*cowers fearfully) I know, I know, it's been nearly a millennium since I've
last written-but-but- IT WASN'T MY FAULT! See, since Toonami decided to
take Rurouni Kenshin off the weekday timings and instead put it on
Saturdays at the most *convenient* time, 8:30 PM smiles a horribly fake
smile) I've been missing the past two weeks episodes!!!! I've completely
lost motivation, but since I watched today's, it gave me a little
motivation, though today's episode was most definitely not G.
Anyways....Hopefully, I swear by my empty can of Diet Coke, I will try to
update faster. Hopefully, I will also get to using all of your ideas, along
with some of my own. But, the downside is that even though I've been taking
a long time for this chapter, the price it *still* one review!*
Welcome back to this tour of Rurouni Kenshin! We will cut to the chase, the next day, where our buddy Kenshin who likes the name Shinta is washing laundry- again. That guy just can't get enough of laundry!
Kenshin hummed to himself softly, scrubbing his magenta gi merrily. Oh, how he loved his gi. It was his pride and joy. Unfortunately his master enjoyed taunting his pride and joy.
(flashback, ya'll!)
"Magenta?", Hiko laughed. "What kind of an idiot likes magenta?!".
"Don't insult my magenta gi!", Kenshin yelled, hugging his gi close.
(flashback ends, ya'll!)
Kenshin shuddered at the memory. He had an evil master, an anti- social, disruptive, inconsiderate, rebellious, harmful, selfish dirk! Oh, how he defied him. But that wasn't what he disliked most about him. The worst thing about him was that-
(flashback again!)
"I hate the color magenta", Hiko muttered.
(flashback ends! Again!)
What kind of a ferocious monster hated the color magenta?! How can someone be so evil, selfish and rude at the same time! Hiko was an insult to humanity! Anyone who hated his precious magenta was marked his enemy.
And yet, some indescribable, strange, zany part of him actually *cared* for Hiko. He shuddered involuntarily at the thought. He didn't like admitting it to himself, after all, it *was* an insult to his magenta.
So Kenshin continued merrily scrubbing his ever loved magenta gi while Kaoru began cooking breakfast in the dojo.
*in the dojo (that was so easy to figure out, wasn't it?)*
Kaoru put a finger to her chin in thought. Should she add sugar or vinegar to the rice? Sugar? Or vinegar? Sugar? Or vinegar? Suddenly she clasped her hands together in delight, and poured the entire bottle of vinegar into the now mutilated rice.
Stirring it joyfully, she put a finger into it and put the finger into her mouth.
"Perfecto!", she exclaimed, and took the steaming bowl of what would be an insult to be called rice, and brought it to the table, where Yahiko, Ayame, and Suzume were waiting eagerly for breakfast.
Well, actually, they were moaning and grumbling about how dreadful last night's dinner was. They backed away with fear embedded into their eyes when Kaoru brought the steaming pot of...stuff.
Wrinkling his nose, Yahiko yelled out, "What kind of stuff is this?! It smells like a cross between vinegar and peanut butter!".
Kaoru glared. "Is that what I get for reducting most agonizing embarrassment that has been inflicted upon your soon-to-be short life yesterday?!".
Yahiko recalled the cake and the zits, then fell silent, chewing his rice.
"HA! HA! YOU CAN'T INSULT ME NOW!!!!", Kaoru said triumphantly.
Yahiko's eyes for a brief moment turned an evil red. But hen he went back to calmly chewing his food. He continued chewing his food for the next five minutes.
"Okay, is this rubber?!", he asked angrily.
"No", Kaoru sniffed. "It's actually a gourmet recipe I found that has been passed down generation by generation!".
"So you inherited this bad cooking thing?", Yahiko whispered under his breath.
Kaoru ignored him, going on. "Of course, we don't really have all those things, so I had to make a few minor substitutes!". She beamed.
"Minor, she says", Yahiko muttered, holding up the gooey red stuff.
"Ahem, ahem!", Kaoru said loudly.
"No insulting my cooking!".
"Or else what?".
"Or else..............hmmm......or else you don't eat ever again!".
"WHAT?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME, YOU OLD HAG! I'M YOUR STUDENT! WHAT KIND OF A DUMB GIRL STARVES HER OWN STUDENT?!".
"I do!", Kaoru said gleefully.
