Operation: Genin Dance
Persepolis130
Notes: Wow, the story is drawing to a close-- only the highly inappropriate epilogue left! Damnit, how am I going to fit in all my off-color jokes?!
CHAPTER 10
Sakura walked along the trail with her hands pressed to her ears, trying her damndest to drown out the hideous clamor, as Inner Sakura spun in erratic circles and ripped out her hair.
It was bad enough that they lost the competition and were humiliated in front of all the other teams. It was even worse that they were being punished so hideously and unfairly by Kakashi-sensei. But when it came to awful things, this one might just take the cake.
"--SUCKIN' his THUMB, PEEIN' his PANTS, TRYIN' to do the HULA DANCE!!"
Sakura could see Sasuke's left eye twitching. The usually unresponsive boy had fallen into a state of glowering fury since they had begun their walk toward their fearsome, unjust punishment.
"Okay, now... oh yeah!! SASUKE and KIBA SITTIN' in a TREE, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!! FIRST comes LOVE--"
Sakura approached her scowling crush cautiously, hands still covering her ears. "We're almost there..." she said over the din, hoping this wouldn't depress him even more.
Though he was silent for a few moments, she thought she heard a growl in Sasuke's throat as Naruto finished up his maddening chant and then started again: "SASUKE and SHINO SITTIN' in a TREE--"
Was it really necessary to try out every boy's name he could think of?!
"Hey, hey, Sasuke!! How about this one!! "SASUKE and LEE SITTIN' in a TREE... hey that rhymes!! Wait, where was I...? Oh yeah! SASUKE and--"
Sakura winced and her usually calm and collected Sasuke looked about to go into spasms. Oh, make it stop, make it stop, MAKE IT STOP!!
XXXXX
"Where's my prize, where's my prize?!" Ino bounced, her skimpy yellow string bikini top holding on for dear life.
Shikamaru squinted in the bright sunlight, frowning over his Go board at the disturbingly appealing amount of delicious girl-flesh she had on display.
"Hey, Shikamaru, you want cheese on yours?" Choji asked him from behind the grill.
"Yeah, sure," he answered grumpily, watching the tee-shirt clad boy lick barbecue sauce from his fingers as he prodded random slabs of meat with his tongs.
Shikamaru hated the beach.
"But it's little. And flat..." Shikamaru heard Ino saying. He looked over to see her holding an 8x11 manila envelope.
"Just open it," their sensei told her. "I know you'll like it."
Since he was already looking in that direction anyway, Shikamaru rested his chin in his hands and watched as Ino unfastened the envelope, pulling out a large, glossy piece of paper.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! WHERE did you GET this?!"
"Oh man, I dropped the burger..." Choji lamented.
Asuma laughed, and Shikamaru squinted at Ino's paper, scowling. What could possibly be so exciting? She hadn't even squealed that loud when he'd... you know...
Catching a glimpse past Ino's bulging, heart-shaped eyes, Shikamaru swore under his breath. She was holding a picture, of course. A picture of Sasuke. A rear view.
A NAKED rear view.
Hanging his head low, Shikamaru hauled out his deepest, gloomiest scowl. Great. Just great. Ino was going to spend the rest of the day staring at photo-magic Uchiha, and he now had a visual to go with the whole hideous SasuNeji bit. How perfect.
Asuma trudged up, bare feet digging into the sand, looking pleased with the results of his "prizes." Spreading out a towel, he took a seat at the game board across from Shikamaru.
The highly displeased genin threw his sensei an annoyed look. "What, so Choji gets an all-you-can-eat barbecue on a brand-new, super-powered grill, Ino gets a fancy nudie snapshot of pretty-boy, and I get GO? How the hell is this fair?"
Asuma shrugged as he plunked down a tile.
Shikamaru sighed and took in the board as his mind began to weigh his options. Maybe this was what he needed to clear his mind of all the unnecessarily troublesome crap it had been involving itself in recently.
After all, he couldn't let rampant teenage hormones get in the way of his all-important dream of becoming an average ninja with an average house and an average family and an average wife...
Yes, a good, intriguing game of Go was exactly what he needed to get his mind off--
"Shikamaru!!" Ino beckoned suddenly, eyes still glued to her photo as she waved something at him, "Come and help me!"
Damn. "With what?"
