A/N's:
1/ Yes, I KNOW it's been a while...yet again...But, the good thing is, I get to see Rurouni Kenshin today! WOOHOO!
2/ I've been on vacation at Florida, and I just about wore my feet to death. Infact, I may make a funeral for them. They almost died. So that's why it's taken a little longer.
3/ I WILL hopefully get to all of your ideas. Don't feel down cause I haven't used yours yet- it just probably means it's too big to come in right now at the moment.
4/ Anything in // // is the person's thoughts.
Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. Do you need someone to kick it into you? I'm more than willing to.
We left off last time where the big scary mutated-by-Sano's-putrid- cooking plant was about to devour everything into oblivion! Watch this incredible scenario! You can almost *smell* Sano's cooking! (EWWW!) You can almost *hear* the intense rush of violins playing swiftly as the plant reaches in to attack! (Da-da-da-da-da-DUN! Da-da-da-da-da-da-DUN! Da-da-da- da-da-da-da-DUN- Daaa da da da da DUN! (repeat)) Feel the thrill! The excitement!
"Mega-anti-Sano-attack!", screamed the plant, and lurching back, it came forward, like a catapult, and released some gooey substance that looked horribly like Sano's cooking- only expired!
"AAAAAH!", everyone screamed, as they were splattered with goo.
"MY EYES!", Chuu cried, scraping his eyelids. "THEY BUUURN!".
"YOU WILL NOT HURT US", said a harsh, loud voice, issuing from Megumi.
"Eh?", Sano asked, looking bewilderingly at Megumi, then made a complete face fault.
Her skin was, if possible, even paler than before, a strange paper-white white, making her dark hair contrast greatly with her skin. Great, red fangs replaced her canine teeth, drooping and oozing red blood. Her purple and pink kimono was replaced with a blood red one, and she held with her right hand a black triton from which great bursts of blue lightning were crackling out. Pointy fox ears were coming out of her head, and she even sported a bushy tail, along with complementary splashes of Sano's expired cooking.
He rubbed his eyes. Nope. Still Megumi the fox-vampire.
"What?!", the plant cried. "What is this?!".
"Alas!", cried Chuu. "I am in love with the undead!". He fell to his knees and raised his palms to the ceiling. "Oh, how fate has deceived me!".
"YOU WILL LEAVE IN SILENCE. YOU WILL NOT HURT ME. YOU, MAY, HOWEVER, DO WHATEVER YOU WISH WITH SANOSUKE".
"Hey, that's not fair, fox!".
"SILENCE!".
Sano whimpered.
"NOW, ME AND MY ARMY OF FOXES SHALL HUNT YOU DOWN!". Megdracula cried, and from behind her, hundreds of vicious foxes, of many colors, stepped forward.
The plant shriveled back, and made a hiccup, turning around and hopping as fast as it could in it's porcelain pot as the foxes chased after him.
Sano sighed in relief.
Then, the plant turned around, and hopped it's way quickly back to them, the foxes still on his tail.
"You said you would permit me to do whatever I wish with Sanosuke".
"AND I KEEP MY PROMISES", Megdracula said.
"WHAAAAAAAT?!", Sanosuke screamed.
"I DO NOT CARE FOR THE ROOSTER HEAD-".
"That hurts", Sano whined.
"SILENCE! BUT YOU MUST RETURN HIM TO ME WITHIN A WEEK. HE HAS TO PAY OFF HIS DEBTS OF-". She counted on her fingers. "A THOUSAND YEN".
"What?! I don't owe you a thousand-".
"SILENCE!", Megdracula roared, pointing her pointy triton at Sano.
"Y-you know I don't do well under p-pointy things-".
"TAKE HIM".
"I understand", said the plant, bowing down, and, picking up Sano through it's mottly gray vines, began hopping it's way, the foxes chewing his bottom.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MEEEEEGUUUUUUUMIIIIIIII!!!", Sano screamed.
The night turned back into day, and Megumi went back to her normal attire.
She took one look at Chuu, who was still mourning about how a horrible world it was.
"Well don't just stand there, give me lunch!".
So I suppose that means Yahiko's vision after the no-acne incident wasn't fake, huh? Well, now that we're done with that little scenario...we'll head off to the dojo, where Kenshin is just about ready to tear his master to shrivelly little pieces.
Kenshin put his hand on his hilt, walking in the most manly position he could achieve with his arm like that and him being so short. Which wasn't much, mind you.
"Hiko...", he breathed heavily. "You will pay...for stealing my beloved magenta gi...That gi was the thing that inspired my soul, my love, my inspiration, my hopes, my DREAMS! But you just *couldn't* be kind and leave it alone- oh no, you chose the dark path- and made the biggest mistake of your soon-to-be short life....even worse than changing my name...MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!".
And I thought Megumi was the only one to laugh like that.
His crazed purple eyes were spiraling round and round- so fast they looked blurred, as he searched intensely for Hiko.