"Well....well... WHO CARES, I'M BETTER OFF WIHTOUT YOUR COOKING ANYWAYS!".
"Yahiko! If you insult my cooking one more time- I will ensure that you never learn kenjutsu again!".
"WHAT?!".
You know what? I think we should go back and check what's going on at Megumi's.
Sano snored peacefully, his leg kicking the wall next to him. Which made him swear loudly, then fall back asleep. Sleep. So peaceful. So warm and inviting. So-
"GET UP AND MAKE ME BREAKFAST!".
Sano grumbled and got up. Then, thinking the better of it, fell back down.
"Eye- eye, Ms. Megumi Your Highness!", a cheery and hill-billy voice shouted.
Grr. That dumb Chuu again. Well, Sano wasn't just about to let some hill- billy-sword-collecting-jailed-bum beat him! No-siree!
With great difficulty, Sano somehow managed to heave his body off the ground and make it to the kitchen. Sano, rubbing his eyes, looked up to see a broom cooking.
Sano rubbed his eyes.
Oh. Just him.
Then something began to dawn upon him: Chuu was cooking. For Megumi.
How dare he, the puffed up, power-crazy, dumb broomhead! How dare he cook breakfast for Megumi the evil fox lady when it was *clearly* Sano who was assigned to do that task! How DARE he?!
Sano pulled up his sleeves, grred, and walked with his back straight, to Chuu, who was singing a poem.
"Roses are red
Violets are blue
But none of them
Can express my love for you
Oh, how dearly I love
Your beautiful fox head".
Sano blinked. Fox head? Megumi?! HOW DARE HE?!
Chuu continued on, merrily stirring the bowl.
"How I adore you
Words cannot express my head
My love for you is a whirl
Megumi, my evil, torturing girl".
"WHAAAAAAAAATTTTT?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!", Sano yelled.
HOW DARE HE BE IN LOVE WITH MEGUMI WHEN *clearly* clearly....clearly...Sano scratched his nose. Clearly what?
Ah, who cares?! The point was, Chuu was helplessly in love with Megumi! Sano just couldn't let that go on!
Ready to give Chuu a big punch in the nose, Sano froze when he heard a scream come from upstairs.
"I WANT BREAKFAST NOW! IF I DON'T GET MY BREAKFAST NOOOWWWW, I WILL MAKE SURE THE TWO OF YOU SUFFER A MOST PAINFUL DEATH FULL OF SORROW AND MISERY! YOU WIL ALL DIE LAUGHING- BECAUSE YOU WILL BE INSANE WITH THE TORTURE I WILL INFLICT UPON YOU! NOW! GIVE ME BREAKFAST!".
Sano, with much effort, managed out a, "Guess we have to work together, huh Chuu?". It took him every molecule and atom of his soul to work up the courage to not be disgusted and treat Chuu like a human being who didn't write corny poems about evil women with evil lives and evil tranquilizers and evil statues of foxes inside her evil mansion that was full of evil crumbs dirtying his beautiful, precious floor.
And Chuu and Sano, for the sake of Megumi, and their sanity (though they'd probably lose it by breakfast anyway) actually began *GASP* working together.
Let's give a round of applause to these two men for setting aside their differences and working together to make breakfast!
(silence)
Or not.
*at the dojo*
Hiko walked into the dojo, looking for Kenshin.
"Hey, lady?", he asked Kaoru. "You see any short selfish men with red hair and a cross-shaped scar on his cheek?".
"Well", Kaoru said, thinking about it. "No, I haven't seen any short selfish men with red hair and a cross-shaped scar on his cheek, but I *have* seen a man with red hair and a cross-shaped scar on his cheek!".
Hiko sighed. "Wrong person, sorry".
Walking outside, he found Kenshin hanging laundry up to dry.
"Kenshin".
"Master".
"So".
Kenshin bent down to get his lovely new magenta gi out of the basket when he blinked.
"My...my gi...", he whispered.
"Kenshin?", Hiko asked, worried for his sanity.
"Where's my gi?! MY GI! GOOD GRACIOUS SAY IT ISN'T SO!!!!!".
"What happened to your dumb gi?!".
Kenshin's eyes went Battousai. "Don't you dare insult my gi".
Hiko stared at Kenshin, sure he had lost it.
