A/N : Here we go again! Thanx to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter; Screeching Dragon, wings(of)paper, iluvglorfinderl, MissEdith666, MikiBaby, Princess Consuela, spikeswife1, Rachel, rubi-elektra, ms trick, Eurika, wicked-angel3, Jem, sunnyhell, Freezyboncoolipants, Kari Mouke, libraflyter, spuffyfan-1, CraZy4SpikE09, Bridge, Semajyrrah, Abigail, catgirl89, velja, naiya-isis, aphelant, Spuffyfan4eva, pixiecorn, MaidenRo, katie, Moluvsnumber17, Slayer rick chick, electricgurl. Y'know some of you have awesome screen-names and I never get bored of typing them each time you review. Thanx muchly for all the comments and compliments! Here's the next chapter for you...

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 16

"Spike" Buffy gasped for air as she finally broke their kiss, "What are we doing?"

"Well, where I come from" he smirked "we call it snogging, luv" he leaned in to start all over again but Buffy moved away, hopping off the stool and taking a couple of steps back.

"No, we can't..." she shook her head to emphasise the point. Though for the most part she really wanted to be doing this, she wasn't sure it was the best thing right now.

"Come on, Slayer" Spike begged, moving towards her again, effectively pinning her back against the counter, even though he wasn't physically touching her yet, "Can't you feel how much I want you?" he asked looking into her eyes as he pressed up against her, making her swallow hard "and I know you want me too...I can see it in your eyes" he told her softly, one hand moving lightly over her cheek before coming to rest in her hair, "I can feel it when we touch" he continued, his other hand reaching for hers, linking their fingers, as his eyes searched hers for a reaction, an answer.

Her eyes moved from his to their hands and back. She knew he was right, more than right. She wanted him so badly right now that it hurt, wanted to kiss him and touch him, and have him do the same to her, but it was more than that, more than lust. It might have been easier if that was all it was, just a physical attraction, but she liked him now, cared about him, more than she ever thought possible. It was like a lightening bolt shaking her whole body as she realised she was in very great danger of falling in love.

"I do want you" she finally admitted, in a whisper, continuing fast in order to stop him from kissing her again "but I've been here before, Spike, and I can't do it again" Buffy's voice was trembling now as tears came to her eyes. She just couldn't deal with another messed up relationship and things could never work between a Slayer and a vampire.

"I'm not Angel!" Spike snapped, quite annoyed at the implication that he might be, "and he wasn't the father of your child" he pointed out, some of the softness disappearing from his eyes and tone of voice.

"It doesn't matter" Buffy shook her head sadly, making her tears run down her cheeks. She removed his hands from her and side-stepped away, "I can barely handle this pregnancy thing and having a baby that could be half Slayer, or half vampire, or whatever" she wiped the tears from her face, only to find them replaced by more as she saw the pain in Spike's eyes, "I don't want to hurt you" she told him, "but like I said before, I can't deal with your feelings right now...I can barely control my own" she added quietly, before turning to walk away to the bedroom.

Spike's hand reached out to grab her arm and prevent her from going.

"Buffy..." she turned back at the sound of her name and he pulled her to him, covering her lips with his before she had a chance to argue. He knew she felt something for him, and he was so certain now of what it was he felt for her. It seemed the only way to make her see it was to show and tell. She was too stunned to kiss him back right now but she wasn't pushing him away either, and he knew she was perfectly capable.

"Buffy" he said again when he finally pulled away, still holding onto her arm so she couldn't run, "I love you" he admitted at last, finding it wasn't half so difficult to say than he thought it would be, "I don't know how it happened, and I know it's crazy and complicated, and I never meant for it to happen, but I'm not afraid of it" he explained.

The entire time, Buffy was staring at him, one hand on her mouth where he'd kissed her so hard that she felt like he was still doing it even when he'd stopped.

Had he just said he loved her? Her brain couldn't take in the concept. He'd said before that he liked her, cared for her, wanted to raise the baby and everything, but it never occurred to her that he would come out and say that he loved her, not now, if ever.

The part of her that knew she liked him more than she'd admit, that corner of her heart that was growing everyday, learning to love him, it was over-joyed to hear he felt the same, but like he'd said himself, it was crazy and complicated...

"Spike, I...I wish I could but..." she tried but failed to answer him, the words he wanted to hear just weren't ready to be said yet, "I'm sorry" she cried, tears streaming down her cheeks once again as she pulled her arm free and ran into the bedroom, throwing the door closed behind her.

