Kagome wanted to free fall, and slip away from Inuyasha's arms that had just embraced the dead priestess. She didn't hear him tell her he was sorry in her ear, and whispered that he cared right after he was finished with Kikyo. She felt betrayed and it was always like that to her. He loved her first, he had her first, he kissed her first, he was her first. Kagome figured where she had stood, and if life it's self continued the way it was meant to be, they'd still be intertwined with each other and never break away. She felt like she was only his jewel dector, his nurse, and his cheerleader most of the time. But nothing else, he decided to consider her a friend after the loving looks he had given her, and all the embracing and hidden attempts to kiss her on the cheek. Kagome just wished she'd slip right through into aura of the well, but instead she felt her mid-drift tightened and realized she was caught.
Inuyasha gently placed her down against the lush grass eager to explain himself, but she knew it wasn't really necessary. She understood why Kikyo hated her guts inside and out she had taken the guy she had loved and made him love another besides her. Kagome knew it wasn't exactly her fault, and sometimes she wished she never stumbled upon the jewel so things wouldn't get complicated. Kagome refused to look into his yellow soften eyes that made her feel at ease, she didn't want to fall for the same trick again and again.
"Kagome, please listen to me..."
Kagome felt his fingertips touch her shoulder and for once it was an unwanting feeling from him. Knowing his hands caressed, embracing, touched a dead priestess with a body made of clay loving someone who wasn't of this world more than her. Any other time she would have loved to receive his gentle touch, to her the magic was gone because of the act he had just committed. Kagome's heart continued beating through her chest, and stared at Inuyasha as though he was an enemy towards her. His touched burned her instead of calmed her.
"No Inuyasha who am I really to you? I feel like I'm just some jewel dector and I realize maybe that's the only reason I stumbled on here. It wasn't fate or destiny I realize it now, after what you have showed me Inuyasha. You lust me and not love me, which is a completely different thing. You lust me because I resemble that damned Kikyo. Only love me for how I can sense jewel shards. I thought maybe fate had brought us together, but I guess I read to much into it. When you promise me you won't see Kikyo, it seems you guys are brought together regardless of our promise. Your dead dying affection you guys once had hasn't faded. She's dead Inuyasha your alive, and your wasting your time loving something that had to steal souls in order to live, and her body formed by clay. Inuyasha, you've proven enough to me already."
Kagome's swung further than she could, she sheaded tears because she wanted him to feel guilt running through his veins understanding what he had done himself. Inuyasha's eyes opened wide knowing half of what Kagome said was false how she looked at him. Inuyasha never said he loved Kagome ever, only she returned the affection. He could kiss her and embrace her all he wanted, but never would she hear the words, "I love you." Only that would come from his mouth when Kikyo was around never herself.
Inuyasha hands reached out in the mid-air as his yellow eyes sparkled feeling so guilty but yet the look of understanding. His yellow tinged yellow looked at her fiercely, knowing every side cared for Kagome, even his demonic side. He threw her in a forced embrace he felt was necessary hoping he could show her how he cared for her.
Kagome's hands tried pushing his body away, but he was too strong even his spirit and his stubbornness was. She knew Kikyo could drive him to death, and yet he would still love her endlessly. She could attempt to kill him or try to hurt Kagome herself, but she knew only hot angered tears would run down his face and no justice would be done.
Inuyasha could feel her hands pushing her away, exactly like Kikyo had done when she felt his embraced forced on her. Kagome didn't want to love him anymore for that reason yet she cared too much of him to get hurt. Inuyasha warm breath was upon her neck, as his hands gently caressed her long raven black hair. He did care, but he also cared for Kikyo, and sometimes he wish he hadn't.
"Kagome, you don't see me flipping out because I seem like the loyal terrier!"
