A/N: I'm back! I know, this was supposed to be a one-shot, but I was having way to much fun thinking of other things that could happen to quit just yet. But one thing you have to understand is that this is in no way supposed to be the last chapter, as I am not going to go out of my way to end it in 'scar'. Okey-dokey?
Oh and the deal with this fic is that every once in a while I'll update it. It's not really supposed to have substance, so don't you dare flame me, but it's mainly just supposed to be funny. There'll be idiotic scenes I think up, just because I feel like it.
I have one thing to say about "Mr. Snape" in this chapter: I had a teacher like this once. You will later find out why this is so horrible. Yes, I seriously had to just deal with it.
Next, I have to say "THANX!" to Juno's Mome Rath, for a couple of ideas in here (such the false names of two people in this chappie...) and for not killing me for making a Part II to this (seriously folks, she totally freaked at me). And lastly, I got 9 REVIEWS (not being sarcastic-I didn't think I'd get any) and I am really happy, so I just wanted to say this: YOU ARE THE BEST REVIEWERS EVER!!!
Now, for Part II of...
When Harry Potter Woke Up
It was after lunch, and Harry, Ron, Hermione and Draco were sitting in the courtyard, discussing this morning's classes.
"Is Mr.Binns the coolest teacher ever or what?" Ron said eagerly. "I've always wanted to learn about the witch burnings! Looks like History class will actually be interesting this year."
Harry shrugged. "In my dream, we found out that the witch burnings were pointless. All we had to do was put this charm on ourselves, and then it would..." He trailed off when he saw the looks on his friend's faces. "You don't really care, do you?"
Hermione clapped her hands in false excitement. "He's finally catching on." She poked Draco in the side. "Let's give him a gold star!" In response he merely gave a half-smile, but continued to look nervously at his homework (he always liked to get a head start).
This got her mad: Hermione didn't like to be ignored. So she got up and went to sit by Ron, giving him a hug around the middle upon doing so. The red head gave her a funny look, and tried to scoot away without her seeing. But she did see, and then turned away, pretending to be interested in spelling out words with her chains (such as 'Boys are stupid').
They kept talking for the next few minutes, trying to figure out which of their teachers they would like, and how to read the map of the school. While Harry and Ron literally had to hold Draco down to keep him from getting Hermione to come back, he kept bringing up her favorite topics. How stupid Neville was, strange hair styles, and the prices of 'a good chain' these days.
"You're pathetic," Ron told him, pinning down his arm. "Really pathetic. She's just a girl. They're weird."
"Oh, come on!" he yelled back, trying to pull free of Ron's grasp. "Just let me go talk to her!"
Harry didn't say anything. He had known Draco for years, and knew exactly why he was doing this: He hated having people mad at him. He was the most-liked person in school, by teachers and students, because he was so nice and friendly to everyone. If fact, the only people who didn't like him were...
"Hey Dorko." Sneered a high-pitched voice from behind them. "Have your friends turned on you too? All I have to say is that you might not want to kill your goody-two-shoes friend at school. It might go on his permanent record."
The three boys looked up to see "Bonnie" Abbott, and "Clyde" McMillan, the two bullies. Nobody knew their real names; they had managed to keep anyone from finding out all these years. Everyone called them Bonnie and Clyde, and if you said otherwise...well, let's just say that you wouldn't live to see your next class.
Not that they were very scary looking. Bonnie was rather short, with girlish looking blond pigtails. But she had a screechy voice and an attitude to rival Hermione's. Clyde was barely taller than Bonnie and had nothing intimidating to him at all. Besides the fact that he could punch people. Really hard.
Clyde spoke now. "What's Dorko doing today, huh? Clapping erasers for extra credit? Giving apples to everyone's parents?" The boy wagged his finger at him. "What else can you expect! The freak's a suck-up machine."
Harry and Ron had backed off now, but Draco still sat on the ground, looking at his feet. Both of them knew that taunting really got to him easily.
