A/N : Is this a good time to tell you this story is on the home stretch? Yep, we're heading for an ending people, and I know it sucks cos I'm really loving writing this and you all seem to really love reading it but all good things must come to an end and we're just a few chapters away from that end, if everything goes according to plan...Thanx for the latest reviews; kargrif, electricgurl, libraflyter, Spuffyfan4eva, Arisluv, Princess Consuela, theoneandonlygurl, rubi-elektra, Screeching Dragon, MikiBaby, aphelant, pixiecorn, sPIKEanDmE, Lucky-112, Culf, Kari Mouke, spikeswife1, Mullocks, Katie, Moluvsnumber17, Charmed-angel4, sunnyhell, spikespet2002, ProphecyGirl-vv, Freezyboncoolipants, Cady Monroe. Hope you like the new chapter!

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 26

"What are you doing?" Buffy's voice broke the silence of the room, causing Spike to smack his head on the open cupboard door above him.

"Bugger" he complained as he slammed the door shut and rubbed a hand over the top of his head where it hurt, "What are you doing out of bed?" he asked as he turned around, still scowling from the pain that jarred his head. The surprise had made it hurt more than an expected blow might have.

"I had a nightmare" she admitted, "and then I heard noises out here" she yawned as she ran a hand through her hair, wondering just how much of a mess she must look right now.

Spike was having trouble remembering his own name with her standing not ten feet away, all rumpled and half-dressed. If it wasn't for the fact she was so pregnant and the last time she'd touched him had been to smack him in the face, he'd have said screw the romantic plans, thrown her back in the bedroom and had his wicked way with her several times over. But she wasn't Drusilla, or some skank he'd picked up at a bar. She was Buffy, and he loved her, and she deserved better than that. It was precisely what she was going to get, but not tonight.

"I had to pop out, fetch a few things" he said after a while, "Was just puttin' it away, didn't mean to wake you" he told her.

"I told you, you didn't" she reminded him, "The nightmare woke me"

It was all uncomfortable and weird whenever they tried to have a conversation, and Buffy hated it. It got complicated whenever anything major happened between them, but she liked it when they were friends. They had to have one of the craziest relationships in the universe. A vampire and a Slayer, who'd slept together and made a baby whilst under a spell cast accidentally by her best friend, now living together in a borrowed apartment that only her mother new about, sharing a bed for sleeping only up until seven days ago when he admitted to killing a previous Slayer who was a mother, following which she yelled, he yelled, she hit him and things hadn't been the same since.

A large part of Buffy knew the easiest way to resolve the problem was just to say she was sorry, but it seemed it was almost physically impossible for her to say that one word to Spike. He was supposed to be the evil one, and yet she had hit him and without any provocation really. Sure he'd said he wanted to hurt her if he could, but when she knew he was incapable it was kind of wrong to go throwing her fist in his face.

Since then they hadn't shared a bed, or the couch, they'd barely shared a conversation. She wondered now and then why he bothered to stay there, or why she did. It wasn't as if they didn't have anywhere else to go, but some unknown force seemed to make them want to stay in Santa Monica, and together. Buffy realised he probably stayed for the baby's sake. No matter what did or did not happen between her and Spike, it was still his child she was carrying. It gave her a weird but warm kind of feeling inside just knowing that. Knowing that no matter what, a little part of him would always exist, along with a little part of her.

"...and it's a while til sun-up, you should try to sleep some more" she zoned back into the present and caught the end of Spike's sentence.

"I guess" she shrugged, really not feeling all that sleepy right now. Her rambley thoughts had completely woken her up, and she was getting hungry again. As she walked towards the kitchen, Spike headed for the front door.

"Where are you going now?" she wanted to know.

"Just...out" he told her as he left. Buffy winced as the door shut behind him with a thump

"Great. Out." she rolled her eyes, "Gotta love that place"

- - - - - - -

It had been hell these past few hours for Spike. After speaking to Jonathan and planning this romantic evening for Buffy in his head he was all fired up to do it, but when it came to the reality it was a lot more complex and nerve-racking to get straight.

Last night had almost been his undoing. In her state of half-asleep-ness Buffy seemed to forget to be pissed at him and he was too turned on by her half-dressed and dishevelled appearance to concentrate on anything but how much he wanted her. He'd taken the first opportunity he could get to vacate the premises and had only returned when the sun threatened to dust him should he stay out a moment longer. He spent a few minutes re-organising the 'romantic evening' supplies he'd bought and hidden at the back of one of the kitchen cupboards, then watching some TV until Buffy emerged, thankfully fully clothed, from the bedroom.