"Put this on my back!"
"But you're way over there..." he moped.
"Nara Shikamaru!! Do you have ANY idea what sort of damage this sun will do to my creamy-white, delicate skin?!"
Shikamaru gaped in her general direction. Creamy... delicate...
Asuma nudged him. "Why don't you go help her out?"
"Huh?" He asked, looking dazedly down at the Go board. "You can't be seri-- OW!"
Picking up the bottle of sunscreen that had just hit him in the forehead, Shikamaru wondered blearily why Ino didn't use shuriken more often. Her aim was dead on.
"I'm waiting!!"
"What a pain," the boy mumbled, trying his hardest not to imagine his hands massaging Ino's tempting flesh. Talk about lost causes...
"Come on now, Shikamaru!" Asuma said with a grin, "Did you really think Go was your prize?"
"You're evil," Shikamaru pouted at his sensei as he grabbed the bottle and hauled himself, with great effort, to his feet.
"Took you long enough." Ino was lounging back in her beach chair now, admiring her pictorial soft porn. A pink flush spreading over cheekbones, her barely-covered breasts seemed to rise and fall more quickly with each breath, her long, slender white legs bent open at an angle that was just this side of... wow...
Shikamaru groaned when he realized his swim trunks didn't have pockets. What a pain in the ass this whole thing was.
He was positive that before it was all over, he was going to end up with sand in places he never even knew he had...
XXXXX
"Oh-ho! What have we here??"
"Just follow the plan." Sasuke whispered. "If we stick to the plan, everything will be fine."
"Right," said Sakura, nodding. "Keep to the plan, and it will all work out."
"Uh... I forgot the plan..." said Naruto.
Sakura smacked her overly-large, still-throbbing forehead. It was all over now...
"Eh... hello..." Sakura began with a wince, "We... uh... lost the competition, so..."
"As punishment," Sasuke continued cautiously, "Kakashi-sensei has assigned us to work with you for... the next... week..."
"Yes, as... a sort of remedial... uh... you know..." Sakura offered, glaring at Naruto, who was currently squinting at their temporary sensei. How could he have forgotten the plan?!
"Ah, so my eternal rival has conceded defeat! I am honored and flattered to have the opportunity to train you beside my own team!!" Gai-sensei declared. What a victory!! he thought, fist raised high.
"Sakura, my darling!! What magnificent news!!" Rock Lee exclaimed, copying his idol's movements.
Remembering their drunken, hideous almost-kiss, Sakura wanted to cry. Inner Sakura did.
"Kakashi-sensei probably just wanted a week off..." grumbled Sasuke.
"Oh, if only we'd gone through with the plan..." Sakura lamented.
"Hey, you can train with Neji, Sasuke!" Naruto shouted in a sudden epiphany.
"Naruto! Shut up!" hissed Sakura. That was totally NOT in the plan!!
"Excellent idea!" declared Gai with his trademark shiny smile. "We will train in pairs!"
"How did I know he was going to say that?" grumbled Sasuke, throwing Gai a scathing glare.
The expression on Neji's face made him look constipated, and Naruto eyed him curiously.
"Since Tenten isn't here, could I train with Sakura, sensei??" pleaded Lee, tears already filling his freakishly round eyes at the prospect.
"Perfect! We will each do 100 push-ups, jump rope 100 times, run 100 laps around the training grounds, and then we will spar until nightfall!!"
"YES!!" declared Lee, jumping up and down with glee at this most fortunate turn of events.
"Wait... who will Naruto train with?" Sakura asked unhappily, still mourning the loss of the plan. And where was Tenten, anyway?
"Naruto will train... with me!!" Gai declared with a flourish. "Let's begin!"
"RIGHT!!" shouted Lee.
"This is the worst day of my life," moaned Sakura.
"I can't believe this is happening," fumed Sasuke.
"Hey Sakura, what does 'gay' mean?" asked Naruto.
When her spasmodic twitching finally subsided, Sakura looked up from her place on the ground to see a starry-eyed Rock Lee bent over her, a concerned look on his face.
She sighed. It was going to be a long week...
XXXXX
Aw man, is it really over now...?! Nope. No way. We're in need of a completely gratuitous PWP epilogue in which everything is wrapped up and everyone I can think of gets it on!!