"Nice going, Spike" the vampire said sarcastically to himself, sitting down heavily on the stool by the counter. In a moment's frustration he swept the bag of cookies straight off the surface, sending the contents all over the floor as he thumped his fist into the worktop, almost cracking it.

He'd never wanted to make the Slayer cry, and it was bloody confusing feeling the way he did about her when they'd been such enemies just a few months ago. Still, there was no denying the love he felt for her. It was real, no matter what the demon within him said, or what the silly bint in that bedroom tried to tell him.

Why did things never work out the way he wanted them to? Spike sighed. Seemed he would be sleeping on the couch after all.

- - - - - - -

It was getting late, and Giles had told the Scoobies that the best thing to do would be to go home and get some rest. They had a lot of research to do, a demon to fight without the help of the Slayer it seemed, and what should be an impossible pregnancy to try and explain. None of these things could be done when the group of young people were so tired and drained. In fact, though he'd never admit it, Giles was beginning to wonder if it were all possible anyway.

With a long sigh, the ex-Watcher removed his glasses and tiredly rubbed at his eyes. He walked over to the drinks cabinet and poured himself a large scotch before returning to the couch to read more of the Watcher's Diary that Xander and Anya had come across.

The Slayer it referred to was Nikki Wood, who was called in New York in the seventies. Her Watcher, Bernard Crowley, had kept meticulous records and the detail was particularly appreciated at this time. What was bothering Giles most of all was that the name of Slayer seemed familiar. Of course he had studied the Slayer line back over many centuries but it was impossible to recall every name. Still Nikki Wood was ringing a bell somewhere in the back of his mind. He was sure eventually he would remember why, but in the meantime he would concentrate on the young woman's pregnancy. Any information he could give to Buffy that would help her with relation to her child was a bonus.

- - - - - - -

Tomorrow, Willow, Xander, Anya, and Tara would be back to help with further research and the computer-literate witch planned to try to hack into the Initiative records to assist with the defeat of Adam. In the meantime, the apartment was peaceful and calm, and there were several hundred more pages Giles wanted to get through before he turned in for the night. Thank heaven Spike had moved out when he had!

"Here you go sweetie" Tara smiled comfortingly at Willow as she handed her a mug of cocoa, "It should help you sleep" she said as she sat down on the bed where her girlfriend was already snuggled beneath the covers.

"Thanks" she managed a small smile back as she sat up just enough to sip at her drink, "I can't believe all that's happened today"

"It has been kind of crazy" Tara agreed with a nod as she ran her fingers through Willow's hair, making her sigh and move closer to her.

"Buffy's having Spike's baby, and she's gone away to who-knows-where" she re-capped, "Riley is gone, and the Professor, and there's another big demon to fight...why doesn't it ever stop?" she asked, looking up at Tara, who hated that she didn't have an answer.

"I wish I knew baby, I-I really do" she said softly, "but I don't"

"At least I always have you" Willow smiled as she put her mug down on the nightstand and reached over to kiss her girl.

"You'll always have me" Tara promised, moving to lay down beside Willow so they could cuddle.

"I keep thinking about Buffy" the red-head sighed, "She must feel so confused and alone...and it's all my fault, me and my stupid I Will It So spell"

"I'm sure she doesn't blame you" Tara tried to sound comforting, but she had no way of knowing what Buffy thought and felt about any of this, she hadn't even been around when Willow's spell had been cast.

"But I blame me" she pressed, "If I only hadn't said that she should marry Spike!"

"Is that all you said?" Tara frowned suddenly, pulling out of the hug to see her girlfriends face. Willow wondered why she a suddenly asking that question.

"I don't know exactly" she realised as she tried to remember, "Er, I was talking to Xander" she said slowly, trying to recall the exact wording of their conversation, "I was complaining that Buffy wanted to spend time with Spike more than me, which was stupid but...I said 'Why doesn't she just go marry him and...' oh my Goddess!" Willow gasped loudly, covering her mouth with her hand.

"What is it, Willow?" Tara was worried by the panic and guilt she saw on her girlfriends face.

"I said" she forced out, taking her hand away from her face, "'Why doesn't she just go marry him...and have his babies, and live happily ever after'"

Tears fell from her eyes as the guilt washed over her. She'd blamed herself before because she thought by making Buffy and Spike in love she'd also caused them to make a baby, but now it was even worse as she remembered saying those very words.

"Human life can't be reversed" Tara said under her breath, making Willow look at her strangely. She quickly explained, "It-It's a law, of magic. Even if you reversed the spell, a human life ca-can't be taken back" she said, getting up from the bed and fetching a book from the shelf. She flipped the pages til she found the one she needed and handed the book to Willow, pointing out the passage she needed to see.