She had her breakfast, he had his morning cup of blood and then he took his turn to sleep for a few hours. That killed time til noon when he had a shower, re-dressed, and joined Buffy for lunch. Still she was not suspicious of his behaviour, since they'd been spending less and less time together these past few days anyway. In the afternoons she'd hide herself away in the bedroom, or concentrate on something random on the TV just so she didn't have to talk to him. She'd even been out for a walk a couple of times, which was painful if Spike thought about it too much. Knowing that he couldn't follow her no matter what - it seemed like the most severe punishment to him, though he suspected it didn't even occur to her.

Today it seemed would be one of Buffy's hide-in-the-bedroom afternoons, which suited Spike's plan to no end. It gave him time to cook the simple-as-possible but fancy-looking meal he had planned and set up the room according to suggestions he heard on that TV show with the five gay blokes, that he'd never, ever admit to anyone that he'd watched before!

It seemed everything was going to go according to plan, Spike realised, as he hunted for the candles he'd hidden in the cupboard last night, though given his luck with women, he wasn't holding out much hope.

- - - - - - -

"Guys, okay this is gonna sound weird but do you think this whole monster thing might have something to with Jonathan?" Angel asked the assembled Scoobies as they sat around Giles' apartment discussing the latest Sunnydale crisis. It was early evening, and several hours since the gang had been at the Levinson Mansion, confronting the town's biggest celebrity with the facts about the mysterious demon that attacked Tara. He'd sent them away and told them not to worry, without a syllable of explanation, and no matter how much they wanted to trust him, it seemed too weird to ignore.

"What are you talking about, Deadboy?" Xander asked suspiciously and all other occupants of the room waited for the answer.

"It's just, if he was so dismissive when you talked to him about it..." the vampire tried to explain, "and isn't it just a little suspicious that he's so great at everything"

"C'mon, man" Faith rolled her eyes, "You cannot be sayin' that Jonathan is anything but the ultimate cool!" she argued.

Angel shook his head, knowing it was crazy but also thinking all this was just too weird to be a coincidence. He glanced down at the piece of paper on the table, the one with the symbol on it that Tara had drawn to show the mark on her attackers head. He knew that symbol from somewhere but from where he just couldn't figure out...until now.

"Giles" he said suddenly, "Do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar?"

"Of course I don't ha...yes" he decide to be honest when several pairs of eyes all called him a liar with one look. He found the article and handed it to Angel who flicked through the pages til he found the right picture.

"There, look" he pointed and sure enough as the calendar was passed amongst the group they all saw the same symbol tattooed on Jonathan's back that had been on the demon's forehead.

"So Jonathan and the big hairy-scary are connected" Faith looked stunned, "Wow"

"I think maybe we're being played" Angel told her and the rest if the gang, "Like maybe, we were better than we think we are now and maybe Jonathan..."

"Really isn't as cool as he seems?" the Rogue Slayer finished his sentence for him and the vampire nodded.

"I've heard of these spells where reality can be changed, things made to seem what they aren't" he explained, "Maybe that's what happened here?"

It was a crazy idea to think that Jonathan could be anything less than perfect but there were a lot of things that didn't add up and when thought about rationally, Angel's theory could pan out. Whatever else was true, Faith knew deep in her gut that something wasn't right, that she was the one who was supposed to go out there and fix this...but only because Buffy wasn't there to do it instead.

- - - - - - -

Finally the whole thing was set, and Spike took a step back to admire his handiwork. The food was simmering, the table was set, the lights were dimmed, the candles were lit. Okay so it wasn't a classy restaurant and he wasn't Brad Pitt or Jonathan Levinson, but he'd made an effort and he loved Buffy so much. Even if it all went horribly wrong, he had to get points for intent, right?

Taking a pointlessly deep breath he walked over to the bedroom door and tapped on it.

"Buffy, luv" he called "I need to talk to you, could you come out here?"

There was a pause and then he heard the springs of the mattress as she got up from the bed and came over to the door. It opened and she stepped out, following him as he walked towards the kitchen.

"What is it Spike I...oh my God" her slight annoyance at being awoken from a light sleep turned into surprise, her hands going to her face as she took in the sight before her.

In the absence of a dining table, the coffee table had been moved over and propped up higher on something that was currently covered by a long tablecloth so Buffy wasn't totally sure what it was. Candles were set in the centre and a vase of red roses was to one side. The crockery and silverware were already laid out, and something in the kitchen smelt pretty good.

"I cooked dinner" Spike said pointlessly when Buffy stayed silent too long.

"For me?" she said more quietly than she meant to. She couldn't believe he'd go to all this trouble for her sake.

"No, for the bloody Pope!" Spike rolled his eyes as he flicked on the radio and came back from the kitchen area to stand by her, "Yes, of course for you, you daft woman"

Buffy felt ridiculous for having tears in her eyes as he led her over to the table and pulled out a chair for her to sit down. It was getting more awkward now with her stomach getting ever bigger but her bump only made her all the more beautiful to Spike.

