My Seventh Year (temporary title)

At the moment, this fic is becoming something to write when I'm stuck with what to do on my other stories, i.e. Sirius's Top Ten (the next chapter is being written after this), and I'm really enjoying writing it. Thanks to californiagurl and Liabee who reviewed. :)

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Chapter 2: I'm Not Perfect

Avoiding people is very hard to do, especially, I find, when they're in the same house and/or year as you at Hogwarts. After my incidents with both James and Amos on the train, I avoided them like the plague. Quite frankly, I wouldn't have minded talking to James so I could shove it in his face and tell him what a complete arse he was, but Amos was another story. I was quite sure that 'Thanks' wasn't the response he was looking for when he told me he loved me.

As I sunk onto the bench at the Gryffindor table for breakfast three days later, what I had been dreading occurred. And I definitely wasn't ready. I'd only pulled myself out of bed about ten minutes ago and jumped into the shower. My hair was wet and pulled up into a messy loose bun, I hadn't bothered to put on any make-up, and I was wearing an old sweater of Petunia's. I was half-asleep, but I caught his eye unintentionally and he began to make his way toward me.

Then it was like the whole world slowed down, as Amos marched purposefully toward me. Posy caught my look of anguish and swiveled in her seat to see Amos. And then she frowned, as I hadn't told her about my encounter with the 'L' word, she'd been out with Sirius. Alice knew though and she gasped as she looked up to see Amos behind me.

He tapped on my shoulder gently, and I turned to see him towering over me, with a calm, collected look that hid any emotion. That's the one thing I hated about my perfect Amos. I could never tell what he was thinking.

"Sweet pea? Can I talk to you for a minute?" He asked quietly, his tone polite and formal.

I opened my mouth, trying to formulate some kind of excuse that was actually plausible. Though it's nothing to be proud of, I am an amazing liar. I never lie to Bridget or Alice, because they can always tell, but for the rest of the world, if I'm in trouble or feeling uncomfortable, I lie. When I borrowed my uncle's car (without permission) over the holidays to go visit Bridget at her grandma's, I didn't have enough money to replace the petrol I'd used. So when Mum asked if I'd borrowed the car, I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Why no, Mum, I haven't. Maybe it was Petunia?"

When you know you'll be in trouble if you tell the truth, if you lie, you have a fifty percent chance of not getting in trouble. I'd prefer to try not getting in trouble, but as Alice reminds me constantly, it's a bad habit, so I'm trying to stop. Trying being a key word in that sentence.

"Actually, no, Lily promised she'd help me with my Potions essay." Bridget interrupted quickly, seeing I was at some loss of words.

"Potions?" Amos repeated quizzically. "Isn't Potions first?"

"Well excuse me for being a lazy arse." Bridget replied, pretending to look offended but twisting the look with a wild grin.

Thank God for Bridget. Technically she wasn't lying anyways, she did want my help with Potions. Just not the essay we were handing in today, but the essay due next week. I'd already helped her with this week's one.

"I'll help you with Potions, Bee." Remus offered kindly as he sat down next to Bridget and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. I was quite ready to lean across the table and throttle Remus with my bare hands, but I contained myself by thinking how mad Bridget would be if I actually killed him.

"Perfect!" Amos said brightly, ignoring my look of extreme disappointment.

Before Alice or Bridget could object, he took my hand and led me from the hallway. Each step we took, I could feel my heart sinking lower and lower. His hand felt clammy and rough in mine, causing me to frown down at it. It looked the same. His fingers were short and stubby but his fingernails were well kept, and he wore the commitment rings he'd bought for both of us last year (he'd had to get his ring enlarged to fit) on his index finger.

As soon as he stopped, I slid my hand out from his and stuck it in my pocket. For some reason, today Amos's hands were just really unappealing.

"So, sweet pea, I wanted to talk to you about what happened on the train." Amos began with a smile, the caused his cheeks to look like they were swallowing his eyes. "But you've been quite hard to find lately and - "

"I've been busy!" I interrupted brightly. "Head Girl duties and such!"