"Oh yes...", he laughed maniacally, "you shall feel pain for hurting my beloved magenta...".
*Tokio's still yellin her head off at Saitou*
Well, as you can very well see what is written above between the asterisks, Tokio is still ranting and raving at our *ahem* beloved Saitou.
"And would you *look* at that disgusting blue uniform! Honestly, the policemen should check up on their fashion statements, blue went out in the early 1800's- the in color is yellow now!".
"Yellow?".
"Yes! Yellow!", she exclaimed joyfully, holding up a yellow uniform.
"You don't expect me to wear that, do you?".
"Yes".
"No".
"Yes".
"No".
"YES!".
"No".
"SAITOU, YOU ARE GONNA WEAR THIS- AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT!".
"Yes ma'am", Saitou said meekly.
Leaving the dojo, wearing a ridiculously embarrassing banana yellow outfit, followed by his joyful wife, he tried to cover his face with his katana- which obviously didn't work out right. Slowly, he tried to avoid any faces as he was leaving, but he cursed the strangely colored fox next to him when a far-too-annoying voice called out to him.
"Oi! Saitou! Who's that standing next to you?".
"My wife, Tokio", Saitou said in a drawling voice.
Misao's face turned very red. //Oh, so *this* is Saitou's wife we all heard about! What a patient woman, she must be extremely strong and patient to have to withstand to Saitou's excessively annoying and boring and brutal care! Oh- what if she's being abused! Poor thing- Saitou- you will pay for what you did to her!//
When she was just about to shoot her spikes, she blinked when Tokio began ranting and raving.
"SAITOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT FOX?! DO YOU HAVE NO KINDNESS AND DECENCY?! IT'S A LIVING, BREATHING ANIMAL! WHAT DID IT DO TO YOU! STOP CHOKING IT! NOW!".
"Yes maam", Saitou said, gently putting the fox down to the ground and patting it on the head with intense willpower to not crush it.
Misao let out the breath she had been holding-
"Oh, hello dear, you must be Misao", Tokio said kindly.
And laughed.
"SAITOU WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT HER LIKE YOU WANT TO KILL HER?!".
"No reason whatsoever".
*Kenshin's gone off da hook, if ya know what I mean*
"Heeheeeheeeheeheeheeee!!!!!". Kenshin was walking amidst the dojo's yard, searching relentlessly for his numero uno foe.
"HIKO!", he roared, his eyes glowing amber in delight.
Hiko sweatdropped. //I'm gonna die soon//
"So. It has come to this at last", Hiko said bravely.
"Yes. Indeed it has".
A crowd gathered around the two, watching fearfully. You could actually *feel* the crowd holding their breath along with you. (Help! Need...oxygen...).
"So. Without further ado, let the battle begin!", Battousai roared.
He jumped up into the air, gliding gracefully, swiftly pulling out his sword.
Hiko's eyes narrowed. //It's on the wrong side! No, I mean, it's on the right side! No- I mean- I mean- I mean HE'S GONNA KILL ME!!!!!// And he mentally burst into tears.
"Amakakeru Ryuu No Hiromeki- Eradication of Hiko Style!!!!!!!".
The crowd gasped. (Ahh...good ole oxygen)
"Kenshin I'm sorry!".
Kenshin stopped in mid pose, which left him looking really weird, floating in the air like that.
Suddenly, they were in a dark room, the crowd screaming and all. Hiko lighted some candles, flickering light among the soft mahogany wood. He was wearing a tattered brown leather cloth, and had a strange, dazed look across his face.
Whoa. That was a surprise. Hiko apologizing. I would've expected him to rather die than do that.
Kenshin blinked. Still in the air, he wondered.//Hiko's uncharacteristically...sober-like?//
"Kenshin....", he murmured.
He spread his arms out wide. "It is indeed a dark world, swirling with sadness and despair. Oh, how horrible this vapid all of rock we call earth betrays me so". He put a hand to his chest.
Kenshin: //HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! This is HILARIOUS! Ahem. Sorry. Back to Battousai mood// And with that, his purple eyes glowed against the darkness.
"It is time that I tell you the truth, Kenshin. Sit down. Or just keep floating in the air".
Kenshin, surprised, continued floating.
"I shouldn't have taken your name away, Kenshin", he continued in that same, mystical voice. "It was all you had left from your childhood, besides the memories. But Shinta was just too sweet for a manslayer. D'you think people would take you seriously as a killer with a name like that?! And so, for that, I am sorry".
"I shouldn't call you baka deshi all the time, though, even though you are thirty, you still are the same as the first time I had met you".
Kenshin blinked. Hiko was apologizing?
Inside, Battousai was cheering. //This is a perfect blackmail opportunity!//
Inside, Kenshin was oroing continuously: //Oro? Oro? Ororororororororororo?//
"And I suppose it was harsh of me to put you through such strenuous stress during your training. But if I hadn't, you wouldn't have become stronger. You need to push your body to it's limit, Kenshin".
"Oro?".
