Okay, hi.
I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so soso so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo SORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYY! (to express my sorriness, I wrote all that by hand. I didn't copy and paste it or anything)
Ahem.

I'm not dead. Yeah. Just thought you should know that. Uhm...well...sorry...

Like you'll ever forgive me. But, truly, I'm sorry. Honest.

So, anyways today, I was going over how many stories I never finished, and it came to TWENTY-ONE, so I decided to get my butt back into doing this. I expect I'll have to wait for a ew twenty chapters to load up till you guys forgive me.

Anyways, these are my parting words till the story starts:

"When all else fails, point and laugh".

Ah! Welcome back to the tour of Rurouni Kenshin! Last time we were here, we left off at the point where Tokio and Kaoru were about to beat each other up in tiny pieces of flesh! But, while this was happening a key event was taking place. A key event, so big and mysterious and full of surprises and with such awe and alluring strength, we just had to build a time machine and go back! So, step right up to our beautiful time machine which has taken us months to build! (Yes, it's the big thing that looks like Barney the big Purple- yet fashion impaired- Dinosaur!).

(A/N: That's my excuse for taking such a long time. We were building a time machine. Sure. Some millennium, maybe).

You step in, unsuspecting, inside the giant machine that strangely resembles Barney, and look around the machine. Inside is a giant bar of chocolate, and a television screen, currently at pause, on the scene where Kaoru and Tokio are punching in their fists. You, in complete and utter hypnotism, reach out for the candy bar. It is screaming to you, "TAKE ME! EAT ME! YES! THE CHOCOLATE BAR! HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?! Good. Now. Carefully- TAKE- THE-CHOCOLATE-BAR! EAT-THE-CHOCOLATE-BAR!". You irresistibly take the chocolate bar and take a bite. Suddenly, the entire world around you is shaking! KABOOM! KABOOM! KABOOOOOOOOM! KERFLOP! KABAAM! OTHER KA-WORDS! When you get up, you see the television, at halt at a scene in the Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing in This Putrid Earth's lab, where Sanosuke is sleeping, dreaming of none other than- CHOCOLATE BARS! Suddenly, amazingly, you are whooshed into the scene, and the pause button is now on play

Welcome, welcome, one and all, to the Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing on This Putrid Earth's laboratory! It seems like Sanosuke has a sudden craving for chocolate bars!

"Choco-", he snorted, groping the air around him for imaginary chocolate. Then he took his hand and put it in his mouth. "MMMM", he said happily. "Chocolatey Cocoa Puffs!". Then, he bit on his hand. "OW!", he screamed, still dreaming. "CHUU! YOU WILL PAY FOR TAKING MY CHOCOLATEY COCOA PUFFS!". Sano got up, still dreaming his head off, an began beating up one of the yellow sleeping foxes. The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing in This Putrid Earth was watching him in disgust, yet slight fascination.

"He is PERFECT", he growled under his breath. "Step One for my evil plan to rule this Putrid Earth shall be commencing in three- two-one".

He got up and jumped on his ceramic pot to Sano, stepping on his foot.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!", Sanosuke roared, opening blood-shot eyes. "You", he growled. "GET OFF MY BIG TOE!".
It promptly jumped off, and Sano brought his toe to his cheek.

"AWW, big toe, did the meanie planty hurt my biggie wittle toe-ey?", he cooed.

The meanie planty sweatdropped, then, shaking its heading quickly, commanded to Sano: "SLAVE-SANO! We will begin my ingenious plan, which by the way, is mine, and will take my revenge on MegDracula- who, by the way- threw your horrendous cooking into myflowerpot!".

Sano scratched his head, but then, had to rub his throbbing finger, because his hair gel was too thick. Sucking his finger, he said out of the corner of his mouth, "But it's my cooking, so shouldn't you be seeking revenge on me?".

The meanie plant slapped its forehead. Can anyone get any stupider?!

"SLAVE-SANO! It's my plan, and obviously, I'm the smart one in my lab, SO FOLLOW MY PLAN AND BE GRATEFUL!!!!!!!!".

"Grateful for what? I got stuck with the sake, broke an essential body part, somehow ended up with the cruellest doctor in the world, ended up being her slave, met my arch-rival who stole my owner, then made some gourmet cooking for her, which she threw to a hyper-crazed maniac plant named Ralphie, who has stolen me and come back for revenge. WHAT'S THERE TO BE GRATEFUL ABOUT?!??!?!?!?!".

