Why me why me Dexter kept crying as he ran from the club house.... his entire world had been wreaked as he realized pashmina would never be his.... Oh why oh why could fate be so cruel to such a nice ham ham
Then Dexter began to write in his journal, a journal no one knew about but himself....
"Why me" he began to write," I loved her allot, for every time I see a nice angel I get hurt why have the gods cursed me" He began to write his hand dripping from the tears flowing down his face and heavy heart....
Dexter stops writing and began to read and remember how he got to this very sad day in his short hamster life....
He was never a social ham ham it wasn't just his way.... all through grade school he never got along with people like the other ham hams did...he never went to parties, he never hung out... he felt significantly alone... and his personality showed it.... he may of been a total gentleman but he had no other social skills... and he began to realize that his British charm wouldn't get him far.... the ladies didn't care about charm anymore... they see right through him, they see the emptiness and how he tried hard but he wasn't any of their types... damn did he feel like shit right at that moment.... high school was uncomfortable for him... he left the comfortable of popularity to study computers and science and educate himself in literature, it was his escape. from reality.... he wanted to live in a world of technology where he felt soooo very comfortable and not be in the much much more cruel reality of the real world.... well this lead to his missing out on much of his high school years, and he thought it was best he didn't want to go to drunken parties, he wanted to be a good ham ham because he chose to not because he had to...
he was a dork a loser... but he loved those titles, because it was his choice to be that... but now he looks back regretting it... he never learned how to be nice to people, he never learned about the good sides of human nature.... inside he became a bitter person, bitter that the world was such a horrible place unlike what he wanted it to be....
He stopped writing a realized he had been single for way too long... and he realized all the times he wanted a fine looking ham girl he had failed.... freshman year, sophomore year, he was now out of college and a 22 year old virgin ham ham.... the virgin part he didn't mind, but the single part he did.... he slowly be came ore and more depressed.... what had come of himself over those "social " years... he had tried, he knew he had tried to court a girlfriend or 2... and he only found 1 ham girl ... and that didn't last long either.... since then 6 years ago he had found allot of other ladies but none of them interested in him.... some now hate him, some fear him, some avoid him and block him via aim.... and this made him miserable inside,.... why was he destined to be single and miserable in his life? that was the question on his head....
he thought about pashmina and how she was allot like him in many ways inside and out... they both had things happen to them over the past few years, and now pashmina has a baby (lets just assume Penelope is pashmina's child) Dexter had allot of love for pashmina, and that included little penelope and how she was such a interesting ham ham just like her mother.... cute yea, but pashmina would smack Dexter is he ever said penelope was cute.... pashmina would always joke penelope was a non-stop trouble... but pashmina still loved her daughter... Dexter though to himself about pashmina and how she hated the field hamster who knocked her up... but life continues... he didn't love pashmina because of the way she treated him, he loved her because he feared she was the last ham ham on earth... Yea Dexter was getting desperate, that doesn't mean his standards for a good ham girl were less but he just felt like all the ham hams were happy... and now pashmina was taken too... She chose the ruffian howdy above him... how can he survive ...how could she pick the loser above him... howdy had no goals in life, howdy had no good job, howdy first thought in the more is sex... and that's his last as well... Dexter on the other hand was into cuddling...even if he had a girlfriend, he rather cuddle then have sex.. he was raised well by his grandparents to be a gentleman and he really didn't have any interest in sex.... that was a big turn off.... Dexter slowly pulled 2 small metallic objects from his pocket and plastered them down on the ground next to... he picked up one of them a small flask filled with liquors and took a small drink.. for a moment he shook of the sudden shock of the alcohol hitting his stomach, but afterwards he felt a little bit of peace and tranquility...
he had failed several times with the ladies and he wanted to really just find a girl ham.... was he asking too much? what did they all not see in him? .... the idea of him always being the "just a friend" pissed him off allot... he was tired of being the good friend, wanted more, oh yea he wanted more.... he wanted love the love you can not find easily... he wanted a fairy tail, he wanted some princess... but he had been let down so much he now searched for anyone..... yes pashmina was his "next victim" he wanted her to like him,.... he really loved her... .that is the problem, she didn't like him.... she made it clear she was looking for a boyfriend and she wanted a special man..... oh how did that make Dexter's heart all a flutter.... maybe just maybe this was the break he was looking for .... maybe this was what he was waiting for. she also announced a party at her house the middle of July.... he couldn't believe it a perfect opportunity to show his best side to pashmina and penelope.... he offered to help with the planning and everything.... he knew it was going to be a drinking party, and even though he hated drinking parties he still wanted to go for pashmina .... love was on his mind and he wanted love in pashmina....he even went out of his way and spent a large portion of his paycheck on alcohol for the party to help pashmina out because she couldn't afford much... He went there and even tried to fix the stereo when it was broken.... he wanted to do the best to make this a perfect tonight to show the best to pashmina and how he truly was a good ham ham..... he spent a good portion of the time with pashmina's mother just to make a good impression on her.... even when pashmina's mother jokingly asked him to beat up pashmina's ex-bf Stan Dexter went along with it... jokingly of course...
yes he didn't fight with howdy that night.... but guess what he felt sorry about it... and what did pashmina do she stabbed him in the back with her betrayal .... she didn't just pick howdy... she fucked howdy.... yea Dexter's heart was broken and turned to shit... how could she....
Dexter opened his diary again and began to read some more past entry's ... about the time he traveled to Frostburg, Maryland for a girl who he thought loved him... and things went well till Dexter got upset out over something small... even though he apologized it couldn't be saved.... she hated him and things were not going to get any better before then or since then... wow Dexter sure could feel the weight of the world on his shoulders and it was crushing him... Dexter laughed as he looked down to the other shiny object.... maybe he was just over reacting but how could she not see it...or maybe she saw it and she didn't want it to be... Dexter could never figure out how women always didn't see him as a good guy and always a friend or someone to be feared... yea Dexter had allot of good manners about he also had allot of other bad ones a and that was what lead him to this point what lead him to this secluded part of the forest all alone sitting on a log crying with no one around to see him or to help him... he was used to being alone but seldom did he feel this along.... alone enough that the entire world seemed against him.... howdy picked up the flask again and took another's wish of the liquor inside it... barely able to hold the flask still still crying upset... yea he was losing control.... he could feel all those emotions escaping and he didn't like it.... it wasn't fair to him, he always tried to be the good ham ham the one the ladies would like... but oh no that wasn't meant to be .... as he sat there he realized no one knew his pain the pain of being single and frustrated.... how could anyone know his pain? all the other ham hams had girl friends... yes even Stan had a girl now... but he was all alone... no one was left, they all were happy...
Dexter smiled one last time and picked up the other metallic object sitting on the forest floor......
To be continued...
an: please review and tell me what you think of the fic so far and please give me advice on how you think the story should proceed..