"And, I should tell you how I really feel about you".
"ORO?!".
"I think of you as a son!", Hiko cried, hugging Kenshin in midair, bursting with tears.
"ORRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOO?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".
"WAA! I wouldn't be able to live without you! You're like the son I never had! Every time I look at you, my heart swells up in pride! WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!".
"SHISHOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!".
Aww, wasn't dat so sweet?
*in the plant's lair*
Sanoske wearily looked around at his surroundings, annoyingly trying to ignore the hundreds of multicolor foxes chewing his clothes off his back. He was in a dark room, with many tubes with odd green slime and many different species and specimens Sano had never seen before.
"Welcome to my home", the plant said in a long, drawling voice.
"This is your home, green-face?".
"SILENCE! My name is Ralphie, thank you! And you will address me as The- Greatest-Most-Ingenious-Living-Thing-In-This-Putrid-Earth, and nothing else!".
"But I don't wanna!".
"SILENCE! I have given thou permission to utter nothing but silence!".
"Oh yeah? Since when do I listen to you?!".
"MegDracula has given me custody and thereby ownership of you for one week. You will address me as master, and will obey as I wish".
"Megumi doesn't own me, so you don't own me either!".
"Ah, but, you have no free will as to decide who owns you or not".
"WHAT?! I do too have free will- I've got my fist and I ain't afraid to use it!".
"SSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNCCCEEEEEE!".
"Okay, maybe I am".
"Slave-Sano! You will listen to my pathetic whims and listen to my story!".
Sano sat down and grabbed some tofu.
"Two weeks ago, I was a happy plant. Green, fresh, alive, the oxygen poring out of me, the blessed carbon dioxide coursing through me, and the sun shining down upon me. The sugar was good, I was popular amongst the lady plants, life was good". The plant paused in it's thinking, and wiped his eye in sadness.
"But then you came. You made the most putrid food I had ever smelled-"
"NO-".
"The taste was horrible! I mean, what kind of cooking is that?!-"
"Gourmet cooking, finest in Japa-".
"Your cooking stinks!".
"NO IT-".
" It smells worse than a combo between raw fish and vinegar and peanuts all in one! I mean, what did you PUT in that stuff?!".
"I LIKE MY COOKING!".
"You're the only one!".
"IF you must know, I was the official chef in the Sekki Hotai, and everyone loved my cooking!".
"They developed some immunity to your cooking".
"NO THEY DIDN'T!".
"Then I feel sorry for them, because they must have forced themselves to throw up behind your back, and that's no way to live".
"THEY LOVED MY COOKING! THEY SAID IT WAS DA BOMB!".
"They meant it literally. As in, when I taste your cooking, it feels like a nuclear bomb has just landed in my stomach".
"IT WAS A TASTY BOMB!".
"Hmm. Perchance this infidel's idiocy will befall to my exploitation".
"I DUNNO WHAT YOU SAID, BUT I AIN'T HAPPY ABOUT IT!".
"Yes, indeed it will".
And then it did the cancan in delight, foxes dancing along.
"Ohhh....who lives in a laboratory under the sea!", he sang.
"The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth !", the foxes chanted.
"Who's green and gorgeous and gorgeous as can be!", the plant chorused.
"The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth!", the many multicolor foxes rang.
"If torturous evil is something you wish!".
"The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth!".
"Then drop on the fertilizer and eat of Sano's cooking a dish (and then throw up)!".
"OHHHHH!!!!".
"The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth! The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth! The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth!".
"The GreatEEEEEESSST Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid EAAAAARTH!".
They all bowed down to the imaginary applause, finally done with dancing to the cancan.
"So how do you like my theme song, Sano Who Is Unworthy Of My Breath?".
"Hn".
Okay. That was indeed no doubt strange beyong comprehension. Looks like there's more to Ralphie than meets the eye- I mean, looks like there's more to The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth than meets the eye.
*Kenshin's still being hugged by Hiko*
"Hiko- let- go- I- can't- BREAAATHE!", Kenshin screamed, his face the color of stale porridge.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!".
"WHAT?! Let go of me NOW!".
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!".
"LET GO SHISHOU!!".
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!".
"WHY WON'T YOU LET GO?! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M DYING HERE?!".
"I CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH I'D KILL YOU!".
"SHISHOU EVEN IF THAT MADE SENSE, LET GO OF ME NOW!!!".
Hiko sniffed. "Okay", he added sniffing.
Kenshin breathed heavily. "Air! AIR! I HAVE AIR! I CAN LIIIIIVVVE!!!".
He fell to his knees and raised his palms heavenward. Angels were singing gracefully, and violins were playing beautifully.
"I CAN LIIIIIIIVVVVEEE!!!!".
So with that little scenario, Kenshin took back his sword, and the little room full of candles disappeared, and they were back at the dojo.
Just then, Saitou came in with Misao and a woman.
"Saitou? Who's that next to you?", Yahiko, who had just finished his practice, asked, blinking.
