A/N: Here's another little one shot Harry Potter story of mine. It's not at all meant to be serious. I was in a goofy mood when I wrote it. Hope you enjoy. The characters aren't really what I like to call "developed" in this story. It really is just for shits and giggles. Enjoy enjoy. And if you don't, then that's just too damn bad. Sorry, thems the breaks. I think it's funny, other people think it's funny. If you don't then oh well. No need to be nasty about it. After reading, please read the second Author's note at the end of the story. Thank you.
Wedding Night
They couldn't think of a better place to have their wedding than at Hogwarts. Half the Wizarding community showed up for the nuptials, so it was a good thing that Harry and Ginny picked such a large place to hold it. Besides, after being the site of the end of the Great War just three years ago (Harry's final year at Hogwarts), the grounds needed something happy to happen there once again.
The festivities went on well into the night. Harry had been antsy the entire time. He wanted to get his bride alone. He'd waited for a very long time for their wedding night. But since their family and friends were so happy (Mrs. Weasley and Hagrid were a sobbing messes by the end of it all) and enjoying things so much, he tried to shove the excitement away.
You see, Harry and Ginny, at the very beginning of their relationship, decided to take things slow. That included waiting for all the wonderful things that came with a romantic relationship. It was more her decision than his, but he loved her even from the get go, so he went with it.
Truthfully, it had been hard for young Mr. Potter. Hormones were raging through him like never before. On top of it all, he had this beautiful red head vixen waiting just for him. Yet, he kept it at kissing. Naturally, each of those kisses had been as fiery as the supple woman in his arms.
Finally things wound down. Everyone started going their separate ways, giving the happy couple their congratulations on the way out. Then, finally, Mr. and Mrs. Harry Potter were on their way to their Honeymoon.
The little inn was empty except for the staff. Harry and all of his friends who helped bring Voldemort down had a lot of clout in the wizarding world now. It had been easy to convince this place to close down just for their honeymoon.
Ginny let out a gasp of happiness the moment they stepped inside.
"Oh, Harry! I love it!"
He grinned wide. The place was stunning. Decorated in white flowers and lavender blue bows. Not just their room, but the entire place. He made sure to have it done in the colors of their wedding back at Hogwarts.
Harry set their things down then picked up his blushing bride.
"I thought you would." He kissed her cheek then nuzzled it softly with his nose and lips.
Ginny sighed quietly and contentedly as he held her close to him. The sound caused a slight flushness to creep up on his cheeks. It wasn't just the sound though, it was the beauty in his arms that made him feel warm and alive.
Without further delay, Harry carried Ginny up the stairs to the large bedroom, kicking the door open upon arrival. The staff decorated the room in a similar to the rest of the inn, but this room had white and lavender candles floating all around the room. Ginny sighed happily again.
"Wow, this is just outstanding, Harry. Who would have thought you were so romantic?!" Ginny practically squealed.
Harry laughed then sat her down on the ground.
"I have to admit that I'm surprised at myself, too." He humbly admitted to his wife
Yes, the staff decorated the room, but it had all been his idea. He told them what he wanted, and boy did they deliver. Ginny walked around the room taking in its beauty. When she was done exploring, she turned back to Harry.
"I think I'm going to go get changed for the night." She said with a grin
Harry's eyes widened while his heart rate jumped sky high. This was it. Finally! This was IT!
"A-alright, Ginny. I'll be waiting."
She nodded to him, holding her little bag in her hand. Oh the things that could have been in that tiny bag. Harry imagined her in a skimpy, sheer nightgown, parading around the room enticing him to the point of explosion. When she rushed off to the bathroom, he hurriedly tore off his wedding robes. This was IT!
After getting himself completely naked, he climbed into bed with covers thrown over his man parts. He didn't want to shock his poor virginal love. He didn't want to rattle her fine sensibilities, after all. So he sat there, waiting as patiently as possible for her to come out of the bathroom.
It only took a few minutes before she came back into the room. Harry was shocked by what he saw.
Ginny stood there with a red, long sleeved flannel nightgown with her hair done up in a. . . . a. . . . night cap of some sort? She looked like she was settling in for the winter like a bear ready to hibernate.
