Operation: Genin Dance
Persepolis130
Notes: Holy writer's block, Batman!! This chapter took forever, and it's so short! Oh, and sorry about Naruto's gaybashing-- he's just being a baka!
CHAPTER 8
"How could you have written a STREAKING mission?!"
Kakashi smiled, overflowing with good humor. Making his kids miserable was just so much fun!
"Hey, you could have asked me, Sakura. I'd have done it!" Naruto nodded vigorously, trying his best to seem incredibly helpful.
"As if you don't get into enough trouble on your own!" Sakura ranted. "And what sort of prank did you pull anyway? I didn't see you do anything..."
"Well, I didn't get a chance to do one..." Naruto looked very serious, "but I did have a really SWEET one planned with Sasuke and exploding--"
"NARUTO!!"
"Hey, stop YELLING! I accomplished MY mission! I asked all the girls to dance!"
"Mmm," assented Kakashi, "And what about your teammate's mission?"
The two genin turned to Sasuke. "Naturally."
Sakura squealed her girlish glee at Sasuke's inherent uber-coolness.
"And what did your mission happen to be?" their sensei asked.
Sasuke scowled and dug into his pocket, offering up his slip of paper to Kakashi.
Chuckling to himself as he noted the irony, Kakashi read out the mission:
ASK A HANDSOME, SPIRITED YOUTH TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH YOU BY EXPRESSING YOUR ADMIRATION FOR HIS SKILL AND BEAUTY!
Sakura gasped and flushed brightly as Naruto laughed his head off.
"Ah, and whom did you ask?" Kakashi questioned, highly amused.
Trying to ignore Naruto's mirthful guffaws, Sasuke responded, "Neji."
This only made Naruto laugh harder, and the blond fell to the ground, clutching his stomach.
"I don't like him, moron! It was my mission!" Sasuke admonished. He kicked at Naruto's head, but to no avail.
"But Neji's not handsome..." Sakura pondered aloud.
Kakashi's visible eye widened. "Really...? Is that true, Sasuke?" Oh, how amusing!
Sasuke growled. "Of course he's not!!"
"So you're sure you don't think he's handsome..." Kakashi put his hand to his chin in contemplation, feeling pleasantly evil.
"I'm not like that!!" Sasuke looked highly offended.
Kakashi regarded the slip of paper Sasuke had handed him with mock interest. "Hmm... perhaps you didn't clearly read the mission Gai-sensei so carefully wrote for you. It says here you must ask a HANDSOME YOUTH."
"I don't like boys!" Sasuke shouted, looking even more irritated.
Naruto howled with laughter.
Sakura looked despondent.
"Well," Kakashi sighed in false sympathy, "it looks like you failed your mission."
"NO! I asked him to go out with me! Shikamaru saw it!" a pained look crossed the boy's face.
"I'm not saying you didn't ask," Kakashi told him, noting with interest the mention of the Nara boy's name. "I'm saying you asked the wrong 'youth.'"
Sakura took Sasuke's stunned silence as her cue to enter the conversation. "But I'm sure SOMEBODY thinks Neji is handsome!"
"Yes, but this was Sasuke's mission." Kakashi gave his student a serious look. "Now Sasuke, is Neji handsome or not?"
Sasuke growled as he glared daggers at Kakashi, his fists balled, jaw set, and eyes sharinganed. "No," he spat.
"I'm highly disappointed," Kakashi told his team. "Only one mission accomplished out of three. What do you have to say for yourselves?"
"Grr," snarled Sasuke.
"Mmmm..." pouted Sakura.
"Hahahahahahahahahaha!! QUEER!!" cackled Naruto.
Kakashi grinned. Such entertainment!
XXXXX
Asuma lit another cigarette, breathing in its sweet flavor, as he regarded his students.
Choji munched barbecue-flavored chips while Ino pouted and Shikamaru smirked.
Interesting.
"So...?" the jounin asked. This was going to be good...
Ino sighed and offered, "I completed my mission. I had to brag about fake kissing jutsus whenever someone complimented me."
"Yeah, I completed mine, too," said Shikamaru, shifting slightly on his feet, hands stuck in the pockets of last night's wrinkled suit. It had apparently been too much effort to change.
Ino grabbed the boy's shoulder. "You said you didn't do it!"
Shikamaru shrugged, looking at her hand oddly. "It was: DANCE WITH ANYONE WHO ASKS AND GIVE THE ONE YOU LIKE BEST A GOODNIGHT KISS. I didn't have to do it."
Ino groaned and plopped down on the ground. "You could have just told me," she stuck her bottom lip out in an excellent imitation of Shikamaru's pout.
Shikamaru sighed, looking at the cross-legged girl out of the corner of his eye, face flushing.
Asuma eyed the two of them suspiciously. What exactly was going on here?
"Hey, I completed mine, too," added Choji between bites.
Ino leaped to her feet, pointing accusingly. "You said you failed, too!"
