chapter 8-- if you're still reading, you now have one year added onto your life. You're welcome. Yay!

Clark was trying out his theory, and frankly, he was a little bored. There was only so much he could think of. Why he thought more about keeping his secret a secret than actually thinking about his secret made no sense to him. That last thought barely made sense to him. To keep it simple, he had run out of things to think about. He watched the sun out of the loft windows. I wonder what I would be doing right now if there was still a Krypton. I wonder who my friends would be. Clark laughed a little— I wonder if they had high school... He then had a sobering thought—I wonder if I had older brothers or sisters that died with my parents. I must have had cousins, aunts and uncles. Family friends. Clark tried to change the subject in his mind, but couldn't. Why was I the only one to live? What made me so special that they chose me? Jor-el came to Earth before—I know they were capable of space travel... why couldn't they save themselves? Clark was pretty sure they could have, but he didn't know why the didn't. Were they so enslaved by their culture that thought they had to die with Krypton, then send a baby alone to Earth and hope no one killed him? If that was their culture, Clark was glad he didn't grow up on Krypton.

"Clark?"

Clark was a little startled. Every time he was lost in thought today his friends snuck up on him. "Lana! What are you doing here?"

Lana smiled, "Can't I visit a friend every once in a while?"

Clark smiled back, trying to hide his own skittishness from her. "Yeah, of course. You just surprised me, that's all." They both just stood there for a second when Clark got the hint. "Oh, here, sit down."

They sat in awkwardness for a full minute before Clark ventured," So, did Chloe go to see Lex?"

That broke Lana from her thoughts, "Um, we tried, actually. He wasn't there. I guess we should have called first." Again an awkward pause.

"We should do this more often," Clark said, trying to sound friendly.

"I thought he might have been here with you."

"Lex? Yeah, he stopped by about an hour ago. Probably had some other business after that."

Lana was a little relieved, "So, you guys are talking again?"

Clark didn't know how to answer that. "I don't know. I guess I'm not as mad at him, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to be careful." He quickly realized what he said and tried to make up for it, "Cautious. Suspicious..." he paused. What was he trying to say? Lana's face told him she was confused, too. "Never mind."

Lana was glad he said that, actually. She was looking for the perfect clue to introduce her list. "Actually, Clark, you can tell me."

Clark shook his head, "It's complicated."

Lana smiled sarcastically, "I am smarter than I look, Clark."

Clark rephrased, "I didn't mean hard to understand. I meant complicated as in there's so many issues going into it, I don't know where to begin."

"I have all night, Clark."

Clark smiled, "Thanks. I appreciate that." He tried to change the subject. He had to make it about her. "You know you can talk to me about anything, too." Little did he know that was just what she wanted him to say.

"Actually, Clark, there is something I wanted to talk to you about." She took the list out of her pocket. She was nervous, but what surprised her was that her arm was shaking. She didn't think she'd ever be that nervous.

"What's this?" Clark asked as he took the list from her hands.

"It's a list. A list of reasons why you should be completely honest with me." Lana tried remembering the words she'd rehearsed in her mind. "Before you say anything, Clark, hear me out."

Clark looked over the list and was suddenly frightened. Not today, he thought. I'm not strong enough to do this today.

"You are my friend, Clark. That means your problem is my problem. Your worries are my worries. That's why we have friends-- so we have someone to go through things with. Share apart of your life with."

Clark's eyes never left the paper. He had to change the subject soon, "That's a cool font, Lana. What kind is that?"

"Clark, that was a really lame attempt to change the subject. Even a two year old could see through that."

Clark looked up, "No, I really was curious about this font..."

"Clark, I'm done playing games with you. I'm not leaving until I get an answer."

"Lana, look..."

"You don't have to tell me everything, Clark." Clark looked into her eyes and saw desperation. How can I keep doing this to her? "Just give me something."

Clark looked down. He tried to search for something little he could share, but he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stop there.

Lana grabbed the list, "Remember Adam?" Clark's head shot up. Of course he remembered Adam. "Adam tried to kill me because of you."

"Adam tried to kill you because he thought you were hiding a drug that could save his life."

"That's not how it started." She looked at Clark. He knew she was telling the truth.

"What about those men who held your parents and me hostage in this barn?"

"That wasn't about me..."

Lana ignored his comment. They both knew it was about him. "What about Van? He kidnapped me to get to you."

Clark jumped up. That struck a chord, "Don't you see, Lana? That is why! That is why I can't let you in!"

Lana was surprised Clark was so emotional. She stood up, too. "Why? What is it, Clark? Because the only thing I see is me being put into danger for knowing you, Clark, not your secret." Clark tried to walk away, "And since I'm always going to know you, since I choose to be your friend, that's not going to change. I care about you, Clark. I don't want you to go through this alone. You don't have to go through this alone."

"But Pete..." stop it, Clark! Stop it before you say something you'll regret. Lana was a little confused. "What does Pete have to do with this?" Clark wouldn't answer.

"Just give me something, Clark." The words echoed in Clark's mind. "Lana, I think you should go."

"Just give me an answer. I don't care what it is, as long as it's the truth."

Clark looked at her in the eyes. "The truth is dangerous. I've said that before—this isn't news to you." Then he had another thought, "You didn't tell me about Adam because you thought it was dangerous for me to know! It's the same thing here, and no, Lana, that's not fair, but it is reality."

Lana was a little angry, "The reality is, Clark, that I told you about Adam. I decided to trust you, to let you help me carry that burden. And if I recall, that was the night that you told me I could tell you anything, even if it put you in danger. That goes both ways,

Clark."

"I don't think you realize what danger you'd be in. And I can't let you make that kind of decision without all of the facts."

"So tell me! Tell me what kind of danger I'd be in, and I'll decide if I want to risk it."
Clark wondered how he was going to get out of this one. Get angry. Yes, that's it... when anger takes over, it's hard to feel anything else. "Look, Lana, this is different than you think it is!" Lana shook her head. "Just you shaking your head no shows you don't understand." Clark paused. He was feeling a little guilty for yelling at her. After all, she was just trying to help him. But helping him could get her hurt... "Everyone who has found out says it's different, Lana. Everyone." He hoped he wasn't giving too much away, yet he knew she had probably guessed other people knew his secret.

"I'm not everyone, Clark. I'm me." She paused. "I'm your friend."

Clark relaxed a little. "That's why I can't tell you." He couldn't tell her anything at all.

Lana tried again, "Clark..."

"Look Lana, I have some stuff I have to do in my house. Thanks for stopping by. I'll see you at school tomorrow." Lana tried to protest, but it didn't work. Clark hurried past her, leaving her once again alone and clueless. She started down the stairs. It was a long walk home, and it was already starting to get dark.