There was another complete lie. Aside from standing up and giving a small wave as Dumbledore announced who would be serving as Head Girl and Head Boy this year, I'd been asked to and done nothing. And people say I'm organized.

"Oh." Amos said slowly, his eyes inspecting my face slowly, as if he could actually pick out whether I was telling the truth. After dating for more than eight months, you'd think he would have some idea, but he really didn't. "Well, about what I said?"

"What about you said?" I asked, my voice shooting up two octaves.

"I want to know where we stand, Lily." Amos said, rather sternly, clutching my upper arms with his sweaty hands. You could tell he really wanted an answer, as he only used my first name when he was mad.

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently, giving him a confused smile.

"I mean I want to know how you feel about me." Amos replied patiently, though his face kept the same, stern I'm-here-for-an-answer look.

"Oh." I said softly, looking up at him with wide eyes. Another thing I loved about my eyes was their ability to make me look so innocent and confused. "Look Amos, I care for you, I really do…"

"But?" Amos persisted.

I sighed. "Well, I'm just not sure that I love you." I was an excellent liar and I could be brutally honest as well, what a combination.

"Do you think you ever will, Lily?" Amos asked quietly. "Love me?"

That was one of those situations where it was better to lie. I lied, Amos was happy and I could buy myself some time. I told the truth, which at that point was that I didn't know, and he would feel hurt and rejected and I would feel like the scum of the earth.

"Err…" I began awkwardly; wishing a hole in the floor would open up and swallow me. "I don't know."

I had to be honest with him so he knew where we stood, and it would help my truth-telling habit to begin. Amos looked quite shell-shocked, and his grip on my arms loosened considerably.

We stood there for a few silent moments, the quiet rumbling of the students chatting away in the Great Hall in the background. I was still willing the earth to open up and swallow me, and Amos looked like he was concentrating on what I had just said.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" Amos asked finally in exasperation. I jumped slightly.

"Err… I don't know?" I repeated.

"How can you not know?!" His voice shot up about three octaves, making him sound like a little boy who was about to throw a temper tantrum.

"I like you, Amos, I really do, but I can't guarantee that I'll ever love you." I explained calmly, trying to hide my laughter at his high-pitched voice.

"Why not?" Amos asked incredulously, his voice still high-pitched, making it hard not to laugh or at least crack a smile.

"Well, I can't guarantee my feelings, Amos. I mean, in a few years I might not find you as attractive…" I found myself looking at his hands, which were still lightly clutching my arms.

"How do you feel now?" Amos asked trying to catch my eyes, which were now wandering about the hall, looking at anything and everything except Amos. Lord I was cruel. Gathering my courage quickly, I looked him straight in the eyes, and realized they were a rather murky ugly brown. Like mud.

"I'm not sure." I answered honestly.

"Meaning…" Amos began, implying that I finish for him.

I took a deep breath. "I think we might have to take a break, Amos."

Amos's face almost literally fell apart. His jaw dropped to the floor, his eyes widened enough that I was worried they might pop out, and his hands dropped from my arms. "Pardon?"

"I think we need a break." I repeated, feeling much more confident. That was probably it, I figured. I was feeling the need for something new, but I would soon learn that Amos was the one for me, and then we would continue on in our happy, perfect relationship.

Amos was silent for a moment, looking down at his shoes before looking back at me. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could utter a word, the four Marauders strolled down the corridor.

James and Sirius led the pack, playfully shoving one another into the walls; Remus followed, grinning madly as he watched his psycho friends; and Peter brought up the rear, jogging along to keep up with his tall, long-legged friends.

"Evans!" James called cheerfully as he spotted me, looking up after being knocked into the wall by Sirius.

I gave him a contemplative look, raising an eyebrow as if I were considering whether to bother responding or not, before looking back to Amos, who was obviously deep in though, his mud brown eyes were clouded over.

"Evans!" James repeated joyously, as if I hadn't ignored him the first time.

I sighed in exasperation and turned to face him as he approached me. "Yes, Potter?"