"Well, night! Love you!" she gave him a long, passionate kiss as she climbed into bed, then got under the covers rolling on her side.
Harry just stared at her with his mouth open. It took him a moment to find his voice.
"But . . . Ginny . . . what about the sex?" he asked as calmly as he could.
Ginny turned around in the bed, exchanging a similar stare at him.
"What? What's that?"
He couldn't believe she was asking what sex was!!! She was nineteen years old. Mr. and Mrs. Weasely had to have told her by now.
"It's what we've been waiting for, remember?!" he said, waving his hands in frustration.
All that got from Ginny was a confused stare. She honestly had no idea what he was talking about. The world just crumbled around Harry at the very thought.
"Harry? What are you talking about, honey? Are you feeling alright? Maybe we should order you a butterbeer . . . " she said, reaching over to summon the staff
"Ginny, that's what people DO on their wedding nights! They have sex, snog and shag. Make sweet, sweet love to each other."
"But I do love you, Harry. That's why I married you. I just don't understand any of those words. What do they mean? Are they muggle terms?"
His jaw dropped. This just couldn't be happening.
"Well . . . I . . . " he started, trying to find the right words to explain, "I can't . . . let me just show you."
He didn't care what she was wearing, really. She was gorgeous no matter what. The thought of her naked body beneath the thick flannel made his entire body stiff and excited.
Harry slid over to her, pulling Ginny into his arms. Her eyes went wide as she felt something touch her leg. Her hand slipped down and grabbed it, trying to figure out what that could be. Harry groaned and shuddered a little.
"What the bloody hell is this?" she asked, yanking it less than gently.
Harry yelled out in agony. Poor, poor Little Potter . . .
"What?!" she yelled, pulling the covers back, "Is it biting you!?"
Her eyes went wider than they already were as she looked at her very naked husband with his . . . well, how the hell did THAT get so . . . and it was . . . that just made no sense.
"Harry, what's wrong with it? Why is it standing up like that?"
He had his hand around himself, trying to soothe the pain from her forceful yank. He grumbled for a moment before he decided to speak.
"There is nothing wrong with it. It's supposed to be like this. It's an ERECTION."
"Erect-whatta? Well, why is it doing that?" she reached over and poked at it
"Stop that." He pulled it away from her poking finger, "It's sensitive. Especially after you tried to bloody yank it off. And it's like that because, I, like a good husband, find you irresistible. I want to use it on you. Well, IN you."
"And how do you propose to put it IN me?" she huffed, crossing her arms while glaring at him with anger. He was making no sense what so ever.
"Well, the usual way would be for you to lie down on the bed and open your legs. Then when you're ready for it, I put it in your . . . well . . . " he pointed between her legs.
"You are NOT putting ANYTHING in THERE!" she said, almost fainting at the sheer audacity! "That's disgusting, Harry Potter! I can't believe you want to . . . UGH!!"
Harry flopped back in bed, placing his hands over his face. This was more frustrating than anything he'd ever experienced.
"That's the way you have babies, Ginny. Honestly, you never thought about it?!"
"That is not where babies come from, Harry. They come from the stork. You call them up and order them from the magical summon book." She said, unbelieving that Harry didn't know something that was so common sense. "See?!" she picked up a book underneath the end table beside their bed.
She flipped the book open to the Stork Baby Delivery service, with instructions on how to get a baby thanks to them. All of it was magical. Harry just . . . he couldn't believe that witches and wizards had babies like THAT.
"But . . . " he whimpered reading the passage.
"But what? Where did YOU think babies come from?" she said, her fiery temper flaming at him.
"From sex! I figured that was obvious. That's how muggles do it!"
"Oh really? Well, why don't you just explain it to me then." There was an annoyed haughtiness to her voice that made Harry cringe inwardly.
So, Harry went on to explaining to his wife how muggles had children. He explained sex, pregnancy, labor . . . everything he knew about it all. Each part made Ginny get more and more pale, especially labor and delivery.
"Holy . . . No way am I doing anything like that. You hear me? No mess and pain. No bloody friggin way." She shook her head violently as she spoke
Harry sighed with exasperation. He really wanted the sex, but Ginny was being noncompliant. His mind's wheels turned as he tried to figure a good and convincing reason for his wife to try this out.
