The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any GI Joe characters has been run over and flattened to the ground. Just another fun mad little short fic that ran around in my head running over my brain cells.
Know Your Joe: Cross-Country
"Howdy everybody!" Quick Kick waved from the passenger seat of a HAVOC. "Welcome once again to Know Your Joe. This week we're interviewing our favorite country boy, Cross-Country!"
"YEEEEEHHAAAAA" Cross-Country shouted as he drove the HAVOC.
"Wow I didn't know the HAVOC could clear a jump that high," Alpine blinked as he and the rest of the Joes watched the television. "I'm impressed."
"It can with Cross-Country driving it," Lady Jaye told him.
"Good thing Short Fuse is strapped on the top of that roof tight," Low Light remarked.
"Very good," Alpine said. "Look at that thing pop a wheelie."
"AHHHHH!" Quick Kick screamed.
"Oh you want me to talk about myself?" Cross-Country shouted over the noise of the motors.
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" Quick Kick nodded as he held on for dear life.
"Well, my name is Robert M. Blais and I hail from Greensboro North Carolina," Cross-Country shouted out. "Greensboro is a beautiful place! You should see it sometime."
"AGGGGGHHH!" Quick Kick screamed as the HAVOC made a sharp left turn.
"I've never seen Quick Kick be so articulate," Alpine snickered.
"You know heavy machinery is in my blood," Cross-Country continued. "My dad drove bulldozers and my mom drove a grader. They met one day when the rival construction companies they worked for had a demolition derby. I tell you as soon as they crashed into each other it was love at first sight!"
"AAHHHHH!" Quick Kick screamed as the HAVOC made another hairpin turn.
"Now everybody knows I love country music," Cross-Country continued. "But I have other interesting hobbies too. I love to garden. Just the thought of digging stuff up and planting things is a lot of fun. But mostly digging stuff. I once worked in a graveyard in high school. That was actually fun."
"I see you never lost the thrill of driving people to their graves," Quick Kick whimpered. "Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"I personally tuned this baby up this morning," Cross-Country told him. "Doesn't she handle like a dream?"
"WATCH THE TURN! WATCH THE TURN!" Quick Kick shouted. "YOU'RE HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE MINEFIELD! AGGGGGHHHH!"
"Oh don't worry we missed that by at least a foot," Cross-Country waved. "You know I've always had an uncanny sense of direction. OH MAN, WHERE DID THAT BUILDING COME FROM?"
"Idon'twannadie," Quick Kick moaned. "Idon'twannadie!"
CRASH! SMASH!
"Ooh! That's gotta hurt," Shipwreck winced. "Good thing Short Fuse is wearing a helmet."
"There goes the budget this month," Duke sighed as they saw Cross-Country drive through a wall. "And next month. And the month after that…"
Eventually the HAVOC stopped in the middle of an office. "Seems we made a slight deviation from the road here," Cross-Country looked around.
"No, ya think?" Short Fuse moaned from the roof. "MEDIC!"
"Hey I didn't die!" Quick Kick shouted.
"Uh, don't count on that just yet…" Cross-Country gulped.
"CROSS COUNTRY!" They heard Beach Head screaming. "MY OFFICE! YOU IDIOTS RAN INTO MY OFFICE!"
"Well I gotta admit this episode is more entertaining than usual," Low Light chuckled.
"THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DIDN'T WANT AN OFFICE ON THE GROUND FLOOR!" Beach Head screamed as he lunged at Quick Kick.
"He's the one who drove the AKKKKK!" Quick Kick gasped as Beach Head began to strangle him through the window.
"Now, should we call for the medics before or after Beach Head kills them?" Low Light mused.
"Depends on how much we have left in the budget," Duke sighed.