Inuyasha yelled out of anger, he didn't try to but of course he did. He sadly just sighed not knowing what to say to Kagome's angered saddened comment. He didn't know what he could say to ease her pain, there was nothing he could possibility say to make things better for her. Kagome looked away when she saw the deep affection in Inuyasha's eyes that sparkled like the moon. She hated worrying about him, she hated caring about him yet she had to. Silence filled the air between the two, as Kagome sternly looked the other way not even looking into him. His warm hands gently touched her cheek, as Kagome felt disgusted by him yet entranced by his touch. It seemed like she couldn't be mad at him for any reason, and she hated that. She felt vulnerable to him at this point and that feeling she couldn't ignore. His soft winter hair untouched strands of hair blew in the air, as a soften smile rose from the corner of his lips. He looked so understanding, so caring yet she didn't want to fall for this, she hated loving him sometimes it was more like a game to her. His hands gently caressed her raven black hair, bringing himself forward with his eyes slowly closing and Kagome slowly wanted to back away but she couldn't. His lips proceeded to hers while he softly whispered, " Kagome I do you love you, don't think I don't." Kagome felt like she wanted to believe those words, but she couldn't.
Kagome could only think how many loving things he said to Kikyo, and that made her unforgiving towards Inuyasha. His words were just mere lies she took as promises so he could keep Kagome around waiting in the wings. She had never felt so confused about a guy this much, it was something she truly hated about Inuyasha. She tried to stay mad at him, but she felt like she could continue letting him torment her and part of her was confused. He was the type a guy a girl could fall in love with again and again, even after all the mistakes and the lies. Kagome didn't want to feel his lips upon hers, but she couldn't force herself anymore to push him away. She was just confused as Inuyasha was about her, and the problem he worked himself into. Kagome's struggling had suddenly stopped, her hands let go of his Kimono and finally he felt like he made her understand how much he loved her. Kagome felt his lips forced further, as tears proceeded down her cheeks. They were hot tears crying out of sadness, and not out of happiness. "
"Inuyasha..."
She calmly whispered between the forcing of his lips upon hers, as his eyes looked at her with understand and compassion. His soft white ears perked up listening to the soft calm serious voice that rolled off her lips. Inuyasha's yellow eyes danced around with affection and happiness for once having the feeling everything was alright between each other. She couldn't say in words how she felt exactly but she knew one word would get threw to him, and that would ease her pain and her confusion.
"Sit!"
Her lips pulled viciously away. She tried to say she didn't want this to happen not after what pain her heart endured but she couldn't open her mouth and feel like she was hurting Inuyasha. She couldn't say no to Inuyasha, not to his face or with her words. She wanted to desperately pull away but she let her vulnerable side take effect when she wanted to pull away and run away at that moment. She couldn't say no to his kiss, and she couldn't fight him to her Inuyasha made things difficult for her. She had a major weak spot for him, and she wished she didn't let that get in the way of things but it always did. Her love from Inuyasha was stronger than her will and that's what she hated the most. When she wanted to be mad at Inuyasha or serious, she just couldn't it had always been like that. Inuyasha's charming face flew into the ground, as Kagome gathered back her breath knowing she couldn't stay there any longer. Her only thoughts in mind were to run down that well, and continue running so she wouldn't have to be hurt anymore. She made it clear to Inuyasha, that what he did to her wasn't right at all and only word could truly show him that.
Kagome felt the wind blowing her tears back, frozen on the spot. She hated doing this to me, but she thought it was the right thing for her sake. She didn't want to get hurt anymore, she wasn't going allow it and this was the last time she would. Her heart crawled to her throat as the sun was just setting over the horizon. She watched his hands slowly bring himself up, and she knew her instinct was to run as fast as she could.
"Inuyasha I'm sorry...I can't be with you when you hurt me. Until your promise is kept I will continue to run further from you more and more. It hurts me to do this, but I can't let any more tears run down my cheek because how you hurt me, I just can't. My heart has been broken too many times and so has your promise. I love you Inuyasha but this is for my own good, and yours. Until then, I will continue to run as far and as fast as I can. Never will I run back until you realize what is needed to be done."
Kagome's tears blew in right of her cheek, as the sun's rays gently grew on her making her look beautiful more than ever in the light. Her legs began to get higher into the air, as her feet flailed into the breeze running faster than she ever could. She knew if she didn't make it to the track team, she'd likely be doomed when she knew she had to out run him. Her hands flew to the side, feeling her stomach twist with knots and butterflies. She felt so confused, and she hated it. Apart of her loved him inside and out, yet she disliked him for how he toyed with her heart and her soul. His lustful words gently whispering in her ears that she thought she could believe, and his actions were just nothing but lust...that's all it was to her was lust. No further love, no further future just lust that's all she could see in Inuyasha. Kagome could hear his deepened concerned voice calling out her name, knowing he was picking up speed chasing after her. She wanted him to leave her alone, but he never could. It wasn't his fault his feelings caused him to act like this, even break Kagome's heart he didn't mean to it just happened.
