James's eyes fluttered open, and with his consciousness came a searing pain. He groaned, and rolled over. Well, he tried. It's quite difficult for stags to roll over. James sighed, and morphed back into his human form, and stood up slowly.

She knows, he thought to himself. She knows I'm weak. Emotionally unstable.

Weak? he answered himself. I hardly think she thinks you're weak.

She thinks I'm emotionally unstable. She said it herself. She hated me.

I hardly think she hates you.

Dislikes, then.

She doesn't dislike you. She likes you now. She likes you a lot. Can't you see it in her eyes? She's been wonderfully nice lately.

She's just being nice because she knows I tried to kill myself!

Don't deny what you've been wanting for so long!

She's just being polite! Don't give me false hope!

But it's not false, this time.

James shook his head, trying to tell himself that having conversations in his head was not normal. Especially not arguing with himself.

She doesn't like me, and she thinks I'm emotionally unstable, he thought frantically.

Go and prove to her she's wrong, then, his mind shot back. He started.

How?

The emotionally unstable James would stay out here all night, fretting over his worries. The strong James would go back to the Head Boy and Girl common room, sit down with the love of his life, and prove to her that he's the love of her life.

But I'm not.

Aren't we bashful? What, are you scared of making all your dreams comes true?

Of course not!

Then what are you waiting for? Get up, and go back!

And with that thought in his head, James set off towards the castle, striding purposefully, though his mind was still bickering.

As he slipped into the castle, he was extra careful to be quiet. House elves didn't have those enormously big ears just to amuse their masters, they could hear extremely well. The last thing James wanted to be doing was explaining to Dumbledore what he was doing outside in the middle of the night, especially after he'd just bunked his Head Boy duties.

He also didn't want to be caught by any teachers, who might be taking a midnight stroll. He moved noiselessly through the corridors, tiptoeing past the snoring portraits, his heart skipping.

Tonight's the night, tonight's the night...

Suddenly James heard footsteps coming towards him, and he ducked behind a suit of armour, but it was too late.

'What are you doing, Potter?' drawled a low voice. James sighed, and walked out slowly.

'I could ask you the same question, Severus.' he said, cursing fate. Did he have to meet Snape right here, right now?

'I don't remember being on first name terms with you, Potter.' Snape spat.

'Maybe all those potions have addled your brain.' Snape whipped out his wand, pointing it straight at James's face, and James eyed it wearily, cursing himself for leaving his wand carelessly sitting on his bed.

'Give me a reason, and I swear I will.' Snape whispered.

'Threatening the Head Boy is grounds for expulsion.' James said quietly.

'Revenge is far too sweet to worry about things as trivial as expulsion, Potter.' James heart beat a little faster, anxiety pumping through his veins. He wouldn't...would he?

'What are you doing out?' asked James, deciding his best tactic was to keep talking, to distract Snape.

'Oh, how very Gryffindorish. Maybe, if I keep talking, I'll distract him! How pathetic, Potter.' A small smile crept across Snape's face. 'I have you right where I want you now, Potter, and down here, no one can hear you scream.'

James stared at the tip of Snape's wand, and then shook his head, smiling soflty.

'What's so funny?' spat Snape.

'Why weren't you down by the lake last year?' James muttered softly. 'It would have been so much easier.'

'What are you mumbling on about? Don't think I won't do it, Potter.' said Snape, staring at James, hatred distorting his face, and a thought crossed James's mind. Maybe it is fate, he thought. I set out to capture Lily's heart, and am instead caught by my enemy, defenceless.

James sighed. 'Go on, then. Do it.' he said, staring straight at Snape, who eyed him suspiciously, and scanned James's body. 'I haven't got any hidden traps or pranks! I'm completely defenceless! Finish me off, Snape, you know you want to!' James found himself shouting. 'You'll finally have what you want! Once and for all! Your world will be perfect! Better one happy life that two fucked up ones, isn't it? Use your fantastic logic, work it out!' he roared at Snape, who stumbled backward, staring at James.