"Where is my gi! I don't understand! It was right here- just a few seconds ago- where'd it GO!".
"WHERE'S MY GI?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!".
"Kenshin! Shutup, baka deshi!".
"YOU!", Kenshin roared, pointing an accusing finger at Hiko.
"You took my gi- I know you did! You stole it! YOU STOLE IT!!!!", he screamed, a crazed look surrounding his now amber eyes.
"Kenshin!", Kaoru yelled, running out with Yahiko. "What's wrong!".
"MY GI!", he screamed. "HE TOOK MY BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, DAZZLING GI!".
"Now Kenshin- I'm sure the nice man didn't take-".
"HE TOOK IT! HE TOOK IT! I KNOW HE DID! HE WAS INSLUTING ALL DAY YESTERDAY! I KNOW IT!".
Hiko backed up. "I didn't take your stupid gi, baka deshi! Why the heck would I want that dumb cloth?!".
"DON'T INSULT MY GI!!!!!!!", Kenshin screamed, slightly unsheathing his sword.
Hiko's eyes popped out of his sockets. The man was insane. He was a selfish, stupid apprentice, insane, gi-obsessed man.
"You're....you're mad! I didn't take your dumb pink gi!".
"MY GI ISN'T PINK! IT'S MAGENTA! MAGENTA, I SAY!".
Hiko took a step back. He had fully doubted there'd ever be a day he'd be afraid of his stupid old apprentice, but he was dead wrong...
"Give me my magenta", Battousai said cruelly, "and no one gets hurt!".
"I don't have your gi!", Hiko yelled.
"AHA!", Battousai yelled, pointing an accusing finger. "Just like when you said you didn't have my teddy bear!".
Hiko sweatdropped.
"I loved that teddy bear, and you took that away from me! Well, you won't take away my magenta! Now give it to me!", Battousai cried.
Hiko took a few steps backwards. "Now Kenshin. Why would I want your magenta gi?".
"Because...because...because you're just a cruel , selfish, anti-social jerk!".
"I DON'T HAVE THE STINKIN GI!".
Kenshin breathed. " YES YOU DO, YOU LIAR! YOU ARE A LIAR! A LIAR! A LIAAAARRRR!!!!!".
Yahiko silently tip toed his way behind Kenshin.
"GIVE ME MY GORGEOUS GI!!!".
"I DON'T HAVE YOUR UGLY GI!".
"GORGEOUS!".
"UGLY!".
"GORGEOUS!".
'UGLY!".
"GOR--------------------".
'UG- Kenshin? Kenshin? Hey, why is Kenshin on the floor?".
Yahiko whistled innocently.
"Kenshin? Yoo-hoo?".
Yahiko's whistling becomes strained.
"Miss, do *you* know why Kenshin's on the floor like a wax dummy?".
Now Yahiko's whistling is merely Yahiko blowing his cheeks till they turn red.
"No idea whatsoever", Kaoru said, pulling Yahiko's cheeks.
*Megumi's mansion*
Chuu and Sano brought the steaming pots to the table, smiling at Megumi, who was looking ticked off, tapping her foot impatiently.
She looked at the food. At least it *looked* right. She slowly nibbled a bit of it. Wrinkling her nose, she rose, and said, "THIS IS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL!". Hearts were residing in her eyes, she clasped her hands together, and began doing a jig in delight.
Chuu smirked. "It's *my* cooking. I'm a great cook ,you see. The ladies are crazy for me".
Sano grred.
*Saitou's in da house*
Saitou glared at the dojo, his eyes narrowed in intense instinctiveness. He wriggled his nose. He looked slowly behind him. Then, making sure the coast was clear, he put on a pure, giddy smile.
"OOH LA LAAAAA!", he yelled.
His eyes were no longer all tiny and scrunched up, they were now BIG and WIDE and GREEN. His smile was huge covering his entire face, which made him look oddly like an evil clown due to his- er- strange- face carving.
"YO-O-O-O-O-WZAAAS!", he cried in a hippie accent, dancing to some hula music.
"And- Cha cha cha cha cha CHA! Cha cha cha cha cha cha CHA! Cha cha cha cha cha CHA!", he cried in a strange, child-like voice, wearing a hula skirt with a bikini and all.
Okay....this is rather disturbing... Hey, look! A visitor!