Bonnie nudged Clyde. "Oooooooh, look what he's wearing." She motioned toward the cap. "Just when I though he couldn't get any weirder. Dorko, did your mommy make it for you? See, he's not only a goody-two-shoes, but he's mommy's boy too. Maybe you should just go back to-"
"Leave him alone."
"Who said that?" The duo demanded, looking everywhere.
"Right here." Hermione said fiercely, grabbing Clyde by the front of his shirt. She was a lot shorter than him, but probably just as strong. "Now, like I said before, leave Draco alone."
"Oh you mean your little dork here?" Bonnie hissed, jerking Draco around by the back of his cape. The look in her eyes clearly said, 'You let mine go, and I might let yours go.' Harry was shocked. He hadn't seen anything like this in his entire life.
"Yes, MY little dork. Stop tormenting him. What did he ever do to you, besides exist?" she yelled, trying to seem a little taller.
"He didn't do anything...except make the rest of us look like idiots! He goes around acting like he's king of the world, just because he sucks up to any adult that comes his way!!!"
At this, Hermione loosened her grip on Clyde and gave her a sugary-sweet smile. "Well, if that's the case."
Bonnie became confused. "What do you mean 'If that's the case'?" Unfortunately she made no effort to let go of their friend.
She fluttered her eyelashes prettily and purred. "It's okay that you're jealous of Draco. People find geniuses very frustrating sometimes."
The bully exploded. "WHAT?!? What do you mean I'm-I can't believe-Why would I be...CLYDE WE'RE GOING!!!!!!" When he didn't immediately follow she turned around and screamed. "NOW!!!!" The boy jogged after her.
Suddenly Harry had an idea. To their retreating backs, he shouted. "You were Hufflepuffs in my dream, you wimps!!!"
They looked at him, then at each other. Rather loudly Bonnie whispered, "Maybe we were calling the wrong person weird." The two started howling away, like they had gotten the last laugh.
Right then, Hermione cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled. "We think you're great too HANNAH. And ERNIE!"
Both of them froze. Very nervously Bonnie (now Hannah) said, "Those aren't our names." But the way she said it made them sure: The greatly feared "Bonnie" and "Clyde" were really named Hannah and Ernie. And apparently were Hufflepuffs.
Draco came and rejoined his friends. "Uh...Thanks?" he told Hermione, who was looking prouder than even before. "Your welcome." She responded airily, tossing her hair.
"How'd you know their names?" Ron asked, wide-eyed.
She smirked. "A little digging. Whether or not that's literal is something you'll have to find out for yourselves." With that she started walking away.
"Where are you going?" Harry called after her.
"To get Draco's homework. In case you three didn't notice Ernie took it."
They watched her go and then looked at each other.
"She's unpredictable."
"She's scary."
"She's wonderful."
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"Welcome to Chemistry!" exclaimed Mr. Snape, beaming at them from the front of the room. "Who knows what chemistry is?"
No one put up there hands.
"Well, that's okay! That's why we're here! To learn! But learning won't start just yet! First things first! Let's take attendance!" The teacher practically skipped over to the desk to get his clip board. "Okay then! Attendance! I'm going to give you all a nickname! Okay!"
The students stared at him, some looking amused, others looking just plain scared. Harry included. He remembered how in his dream how mean Snape had been, always taking points away from Gryffindor... 'Oh, come off it. There's no such thing as house points here.' But from what he remembered from his dream, Snape was definitely not happy-peppy.
"Hilarious-Hermione Granger!" the chemistry teacher read. Hermione scowled, but stuck her hand up a little bit. When she did that, Snape dashed over to her desk. "Come on Hilarious-Hermione, raise your hand! Put it high in the sky, like a rocket ship! Be proud of your hand!" He grabbed her wrist and yanked it up, making her yelp. "Good! Now let's keep going, there are a LOT of students!" he danced back up to the front of the room. Hermione swung her arm down and winced in pain.
After a while he came to Draco's name. "Delighted-Draco Malfoy!" He gave him a funny look but put his hand up half-way in the air. When he saw the teacher coming at him, he put it all the way up and everyone could hear it crack. Mr. Snape seemed satisfied.
