'James!' called Lily, running hurriedly up the stairs in James's footsteps. 'James, wait up!' she cried, scampering up the stairs and slipping through the swinging portrait hole into the Head Boy and Girl's dormitory, where James was standing motionless.

'James?' she asked, approaching him carefully. 'Are you ok?'

'Sure.' said James, in a very strained voice. 'I'm fine.'

Lily came up beside him and peered at his face. 'You don't look fine. You look angry.'

James spun around. 'Well of course I'm fuckin-' but he bit back his words, and stared down at his feet again.

'What did Sirius and Remus say?' she asked, though she thought she probably had a fair idea. The only thing she was trying to work out was James's reaction, which she wasn't prepared for.

'Oh, we were just talking about Remus's love life.' said James, in a sickeningly false cheerful voice, and he thew himself onto the couch, looking at Lily very strangely. A look that was part anger, part sadness, part...regret? Part...envy, almost? And part admiration, but that was always there when James looked at her. Lily simply could not fathom it.

'Does it...annoy you?' she asked, tentatively.

'Jesus, of course it does!' he spat, then shook his head, as if reminding himself to be civil.

'Why?' asked Lily.

'Why? Why? You of all people should know why.' he said. Lily shook her head. This did not make sense. And she couldn't believe James was so unaccepting!

'What does it matter if they are two guys if they love each other? Isn't that what's important?' she asked.

James blinked. 'What?'

'Isn't love the important thing here? Just because they are of the same gender doesn't mean they don't have the capacity to feel that emotion!'

James stared at Lily. 'Who?'

'Remus and Sirius, you idiot! Try and keep focused here!'

James stood up and started backing away. 'Woah woah woah. I wasn't ...I wasn't talking about...Sirius and Remus...they're...Sirius is gay?' James stuttered.

Lily gulped. 'So...we weren't talking about them.'

James shook his head.

'Well, who were we talking about, then?' Lily asked, confused. James's face hardened.

'I was talking about-' he winced, as if it were painful to say. 'About...about you and Remus.'

Lily laughed. 'Remus and me?'

James nodded. 'Yes. Remus seemed to think it a good idea not to tell me about it.'

Lily laughed again. 'Tell you about "it"? We kissed in fifth year, James. A few times.' she said. Was it James's imagination or was Lily reddening slightly?

'Huh.' said James, and collapsed down on the couch. Almost immediately, however, he sprung back up again. 'What were you saying about Padfoot and Moony?'

Lily blinked. 'What?'

James shook his head. 'I mean, Sirius and Remus.'

Lily smirked. 'You have little nicknames for each other?'

'Answer the damn question.'

'Geez. Calm down a little, James.'

'Don't tell me to calm down! Answer me!' James roared. Lily blinked.

'Well I, uh...they sh-should-' she stuttered, not used to seeing this side of James. 'I'm sure they'd rather tell you.'

James clenched his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut, and Lily could see that his red face was throbbing.

'Ok, ok! I think they're kind of...well, I mean, they kissed and...well, I guess they're kind of in the same situation as us. Dealing with the repercussions of that, and trying to understand their own feelings. It's just a little bit more difficult for them, because they have the whole gender and sexuality issue to deal with.' Lily said quickly, watching James's face. James brought his hands up to his head and began rubbing his temples.

'Too much to think about, too much to think about.' he chanted, softly. Then he sat down on the couch, staring down at his feet. 'So let me get this straight.' he began, obviously planning to have an intricate discussion with his shoelace. 'In fifth year when I was the biggest jerk who had the hugest crush on you, Remus snuck behind my back, whilst encouraging me to my face, and was kissing you. Now he's kissing Sirius, who is the biggest womanizer the world has seen since Don Juan, and they're trying to sort out their "problems", which are similar to ours since the night we kissed.' he said in a low voice. 'Except for us, it's complicated because even though I've loved you since I saw you, when we kissed I freaked. I thought that I was letting myself taste the forbidden fruit, and it was going to be snatched away, but I would have developed a taste for it and could never love anything else in my life. I spent the whole night of my last ball at Hogwarts agonizing about you, and then we had a moment of dancing before we started arguing, and after that I found out you had been running around with one of my best friends.' he continued, without taking a breath. 'And now, I'm sitting here trying to wrap my head around it all whilst you waste your beauty and time standing here, tapping your foot ever so gently, showing your obvious impatience.' he finished, still staring at his bright purple shoe lace.

Lily's heart was beating rather fast, and now her mind, too, was reeling.

'You...you love me?' she whispered. James sighed and leant his head back.

'Let's not have this discussion now.' he said, in a tired voice.

'Answer the damn question.' said Lily, mimicking James's earlier demand. James brought his head down and looked at Lily, and to her surprise burst out laughing.

'What?' asked Lily. James continued to laugh. 'What's so funny?'

'Nothing! It's just funny!' he chuckled.

'What is?'

'This! This...this whole situation! It's hilarious, don't you think?' he said, standing up.

'You think love is funny?' asked Lily. James stopped laughing and sighed angrily, looking away.

'Don't do this, Lily. Not now.'

Lily walked towards him and, without warning, wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. James breathed in deeply, inhaling her gorgeous scent, pressing his body into hers, trying to imprint this moment into his memory. He knew he shouldn't be doing this; it was just going to make it that much harder when he had to let her go.

But...one little taste, it can't do any harm! he thought to himself, and hugged Lily tighter. However, Lily pulled away, only slightly, so she could look into his eyes.

'Do you love me, James?' she whispered, hypnotizing her with her beautiful eyes.

'With the strength of a thousand stabbing knives.' James murmured. Lily moved her ear closer.

'Pardon?' she asked. James cleared his throat.

'Of course not. I'm young, I'm stupid, I'm horny...I'm not in love.' he said. Lily smiled.

'Very funny, Mr Potter. But I heard you the first time. And I want to say...' she said, staring at James closely, 'I love you too.' She expected him to grin, to seek a conformation, and then she was prepared to be swept up into his arms and kissed like he meant it.

But to her surprise, he pulled away. 'No you don't.' he said.

'Yes, I do.' said Lily smiling.

'Don't...don't you play with me like this!' he yelled. 'This may all seem like a fun game to play at the time being, rather nice as well, but it's my head you're messing with! It's my heart you're messing with! And it's not fun, let me tell you! It's not a game, and I'm sick of everyone treating it look one!'

'James Potter, for once in your life shut that bloody mouth of yours and open up your mind instead! Why the hell would I want to pretend I love you? What would I get out of it? Unlike some people I know, I do not get a kick out of torturing others! So stop denying what you know you want and kiss me, God dammit, before I change my mind!'

And at that moment James Potter was successfully coerced into doing the thing he wanted most in the world to do. But also, at that moment, Remus and Sirius chose to burst into the room.

'Oh, sorry.' murmured Remus, and turned his back as if to retreat.

'Oh, no.' said James, pulling away from Lily. 'You're staying here, and you're going to talk to me. Both of you.' he added to Sirius's back.

Remus sighed. 'Alright, then. What do you want to talk about?'