'You're...you're trying to scare me.' he muttered.

'No, I'm not! I want you to kill me!' James shouted.

'Re-reverse psychology won't work on m-me, Potter.' Snape seethed.

'If it were reverse psychology, wouldn't I be down on my knees begging?' James threw at him. Snape shook his head.

'You're trying to confuse me.' he said, furiously.

'I thought I was being perfectly clear!' James yelled. Snape's jaw tightened, and he took a step towards James.

'Why on earth would you want to die, Potter? I doubt you have any idea what real pain is!' he hissed.

James narrowed his eyes. 'Try me.' he said. Snape stared at him, his hand clasped so tightly around his wand it was white, his knuckles turning slowly red, but didn't say anything. James slipped his hand into his pocket, and Snape flinched, and backed away a step, but James only brought out a small pen knife. Snape snorted,

'Think that can match a wand? Well, I always knew you were stupid.' he spat. James, however, said nothing in reply, but lifted up the sleeve of his robe to reveal his marble white flesh. Snape's eyed followed James's other hand, which was slowly bringing the knife towards his flesh. Snape could not tear his eyes away as the knife carved into his skin, droplets of thick blood oozing out. Reluctantly he watched the whole thing, the only sound the slicing of flesh, the odd droplet of blood splashing on the cold stone floor.

When he had finished, James dropped the knife with a sudden clang. He stuck his arm in front of Snape's face.

'This is not pain.' Snape read, and looked back at James, who brought his fingers to his eyes, pointing straight at them, making sure they were locked with Snape's.

'This is.' he whispered, staring straight into Snape's eyes. Snape mouthed wordlessly; a silent confirmation of James's ability to live through this. 'Go back to bed, Snape.' he said in a low voice.

'Did-didn't that hurt, Potter?' Snape growled, ignoring James's command.

'Everybody hurts sometimes, Snape.' James said quietly. He turned around, and walked away.

He could feel Snape's eyes on his back, boring into them, a gaze of fire, but he didn't care. As soon as he disappeared around the corner, out of Snape's sight and hearing, he let out a gasp he had been holding for a long time, and stared down at his arm, cursing himself. If only he had his wand, he could clear it up easily. Now he was going to have to make it past Lily, bleeding like an idiot, before he could do anything.

Lily. What was she going to say? Perhaps, by now, she might be in bed, James thought, hopefully. He staggered back to the bland portrait, muttered the password, and stumbled into the common room.

'Hey James.' muttered a sleepy Lily, who was lying on the couch by the fire, in her pyjamas. 'Where have you been? I haven't seen you all evening.' she muttered, giving a small smile. James frowned, and was about to remind her that she had, but stopped himself. You weren't there, remember? he reminded himself. His mind wasn't working properly. The majority of it was concentrating on the searing pain of his cut, which was staining his robes and shirt badly, and the minority was trying to figure out how to get past Lily to his room to get his wand without her noticing. There was also a little part telling not just his brain that Lily was sitting there in only her pyjamas.

'Nice pyjamas.' was all he managed to say, casting an eye on the smiling frogs dancing across pink cotton. Lily grinned.

'Thank you.' she mumbled.

'You look exhausted.' said James. That's the only reason she's being nice, he thought.

No, it's not.

That, and she thinks I'm unstable.

That's not true!

Shut up.

Why?

You can't talk to yourself in public!

Oh.

'I am a little tired. I just had a bath and it's made me all sleepy!' she said.

James kicked himself mentally, trying to get the idea of Lily in the bath out of his head, but it was hard. Her fiery hair splayed across the pink tiles, her eyes closed contentedly, her legs spread out gently, her body-

'What have you been doing?' she asked, peering at James, frowning suddenly. 'Are you bleeding?' she asked, sharply. James shook his head.

'Of course not.' he mumbled. Lily stood up.

'You are.' she said.

'I'm not.' Lily strode over to James and swiped a finger across his robes. She peered at it, and turned it round and showed it to James.