"How can I ever tell Buffy?" the girl looked petrified and so very sorry for what she'd done. Tara felt awful for her, but there was an up-side to all this.

"A-At least we know it's a human life that's been made. It's unlikely the child will have any vampire or Slayer aspects" she attempted a half smile, but Willow still looked unhappy.

"I guess thats good" she conceded, "but it doesn't make Buffy any less pregnant-at-nineteen" she sighed as she put the book to one side and laid down again, glad that Tara had agreed to stay over and was holding her close right now.

It was unlikely she would get much sleep tonight, with her head so full of Buffy and the baby, as well as the escaped demon and the deaths of those she knew, but it would be easier with Tara there. Everything was easier when they were together.

- - - - - - -

"It's weird" Anya sighed as she collapsed on top of her boyfriend, having finally gotten the sex she'd been craving for hours.

"Huh?" Xander responded, suddenly worried "Weird?"

"Not the sex" she shook her head, half smiling at his freaked expression.

"Then what?" Xander pulled himself up a little "Not doing wonders for the fragile male ego here, Ahn"

"Well, we have sex" she explained, tracing random patterns on his chest with her fingers "and it's nice, more than nice because I love you"

"I love you too" he smiled, squeezing her gently "but still not understanding the weirdness"

"Well, I always thought sex was just about two people and the smooshing together" she explained in her own unique way "and then I realised love made the smooshing even better" she smiled, "and now Buffy's having this baby because her and Spike..."

"Please do not finish that sentence" Xander begged "Really, not an image I need, Ahn"

Anya sighed. Humans could be so silly sometimes.

"Don't you see what I'm saying?" she said in exasperation, failing to see why he wasn't understanding her very simple premise "People are dying and people have to be born to replace them, and I just realised that one day, not now because you live in a basement and have very little cash and everything" she wrinkled her nose before continuing "but, one day we can do that - make a life"

"I guess" Xander didn't sound entirely sure about that. He was only nineteen, and Anya had only been his girlfriend for a few months and she was talking about babies? That was way, way in the future type stuff.

"I think we'll make very pretty children" Anya decided with a firm nod that he felt against his chest.

"Yeah, maybe one day we will" he replied, trying to suppress a yawn "I just hope Buffy can deal with her 'one day' cos it's coming a lot faster than ours...right?" he added, suddenly very awake and panicked by the thought that this conversation was leading to an unwelcome announcement.

"Yes, Xander" Anya smiled, looking up at his frightened expression. She'd seen less fear on the faces of men she was threatening to eviscerate! "Please breathe now" she said her smile disappearing some "you're turning unattractive colours" she pointed out and Xander let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

One day he figured the whole marriage and kids thing might happen for him, and yeah, maybe it'd be Anya he ended up with, but for now he was happy just being Xander, the funny guy without the responsibilities. He just felt bad that his best friend didn't have the options he did right now.

- - - - - - -

Buffy was having trouble sleeping. She could blame the unfamiliar bed, or the baby she carried, or a hundred other things, but the fact was the reason she couldn't sleep was a certain vampire in the next room.

Spike was the father of her child, God only knew how, but he was, and she had to admit she liked him, maybe even more than liked...but when he'd come out and said he loved her, that was something she just wasn't prepared for.

If it was just a case of wanting her in a lusty kind of way she could maybe deal with that, or if it was just the baby he cared about and she was important by association, but he actually loved her. It should feel wrong and disgusting to know that an evil, soulless vampire was in love with you, but Spike wasn't nearly half so evil as he had been just a few short months ago and as for soulless, well, there were humans with souls who did terrible things. Did it make so much difference as it originally seemed too?

Angel needed his soul to be good, without it he was just an evil monster, and Buffy had always thought every vampire was the same. Spike it was beginning to seem, was an enigma, not just the only vamp to father a child, as far as she was aware, but also able to love without a soul.

Clattering noises came from the living room, startling Buffy out of her deep thoughts. It was ridiculous, she decided, with her in here and him out there. They needed to sort things out and she knew she'd get no sleep until they did. There was a loud bang beyond the door, as she swung her legs out of the bed and reached for her dressing gown which she pulled on over her pyjamas. Cautiously she opened the bedroom door and crept out only to find that no-one was there.

Tears filled her eyes as she considered the fact that Spike may very well have left with no intention of coming back. Had she hurt him that much? She hadn't meant to but, after all the mistakes she'd made in her love life she was so afraid of making another, especially now when she was a few months away from bringing a new life into the world, one that she would have to look after for the rest of her life.