I suppose I hadn't realized when how much taller he was, he now towered over me, and if he had been mad at me, I'm quite sure I might have been scared. But he was gazing at me, hazel eyes twinkling.

"We need to discuss Head thingies." He stated simply.

I gave him a very poignant look. "Head thingies?"

"Yeah. Prefect schedules and stuff. I found out when the practices are…" he said slowly, as if I were dumb.

My eyes widened. "Shit! Right, okay." I glanced at Amos, who was still looking forlorn, and even though we were technically broken up, I gave him a quick smile. "We can chat later, all right Amos?"

Amos nodded slightly.

"Did the perfect Lily Evans just say 'shit'?" Sirius Black interrupted, looking shocked.

I scowled. "I believe I did say shit, Sirius Black. Now fuck off."

Before I could realize what I was doing, I grabbed James's hand and led him away from a very gob smacked Sirius and Amos. I don't think either of them had heard me swear before. James had heard me swear on several occasions, mostly at him.

The night before, Dumbledore had called James and I aside and told us how to get to the Head dormitories, if we wished to use them. Apparently there was a common room at our disposal as well, and I figured it would be a good place for James and I to discuss 'head thingies'.

Remembering that the dormitories were in a corridor near the South Tower, I led James there silently, unaware that I was still holding his hand. When we reached the appropriate location, I realized that a painting, much like the Fat Lady at Gryffindor Tower, must protect the dormitories.

"Oh hoy! Art thou a Head Student, or mine nemesis?"

I turned to see a painting of a boisterous-looking knight, with a fat gray pony. The knight was yelling at us. James grinned and bowed toward the painting.

"We be said Head Students, who might you be, oh brave knight?"

I snorted and rolled my eyes, but the knight didn't see my mockery.

"I am Sir Cadogan, guardian of the Head Student dormitories!" the knight, who I now knew was Sir Cadogan, replied nobly, returning James's bow. "This, my noble steed." He added, gesturing toward the fat pony, which whinnied in response.

"Nice to meet you, Sir Cadogan." I said politely, remembering my voice.

"Tis my pleasure, milady. You are looking quite spiffy this afternoon." Sir Cadogan replied, causing James to grin like an idiot and me to wince and blush simultaneously. "What password would you wish?"

James leaned closer to me and whispered in my ear, his warm breath causing the hairs on the back of my neck to rise slightly.

"Does that make sense? 'What password would you wish'?"

I shrugged, and then realized our hands were entwined, and quickly pulled from his grasp and shoved my hand in my pocket. He had nice hands; soft but strong, and not sweaty. James seemed slightly disappointed by this action, but had a cool smile on his face anyways.

"What password would you wish?" repeated Sir Cadogan, obviously irritated by how long we were taking.

"Perfection." James replied.

Sir Cadogan bowed again, before the painting swung forward to reveal the Head common room, which was about half the size of the Gryffindor common room, but decorated in a similar sense. I guessed it was a lower level of the South Tower, as the room was circular, with one staircase running up to two doors, our optional bedrooms if we wanted to leave Gryffindor tower. The main room had a fireplace though, with the same crimson-coloured stuffed armchairs surrounding it, two desks and bookshelves, and a wizard's chess table. James let out a low whistle.

"Well if my room's anything like this, I'm living here from now on."

He grinned and climbed up the staircase, taking the steps two at a time. He paused at the landing and turned back to look at me quizzically.

"Aren't you going to look at your room?"

I shrugged stupidly, looking away from him to look about the common room. "Don't think so. I'll probably stay in the Tower either way, so there's no real point."

"You're not going to stay in the Tower just because of me, are you Evans?" James asked, catching my glance again, and surprising me by looking somewhat sincere and guilty.

"Err… no. I'd rather just stay with my friends." I answered. That was the partial truth, so I was working my way up to just the truth. I would miss my friends if I were to stay, and the fact that I'd be sharing living quarters with James Potter just made my decision to stay in the Tower even easier.

"Well, at least come and check out my room with me."

"Why?" I protested.