"I hadn't done it yet when you asked," he said.
"Well, what was it then?" she demanded, looking highly exasperated.
"Mmm..." He dug into his pocket and pulled out a slightly sticky paper, handing it over with greasy fingers to Asuma when Ino held up her hands in disgusted refusal.
PLAY MATCHMAKER FOR ONE OF YOUR TEAMMATES, NOT STOPPING UNTIL YOU'VE SUCCEEDED IN SETTING THEM UP WITH SOMEONE, their sensei read, regarding Ino expectantly.
"WHAT?!" the blonde's jaw dropped.
Shikamaru snorted, looking pleased with himself.
"Oooooh..." Ino moaned, plunking herself back down on the ground, banging her head against her knees.
Asuma hid his smile behind his hand as he took a deep drag off his cigarette. Ah, so THAT was the new dynamic!
"Yeah, I tried getting Shikamaru to admit who he liked all night, but he wouldn't," continued Choji. "You were the obvious choice though, Ino."
Ino whimpered.
Asuma cleared his throat to keep from laughing. "And what exactly made her the 'obvious choice,' Choji?"
"Well," the boy explained, "she's got the nicest rack."
"Hn!" snorted Shikamaru, the look on his face the exact one he gave upon thoroughly trouncing his sensei at Go.
Asuma couldn't help laughing.
"Oh, my life is over!" bemoaned Ino.
XXXXX
"Tenten, my dear! What is tardiness?"
"Tardiness is an evil which strips us of our youthful capacity to acquire ability by depriving us of the highly important element of time," the girl recited guiltily as she took her place next to her teammates.
"And what is our excuse for this evil today?" Gai-sensei questioned, bushy eyebrows raised. It was highly unlike Tenten to do something like this!
"Mmm..." Tenten blushed. "I... uh... slept in..."
"For two and a half hours?" Gai regarded his wrist as if he were wearing a watch, a look of dramatic shock on his face.
Tenten smiled dreamily. "Uuuh-huuuh..."
"Tenten!" exclaimed Lee, "You're glowing!"
"Hmmm..." she flushed even deeper, hands hugging her own waist and eyes dreamy.
"Ah, I sense youthful love in the air!!" proclaimed Gai, striking a pose. "How marvelous!!"
"Congratulations, Tenten!!" Lee shouted, fist raised in an ode to her triumph of love.
"Yes Lee, she's becoming a woman before our very eyes!!" the jounin cried, fist raised and eyes gleaming with pride.
"She is?!" Lee's eyes bugged as he scrutinized his teammate.
"It's obvious! For what else can propel us from the unknowing folly of youth to the lofty heights of adulthood but love? You must embrace the knowledge love brings! Bask in the glow of self-discovery! Acknowledge yourself as a sexual being! For to deny love in its purest, glistening, sensual form is--"
"May we PLEASE train now?" demanded a highly perturbed Neji.
XXXXX
Kakashi looked surprised when he saw Team 10 approaching his team's bridge meeting point.
Asuma nodded in greeting as he escorted his team toward Kakashi's. "We knew you'd be late, so we all just decided to meet here. Hope you don't mind."
Kakashi shrugged indifferently as he said over his shoulder, "Do it and you'll spend the rest of the day tied upside down and naked to that post with a gag in your mouth, Naruto."
"Eww!" squealed Ino and Sakura at the same instant.
"That is vile," stated Sasuke, arms crossed.
"I've seen worse," shrugged Choji.
"Hiya Sasuke sweetie!" Ino bubbled.
"This is a pain in the ass," informed Shikamaru.
"Hmph!" Naruto sulked, plans for his prank foiled yet again.
"Ah, the invigoration of youth rejuvenates me so!" declared a manly voice from the other side of the bridge.
"You look stunning, my angel!!" Lee greeted.
"Isn't it a lovely morning?" Tenten cooed.
"Ugh," groaned Neji.
"Hmm... Kurenai's not here yet... but it doesn't matter, since my team won anyway," stated Asuma.
"You seem pretty sure of that..." said Kakashi, eyeing the boastful jounin.
"We'll put your words to the test," Gai threatened, eyes narrowing.
"Hey Shikamaru, are they trash-talking?" asked Choji, licking his fingers.
"I don't know, but it's giving me a headache," Shikamaru responded.
"It's making me hungry," replied Choji.
"Me too!" agreed Naruto.
"This place is like a nut house," muttered Neji.
"You belong in a nut house," retorted Sasuke.
Neji fumed. "You take that back, you--"
The insanity was mercifully cut short by a sharp whistle as Kurenai, tight-jawed, ushered her bedraggled-looking team forward. Kiba looked pale as he mumbled to Akamaru, Hinata looked embarrassed to death, and Shino... well, he probably looked damn tired, but who could really tell?
"I am not amused," Kurenai said coldly, glaring at Kakashi. "And if I hear anything about lap dances, I claim no responsibility for the ensuing deaths."