Chapter 8:
Lily looked up from her homework, and saw James Potter stride into the library. Lily sighed, and rolled her eyes. There'd be no way she could finish her homework here now. She started collecting it up, intending to move away as soon as James slid into the empty seat beside her. But to her surprise, he slumped down in the corner, staring into space. She cocked her head and stared at him, but his eyes didn't even flicker in her direction. She smiled to herself. Even though she was a little rattled at this strange behaviour, she was glad she wouldn't have to waste her time searching the castle for somewhere to work. She unpacked her stuff, and, with a final glance at James, set to work. She became so involved she didn't notice the hours flying by. When she finally looked up from her parchment, the library was empty. She smiled, pleased with her work. Suddenly, she noticed another person in the room. She turned around, and saw James still sitting in the corner, still staring out into space, a glazed expression on his face. She shook her head.
'Having fun?' she asked. He ignored her. 'I'm sorry, Lily Evans, you do not merit an answer. Are you angry with me, James?' she expected him to raise his hand to his heart and bat his eyelashes dramatically at her for saying his name, but he did nothing. 'James?' he blinked, and looked at her.
'Why would I be angry with you, Evans?' she stared at him. That was the first time he had ever called her by her last name.
'Oh, so I'm Evans now, am I?'
'You always were.'
'Yes, but you used to call me Lily.'
'Sorry, Lily. I didn't realize it was so important to you.'
'It's not.'
'Then why are you going on about it?'
'I'm not, I was just curious.'
'Curiosity killed the cat.' Lily stared at James.
'Geez, what's up your ass?' Get up on the wrong side off the bed, did you?'
James said nothing.
'Well, then, as riveting as this conversation is, I'm leaving. I've finished my homework.'
James still said nothing. Lily packed up her books, got up and walked away, stopping and turning around to look at him in the doorway. 'Goodbye.' he looked away. 'Aren't you going to say goodbye?'
'See ya, Lily.' Lily stared at him, sensing a flash of the old James she knew so well, but he was still looking away, staring at nothing in particular.
Lily left the library, making her way up to the common room. There was definitely something up with James, she decided. A small voice in the back of her head was nagging her, telling her it was her fault. She shook it off. How could it be her fault? You broke his heart, it said.
So? she thought back, I can't go out with him just to please him, what about me? He's just a jealous little bastard who needs to grow up.
You saw the look in his eyes. He's beyond depression.
And?
You're the one who's done this to him, you heartless bitch.
Lily blinked, and shook her head. She had no idea her conscience could be so vicious! She laughed aloud, getting a weird look from some first years passing her.
She went to dinner, chewing more over the thoughts in her head than the food she ate. She noticed James didn't come to dinner.
After a long dinner and a long, hot bath, she made her way back to the common room, where she found all the other sixth years hastily working.
'What are you guys doing?' she asked.
'Homework. Charms assignment. It's due tomorrow, don't you remember?' replied Amelia.
'I've finished already.' said Lily, proudly.
'Oh God, have you? Do you think I could just look over it quickly? Only I don't think I've done it right.'
'Sure.' said Lily, happy to be the one supplying the work, rather than the one begging for it for a change. She rummaged through her satchel.
'It's not here!' she exclaimed. Amelia sighed.
'Are you sure you've done it?'
'Yeah, I did it in ...the library.' Lily suddenly realised where it must be. 'I must have left it in there. I'll have to go and get it. Sorry.' she muttered. Amelia rolled her eyes.
'Go and do it, more like.' she said, under her breath, but Lily heard her. She decided to ignore it, and she swung her satchel over her shoulder and climbed out of the portrait hole.
She made her way briskly to the library, furtively asking portraits what the time was; hoping the library wasn't closed, and hoping she wouldn't be caught out of bed after curfew.
She came to the library door, crossed her fingers and turned the door knob- and it opened! She breathed a sigh of relief and tiptoed into – darkness. She swore, and pulled out her wand.
'Lumos!' she whispered. A feeble light came out of the tip of her wand. She cleared her throat. 'LUMOS!' she said, louder. The light grew stronger, but she could still see hardly anything, but she did notice the librarian wasn't there. Hmmm, that's strange, she thought to herself. Why was the door open? She walked over to where she had been sitting, and, sure enough, there was her parchment. She smiled, and put it in her pocked. She heard a small cough behind her, and she wheeled around.