"mumble mumble".
"Sorry, but mumble mumble isn't a word", Yahiko said matter-of-factly.
"mumble mumble grumble grr".
"Neither is mumble mumble grumble grr".
"MUMBLE MUMBLE GRUMBLE GRR DIE YAHIKO!".
"That's not answering my question, Saitou", Yahiko said, wagging his index finger as though telling Saitou he was a naughty boy.
"MY WIFE, TOKIO, OKAY?".
"Your wife?".
"Oh, so *this* is the famous Saitou's wife!", Kenshin smiled.
"You're my role model!", Kaoru exclaimed, holding Tokio's hand. "You teach other young women to not be afraid of chasing their dreams and to not take their lazy husband's trash!".
But Tokio wasn't paying attention to Kaoru. She was paying attention to Kenshin.
//Oh my, he's so inevitably gorgeous! I'm marrying him right now!// And with that, she bounded off to Kenshin, smiling genuinely.
"Why hello, Kenshin! How lovely it is to see you!".
"Hello Tokio. A pleasure it is, that it is!".
"Will you marry me, Kenshin?".
"OROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORORORORORORORORORORORO?!!???!".
"WHAAAT?!", Kaoru screamed. "Forget role model, this is war!".
"Your eyes are absolutely gorgeous, they're like glowing amethysts in the sky, swirling with fiery passion and beauty! Your hair is so fiery and red, like the white-hot-intensity of a thousand suns! And your scar, your scar is so cute and mysterious, and it makes me wonder, really what did happen to cause it! Your scar has such a- such a- strong sense of past and sadness and regret and loneliness! It is etched artfully into your radiant skin! What passion, what glory, what incentive is hidden in the mere cross on your cheek! It covers your face with a mysterious darkness that makes you so cool! I must say, Kenshin Himura, I am in LOVE with you!".
(A/N: Wow. I didn't know I could write like that!)
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!".
"WAA! Tokio dumped me!", Saitou cried.
Kaoru punched in her fist. "Tokio's going down. Way down".
Yahiko looked at her edgily, then grinned. Then, taking out a megaphone, he sat down in a sun chair, and commentated on the fight.
"And, it's gorgeous Yahiko Myogin here, commentating on the battle heating up between Tokio and Kaoru, over the gorgeous- yet not as gorgeous as me- Kenshin Himura!".
"OOOOOOORRRRROOOOOO?! Miss Kaoru, Miss Tokio, NO!".
"Stay out of this, Kenshin", Tokio grred, rounding Kaoru, who's bokken was ready to take action.
"And it seems like the two girls are ready for the catfight, and the crowd is gathering around in anticipation! Currently the girls are- er- grring and giving each other I'll-kill-you-looks, and he's-mine-not-yours looks, and Yahiko-shut-up looks- HEY!".
"ORO! Stop this madness!".
"And it also seems like the center of it all ,the eye of the hurricane, the hub of the tornado, the cloud of the storm, Kenshin, is objecting to this battle! Unfortunately for him, he currently has NO free will, and has to shut up or die trying cause everyone wants to hear my serenading voice commentate on the fight!".
Wow. Yahiko's full of himself, ain't he?
Saitou's, in the corner, sniffed and put his face into his hands. "Where did I go wrong, Tokio!", he cried.
"And it also seems that the recent dumped one is crying his heart out in pain to his beloved! Tokio- can't you hear him!".
"Y-you were t-the only o-one who could understand me! And n-now- now you've ditched me f-for my once arch-r-rival!".
"Wow! It's a classic you-ditched-me-and-went-for-my-enemy-tale! Feel the intensity! The rush! The excitement! The crowd cheering along with me, as they get eady to beat each other up and claim the prize, Kenshin!".
"Stop right now! ORO!".
Suddenly someone came to Yahio and whispered something in his ear. He grinned, and said in his megaphone, "I just received a request from an audience member to make a competition with different challenges and sports and the winner gets Kenshin. It's up to you, audience! You can choose what sports you'd like to see Tokio and Kaoru play to win Kenshin! Are you up for it?!". He mimicked putting a hand to his ear. "I can't heaaar you!".
"YEESSSS!".
"Alrighty then! Let the games begin!".
"OROOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!".
Well, you heard him, YOU can decide what games they should play to get Kenshin! So click that review button, and let's play!
Credits:
The theme song, I got the idea from the theme song of SpongeBob Squarepants.
This entire chapter was based on melds of what the reviewers and myself suggested.
The whole: I have given thou permission to utter nothing but silence thing came from a friend of mine, Jasmine.
The definitions come from a lotta ppl. Thankies! Definitions:
gi: the shirt thing Kenshin wears
Amakakeru Ryuu No Hiromeki: The Final Attack of the Hiten Mitsurugi Style. The Hiko-Eradication Style is something I made up, so don't get confused.