A woman with a round, caring face, now looked like a vicious tiger, her hands clutching a costume bearing the words Aku Zoku Zan.
"LOOK AT THIS!", she shrieked, shaking the outfit in front of his scared, confused face. "LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO IT! I SPEND ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT CLEANING YOUR SHINSENGUMI GI'S AND *EVERY* TIME, YOU COME BACK WITH ****THIS**** ON IT!!!!". She was pointing to a large red stain covering the white part of the cloth.
"B-but- Tokio-", Saitou sputtered.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to spill tomato juice on it! HOW MANY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!", she screamed to a terrified Saitou who looked like a ten-year-old about to receive ten lashings.
"B-but- I like tomato juice!".
"I DON'T CARRRRREEE! IS THIS THE FACE OF SOMEONE WHO CARES?!", she screamed, shaking the cloth.
Saitou whimpered.
"And take off those ridiculous clothes and wear something proper! Do you want everybody to see you like this?!".
"But I like hula dancing!".
"I don't care!".
Saitou bowed his head and submitted, "Yes maam".
"Good!".
*Kenshin's revived*
Kenshin walked into the dojo, his eyes still narrowed for being stuck like that too long. He was going to ensure that the **** ********** ********* ****** who stole his gi was going ****** ******** ****** down!
(A/N: Don't bother figuring out what the stars stand for. I just put a bunch of stars)
Who could be so evil and cruel and vile and nasty and horrible and revolting and disgusting ad obnoxious and be such a stealer and an inhumane human! How could they steal his beautiful, pampered, lovely gi! HOW COULD THEY!
He knew how. It's because their name was HIKO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He unsheathed his sword, flipping it over. "Hiko will pay for my gi. I will make sure of it".
Then he did a little victory dance in delight.
I think Kenshin's actually SERIOUS about killing Hiko! UH-OH!!!!!
*back at the dojo*
"And your hair's a totally horrible style- what kind of dweeb spikes up his hair like that? And your gi is such a revolting yellow- it's a wonder I'm not throwing up now! And-". Kaoru put a finger to her chin in strained thought, still watching Yahiko's face bottle up in red as he swung the bokken.
"And your voice is so putrid and annoying- it haunts my nightmares- you have to make your strokes more straight, Yahiko, it's almost like you're out of focus!". She giggled in delight. "And you have a lame fashion sense- who wears that?- a little softer, Yahiko, you're not trying to behead your opponent- and your face looks like a pig's that's been taught to talk, and when you blush you look like old radishes!".
Yahiko growled. This had gone- TOO FAR!
"Oh- and Yahiko, I've told every kenjutsu teacher in Japan not to train you at all!", Kaoru said in a happy-go lucky voice.
But there wasn't much else he could do about it.
"You know, Yahiko, I'm glad we've reached this mutual agreement- I mean, that is to say, if you were under free will, you'd probably be trying to beat me up!". She laughed derisively. "But, unfortunately, you can't, because I'm the only one who's gonna teach you anything! HAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!".
* back at Megumi's mansion*
"La la la la la", Megumi sang, still hopping around with joy from Chuu's cooking, actually CLEANING! So that gave Sano and Chuu a break, so they went back to sleep, snoring the day away.
Megumi was dusting everything, humming merrily, when she noticed a large shadow behind her, lurking.
Violins immediately began laying fast, the sound of lightning cracking, and all of the sudden it was night time was enough to ruin Megumi's joyful mood.
"Hey- where's that music coming from? And why's there a storm out there- it's totally clear! And why's it night all of the sudden?".
The music was playing even faster, and she felt a chill as she saw the giant shadow lurking behind her.
"Stop the music!", she screamed, and whirled around, screaming in horror.
"It's---it's----it's----", she couldn't get it out.
At the sound of all of the violins, Sano and Chuu ran out.
"Megumi! What's that?", Sano asked.
Chuu sniffed it, then made a face. "Whatever it is, it stinks".
"It's----it's----it's----".
Chuu sniffed it again. "Hey- it smells like the rooster head's cooking".
"Watch out!", Sano warned.
"No really, it does".
Sano sniffed the thing. "Wait- you're right".
"It's----it's the plant!", Megumi gasped. "I gave the plant that food- and now it's-now it's-".
"It's come back for revenge", the giant plant roared.