"So you can see what you're missing and hopefully decide to stay here instead." James replied simply.

"I won't anyways." I said, though I began my way to the staircase to join him anyways, to prove him wrong.

"Why not?"

"Because it would be awkward." I answered honestly, joining him at the top of the stairs, ignoring how close together we were (again) with so little room. There was one door on either side of us, both made of mahogany wood. The left door had 'James Potter' spelt across it in golden letters, the right door had my name in the same script.

"Between us?" James asked incredulously.

I nodded, giving him a look that said I obviously thought he was insane. "Uh, yeah! Three days ago, you told me you loved me."

"So it would be awkward because I was being honest?" James asked, looking genuinely confused.

I sighed heavily in exasperation. "You weren't being honest!"

James grinned. "Yes, I was."

We remained silent for a moment, before I found myself able to respond, suppressing my anger. Here he was again, going on about love like he actually understood it and felt that way toward me. The boy was bloody insane. "Why? Why do you think you love me?"

"Because…" James paused, not because he had no idea what he was going to say, you could tell from his face he was just finding the right words. "To me, everything about you is absolutely perfect. I wouldn't change you for the world."

I frowned. "You wouldn't change anything?"

He shook his head. "Not a single thing."

"I'm a compulsive liar." I stated, trying to prove him wrong. There had to be some things about me that pissed him off. I knew I wasn't perfect, I'd accepted that, and I couldn't see how anyone could not find any flaws in someone.

"But you tell the truth when it's really important." James answered.

"I swear." I tried. "A lot."

James shrugged. "Everyone does."

"I hate losing."

"So does everyone. Some people pretend they don't care but everyone does, even if it's just a little bit." James answered wisely.

"I have a horrible temper." I tried again.

James laughed, and I stood, looking at him in amazement. He had a deep, throaty laugh, so you knew he was laughing right from his gut and really found you amusing, and his eyes got all crinkled, just like when he grinned. "You do." He agreed. "But you only let it get control over you when you're really frustrated with something or someone, or when you're angry over something you think is unfair."

I was stunned. How on earth did he know so much about me? I needed something to prove him wrong, show him he didn't love me, so he could get over his stupid infatuation and I could win. "I can't play quidditch."

That would get him. Everyone knew quidditch was one of James's favourite things to do, and he wasn't a friend to anyone who wasn't a quidditch fanatic. Sure, I loved the game, but I couldn't fly for my life.

"So? Quidditch is game, and I could fix that. I could have you being Gryffindor's star chaser in a matter of weeks." James replied casually.

My jaw dropped to the floor and I just stared at him in utter disbelief. This was James Potter, the immature prankster who had girls hanging off him, being mature and… sweet. What was the world coming to?

"That's why I decided the password would be 'perfection'," James continued, pretending to be oblivious to my shocked state. "To me, you are perfection."

"I'm not perfect, Potter." I muttered quietly. "I'm not."

"To me, you – " James began again, before I interrupted him again.

"No, I'm not. Not to you, not to anyone. I'm Lily."

I left him standing there, looking quite bewildered. The poor boy probably was quite confused, considering how romantic and sweet he had just been and how I'd just completely blown him off. I marched down the stairs, out of the common room, and all the way up to Gryffindor Tower, slamming the door of the seventh year girls' dormitory as I entered.

Alice and Bridget looked up from their Potions essays with rather bemused expressions, and Posy came in from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel with wet hair.

"Alright there, Lil?" Bridget asked with an amused tone.

"No, I'm not alright." I replied, ignoring Bridget's sarcastic tone and relaying the entire scene to my three friends, including every word James Potter had uttered, which I seemed to remember exactly.

"Well," Bridget began as I finished. "To someone who doesn't know you, you do seem perfect."

"How so?!?" I demanded.

"Top of the class in almost everything – "

"Except Potions, Transfiguration, and Divination!" I protested.

"You don't take Divination, Lil." Alice reminded softly.

"That's not the point!" I cried.

"You're gorgeous, you're Head Girl. You've had one of Hogwarts's most eligible bachelors chasing after you since third year!" Bridget continued.