Oro: an expression of profound surprise
baka deshi: stupid apprentice
shishou: master
bokken: a bamboo sword used in training
1/ Yes, I KNOW it's been a while...yet again...But, the good thing is, I get to see Rurouni Kenshin today! WOOHOO!
2/ I've been on vacation at Florida, and I just about wore my feet to death. Infact, I may make a funeral for them. They almost died. So that's why it's taken a little longer.
3/ I WILL hopefully get to all of your ideas. Don't feel down cause I haven't used yours yet- it just probably means it's too big to come in right now at the moment.
4/ Anything in // // is the person's thoughts.
Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. Do you need someone to kick it into you? I'm more than willing to.
We left off last time where the big scary mutated-by-Sano's-putrid- cooking plant was about to devour everything into oblivion! Watch this incredible scenario! You can almost *smell* Sano's cooking! (EWWW!) You can almost *hear* the intense rush of violins playing swiftly as the plant reaches in to attack! (Da-da-da-da-da-DUN! Da-da-da-da-da-da-DUN! Da-da-da- da-da-da-da-DUN- Daaa da da da da DUN! (repeat)) Feel the thrill! The excitement!
"Mega-anti-Sano-attack!", screamed the plant, and lurching back, it came forward, like a catapult, and released some gooey substance that looked horribly like Sano's cooking- only expired!
"AAAAAH!", everyone screamed, as they were splattered with goo.
"MY EYES!", Chuu cried, scraping his eyelids. "THEY BUUURN!".
"YOU WILL NOT HURT US", said a harsh, loud voice, issuing from Megumi.
"Eh?", Sano asked, looking bewilderingly at Megumi, then made a complete face fault.
Her skin was, if possible, even paler than before, a strange paper-white white, making her dark hair contrast greatly with her skin. Great, red fangs replaced her canine teeth, drooping and oozing red blood. Her purple and pink kimono was replaced with a blood red one, and she held with her right hand a black triton from which great bursts of blue lightning were crackling out. Pointy fox ears were coming out of her head, and she even sported a bushy tail, along with complementary splashes of Sano's expired cooking.
He rubbed his eyes. Nope. Still Megumi the fox-vampire.
"What?!", the plant cried. "What is this?!".
"Alas!", cried Chuu. "I am in love with the undead!". He fell to his knees and raised his palms to the ceiling. "Oh, how fate has deceived me!".
"YOU WILL LEAVE IN SILENCE. YOU WILL NOT HURT ME. YOU, MAY, HOWEVER, DO WHATEVER YOU WISH WITH SANOSUKE".
"Hey, that's not fair, fox!".
"SILENCE!".
Sano whimpered.
"NOW, ME AND MY ARMY OF FOXES SHALL HUNT YOU DOWN!". Megdracula cried, and from behind her, hundreds of vicious foxes, of many colors, stepped forward.
The plant shriveled back, and made a hiccup, turning around and hopping as fast as it could in it's porcelain pot as the foxes chased after him.
Sano sighed in relief.
Then, the plant turned around, and hopped it's way quickly back to them, the foxes still on his tail.
"You said you would permit me to do whatever I wish with Sanosuke".
"AND I KEEP MY PROMISES", Megdracula said.
"WHAAAAAAAT?!", Sanosuke screamed.
"I DO NOT CARE FOR THE ROOSTER HEAD-".
"That hurts", Sano whined.
"SILENCE! BUT YOU MUST RETURN HIM TO ME WITHIN A WEEK. HE HAS TO PAY OFF HIS DEBTS OF-". She counted on her fingers. "A THOUSAND YEN".
"What?! I don't owe you a thousand-".
"SILENCE!", Megdracula roared, pointing her pointy triton at Sano.
"Y-you know I don't do well under p-pointy things-".
"TAKE HIM".
"I understand", said the plant, bowing down, and, picking up Sano through it's mottly gray vines, began hopping it's way, the foxes chewing his bottom.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MEEEEEGUUUUUUUMIIIIIIII!!!", Sano screamed.
The night turned back into day, and Megumi went back to her normal attire.
She took one look at Chuu, who was still mourning about how a horrible world it was.
"Well don't just stand there, give me lunch!".
So I suppose that means Yahiko's vision after the no-acne incident wasn't fake, huh? Well, now that we're done with that little scenario...we'll head off to the dojo, where Kenshin is just about ready to tear his master to shrivelly little pieces.
Kenshin put his hand on his hilt, walking in the most manly position he could achieve with his arm like that and him being so short. Which wasn't much, mind you.
"Hiko...", he breathed heavily. "You will pay...for stealing my beloved magenta gi...That gi was the thing that inspired my soul, my love, my inspiration, my hopes, my DREAMS! But you just *couldn't* be kind and leave it alone- oh no, you chose the dark path- and made the biggest mistake of your soon-to-be short life....even worse than changing my name...MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!".
And I thought Megumi was the only one to laugh like that.
His crazed purple eyes were spiraling round and round- so fast they looked blurred, as he searched intensely for Hiko.