"Kagome, wait please don't go! Kagome!! I'm sorry..." His deepened voice yelled out so anybody in a three mile radius could hear his loving words directed to Kagome. She refused to respond as much as she wanted to, but she knew she had to get out of there and running was her only option. Kagome knew she had hurt Inuyasha herself, when he had placed his lips upon hers and made a desperate attempt to flee the moment he thought they loved each other for real. She didn't want to, but she had to make her get her point across to him that her had hurt her and needed something to change. Her hands grasped the well feeling a fast breeze upon her knowing he was so close to touching her. She gave one last saddened look towards his direction to show how she truly felt, and then tightened her eyes proceeding down the well. His hands dangled down missing her hands screaming her name loudly but only the echo of his voice was heard. His head sadly laid against the well ready to shed tears of his own. In his mind he couldn't understand what else he could have done to hurt her. He thought it was more than that, but it wasn't.
"Kagome, I thought you cared about me. I know your upset about me and Kikyo and I thought you forgave me for betraying you. You seemed like it when you accepted my kiss, my embrace my breath of loving words. But no Kagome, you decided to hurt me and flee when I thought only me and you...I thought that kiss truly meant something and was my forgiveness to you...But you didn't return it instead your ran as fast as you could. Why would you accept the kiss Kagome, when your heart wasn't in it? Maybe you're the one who lusts me Kagome and not the other way around... You think I only lust you, but the truth is I care about you, and I love you. God damn it I wish you were so god damn stubborn!! Maybe you only kissed me because you lusted me. I thought that kiss truly meant something to you, but it seemed like nothing when you decided to leave. All this time I was a fool to believe you loved me, when the fact is you lust me. A feeling I confused it as love. I let my guard down for a women who never loved me...and never will."
Kagome truly thought in her own mind he lusted her, because he truly loved Kikyo and suddenly would try to comfort her and "love her" and than run back again as always. Inuyasha truly thought she only accepted the kiss because she lusted him and decided to run as though it meant nothing special to her. Both believed they lusted one another by the way they acted but really they loved each other more than they could say.
Kagome climbed out of the well, staring down feeling guilt inside her. She felt guilty for kissing Inuyasha when she wanted to run away but instead she went through with it. She could see the confused look painted on his face and underneath he felt was pain exactly she was feeling now. She had a feeling Inuyasha would run after her, and she wasn't going to let him even come near her. Her eyes eyed the thick pieces of wood near by in the shrine, and bolted it as best as she possibility could. She dearly hoped Inuyasha wouldn't come after her. She wanted to be alone in her thoughts, it was the first time she truly wanted to be away from Inuyasha ever. Her eyes only sadly stared at the well remembering how he run after her when she ran away, and they made up as always. It was the worst feeling in the world yet it turned out so great. She didn't want his loving thoughts getting in the way anymore, she was hurt and she wasn't going to see him until he had truly kept his promise of stop loving Kikyo.
Kagome silently opened the door, seeing her family eating arguing about which restaurant in Tokyo made really good food. Kagome's head dropped to the floor and bitterly quiet when she had flung open the door. Buyo softly arched it's self against Kagome's leg in comfort as she patted it's head as her family went dead silent. She had the saddened look glimmering in her eyes and the residue of tears knowing something had went completely wrong and it revolved around Inuyasha. Her family knew she would have usually been in a bubbly mood with a high spirit talking about the demons Inuyasha had battled off, and how things were different in they're era compared to hers. When it had come to Inuyasha as a topic she never ran out of things to say. Her whole family could see she was infatuated with Inuyasha but too stubborn to admit it. Her mother could see her sadness in her eyes she wanted to interfere but she knew Kagome wasn't in the mood.
"Kagome are you going to eat? There's a dish left over for you..."