Wow! Well, we'll leave on this oh so *scary* cliffhanger! The price for this trip is one review- remember!
gi: the cloth Kenshin wears on the top chest part
kenjutsu: swordsmanship
baka deshi: stupid apprentice
Aku Zoku Zan: The Shinsengumi motto. Kill Evil Swiftly. Catchy, ne?
bokken: a bamboo sword used in training
Welcome back to this tour of Rurouni Kenshin! We will cut to the chase, the next day, where our buddy Kenshin who likes the name Shinta is washing laundry- again. That guy just can't get enough of laundry!
Kenshin hummed to himself softly, scrubbing his magenta gi merrily. Oh, how he loved his gi. It was his pride and joy. Unfortunately his master enjoyed taunting his pride and joy.
(flashback, ya'll!)
"Magenta?", Hiko laughed. "What kind of an idiot likes magenta?!".
"Don't insult my magenta gi!", Kenshin yelled, hugging his gi close.
(flashback ends, ya'll!)
Kenshin shuddered at the memory. He had an evil master, an anti- social, disruptive, inconsiderate, rebellious, harmful, selfish dirk! Oh, how he defied him. But that wasn't what he disliked most about him. The worst thing about him was that-
(flashback again!)
"I hate the color magenta", Hiko muttered.
(flashback ends! Again!)
What kind of a ferocious monster hated the color magenta?! How can someone be so evil, selfish and rude at the same time! Hiko was an insult to humanity! Anyone who hated his precious magenta was marked his enemy.
And yet, some indescribable, strange, zany part of him actually *cared* for Hiko. He shuddered involuntarily at the thought. He didn't like admitting it to himself, after all, it *was* an insult to his magenta.
So Kenshin continued merrily scrubbing his ever loved magenta gi while Kaoru began cooking breakfast in the dojo.
*in the dojo (that was so easy to figure out, wasn't it?)*
Kaoru put a finger to her chin in thought. Should she add sugar or vinegar to the rice? Sugar? Or vinegar? Sugar? Or vinegar? Suddenly she clasped her hands together in delight, and poured the entire bottle of vinegar into the now mutilated rice.
Stirring it joyfully, she put a finger into it and put the finger into her mouth.
"Perfecto!", she exclaimed, and took the steaming bowl of what would be an insult to be called rice, and brought it to the table, where Yahiko, Ayame, and Suzume were waiting eagerly for breakfast.
Well, actually, they were moaning and grumbling about how dreadful last night's dinner was. They backed away with fear embedded into their eyes when Kaoru brought the steaming pot of...stuff.
Wrinkling his nose, Yahiko yelled out, "What kind of stuff is this?! It smells like a cross between vinegar and peanut butter!".
Kaoru glared. "Is that what I get for reducting most agonizing embarrassment that has been inflicted upon your soon-to-be short life yesterday?!".
Yahiko recalled the cake and the zits, then fell silent, chewing his rice.
"HA! HA! YOU CAN'T INSULT ME NOW!!!!", Kaoru said triumphantly.
Yahiko's eyes for a brief moment turned an evil red. But hen he went back to calmly chewing his food. He continued chewing his food for the next five minutes.
"Okay, is this rubber?!", he asked angrily.
"No", Kaoru sniffed. "It's actually a gourmet recipe I found that has been passed down generation by generation!".
"So you inherited this bad cooking thing?", Yahiko whispered under his breath.
Kaoru ignored him, going on. "Of course, we don't really have all those things, so I had to make a few minor substitutes!". She beamed.
"Minor, she says", Yahiko muttered, holding up the gooey red stuff.
"Ahem, ahem!", Kaoru said loudly.
"No insulting my cooking!".
"Or else what?".
"Or else..............hmmm......or else you don't eat ever again!".
"WHAT?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME, YOU OLD HAG! I'M YOUR STUDENT! WHAT KIND OF A DUMB GIRL STARVES HER OWN STUDENT?!".
"I do!", Kaoru said gleefully.
"Well....well... WHO CARES, I'M BETTER OFF WIHTOUT YOUR COOKING ANYWAYS!".
"Yahiko! If you insult my cooking one more time- I will ensure that you never learn kenjutsu again!".
"WHAT?!".
You know what? I think we should go back and check what's going on at Megumi's.