"Oh yes...", he laughed maniacally, "you shall feel pain for hurting my beloved magenta...".
*Tokio's still yellin her head off at Saitou*
Well, as you can very well see what is written above between the asterisks, Tokio is still ranting and raving at our *ahem* beloved Saitou.
"And would you *look* at that disgusting blue uniform! Honestly, the policemen should check up on their fashion statements, blue went out in the early 1800's- the in color is yellow now!".
"Yellow?".
"Yes! Yellow!", she exclaimed joyfully, holding up a yellow uniform.
"You don't expect me to wear that, do you?".
"Yes".
"No".
"Yes".
"No".
"YES!".
"No".
"SAITOU, YOU ARE GONNA WEAR THIS- AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT!".
"Yes ma'am", Saitou said meekly.
Leaving the dojo, wearing a ridiculously embarrassing banana yellow outfit, followed by his joyful wife, he tried to cover his face with his katana- which obviously didn't work out right. Slowly, he tried to avoid any faces as he was leaving, but he cursed the strangely colored fox next to him when a far-too-annoying voice called out to him.
"Oi! Saitou! Who's that standing next to you?".
"My wife, Tokio", Saitou said in a drawling voice.
Misao's face turned very red. //Oh, so *this* is Saitou's wife we all heard about! What a patient woman, she must be extremely strong and patient to have to withstand to Saitou's excessively annoying and boring and brutal care! Oh- what if she's being abused! Poor thing- Saitou- you will pay for what you did to her!//
When she was just about to shoot her spikes, she blinked when Tokio began ranting and raving.
"SAITOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT FOX?! DO YOU HAVE NO KINDNESS AND DECENCY?! IT'S A LIVING, BREATHING ANIMAL! WHAT DID IT DO TO YOU! STOP CHOKING IT! NOW!".
"Yes maam", Saitou said, gently putting the fox down to the ground and patting it on the head with intense willpower to not crush it.
Misao let out the breath she had been holding-
"Oh, hello dear, you must be Misao", Tokio said kindly.
And laughed.
"SAITOU WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT HER LIKE YOU WANT TO KILL HER?!".
"No reason whatsoever".
*Kenshin's gone off da hook, if ya know what I mean*
"Heeheeeheeeheeheeheeee!!!!!". Kenshin was walking amidst the dojo's yard, searching relentlessly for his numero uno foe.
"HIKO!", he roared, his eyes glowing amber in delight.
Hiko sweatdropped. //I'm gonna die soon//
"So. It has come to this at last", Hiko said bravely.
"Yes. Indeed it has".
A crowd gathered around the two, watching fearfully. You could actually *feel* the crowd holding their breath along with you. (Help! Need...oxygen...).
"So. Without further ado, let the battle begin!", Battousai roared.
He jumped up into the air, gliding gracefully, swiftly pulling out his sword.
Hiko's eyes narrowed. //It's on the wrong side! No, I mean, it's on the right side! No- I mean- I mean- I mean HE'S GONNA KILL ME!!!!!// And he mentally burst into tears.
"Amakakeru Ryuu No Hiromeki- Eradication of Hiko Style!!!!!!!".
The crowd gasped. (Ahh...good ole oxygen)
"Kenshin I'm sorry!".
Kenshin stopped in mid pose, which left him looking really weird, floating in the air like that.
Suddenly, they were in a dark room, the crowd screaming and all. Hiko lighted some candles, flickering light among the soft mahogany wood. He was wearing a tattered brown leather cloth, and had a strange, dazed look across his face.
Whoa. That was a surprise. Hiko apologizing. I would've expected him to rather die than do that.
Kenshin blinked. Still in the air, he wondered.//Hiko's uncharacteristically...sober-like?//
"Kenshin....", he murmured.
He spread his arms out wide. "It is indeed a dark world, swirling with sadness and despair. Oh, how horrible this vapid all of rock we call earth betrays me so". He put a hand to his chest.
Kenshin: //HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! This is HILARIOUS! Ahem. Sorry. Back to Battousai mood// And with that, his purple eyes glowed against the darkness.
"It is time that I tell you the truth, Kenshin. Sit down. Or just keep floating in the air".
Kenshin, surprised, continued floating.
"I shouldn't have taken your name away, Kenshin", he continued in that same, mystical voice. "It was all you had left from your childhood, besides the memories. But Shinta was just too sweet for a manslayer. D'you think people would take you seriously as a killer with a name like that?! And so, for that, I am sorry".
"I shouldn't call you baka deshi all the time, though, even though you are thirty, you still are the same as the first time I had met you".
Kenshin blinked. Hiko was apologizing?
Inside, Battousai was cheering. //This is a perfect blackmail opportunity!//
Inside, Kenshin was oroing continuously: //Oro? Oro? Ororororororororororo?//
"And I suppose it was harsh of me to put you through such strenuous stress during your training. But if I hadn't, you wouldn't have become stronger. You need to push your body to it's limit, Kenshin".
"Oro?".