"You still have your health, don't you?!".

"Hn". Sano looked over at the yellow fox he had been killing. "Is this fair?", he asked it. It wheezed. "Hn, didn't think so".

In Megumi's mansion

"LALALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAAAAA!!!", Chuu yelled, making dinner.

Megumi walked in, narrowing her eyes at his happiness. "What's there to be happy about?".

"Well, I've just decided", Chuu said perkily, "that it doesn't matter whether or not you're dead or alive!". He grasped her hands, and was in fairy world of his own, hearts appearing in his eyes. "My love for you is too great for it to matter whether or not you're alive!".

Megumi glanced at him uncertainly. "Wooooonderful", she muttered sarcastically. Now I have a crazed hyperactive nut stalking me! Being beautiful is so tiring!

With that, she went into the living room, which still had some of her foxes prancing around in little circles. Tiny stains were on the ground, and her nose twitched. She said, with venom sputtering in her voice:

"Hair gel".

in some other room in the mansion

Sano looked around nervously. As surprising as this may sound, Sanosuke Sagara, for the first time in his life, was NERVOUS! (collective gasp).

He'd never been spying in a MANSION before, a mansion, to say the least, that brought him back nightmares.

(flashbacks)

(Sano is sleeping on the floor, Megumi standing over him)
"SANO! WAKE UP! COOK FOR ME!"

(Sano is cooking, wondering how many tons of vinegar to put in. Yes, tons. Megumi is glaring at him.
"SANO! HURRY UP WITH MY BREAKFAST!".

(Sano is scraping the floor, looking for every spec of dirt. Megumi suddenly pounds him on his head).

"SAAANO!!!".

(Sano is outside, enjoying the sun, when he should be washing the dishes. Megumi is getting a tan, turns around, and notices Sano)
"SSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!".

(flashback ends)

Sanosuke had never been in a creepier house- full of ghosts and creaky sounds and rats and mice- well, not really. The mansion was squeaky clean, every step went unnoticed, and even the tiniest fruit fly was eliminated- but hey, close enough.

He wasn't really even sure WHY he was here, all he knew was that if he didn't follow the Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth's orders, then he would have to sacrifice the REST of his toes. Sano had begged for mercy- that was too cruel of a punishment! He spent WAAAAY to long filing and cutting and polishing his nails to let all that go to waste.

Which is how he ended up here. Sano creeped against the walls in the upper floor, peering out of the edge of the door, then, when he saw a tall figure coming up the stairs, lurched his stomach in and tried to look as though he was part of the wall inside the room.

Megumi's pale white skin was slightly blushed with slight anger as she wriggled her nose, walking up the steps, determined to find the perpetrator of the hair gel. She had a good guess of who it was, but she felt like pretending she didn't know because that way it was more fun.

WHOOSH! Suddenly, the entire scene is black and white like in those old murder mysteries, and the thunder is rolling outside, as a haunting tune is playing as Megumi walked across the steps.

Dun. Dunt tudun tadadadadada. Dun. Dunt tudun tadadadadada...

"And it's the beautiful Megumi Takani, on the search of the criminal, edging her way down the corridors of this alluring mansion", she whispered into a long stick, a black hat covering half of her face, her wearing a long, thin black coat, and pointy black heels.

Sanosuke, still in the room, pretending to look small and insignificant, gulped. When Megumi Takani was on the case, well, nobody got past her. Her pointy heels made sure of that. Sanosuke, by the way, had a new wardrobe- a black suit with a long black tie, and some cool sunglasses across his eyes. There would be a hat there, too, but his hair was too pointy. Give some mercy to the hat, please.

Dun. Dunt tudun tadadadadada. Dun. Dunt tudun tadadadadada...

"Okay", he whispered, "now what did he say? Oh yeah, that's right...distract her". Sanosuke mentally prepared himself. Did I write my will? Yeah, okay. What else did I need to do? Oh yeah, tell Jou-chan to pay for all of my bills at the Akabeko....did I do that? Ah, who cares, I'll be dead by the time Tae comes in with the military.