Sano snored peacefully, his leg kicking the wall next to him. Which made him swear loudly, then fall back asleep. Sleep. So peaceful. So warm and inviting. So-
"GET UP AND MAKE ME BREAKFAST!".
Sano grumbled and got up. Then, thinking the better of it, fell back down.
"Eye- eye, Ms. Megumi Your Highness!", a cheery and hill-billy voice shouted.
Grr. That dumb Chuu again. Well, Sano wasn't just about to let some hill- billy-sword-collecting-jailed-bum beat him! No-siree!
With great difficulty, Sano somehow managed to heave his body off the ground and make it to the kitchen. Sano, rubbing his eyes, looked up to see a broom cooking.
Sano rubbed his eyes.
Oh. Just him.
Then something began to dawn upon him: Chuu was cooking. For Megumi.
How dare he, the puffed up, power-crazy, dumb broomhead! How dare he cook breakfast for Megumi the evil fox lady when it was *clearly* Sano who was assigned to do that task! How DARE he?!
Sano pulled up his sleeves, grred, and walked with his back straight, to Chuu, who was singing a poem.
"Roses are red
Violets are blue
But none of them
Can express my love for you
Oh, how dearly I love
Your beautiful fox head".
Sano blinked. Fox head? Megumi?! HOW DARE HE?!
Chuu continued on, merrily stirring the bowl.
"How I adore you
Words cannot express my head
My love for you is a whirl
Megumi, my evil, torturing girl".
"WHAAAAAAAAATTTTT?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!", Sano yelled.
HOW DARE HE BE IN LOVE WITH MEGUMI WHEN *clearly* clearly....clearly...Sano scratched his nose. Clearly what?
Ah, who cares?! The point was, Chuu was helplessly in love with Megumi! Sano just couldn't let that go on!
Ready to give Chuu a big punch in the nose, Sano froze when he heard a scream come from upstairs.
"I WANT BREAKFAST NOW! IF I DON'T GET MY BREAKFAST NOOOWWWW, I WILL MAKE SURE THE TWO OF YOU SUFFER A MOST PAINFUL DEATH FULL OF SORROW AND MISERY! YOU WIL ALL DIE LAUGHING- BECAUSE YOU WILL BE INSANE WITH THE TORTURE I WILL INFLICT UPON YOU! NOW! GIVE ME BREAKFAST!".
Sano, with much effort, managed out a, "Guess we have to work together, huh Chuu?". It took him every molecule and atom of his soul to work up the courage to not be disgusted and treat Chuu like a human being who didn't write corny poems about evil women with evil lives and evil tranquilizers and evil statues of foxes inside her evil mansion that was full of evil crumbs dirtying his beautiful, precious floor.
And Chuu and Sano, for the sake of Megumi, and their sanity (though they'd probably lose it by breakfast anyway) actually began *GASP* working together.
Let's give a round of applause to these two men for setting aside their differences and working together to make breakfast!
(silence)
Or not.
*at the dojo*
Hiko walked into the dojo, looking for Kenshin.
"Hey, lady?", he asked Kaoru. "You see any short selfish men with red hair and a cross-shaped scar on his cheek?".
"Well", Kaoru said, thinking about it. "No, I haven't seen any short selfish men with red hair and a cross-shaped scar on his cheek, but I *have* seen a man with red hair and a cross-shaped scar on his cheek!".
Hiko sighed. "Wrong person, sorry".
Walking outside, he found Kenshin hanging laundry up to dry.
"Kenshin".
"Master".
"So".
Kenshin bent down to get his lovely new magenta gi out of the basket when he blinked.
"My...my gi...", he whispered.
"Kenshin?", Hiko asked, worried for his sanity.
"Where's my gi?! MY GI! GOOD GRACIOUS SAY IT ISN'T SO!!!!!".
"What happened to your dumb gi?!".
Kenshin's eyes went Battousai. "Don't you dare insult my gi".
Hiko stared at Kenshin, sure he had lost it.
"Where is my gi! I don't understand! It was right here- just a few seconds ago- where'd it GO!".
"WHERE'S MY GI?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!".
"Kenshin! Shutup, baka deshi!".
"YOU!", Kenshin roared, pointing an accusing finger at Hiko.
"You took my gi- I know you did! You stole it! YOU STOLE IT!!!!", he screamed, a crazed look surrounding his now amber eyes.