"And, I should tell you how I really feel about you".
"ORO?!".
"I think of you as a son!", Hiko cried, hugging Kenshin in midair, bursting with tears.
"ORRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOO?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".
"WAA! I wouldn't be able to live without you! You're like the son I never had! Every time I look at you, my heart swells up in pride! WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!".
"SHISHOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!".
Aww, wasn't dat so sweet?
*in the plant's lair*
Sanoske wearily looked around at his surroundings, annoyingly trying to ignore the hundreds of multicolor foxes chewing his clothes off his back. He was in a dark room, with many tubes with odd green slime and many different species and specimens Sano had never seen before.
"Welcome to my home", the plant said in a long, drawling voice.
"This is your home, green-face?".
"SILENCE! My name is Ralphie, thank you! And you will address me as The- Greatest-Most-Ingenious-Living-Thing-In-This-Putrid-Earth, and nothing else!".
"But I don't wanna!".
"SILENCE! I have given thou permission to utter nothing but silence!".
"Oh yeah? Since when do I listen to you?!".
"MegDracula has given me custody and thereby ownership of you for one week. You will address me as master, and will obey as I wish".
"Megumi doesn't own me, so you don't own me either!".
"Ah, but, you have no free will as to decide who owns you or not".
"WHAT?! I do too have free will- I've got my fist and I ain't afraid to use it!".
"SSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNCCCEEEEEE!".
"Okay, maybe I am".
"Slave-Sano! You will listen to my pathetic whims and listen to my story!".
Sano sat down and grabbed some tofu.
"Two weeks ago, I was a happy plant. Green, fresh, alive, the oxygen poring out of me, the blessed carbon dioxide coursing through me, and the sun shining down upon me. The sugar was good, I was popular amongst the lady plants, life was good". The plant paused in it's thinking, and wiped his eye in sadness.
"But then you came. You made the most putrid food I had ever smelled-"
"NO-".
"The taste was horrible! I mean, what kind of cooking is that?!-"
"Gourmet cooking, finest in Japa-".
"Your cooking stinks!".
"NO IT-".
" It smells worse than a combo between raw fish and vinegar and peanuts all in one! I mean, what did you PUT in that stuff?!".
"I LIKE MY COOKING!".
"You're the only one!".
"IF you must know, I was the official chef in the Sekki Hotai, and everyone loved my cooking!".
"They developed some immunity to your cooking".
"NO THEY DIDN'T!".
"Then I feel sorry for them, because they must have forced themselves to throw up behind your back, and that's no way to live".
"THEY LOVED MY COOKING! THEY SAID IT WAS DA BOMB!".
"They meant it literally. As in, when I taste your cooking, it feels like a nuclear bomb has just landed in my stomach".
"IT WAS A TASTY BOMB!".
"Hmm. Perchance this infidel's idiocy will befall to my exploitation".
"I DUNNO WHAT YOU SAID, BUT I AIN'T HAPPY ABOUT IT!".
"Yes, indeed it will".
And then it did the cancan in delight, foxes dancing along.
"Ohhh....who lives in a laboratory under the sea!", he sang.
"The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth !", the foxes chanted.
"Who's green and gorgeous and gorgeous as can be!", the plant chorused.
"The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth!", the many multicolor foxes rang.
"If torturous evil is something you wish!".
"The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth!".
"Then drop on the fertilizer and eat of Sano's cooking a dish (and then throw up)!".
"OHHHHH!!!!".
"The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth! The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth! The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth!".
"The GreatEEEEEESSST Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid EAAAAARTH!".
They all bowed down to the imaginary applause, finally done with dancing to the cancan.
"So how do you like my theme song, Sano Who Is Unworthy Of My Breath?".
"Hn".
Okay. That was indeed no doubt strange beyong comprehension. Looks like there's more to Ralphie than meets the eye- I mean, looks like there's more to The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth than meets the eye.
*Kenshin's still being hugged by Hiko*
"Hiko- let- go- I- can't- BREAAATHE!", Kenshin screamed, his face the color of stale porridge.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!".
"WHAT?! Let go of me NOW!".
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!".
"LET GO SHISHOU!!".
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!".
"WHY WON'T YOU LET GO?! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M DYING HERE?!".
"I CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH I'D KILL YOU!".
"SHISHOU EVEN IF THAT MADE SENSE, LET GO OF ME NOW!!!".
Hiko sniffed. "Okay", he added sniffing.
Kenshin breathed heavily. "Air! AIR! I HAVE AIR! I CAN LIIIIIVVVE!!!".
He fell to his knees and raised his palms heavenward. Angels were singing gracefully, and violins were playing beautifully.
"I CAN LIIIIIIIVVVVEEE!!!!".
So with that little scenario, Kenshin took back his sword, and the little room full of candles disappeared, and they were back at the dojo.
Just then, Saitou came in with Misao and a woman.
"Saitou? Who's that next to you?", Yahiko, who had just finished his practice, asked, blinking.