"Ginny, listen to me for a minute. I promise you that this will be good. If you don't like it, I'll never ask for it again. I swear it." She didn't seem to like this idea, "It will feel good, but only if you let it. Please, honey? Don't you trust me?"
She started to flounder. If nothing else, she definitely trusted Harry. Not only that, she loved him with all her heart. If he said it was good, then maybe she should at least try.
"A-alright then, Harry . . . Just remember if I don't like it–"
"Then we won't do it again and I won't ask."
With a sigh she rested on her back and opened her legs. She closed her eyes tightly, waiting with dread. Harry, who was relieved that in a moment he would be relieved, had to chuckle at her. One of her eyes opened at him.
"What?" she asked.
"Nothing, Gin. I'll take care of it."
He took off her nightgown and her cap. He even took off her thick grey socks. As he stripped her, Ginny became more and more embarrassed. She covered her breasts with an arm, and her lower parts with her opened hand. Harry sighed, moving her hands away.
"Just try and relax, Ginny. Otherwise it won't feel good at all."
She didn't relax. He rolled his eyes then snuggled up beside her. She winced as the hardness touched her thigh as though it stung. Harry knew she was just worried . . .
"Alright, we're going to do this a different way." He said finally
Her eyes shot open with fear.
"There's only one other hole down there, and you'd better believe I will hex you before I let you stick something up there!!"
Harry groaned. "I'm not into that either. I meant something else." He said as he started to gently caress her all over her body
She began to relax under his touch. In fact, she began to enjoy herself thanks to his roaming hands. Ginny flinched as his fingers dipped in between her legs, but after a moment, it turned to ecstacy. Her heart throbbed and so did the place under his fingers. Then, a few minutes later, she felt this . . . this . . . tension followed by an explosion. The whole time she screamed out happily with pleasure.
"What was that?" she groaned after the wonderful little quakes started to end.
"THAT was the reason muggles like to shag."
"Wow . . . can you do that?"
"Mhm, but for me it's different because I'm a guy. I can show you . . . you know . . . if you let me . . . "
She bit her lip, then smiled, holding her arms out to him so that he could do whatever he needed to do. Everyone should have one of . . . well . . . whatever that was. It was like a world full of bliss shooting through the body! Someone should bottle that stuff. Better yet, put it in some chocolate.
Harry climbed on top of her, wrapping his arms around her as she did him. He kissed her face gently, then her lips. Oh how he loved those sweet, warm, full lips. Each little taste of them was Heaven. After he drowned himself in her lips, he sank in with a shuddering moan. She gasped with pain.
"Sorry . . . " he whispered with a shaking breath.
"I-I-It hurts! Get it out!"
"Wait a minute, okay? I promise I'll make it better." He said with undisguised frustration, "Just give us a minute."
He held himself inside of her, while he kissed her again. Slowly she began to loosen up again. Once she did, he slowly started to move again. This time, he wasn't met with resistance and Ginny didn't seem to be in pain.
Finally! His mind whispered happily as pleasure surged through him over and over again. He grinned as she moaned. He groaned as she trembled. It was the most beautiful moment of his life.
And in less than two minutes, it was over.
And once he was done, he kissed her forehead, out of breath as though he just ran a marathon.
"That was wonderful."
She looked up at him.
"Um, yeah . . . wonderful." She replied.
Harry didn't notice the frustrated agitation in his wife's voice as she spoke. All he knew was the pleasure they just shared–though share was the wrong word in this instance. Instead, he simply smiled, rolled off of her, then immediately fell asleep.
As he slumbered, Harry continued to smile. Ah, the joys of marital bliss.
A/N2: I hate to have to spell out the joke of this piece, but it seems like some people think that the joke is that Ginny doesn't know about sex. NO, that's NOT the joke. The JOKE is that none of the witches and wizards have sexual intercourse. That's the actual joke of it all. Sorry if I didn't make that point clear.
BTW (self pimping a little) I have two other serious Harry Potter stories, too. Each time I write any of these stories, they almost immediately get bumped way back. Ah well, that's okay, hehe. But I'd appreciate if someone would check them out for me. Thankies.