So, with that little testimony, he took up a small stone, and, with expert skill, while Megumi's back was turned around, threw it to the room on the other end of the hall. Megumi's face snapped around, and, narrowing her eyes, she headed in the direction of the sound.

Sanosuke held his breath, hoping like mad that she wouldn't catch him, or hear his heart beating, which sounded like Kaoru attacking Kenshin constantly with frying pans. That guy's head is just way too strong.

Sanosuke wondered if anybody was worried about him. He scratched his nose in thought.

flashbacks

Sanosuke is eating Kaoru's fish. "It's no good at all. Girl, you've got to take some cooking lessons. I could teach you to do better than this. How do you take this day after day, Kenshin?"

Kenshin replied, "It's not that bad. The more of Miss Kaoru's cooking you eat, the better it tastes".

Sanosuke replied, "Oh, so this is some kinda exotic acquired taste, is it?"

Kaoru, in anger, began pelting at him pans and pots and other painful stuff. "IF IT'S BAD THEN DON'T EAT IT! YOU COME OVER HERE ALL THE TIME TO MOOCH FOOD!".

Nope. Definitely not her.

"SANOSUKE! PAY YOUR STINKIN FEE!", Tsubame yelled for the first time in her life, as Sano ran out quickly.

Hmm...don't know her that well, but it's probably a no as well.

"DON'T THROW ME!", Yahiko roared for the twentieth time.

Throwing the kid was fun...but no.

"ORO?! ORORORORORORORORORORORORORO??!!!!!".

No comment.

Megumi, well, she was a no-brainer. Which, by the way, Sano didn't have.

end of flashbacks.

Sano pouted. I'm so under-appreciated in this world! I mean, I saved Kenshin a trillion times, I've stood up for Yahiko since forever, I fight to protect Jo-chan and Ayame and Suzame, I've stopped countless fights form breaking out inside the Akabeko, and I stopped Megumi from committing suicide! WHAT DOES A GUY HAFTA DO TO GET SOME APPRECIATION AROUND HERE?!?!?!?!".

(flashback!)

"AT LEAST DO SOMETHING AROUND HERE!", Kaoru roared as Sano casually walked away.

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YA- PAY THE BILL!". Tae shook her fist as Sano once again walked away as though nothing had happened.

"At least make yourself useful around here and help us do the chores!," Yahiko whined, shaking a washcloth at Sanosuke, who was calmly chewing on a fishbone.

"Sessha would appreciate it if you would not yell so loudly," Kenshin said nervously.

"Learn how to cook!," Chuu and Megumi yelled simultaneously.

"Put yourself together, man!" The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing On This Putrid Earth said, "Stop hugging your toes and get over to MegDracula's mansion!"

(flashback ends)

"Well," Sano mumbled, "besides all that, there's nothing else I'm supposed to be doing!"

He sighed, leaned back against the wall, and scratched his nose. Then, remembering what he was supposed to be doing, he quietly tip-toed downstairs while Megumi was searching for the sound. He gently opened the door, ran into the backyard, and pulled out what looked like a giant tank from inside a bush. Then, quietly, he pulled off the cap of the tank, and looked in. A whoosh of wind zapped his face.

Sanosuke coughed, glaring at the tank. Normally, he'd roll up his sleeves, glare at the tank, and ask haughtily, "You want a piece of me, bub?" but he was too afraid for his toes, so he decided to forget about it.

Then, quickly, he put his mouth over the hole of the bottle, feelinga strange sensation in his mouth. He capped the bottle, cleared his throat, and ran back inside, up the many staircases, till he reached the top floor.

Sano rubbed his hands gleefully, looking a small window above him. He pushed the window up, and was about to climb out, but then the window fell back in! Infact, it fell so back in that it hit Sano's head.

Sanosuke grumbled. He had just about enough of this! He was about to punch the window's lights out, when he felt a minor pain in his toe. He turned his hands to fists, and climbed out.

Sano cleared his throat. "Ahem, ahem," he said squeakily.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! SAAAAAAAAAAVVVEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed in a tiny, childish little voice. It sounded more like, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Sanosuke swallowed helium. Normally, one would think that this was oddly intelligent of him, to disguise his voice, but...no. He just wanted to see what it would be like. Yes, it's sad.

(flashback!)