"Kenshin!", Kaoru yelled, running out with Yahiko. "What's wrong!".
"MY GI!", he screamed. "HE TOOK MY BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, DAZZLING GI!".
"Now Kenshin- I'm sure the nice man didn't take-".
"HE TOOK IT! HE TOOK IT! I KNOW HE DID! HE WAS INSLUTING ALL DAY YESTERDAY! I KNOW IT!".
Hiko backed up. "I didn't take your stupid gi, baka deshi! Why the heck would I want that dumb cloth?!".
"DON'T INSULT MY GI!!!!!!!", Kenshin screamed, slightly unsheathing his sword.
Hiko's eyes popped out of his sockets. The man was insane. He was a selfish, stupid apprentice, insane, gi-obsessed man.
"You're....you're mad! I didn't take your dumb pink gi!".
"MY GI ISN'T PINK! IT'S MAGENTA! MAGENTA, I SAY!".
Hiko took a step back. He had fully doubted there'd ever be a day he'd be afraid of his stupid old apprentice, but he was dead wrong...
"Give me my magenta", Battousai said cruelly, "and no one gets hurt!".
"I don't have your gi!", Hiko yelled.
"AHA!", Battousai yelled, pointing an accusing finger. "Just like when you said you didn't have my teddy bear!".
Hiko sweatdropped.
"I loved that teddy bear, and you took that away from me! Well, you won't take away my magenta! Now give it to me!", Battousai cried.
Hiko took a few steps backwards. "Now Kenshin. Why would I want your magenta gi?".
"Because...because...because you're just a cruel , selfish, anti-social jerk!".
"I DON'T HAVE THE STINKIN GI!".
Kenshin breathed. " YES YOU DO, YOU LIAR! YOU ARE A LIAR! A LIAR! A LIAAAARRRR!!!!!".
Yahiko silently tip toed his way behind Kenshin.
"GIVE ME MY GORGEOUS GI!!!".
"I DON'T HAVE YOUR UGLY GI!".
"GORGEOUS!".
"UGLY!".
"GORGEOUS!".
'UGLY!".
"GOR--------------------".
'UG- Kenshin? Kenshin? Hey, why is Kenshin on the floor?".
Yahiko whistled innocently.
"Kenshin? Yoo-hoo?".
Yahiko's whistling becomes strained.
"Miss, do *you* know why Kenshin's on the floor like a wax dummy?".
Now Yahiko's whistling is merely Yahiko blowing his cheeks till they turn red.
"No idea whatsoever", Kaoru said, pulling Yahiko's cheeks.
*Megumi's mansion*
Chuu and Sano brought the steaming pots to the table, smiling at Megumi, who was looking ticked off, tapping her foot impatiently.
She looked at the food. At least it *looked* right. She slowly nibbled a bit of it. Wrinkling her nose, she rose, and said, "THIS IS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL!". Hearts were residing in her eyes, she clasped her hands together, and began doing a jig in delight.
Chuu smirked. "It's *my* cooking. I'm a great cook ,you see. The ladies are crazy for me".
Sano grred.
*Saitou's in da house*
Saitou glared at the dojo, his eyes narrowed in intense instinctiveness. He wriggled his nose. He looked slowly behind him. Then, making sure the coast was clear, he put on a pure, giddy smile.
"OOH LA LAAAAA!", he yelled.
His eyes were no longer all tiny and scrunched up, they were now BIG and WIDE and GREEN. His smile was huge covering his entire face, which made him look oddly like an evil clown due to his- er- strange- face carving.
"YO-O-O-O-O-WZAAAS!", he cried in a hippie accent, dancing to some hula music.
"And- Cha cha cha cha cha CHA! Cha cha cha cha cha cha CHA! Cha cha cha cha cha CHA!", he cried in a strange, child-like voice, wearing a hula skirt with a bikini and all.
Okay....this is rather disturbing... Hey, look! A visitor!
A woman with a round, caring face, now looked like a vicious tiger, her hands clutching a costume bearing the words Aku Zoku Zan.
"LOOK AT THIS!", she shrieked, shaking the outfit in front of his scared, confused face. "LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO IT! I SPEND ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT CLEANING YOUR SHINSENGUMI GI'S AND *EVERY* TIME, YOU COME BACK WITH ****THIS**** ON IT!!!!". She was pointing to a large red stain covering the white part of the cloth.