Finally he came to him. "Happy-Harry Potter!" Harry knew better than to not put his hand all the way, so he stuck it straight up. At this, Mr. Snape punched his fist in the air triumphantly. "Hilarious-Hermione has to learn from Happy-Harry! Raise those hands!"
Finishing with "Running-Ron!" Mr. Snape started the lesson. "Well today we have to start with the rules! Who likes rules!" Again, there were too many puzzled looks to count. "It's okay if you don't like rules! But rules are there to keep us safe! And everyone loves safety! You wouldn't want something to blow up because you didn't follow the rules would you! That wouldn't be safe! Rules equal safety! And safety equals FUN!"
Then someone did raise their hand. "Yes! Delighted-Draco! How would you like to contribute to this very important discussion about your safety! We're all ears!"
"Well, um, Mr. Snape, this is a little off topic, but why do we have to have nicknames?" he said, looking both confused and annoyed.
"Because then I remember you better! When I see a delighted blonde boy I'll remember it's Delighted-Draco! And everyone wants to be remembered! Remembering is FUN!"
Hermione started talking. "So I look hilarious? Is that why my name is Hilarious-Hermione?"
"Don't speak out of turn Miss! You're very hilarious! I think that you could be FUNny! Everyone loves FUNny people!!! Don't we class!" A few mumbles were heard. "SEE! You're FUNny already!"
Mr. Snape went on with these strange everything-ending-in-an-exclamation-point sentences until the end of class. By the time the bell rang, anything that sounded like it could end with an exclamation point made them flinch. None of them could believe that they would have to live with that the entire year.
After chemistry they only had a few more classes, including Language Arts with Mrs. McGonagal, Math with Mr. Flitwick (who was tall to a scary point) and P.E. with "Madam" Hooch (they had no idea what was with the "Madam", but she told them to call her that, so they had no say in the matter).
As they walked out of the building at the end of the day, Harry was yet again talking about his dream, and how it related to their lives. "And 'I am Lord Voldemort' was just anagram for 'Tom Marvolo Riddle'-" He was interrupted by Hermione's shriek.
"My GOSH Harry, I am going to show you, once and for all that your stupid dream is in no way is related to our lives! Come!" She grabbed his wrist and marched back into the school, Ron and Draco following in confusion.
Before they knew it, they were back in Mr. Riddle's room. Their homeroom teacher was putting papers into his briefcase, rubbing his eyes every once in a while.
"Mr. Riddle, what's your middle name?" she demanded, "My friend Harry here is a little confused."
"Well, my middle name is Marvolo. Why do you ask?" he answered matter-of-factly.
Hermione went sheet white for a moment, but quickly regained herself. "What's that?" she said nastily. "A washing detergent? (A/N: Thank you MuggleNet!)"
He smiled at them. "Why yes, it is. My grandfather made one of the first detergents. Haven't you ever heard of 'Marvolo!' cleaner?" He went on like this for a while, finally ending by telling them that with the right schooling and perserverance that they too could get stains out of whites and colors.
When they stepped out of the room, Harry opened his mouth to say something, but she pointed a nail at him warningly. "You say one word Harry Potter and you are a dead man."
He knew better than to take this as a joke.
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The four walked home, in their usual chatter. This was mainly making fun of the teachers (and Neville), not to mention retelling the story of how Hermione had finally beat Bonnie and Clyde.
"And then you just yelled their names like that!" Harry said, recalling the event. "You're really a wonder Hermione."
"Harry you flatter me." She said jokingly, linking arms with Draco. "Now it's your turn." She told him. They laughed until she stopped and added. "I'm serious."
He was grinning sheepishly. "You, uh, defended me well. And you're a quick thinker."
She pretended to curtsy. "Why thank you Mr. Malfoy." Again they laughed and kept walking.
"Mr. Snape was just weird." Draco commented after a while. "I mean, do I look delighted to you?"
"Not especially." Ron chuckled, shaking his head.
"Also the way he was excited about everything." Hermione put in. She began wildly jumping around. "Let's! Take! Attendance! Attendance! Is! FUN!!!"