He himself was looking smarter than usual, Buffy noticed. Though he still wore his black jeans, she was fairly sure he'd ironed them or something because they looked much neater and he wore a his red shirt buttoned-up not quite to the top. He even had proper shoes on and she couldn't help but smile at that, it truly was a big effort he had put in.

"I can't have that" she suddenly noticed he was pouring her a glass of wine but he didn't stop when she told him too.

"S'not alcohol" he promised, showing her the bottle "Fake stuff. Tastes like wine but won't harm the Nibblet" he smiled, "or break the law since I just remembered you're under-age" he frowned a little as he flew into the kitchen, returning two minutes later with plates of delicious looking food.

"Thankyou for reminding me I'm still a kid" Buffy sighed as he finally sat down opposite her.

"I didn't..." he almost started an argument about it when he realised she was smiling. That meant she was only teasing him, which would have been annoying usually, but it had been too long since they'd been comfortable enough to make jokes with each other. He smiled back before they both concentrated on their food, as soft music played in the background

It was a minute or two later when Spike realised Buffy was okay with the cutting of the food and with pushing it around the plate, but she wasn't actually putting anything in her mouth.

"You don't like it?" Spike checked, and when she gave him an apologetic look he slammed down his cutlery and sat back in his chair "I screwed up again, didn't I?"

"No, you didn't" Buffy shook her head as she put her knife and fork down too. She really didn't want him to feel bad after all the effort he'd made to put things right between them, something they both should have done days ago "Spike, it's not your fault" she promised him, managing to make him look at her "the baby has been kicking me in the gut all afternoon" she explained "I just can't stand the thought of putting food into my body right now"

"I wanted tonight to be special" Spike complained. He didn't blame her, there was no way he could, but whilst it was comfort to know he hadn't messed up, it was so damn aggravating that the night hadn't gone as planned.

"Why tonight in particular?" Buffy looked puzzled as she tried to figure out if the day had any significance at all.

"S'not the particular night so much" Spike shrugged, pulling himself up straight in the chair again, he wanted her to know how sincere he was "I just wanted there to be a night, one where you felt special, and where you saw that...that there's more to me than just the demon" he explained, "I hate that we fought, I hate that I made you almost hate me...I can't stand being around you all the time knowing things aren't right between us" he said, looking right into her eyes, "I know I sound like a bloody ponce right now but you drive me crazy, and I know it has to be because...I love you, Buffy"

For some reason, hearing him say those words always gave Buffy the strangest feeling inside. It wasn't quite the warm fuzzy feeling she got when she imagined her and the baby and Spike as a little family in the future, or the heat of passion she felt when she and Spike kissed before. It was this somewhere-in-the-middle type of a feeling, and it was nice but terrifying in it's own way.

"I...I know" she said, hating the glimmer of disappointed behind his blue eyes when she didn't say the same three words back to him "and I'm sorry Spike" she told him, knowing that she was apologising mostly for not being able to tell him what he wanted to hear "I'm sorry if I treated you badly these past few days and I know I really shouldn't have hit you, it wasn't fair" there she'd finally said it, and she felt so much better for it, or at least she would when he answered her.

"No, it bloody wasn't fair" he agreed "I just wanted to be honest with you. Should've stuck with being a lying git" he realised, looking away. It was a ridiculous idea to think he could be a good person just because he was in love with one.

"No, you shouldn't" Buffy responsed quickly, her hand shooting out of it's own accord to cover his as it rested on the table "I don't want you to think that" she shook her head as his eyes glanced back up to meet hers "We both handled it badly. I guess the whole growing up and being responsible thing is harder than I thought" she half-smiled as his hand turned over and took hold of hers.

"You'd think at my age I'd be grown up enough" he managed a smile too, feeling that even if the romantic side of the evening had gone to hell, at the very least it seemed they could be friends again.

"Do you have to keep reminding me that you're old enough to be my great, great, a few hundred more greats, grandfather?" the playful glint in her eyes was a welcome sight to Spike who squeezed her hand.

"Cheeky cow, I'm not that old" he protested, though he was trying not to laugh as much as she was "'Sides Peaches is older" he regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth, knowing damn well that the last person he should mention to Buffy was Angel.

"Don't always bring him into it" she said, letting go of his hand too suddenly, her smile waining.

"Don't mention age, don't mention my grand-sire...Am I allowed to say anything?" he asked, hoping he hadn't ruined the moment. It seemed he hadn't when Buffy smiled once again.

"Yes" she nodded, picking up her glass of mock-wine and getting out of her seat "How about saying 'Buffy, go relax, I'll do the dishes'" she smirked in a fashion akin to Spike's own style and he tried and failed to look shocked as he too got to his feet.