"B-but- Tokio-", Saitou sputtered.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to spill tomato juice on it! HOW MANY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!", she screamed to a terrified Saitou who looked like a ten-year-old about to receive ten lashings.
"B-but- I like tomato juice!".
"I DON'T CARRRRREEE! IS THIS THE FACE OF SOMEONE WHO CARES?!", she screamed, shaking the cloth.
Saitou whimpered.
"And take off those ridiculous clothes and wear something proper! Do you want everybody to see you like this?!".
"But I like hula dancing!".
"I don't care!".
Saitou bowed his head and submitted, "Yes maam".
"Good!".
*Kenshin's revived*
Kenshin walked into the dojo, his eyes still narrowed for being stuck like that too long. He was going to ensure that the **** ********** ********* ****** who stole his gi was going ****** ******** ****** down!
(A/N: Don't bother figuring out what the stars stand for. I just put a bunch of stars)
Who could be so evil and cruel and vile and nasty and horrible and revolting and disgusting ad obnoxious and be such a stealer and an inhumane human! How could they steal his beautiful, pampered, lovely gi! HOW COULD THEY!
He knew how. It's because their name was HIKO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He unsheathed his sword, flipping it over. "Hiko will pay for my gi. I will make sure of it".
Then he did a little victory dance in delight.
I think Kenshin's actually SERIOUS about killing Hiko! UH-OH!!!!!
*back at the dojo*
"And your hair's a totally horrible style- what kind of dweeb spikes up his hair like that? And your gi is such a revolting yellow- it's a wonder I'm not throwing up now! And-". Kaoru put a finger to her chin in strained thought, still watching Yahiko's face bottle up in red as he swung the bokken.
"And your voice is so putrid and annoying- it haunts my nightmares- you have to make your strokes more straight, Yahiko, it's almost like you're out of focus!". She giggled in delight. "And you have a lame fashion sense- who wears that?- a little softer, Yahiko, you're not trying to behead your opponent- and your face looks like a pig's that's been taught to talk, and when you blush you look like old radishes!".
Yahiko growled. This had gone- TOO FAR!
"Oh- and Yahiko, I've told every kenjutsu teacher in Japan not to train you at all!", Kaoru said in a happy-go lucky voice.
But there wasn't much else he could do about it.
"You know, Yahiko, I'm glad we've reached this mutual agreement- I mean, that is to say, if you were under free will, you'd probably be trying to beat me up!". She laughed derisively. "But, unfortunately, you can't, because I'm the only one who's gonna teach you anything! HAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!".
* back at Megumi's mansion*
"La la la la la", Megumi sang, still hopping around with joy from Chuu's cooking, actually CLEANING! So that gave Sano and Chuu a break, so they went back to sleep, snoring the day away.
Megumi was dusting everything, humming merrily, when she noticed a large shadow behind her, lurking.
Violins immediately began laying fast, the sound of lightning cracking, and all of the sudden it was night time was enough to ruin Megumi's joyful mood.
"Hey- where's that music coming from? And why's there a storm out there- it's totally clear! And why's it night all of the sudden?".
The music was playing even faster, and she felt a chill as she saw the giant shadow lurking behind her.
"Stop the music!", she screamed, and whirled around, screaming in horror.
"It's---it's----it's----", she couldn't get it out.
At the sound of all of the violins, Sano and Chuu ran out.
"Megumi! What's that?", Sano asked.
Chuu sniffed it, then made a face. "Whatever it is, it stinks".
"It's----it's----it's----".
Chuu sniffed it again. "Hey- it smells like the rooster head's cooking".
"Watch out!", Sano warned.
"No really, it does".
Sano sniffed the thing. "Wait- you're right".
"It's----it's the plant!", Megumi gasped. "I gave the plant that food- and now it's-now it's-".
"It's come back for revenge", the giant plant roared.
Wow! Well, we'll leave on this oh so *scary* cliffhanger! The price for this trip is one review- remember!
gi: the cloth Kenshin wears on the top chest part
kenjutsu: swordsmanship
baka deshi: stupid apprentice
Aku Zoku Zan: The Shinsengumi motto. Kill Evil Swiftly. Catchy, ne?
bokken: a bamboo sword used in training