"Raise! Your! Hand! Before! Speaking! Hilarious! Hermione!" Ron yelled.
She scowled. "Don't call me that."
"It's better than Happy-Harry." He pointed out.
She gave him a skeptical side-ways glance. "No it's not."
Then they came to Ron's house. The three of his friends stared up at it. Even though they had all known Ron for years, they still couldn't get over the size of his house. Draco's wasn't even that big.
"Well, um, see you guys tomorrow." He slowly made his way to the gate.
"Ron," Harry gave him a sad look. "Let us come in."
"Yeah, please?" Hermione begged, pouted a little bit. "We've been friends since kindergarten and I've only been in your house 4 times."
"Four?!? My dad works for him and I only went inside twice!" Draco exclaimed.
"I'll have you know that each of those 4 times she hadn't been invited!!" Ron argued haughtily. "And in kindergarten you always pushed me in the sand!" he cried at Hermione.
"But it was funny." She said reasonably.
He marched away towards the gate.
"Good going." Harry grumbled to her, not caring about what she would do to him later (Though surprisingly it was Draco who glared at him).
But then they saw him speaking into the gate intercom. "Edgar, I'm coming in with my friends. Harry, Hermione and Draco." A crackling voice said something back to him. "No, I'm being held hostage by her, she's my friend." He answered, looking rather confused.
A red light flashed on the intercom box, and a buzzer went off. The two shiny golden gates swung open. Ron turned back to then, trying to give them a 'well-you-forced-me' look, but he was smiling too much. "You guys owe me." He said, while his friends all ran into his front 'yard' (it was more like a park).
"Leave being tough, to Mione, you're horrible at it." Harry laughed, looking around. This was even bigger than he remembered!
"Do we have to walk up to the house?" She asked, looking unsure for once.
"Of course not. Mr. Malfoy will be here any second."
"I've told you a million times, even at work, you can call me Uncle Lucius." Draco's dad called to them, driving up to them in what looked like a fancy, over-sized golf cart. He was a man with long platinum blond hair, that he always tucked under his driver's cap. His son took after him quite a bit, and when they stood next to each other, the only way you could tell the difference was that well, one was older. A lot older.
"Yes Mr.-Uncle Lucius." Ron said, correcting himself.
"Oh! Draco! What're you doing here?" he asked his son, surprised at his presence.
"Well, Ron finally is going to let us in." he said, not bothering to hide his sarcasm.
"That's great. Nice cape you got there. Might it have been made by the nice young lady who's on your arm?" He went on, raising his eyebrows. This was when Draco realized that Hermione's arm was still looped around his. He became redder than Ron's hair, and tried to unlink their arms without anyone seeing. Of course, she noticed, and just clutched it tighter.
"Don't just stand their kids, get in the car and I'll drive you up. It's my job." He said, saving Draco complete embarrassment. The four piled into the car, Ron in front and Harry, Hermione and Draco in the back. Ron didn't look too happy about this though; Harry could tell he was starting to regret letting them come in. Frankly, he thought his friend was being ridiculous.
"Ron," he told him, "You don't have to be embarrassed of your house. It's the best in town."
"But all my cousins-" Draco cut him off.
"I'm one of your cousins and just because I am a billionaire does not mean you have to feel bad because you're a millionaire. You have an amazing house. I WISH I HAD A REALLY COOL HOUSE." He said the last sentence particularly loud so his father would hear.
"Do you not want a computer in your room?" his dad said warningly, giving him a Look from the rearview mirror. He shut up.
Hermione pulled on Draco's arm as she spoke. "Ron, there is nothing wrong with being filthy rich and showing it. I probably would too." She grinned mischievously. "Though having a computer in your room is pretty cool."
The ride took another few minutes. Finally, when they got to the front door, they said goodbye to 'Uncle Lucius' and got out of the little car. Ron knocked on the door.
A/N: Yeah, I'm stopping there, just to see if anyone cares that I'm leaving you with a cliffy. Probably not, but I have absolutely no life, so I have to do something to pass the time don't I?
Bye,
Sacagawea