That wasn't true. I wasn't gorgeous. I found myself quite creepy looking. In fact, my legs were too long for the rest of my body. The Head Girl part was true, and I suppose James had been chasing after me for a while, but that wasn't my fault. "But – "

"You have amazing friends." Posy added with a wicked grin.

"A great family." Alice added. "A great boyfriend for that matter."

"Err… had a great boyfriend, actually." I corrected.

"You mean he dumped you?" Posy asked, looking absolutely outraged. I looked at Bridget, who shared a look similar to Posy's, and Alice who looked sympathetic.

"No, I dumped him."

Posy looked relieved. "Oh, good."

"Why'd you dump Mr. Perfection?" Bridget asked curiously.

"I needed a break." I answered simply.

Alice smiled reassuringly. "No worries, Lil, I'm sure he'll take you back if you want him."

Bridget and I both gasped, but Posy looked pleased. When we averted our shocked looks to Posy, she just shrugged. "What? Alice is right. Amos is completely whipped. You could get him back without trying Lil, I'm surprised he hasn't told you he loves you yet."

"Actually…" I corrected again. "He has."

It was Posy's turn to look gob smacked. "Uh, when?"

"Train ride." Alice answered.

"And she said 'Thanks'" Bridget added with a chuckle.

Posy gave me a look. "Maybe it's a good thing you're on this 'break' then."

"I'm not perfect though." I said stubbornly.

My friends laughed.

"No, you're not, Lil, and we love you for it, but he probably thinks you are." Bridget said with a grin.

"He doesn't know much about you, so he's basing his opinions of you on what he sees." Alice agreed.

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"Potter, I need a word." I said briskly as I cornered him at dinner that night. Having finished my discussion with Posy, Alice and Bridget earlier, I had come up with a plan to get James to realize that I wasn't perfect after all.

He looked up; slightly surprised I was talking to him again. His three friends looked up too, Remus giving me a small wave, Sirius giving me a look of awe, obviously still amazed I'd sworn, and Peter looking clueless as always.

"Privately." I added more softly, but Sirius whooped in excitement anyways.

"That's not fair!" Sirius protested. "I'll speak with you privately." He said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

I glared at him as James stood and followed me out of the Great Hall, similarly to the way I'd followed Amos just that morning. I had to jog slightly to keep ahead of him since his strides were so long, so I was breathing a bit rapidly when I stopped, several corridors away from the Great Hall, where I knew we wouldn't be heard.

"I want to prove to you that I'm not perfect."

"Oh?" James replied, looking slightly bewildered.

"Yes. We need to be civil as Head Girl and Boy, and I figure we ought to just be mates to make things easier. Then you can learn about the real me, and get over this stupid little crush you call love. Alright?"

I was surprised at how honest I sounded, speaking so swiftly and acting so businesslike. James chuckled softly. "Fine, Evans."

"You…" I paused for a moment, thinking and hoping that maybe this was a dream, and I wasn't about to say this. "You can call me Lily."

I don't think I'd ever seen James's face so shocked, it was quite an enjoyable sight actually. His eyes widened, his jaw dropped and his eyebrows soared upward. And I laughed; I couldn't help how funny his reaction was.

When he realized it was him who I was laughing at, he blushed slightly. "Fine, Lily. I'll talk to you later okay? We never really did go over patrolling schedules."

I blushed slightly too. "Oh yeah. All right. Head common room at seven?"

"Yeah. The new password's 'Sirius Black is ugly.'"

I frowned. "New password?"

"Yeah. The Fat Lady said that passwords should be not-often used words, and I figured 'perfection' was one of them, as passersby could be referring to anyone really, particularly Sirius or I." He grinned cockily.

I smirked. "So it's 'Sirius Black is ugly' now?"

"Yup. I mean, I'm not gay or anything, but would anyone actually say that Sirius Black is ugly?"

"No, probably not." I conceded.

"Exactly." James added, obviously quite proud of his idea.

"I gotta hand it to you, James. You're not as stupid as I thought."