"Hey, Katsu!" a ten-year-old Sanosuke said to a twelve-year-old black-haired, blue-eyed little boy. "Whatcha doin?"

Katsu grinned. "See that guy?" he asked, pointing to a clown selling balloons, "I'm gonna get me a balloon tank!"

"A what?" Sano asked, wide brown eyes scrunching together in puzzlement.

"Watch."

Katsu ran on top of a roof, and yelled out to the public running merrily across the street, (with the occasional drunkie acting like he just got hit on the head with cement), "HEY! EVERYBODY! FREE SAKE AT THE KYOTO DINER! NO AGE RESTRICTIONS!"

Immediately, everybody in the street, including little three year olds, rushed over to the Tokyo Diner, which was about twenty blocks away.

(while that was going on)

A tall man sat, tending to his fire, sipping sake from a small bowl. He patted his trusted sake bottle. Then, his super-keen senses detected something. Something so heavenly, so pure and full of utter, joyful bliss, that any human who was sane would feel as though he had fallen into heaven: "FREE SAKE AT THE KYOTO DINER!"

Hiko's mouth dropped open. Little hearts appeared in his eyes. Then, as though he were in a trance, he got up, holding his sake bottle, and left the fire, walking to the Kyoto Diner like Frankenstein.

If one were to observe his face in the moonlight, they would notice he was crying in pure joy.

"AT LAST! I CAN DIE HAPPY!"

One would also have to be very deaf to not have heard that, even if they were all the way in America. (back to Katsu)

Sanosuke looked impressed. "That was fast. How'd you think up that one?"

(For the confused tourist, who is wondering why Sanosuke hasn't run over to the Kyoto Diner yet, seeing as he's the dumbest oaf to enter the-er-eighteenth century, it would be helpful to know that, in his early childhood, Sanosuke was actually sensible. Yes, yes, it's a shock to me too, that I'm writing Sanosuke and was and sensible in the same sentence. Miracles do happen)

"I heard Captain Sagara use that one when some girl kept following him around," Katsu replied offhandedly, walking to the tank.

"Whatcha doin'?", Sano asked, cocking his head to a side.

Katsu smiled mischievously, and he broke off the cap to the helium tank.

"Watch and learn, my brotha."

He sucked the opening in the bottle, then withdrew his mouth, wiped it, and capped it back again.

"Mmhmm. Me me me me meeee!"

Sanosuke raised an eyebrow.

Suddenly, Katsu got a thug look on his face. "Hey yo! Watsup, yo' dogs and cats! We gon' chill down at Kyoto Diner! Less' PARTAY!"

Sano snorted. "What happened to your voice?! It's squeaky and- and- squeaky- and- and- girly- and-"

We'll stop him right there. Though sensible, young Sanosuke lacked good vocabulary. Still does, infact.

"This, my friend," squeaked Katsu, "is how to attract all the ladies"

Sanosuke sweatdropped.

(end flashback)

Yes, so really, either Sanosuke wanted to attract ladies, or he just had a strange, pure, childish urge to follow in the steps of his role model.

Nah.

Now, it's just about now that the games between Tokio and Kaoru will begin, so we may as well return to them. We'll catch up with Sano and Megumi later.

"And now!" Yahiko yelled into the super megaphone, "it's the moment you all have been waiting for- my beautiful voice speaking again!"

"Cut to the chase!" a man yelled in the crowd, amidst boos.

"Well, sorry," Yahiko sniffed, then resumed his composure. "Now," he began, pointing to the scenery from below, (he was standing in a tree), "as you can see, Kenshin is standing, tied to a tree, with an apple on his head! And Tokio and Kaoru," he pointed to two headset women, each carrying a sack on their back, holding a bow and arrow, twenty feet away from Kenshin "are more than ready to take down that apple! The person with the best aim (and doesn't kill Kenshin while they're at it) wins!"

"ORO?! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?!," (guess who) said, confused.

"Ready?," Yahiko asked, putting his ear to the crowd.

"Yeah!"

"I can't heeaaar you!"

"YEAH!"

"Still can't heeaaar you!"

"WE'RE READY!"

"What was that you said?"

"HURRY UP OR WE'LL ALL MUTILATE YOU!"