First there had been Angel, who had turned evil on their one intimate occasion and she'd been forced to send him to hell. He'd returned with his soul intact for just a few months before he walked out of her life never to come back again. In between there had been Scott which had been a disaster from start to finish - she'd still been so hung up on Angel. Then came Parker, who she would rather just forget, and Riley who she might have been able to make a half-decent relationship with if it were not for her spell-induced affair with Spike and the pregnancy that had come out of it. Still, Buffy was almost certain that things between herself and Riley would've gone downhill fast, either because he was just too damn decent and boring or because she would've driven him away. Why did she drive them all away? Buffy was desperately trying to fight back tears as she realised it had happened again. Spike had gone out that door and he might not come back. Just as she thought that very thing the front door opened again and Spike came back into the apartment, black leather duster swooshing behind him.

He stopped short of the kitchen when he noticed Buffy on the couch, a look that was a mixture of annoyance and concern on his features.

"What are you doing up at this hour?" he asked with a tilt of his head.

She sniffed a little, determined not to cry when she answered.

"Wondering where you were" she admitted and he shrugged his shoulders as he headed over to the kitchen counter.

"Does it matter?"

She followed him and stood the other side of the worktop, the look she gave him telling him that yes, it did matter.

"I was at the hospital" he sighed, reaching inside his coat "nicked some blood" he showed her the packets before dumping them on the counter "Come on then" he urged, trying to see her face as she looked down "tell me off for being a bad man"

Her eyes flitted up to his for a moment before she replied.

"What's the point if you already know it?"

For once Spike did not have an answer. He turned away, getting a mug from the cupboard and turning on the microwave.

"I want us to be friends, Spike" he heard Buffy say to his back. There was a tremble in her voice that wasn't usually there but he tried to steel himself against how bad he felt for being part of the cause of her unhappiness.

"And I want to win the bleedin' lottery" he snapped, keeping his back to her "but it ain't gonna happen" he knew if he looked at her he'd want to hold her and kiss her again, something he knew she wouldn't appreciate right now, given her earlier reaction.

"Spike, please" Buffy begged, tears finally escaping her eyes, her crazy hormones making her feel things so strongly right now "I can't help the way I feel" she told him.

"Yeah, well, neither can I" he said somewhat angrily, spinning around to face her "God knows I never asked for any if this!" he yelled "You having my kid, me actually caring...You think you're having trouble figuring out your feelings, I swear to God Buffy they can't be anymore screwed up than mine!"

Buffy had never seen him so worked up about anything. He'd been angry in her presence before, and not just when he was trying to kill her. When they had him locked in the bath-tub at Giles' he'd got severely P.O.-ed if he wasn't permitted to watch Passions, but he'd never looked so passionate about anything. If Buffy didn't know better she'd say he looked like he might cry.

"Spike" she said softly, walking around the counter to be closer to him. He kept his eyes to the floor, refusing to look at her, so she reached out and took one of his hands in both of hers "no matter what else, this baby is going to be ours - yours and mine" she told him "and I don't want to bring him or her into a world where we're at each others throats" they finally looked at each other then, instead of their hands which remained joined "Can't we just be like we were, before the kissing? Y'know like friends?" she said hopefully, it was all she could handle right now "It was nice then, easier, and I need it to be easier right now"

There was a long moment of silence, before Spike answered.

"I'll try, luv" he nodded slowly "but I can't turn off what I feel for you...both of you" he said, glancing to her stomach and back.

Buffy managed a small smile as she nodded.

"I know, but maybe if we just don't talk about it for a while..."

"It won't just go away if you ignore it" he snapped more severely than he meant to. Buffy didn't even flinch.

"I know that, but maybe we could put it to one side for a little while, and just see what happens?" she tried. Spike nodded once again.

"I guess we could at that" he agreed as Buffy yawned, no longer able to hide how tired she was.

"Come on" Spike smiled at how young and fragile she looked "You should really get some rest" he told her, taking his hand from hers and gently taking hold of her by the shoulders. He turned her around and walked her back to the bedroom where she laid down and he pulled the covers up around her.

"You need anything, you just yell, okay?" he told her, and she nodded slightly as she closed her eyes.

Everything would be okay now, and she could get a good night's sleep, knowing that, for now at least, things between her and Spike were okay.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Please don't hate me! There is method to my madness, I swear! I promise there will be more Spuffy, but I'm trying to make this as realisitic as possible for the Season it's set in, etc. Please review!
For anyone that's interested I am also updating 'Who's That Guy?' tonight.