"mumble mumble".
"Sorry, but mumble mumble isn't a word", Yahiko said matter-of-factly.
"mumble mumble grumble grr".
"Neither is mumble mumble grumble grr".
"MUMBLE MUMBLE GRUMBLE GRR DIE YAHIKO!".
"That's not answering my question, Saitou", Yahiko said, wagging his index finger as though telling Saitou he was a naughty boy.
"MY WIFE, TOKIO, OKAY?".
"Your wife?".
"Oh, so *this* is the famous Saitou's wife!", Kenshin smiled.
"You're my role model!", Kaoru exclaimed, holding Tokio's hand. "You teach other young women to not be afraid of chasing their dreams and to not take their lazy husband's trash!".
But Tokio wasn't paying attention to Kaoru. She was paying attention to Kenshin.
//Oh my, he's so inevitably gorgeous! I'm marrying him right now!// And with that, she bounded off to Kenshin, smiling genuinely.
"Why hello, Kenshin! How lovely it is to see you!".
"Hello Tokio. A pleasure it is, that it is!".
"Will you marry me, Kenshin?".
"OROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORORORORORORORORORORORO?!!???!".
"WHAAAT?!", Kaoru screamed. "Forget role model, this is war!".
"Your eyes are absolutely gorgeous, they're like glowing amethysts in the sky, swirling with fiery passion and beauty! Your hair is so fiery and red, like the white-hot-intensity of a thousand suns! And your scar, your scar is so cute and mysterious, and it makes me wonder, really what did happen to cause it! Your scar has such a- such a- strong sense of past and sadness and regret and loneliness! It is etched artfully into your radiant skin! What passion, what glory, what incentive is hidden in the mere cross on your cheek! It covers your face with a mysterious darkness that makes you so cool! I must say, Kenshin Himura, I am in LOVE with you!".
(A/N: Wow. I didn't know I could write like that!)
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!".
"WAA! Tokio dumped me!", Saitou cried.
Kaoru punched in her fist. "Tokio's going down. Way down".
Yahiko looked at her edgily, then grinned. Then, taking out a megaphone, he sat down in a sun chair, and commentated on the fight.
"And, it's gorgeous Yahiko Myogin here, commentating on the battle heating up between Tokio and Kaoru, over the gorgeous- yet not as gorgeous as me- Kenshin Himura!".
"OOOOOOORRRRROOOOOO?! Miss Kaoru, Miss Tokio, NO!".
"Stay out of this, Kenshin", Tokio grred, rounding Kaoru, who's bokken was ready to take action.
"And it seems like the two girls are ready for the catfight, and the crowd is gathering around in anticipation! Currently the girls are- er- grring and giving each other I'll-kill-you-looks, and he's-mine-not-yours looks, and Yahiko-shut-up looks- HEY!".
"ORO! Stop this madness!".
"And it also seems like the center of it all ,the eye of the hurricane, the hub of the tornado, the cloud of the storm, Kenshin, is objecting to this battle! Unfortunately for him, he currently has NO free will, and has to shut up or die trying cause everyone wants to hear my serenading voice commentate on the fight!".
Wow. Yahiko's full of himself, ain't he?
Saitou's, in the corner, sniffed and put his face into his hands. "Where did I go wrong, Tokio!", he cried.
"And it also seems that the recent dumped one is crying his heart out in pain to his beloved! Tokio- can't you hear him!".
"Y-you were t-the only o-one who could understand me! And n-now- now you've ditched me f-for my once arch-r-rival!".
"Wow! It's a classic you-ditched-me-and-went-for-my-enemy-tale! Feel the intensity! The rush! The excitement! The crowd cheering along with me, as they get eady to beat each other up and claim the prize, Kenshin!".
"Stop right now! ORO!".
Suddenly someone came to Yahio and whispered something in his ear. He grinned, and said in his megaphone, "I just received a request from an audience member to make a competition with different challenges and sports and the winner gets Kenshin. It's up to you, audience! You can choose what sports you'd like to see Tokio and Kaoru play to win Kenshin! Are you up for it?!". He mimicked putting a hand to his ear. "I can't heaaar you!".
"YEESSSS!".
"Alrighty then! Let the games begin!".
"OROOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!".
Well, you heard him, YOU can decide what games they should play to get Kenshin! So click that review button, and let's play!
Credits:
The theme song, I got the idea from the theme song of SpongeBob Squarepants.
This entire chapter was based on melds of what the reviewers and myself suggested.
The whole: I have given thou permission to utter nothing but silence thing came from a friend of mine, Jasmine.
The definitions come from a lotta ppl. Thankies! Definitions:
gi: the shirt thing Kenshin wears
Amakakeru Ryuu No Hiromeki: The Final Attack of the Hiten Mitsurugi Style. The Hiko-Eradication Style is something I made up, so don't get confused.
Oro: an expression of profound surprise
baka deshi: stupid apprentice
shishou: master
bokken: a bamboo sword used in training