'Who's there?' she said.
'Just me.' said a familiar voice. She walked closer and saw James still sitting in the same corner she had left him in.
'Have ... have you been here all this time?' she asked, not really wanting to hear the answer she knew was coming.
'Yes.'
'Why?' she asked, moving closer.
'Why not.' he said, as a statement rather than a question.
'Aren't you cold? Hungry? A little bit scared of sitting in a pitch- black room alone?' she looked into his eyes, and saw the first flicker of emotion she had seen for some time.
'I guess so.'
'You ... you guess so? What ... how...' she moved closer and saw next to him. She felt him flinch. It was the closest she had ever been to him. She was a bit worried he might try and 'do' something to her, but he just shifted slightly, and looked away, so she was staring at the back of his head. She inhaled deeply, and was hit with a smell that was so ... manly. She was reminded of the fact that this was the closest she had been to any guy. He turned his head, and stared at her.
'Why are you here?' he asked. She sighed. She didn't really know herself.
'Because you seem down. You-' he cut her off.
'Why do you care?' he asked. She was taken aback.
'Huh?' she asked, blinking.
'It's just kind of weird to have someone sitting opposite you, staring at you, saying they care that something is wrong with you with the same eyes you have seen staring at you with pure hatred for years.' It took Lily a few seconds to sort out what he had said, and once she had, she sighed.
'I don't hate you, James. Look, let's not-'
'I don't want to hear it, ok? I just don't. Why don't you go and take that parchment back to Amelia?'
Lily stared at him. 'How the hell-'
'Did I know? I watch the world, and piece it together.' Lily couldn't believe someone so idiotic could be so perceptive. Although, she had only noticed it recently since ... well, since he had yelled at her, actually. She felt the little voice in her head get ready to start up, but she didn't want to hear it.
'Shut up.' she said, realizing too late that she had said it outwardly.
'Fine.' he said. Lily shook her head.
'No, not you. Just...' she stopped, realizing how crazy she would sound if she continued.
'The voice inside your head?' he said, cocking his head. Her eyes widened. He laughed, hollowly, and got up. 'I suppose I should probably go. Don't want to get caught out at night again.' he started to walk away.
'Where were you that night?' Lily asked. He stopped, but didn't reply. She sighed. 'Aren't you even going to help me up, you lousy gentleman?' she said, grumbling. He continued walking, and said back to her.
'You've got legs and arms yourself, don't you? Try depending on yourself for once, Evans.' he said, and strode away. She sighed, and lifted herself up. Suddenly she saw his head poking around the door.
'How does it feel to be the one strode away from, rather than the one striding away? The tables have turned, Lily.' he said, and laughed with a hint of maliciousness in his voice, and disappeared again.
It took a few seconds for his words to sink in, then sink away, before Lily could pull herself together and walk away too.
o
o
o
'And it was weird, you know? He was so distant.' said Lily, later on in the common room, to Amelia, who was hastily copying Lily's essay.
'So? Isn't that a good thing? He's been an idiot for ages, he's probably just grown up a little bit.' said Amelia, a hint of annoyance in her voice.
'It doesn't seem like he's grown up, it seems like... well, it seems like he's depressed.' said Lily quietly.
'He's probably just jealous of you and Frank.'
'I don't know. I don't think that's all.' Amelia stared at Lily.
'I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Potter. What does it matter to you? He's leaving you alone, that's the main thing. Why do you care?' Lily pondered a moment, then gave up.
'I don't know. I guess I don't. I'm just ... doesn't matter. Hey, how's your Charms assignment going?' she said, changing the topic. Amelia sighed, looked down at her parchment and nodded slowly, scanning through it.
'It's not bad.' she muttered.
'Oh, yeah,' said Lily, smiling a little, 'And is it any different from mine?' Amelia frowned, and looked up.
'Hey, you can't say anything, the amount of times-'
'Yeah, yeah, I know. I was just kidding.' Lily yawned. 'I think I might go up to bed.'
'Isn't it a little early?'
'Yeah, but I'm tired. I need a good sleep, I think.'
'Ok then. G'night.'
'Night.