"I cooked the bloody meal, you barely ate it, and now I have to do the soddin' washing up?" he said with fake astonishment. Buffy sipped at her drink, looking at him over the rim of the glass

"Well.." she considered "Yes actually, you do" she giggled, feeling so much more comfortable right now than she had in days. To think all it needed was for the two of them to be a little less stubborn.

"You're on very thin ice, Slayer" he playfully warned her as she headed for the couch.

"But you love me anyway" she smiled as she placed her glass on the coffee table and turned back to face him. She hadn't realised he'd come up behind her, worried she'd have trouble reaching down so far to put down her drink. When she turned back there was just a couple of inches between them and his voice was just a whisper when he answered her.

"I do" he said too honestly and neither could force back the urge as there lips got closer and they shared one brief but sweet kiss.

"Spike" he felt her say his name rather than heard it "Every time we get close something gets ruined" she told him, "and I really can't take the stress right now" she admitted sadly. She hated having to step away when a part of her really wanted him to kiss her again, but what she'd said was true, it could never work.

"So nothing's change?" he checked "You're still gonna flinch every time I get within three feet of you" he said with pure frustration.

"Of course not!" came Buffy's immediate response "I wasn't doing that before, was I?"

The look he gave her was answer enough. She knew as well as he did that she had been avoiding coming anywhere near him and physically twitched everytime they touched until tonight.

"Okay, okay" she held up her hands in mock surrender "The whole Slayer killing deal just weirded me out" she admitted, eyes flitting between his face and the carpet "I guess I just forgot that you weren't always like this...but I know you'd never hurt me, even if you didn't have your chip" she said with a strange amount of confidence. Spike considered her words.

"How do you know?" he asked, knowing the likelihood of getting the answer he wanted was slim. He really wanted to hear 'Because I love you' or similar, but he wasn't stupid enough to think it would really happen.

"Does there have to be a reason why?" she said awkwardly, knowing he wanted to hear something else "Isn't the important thing that I know, and that I believe it"

There was a pause and then he shrugged his shoulders.

"S'pose" she heard him mumble as he turned back towards the table, planning to clear the dishes away. He stopped suddenly when Buffy turned up the radio.

'...so this was requested by the man himself, Jonathan Levinson. It's one of his own tracks from his new album, and it's going out to two good friends of his. Buffy and Spike, this one is for you'

Buffy opened her mouth to speak but stopped again when she heard the song that Jonathan was singing - Love Me Tender.

The Slayer shot Spike a questioning look and he appeared like such a shy little boy when he spoke, it was kinda cute.

"I, er, I might have called him for some advice, y'know" he explained "not that I couldn't have figured it out on my own" he was quick to add and Buffy stifled a giggle.

"It's okay" she told him "it's...sweet" she decided was the best word, though even that was risky since Spike had a distinct aversion to anyone denting his Big Bad image in any way.

"Sort of wasted now" he sighed, turning back to the table for the second time, but still he never got around to clearing it.

"Not entirely" Buffy's voice was soft but still loud enough to be heard as her hand reached out to his arm "Dance with me?" she asked as he turned back at the feel of her touch. He didn't have an answer as she stepped closer and he automatically put his arms around her. She stood mostly sideways so her bump didn't get in the way of her being close to him, as she leant her head on his chest and they gently swayed to the music.

Spike felt like he'd been torn in half, one part of him sent to heaven and the other to hell. Right now he was existing purely for moments like this, times when he could be this close to Buffy. Him holding her and her holding him, her even accepting that he loved her and that it was real. At the same time she had to know she was killing him, allowing him this much but holding back on the rest.

Of course Buffy knew how much he was hurting, she was hurting herself too, but surely it was better to just leave her and Spike's relationship at friends status. Things had gone so horribly wrong with the last three guys she'd allowed herself to get close too.

Angel had turned evil and ultimately left her, Parker had been a huge mistake, and Riley, well that was doomed from the start. Even her and Spike, what a stellar history they had romantically! They were in love under a spell, made a baby out of two rounds of bouncy fun, kissed a couple of times since then only to be interrupted or have her go hormonal, and that one time when they'd finally got really close, he'd blurted out the truths of his murderous history, blowing the whole thing to hell - again!

Buffy was just waiting for the next bad thing to happen when Spikes lips touched hers a few minutes ago, and she couldn't take any risks right now, not with the baby and everything. If anything real did come out of her relationship with Spike it couldn't happen now, maybe one day but not yet.

So here they were and here they would stay, friends in essence but just a little bit more because they couldn't help themselves. Anything romantic seemed to be strictly forbidden, but they could deal with that for now, right?

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : That chapter ended up much longer than planned and a little different. Hope you're not all mad at me for the almost-but-not-quite Spuffyness again! I swear, by the end it'll all get fixed. In the meantime, please review and don't throw things at me! ;-)