." She smiled.
"Yeah," continued Ron, "we just passed the time really, nothing too exciting to tell you about. Although we did visit Fred and George's joke shop in Diagon Alley, blew half my savings there to tell you the truth. You're lucky mum still didn't find out where they got the gold to start the shop, she'd go mental if she did!"
The afternoon wore on and Ron amused Harry with more tales from the Burrow over games of exploding snap and wizard's chess, while Hermione and Ginny whispered conspiratorially to each other in the other corner of the carriage, occasionally giggling and shooting glances at the two boys.
"Beats me what they talk about..." Ron said eventually. "Checkmate by the way," he added, as Ron's queen strode across the board and viciously attacked Harry's king.
"Well, they're girls aren't they, who knows?" Harry said thoughtfully, regarding the board and yet another defeat to Ron at chess. "Someone should write a book about how to know what girls mean and what they think, that would be really useful, I'd buy it."
"Yeah," Ron said thoughtfully, "but once they realized we knew their secrets they'd probably change everything again." He looked at Ginny and Hermione, who caught his eye and giggled, before continuing their whispered conversation.
"Harry?" Ron said, speaking quietly so that Ginny and Hermione couldn't overhear.
"Yeah..." Harry replied absentmindedly, setting up the now magically repaired chess pieces on the board.
"Harry I need to talk to you about something..." Ron continued, turning his attention completely from the chess board and looking slightly nervously at his best friend.
"What is it?" Harry said, looking up at Ron and catching the nervousness in his expression.
"Umm... not here - later." Ron said, looking fearfully at Ginny and Hermione. "In private."
"Sure thing, whenever you like," Harry replied, trying to give his friend a supportive smile. "You know I think I'm finally going to beat you this time, I have a good feeling about this game," he continued, trying to take Ron's mind off whatever it was that was bothering him.
"Yeah you wish mate," Ron said, smiling weakly but appreciatively.
The afternoon wore on into evening as the train continued its long journey, and as it pulled into Hogsmeade station all four occupants of the compartment had things on their mind. Harry and Ginny avoided each others eye, still wrestling with the memory of the moment they had shared earlier, but Ron and Hermione had a secret too, and theirs' was bothering them far more than Harry could possibly yet imagine.
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