Her mother added in as Kagome sadly shook her head when she noticed it was Ramen that truly reminded her of Inuyasha. Kagome just sighed telling her she didn't want any and proceeded to upstairs with Buyo under her one arm heading off into the depths of her bedroom. Kagome just threw herself lifelessly into her pink pillow and buried her face while she began to silently cry. Buyo stood meowing by her side as Kagome threw open her red bright diary and threw a small blue pen in her hand. Her diary was full of hand writing and in almost every other sentence Inuyasha's named appeared. She'd dot Inuyasha's first letter with a heart and continued writing about how she felt about him, and the demons they battled through and through. Every detail of the feudal era and what happened they're was contained they're and she would write until her arm was sore. She mostly wrote when she had found herself in a fight with Inuyasha and that never seemed to end. She kept most of her pictures pinned with a paper clip that had the gang and mostly of her and Inuyasha together. She knew she didn't lust Inuyasha like he thought she was extremely head of heels and the diary proved it. Kagome jumped from her bed and slip out the window to avoid her mother questioning her and sat quietly in the shrine. Her thoughts cleared knowing exactly what to write as she sat inside the shrine near the well.
Dear, DiaryInuyasha I have no clue why you make me fall even harder for you...you make things so confusing for me. When I need to be mad at you I can't. I love you despite everything that happens between us. Good or bad. Only if you understood underneath the feelings of confusion I feel for you. I ran because I couldn't take getting hurt anymore from you. Until your promise is fulfilled, I will continue to run further away from you until I believe you love me. I'm afraid you lust me than love me. I wanna believe your words I really do but sometimes I just can't. I want to feel like we don't have to hide anything, I want you to be trustful and honest with me. Your kiss I truly wanted to receive but it didn't feel right. Not after you had yourself all over Kikyo. I felt like second best, than again I am. I had to run Inuyasha, I can't say no to you sometimes it's a weakness at heart for me. I never felt like this about a guy before. Demon or not I love you but sometimes I need to forget how you hurt me. Until than my heart will remain loving you, but I will die more and more inside the more you hurt me. I wish I could express this to you in words but it will remain a secret in this little diary. Only if you could realize the mistake your making. But you saw her first, you wanted her first, you had her first, you kissed her first, embraced her first...she was your first. I know where I stand now, I'm second best and always will be.
Kagome sadly shut the book as a tear absorbed into the cover of the diary feeling she wrote everything she felt she needed to. She felt relieved she had expressed her thoughts but inside it wasn't enough to calm her down. Not enough to dry her tears, or make her feel safe. Only Inuyasha could, but she couldn't face him now she just couldn't. "Inuyasha I guess it's true you hurt the ones you love..."
Sota cleared the table placing the dishes in the sink, having a conversation with gramps and his mother. It was something that brought a saddened look to all of they're faces but they knew it before Kagome would ever figure it out on her own. "Mom, but what about Kagome? And Inuyasha? Things won't be the same after this...You know Kagome going to be much more upset than ever. How's Inuyasha gonna feel?" His mother shook her head in sadness and in pain. She felt guilty she had to do this to her and it was going to have a great effect on Kagome and especially Inuyasha. She could already see the hurt in her daughter's eyes and it would bring more tears to her cheek than realized. Her whole family knew about the secret, they had been keeping so long from Kagome but they knew if they did she would be hurt more than ever. It was hard enough to break it to her, but she'd realize soon enough. "I know it's going to cause some problems between Inuyasha and of course Kagome. I understand that. But it's for the best and she'll realize that someday. We'll talk to her about it after we drive around to pick some things up. I'll be in Kagome's room cleaning up her mess for abit if you need anything. Promise me you won't say anything your sister? It's important she finds out when the time is right..."
Sota just looked at her and quietly nodded as much as he wanted to breathe the secret to Kagome he couldn't.
Sota could see his sister from the shrine laying with her head directly in her lap he knew she was crying. But he knew once she figured out the secret more tears would eventually flow.
"Kagome I wish we could tell you what were hiding. But I can't, I know it will cause you and Inuyasha problems possibility even tears. But Kagome I know it will hurt you when you find out but I can't tell you...only you can find out on your own.. and so will Inuyasha..."
( Please R&R)