'You are. Don't you know "Scourgify"?' she asked.

'Course I do. I just didn't have my wand.' Lily shook her head exasperatedly, and without warning, pulled James's robe up.

'Hey!' James protested, but Lily gasped.

'Shit!' she whispered, staring at James's arm. The words were no longer recognisable in the pool of blood. 'What the hell happened to you?'

'Was out in the forest.' James said quietly. Lily's eyes flicked up and lingered on his for a second, before looking away.

'Where's my damn wand?' she said, turning around and scanning the room, never letting go of James's hand. 'If only wands were like Muggle car keys, then you could clap and they'd beep, or light up or something,' she was muttering, but James wasn't listening, he was just staring at her, drinking in the sight of her.

'Sometimes what you do speaks so loud I cannot hear what you say.' James mumbled. Lily turned around.

'What?' she asked. James shook his head.

'Nothing.' he muttered.

'Under the couch, you reckon?' and she dropped down on her hands and knees, and began foraging under the couch, before sitting up, wand in hand, smiling like a Cheshire cat.

'Potter, you're amazing.' she said, before taking his arm and leading him to the couch, where he was promptly sat down. Lily began by casting a scourgify spell, and James felt much cleaner. His arm had started to feel quite disgusting. After that, Lily kept on going casting spells where different ointments and powders and stitches were placed upon his wounds. James knew, at least at some point, that she would have seen the words, but she didn't say anything. James wasn't looking at his arm, anyway. He was looking at Lily, her head bent down in concentration, her glorious hair falling gracefully across her face.

'You could be a Healer, you know.' he said softly. Lily snorted.

'I know I may have a higher intelligence that you, James, but I'm not that smart.'

'Oh, I think you are.' he said quietly.

'I hardly think your opinion on intelligence is a valued one.' she said, but with a small smile on her face. James smiled, but then flinched; his arm suddenly hurt like hell. 'Just a sec,' muttered Lily. James gritted his teeth, but then suddenly his arm felt a lot better.

'Hey, that's great!' he said, smiling.

'That's what listening in class does for you.' said Lily, smiling.

'Maybe I should try it some time, huh?' he said. Lily nodded.

'Maybe.' she said softly, her glorious eyes staring into his. Lily took a deep breath. 'I didn't see you in the forest.' she said, quietly, her eyes sweeping his face. James knew she was holding her breath.

'I saw you.' James practically whispered. Lily stared at him, anxiously.

'You...you did?'

'Yes.' he said, and decided to take the plunge. 'And I heard you.'

Lily brought a hand up to her forehead, rubbing unconsciously. She said nothing.

'And I want you to know,' he went on, quieter than ever, 'That I'm not emotionally unstable.'

Lily nodded, unable to meet his eyes.

'I know exactly what I want in life.' he said. Lily nodded, and, biting her lip, looked at him.

'And what is that?' she asked.

'You.' he murmured. Lily felt herself blushing, and she looked down at her hands, which were clasped in James's.

'Not very ambitious.' she said quietly. James chuckled.

'I'm sure many would disagree. Anyway,' he said, smiling, 'I'm a Gryffindor. I can't be ambitious. That's a Slytherin trait. How despicable.'

Lily laughed, and James ran a delicate finger along her hand, causing Lily's breath to catch in her throat.

James's heart was beating like crazy. Here he was, sitting on the couch, mere centimetres away from the love of his life, whose hands were clasped in his.

Kiss her, his mind told him.

I can't. She'll pull away!

How do you know?

I just know.

A seer, are we?

No...

Then kiss her.

No.

Kiss her!

I can't!

KISS HER!

James leant forward, and before he knew what he was doing, he had placed his lips softly on hers. His eyes flew open, sure that she was going to pull away, but her eyes were closed contentedly, and she deepened the kiss. James tentatively reached his hand up, and placed it softly on Lily's cheek, and she moaned a little, opening her mouth to allow James's tongue access.

James had never been more obliging in his life.