"Eep!" Yahiko said. "Ahem. Well. Okay then, Kaoru! Tokio! Get ready! Tokio, you're first- cause Kaoru's cruel and mean!"

Tokio smirked, and glared at Kaoru. "Sorry, honey," she said sweetly, "but Kenshin's all mine!"

Kaoru stuck her tongue out at her. "Hope you lose!"

Tokio glared at Kenshin's head. "Get ready to go down, red," she threatened the apple.

"Uh-oh," Kenshin said.

"ONE!", the crowd roared, behind Yahiko.

"This isn't good. Is it possible to get outta here?" Kenshin wondered, fumbling with ropes tied around his body.

"TWO!"

"Oh no. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no! Uhm, better start my will. Er. First off, I'd like to ask for forgiveness from all of the people I killed. And- um-Kaoru gets my laundry- Yahiko gets my sakabatou- um- Sano gets-"

"THREE!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!" Kenshin yelled, as Tokio's arrow flew to him.

SPLEEE!

Kenshin blinked. And blinked again. Then, he began crying. "Thank you! Thank you, kami-sama! I knew you loved me!"

Tokio's arrow had spliced straight through the apple. In fact, the apple was cut neatly into tiny little halves.

Tokio smirked again, amidst applause. "Beat that," she challenged Kaoru.

"Oh, I will," Kaoru said viciously, as the count began again.

"Wait! You mean- I have to do this again?!" Kenshin asked wildly, as another apple was placed on his head by Tsubame.

"Yep!" she said gleefully, then patted his shoulder in mock-comfort.

Kenshin turned to the person who was aiming next. He gulped. K-Kaoru?! SHE'LL WHIP MY HEAD OFF! SHE'LL TURN IT INTO BITE-SIZED RITZ CRACKERS! WITH PEANUT BUTTER!

"Maybe kami-sama doesn't love me as much as I thought," Kenshin whimpered.

"Get ready, Kenshin!" Kaoru yelled from twenty feet away.

"Oi!" Kenshin squeaked, his eyes turning to saucers. "Not good. Not good. Not good at all"

"ONE!" The countdown began.

Maybe, Kenshin thought mistily, If I just believe enough in the samurai fairy, Hiko always told me about, with some miracle, I won't die!!With that, he closed his eyes and prayed. Please don't let Kaoru splice my head into tiny bite-size pieces. Please don't let Kaoru splice my head into tiny-bite-size pieces. Please don't let Kaoru-

"TWO!"

Don't let me die! Don't let me die! Don't let me-

"THREE!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPP!!!!!!"

Schweeeeeeee!

Kenshin opened his eyes. He looked from one side to the other. People everywhere were eating...eating apples!

"Am I in Nirvana?" he asked dreamily.

"Hey! Hey Kenshin!" Kaoru yelled, waving to him about fifteen feet away, on top of a large crowd who were holding her up. "I won the first game!"

Kenshin sighed, smiled, and congratulated her when she made it there.

"But...how?" he asked.

Kaoru grinned. "See, first, someone, and I have a very good idea who it is, pushed me, so when I released the arrow, it hit about....let's say, twenty three apples on the tree you're tied to? And so those all fell, and one of the apples hit the one on your head, so then technically, I did hit your apple, even though it was indirectly."

"But weren't the rules that the one with the best aim wins?"

Kaoru shrugged. "Well, yes, there's that" she said offhandedly, "but since everybody got a free snack, I WIN!" She laughed maniacally.

They were quiet after that. Nervously quiet.

Kenshin cleared his throat. "Uhm...Kaoru? I have to tell you something. It's really important"

"Yes, Kenshin?" Kaoru asked, hearts appearing in her eyes.

"Well...I've been meaning to say this for a while now..."

"Mmhmm?" Kaoru asked eagerly.

"Well, I was wondering if you could..."

"Yes?" she asked expectantly.

"UNTIE ME FROM THIS DUMB TREE?!"

Kaoru's face turned beet-red.

"Am I in trouble?" Kenshin asked.

Kaoru lifted up her bow and arrow, and pointed it directly at Kenshin's heart.

Yes. Yes, I am

"I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO SAY ONE THING, JUST ONE LITTLE EETSY BEETSY KEETSY LITTLE THING, AND SO THERE YOU STAND, PRETENDING TO BE ALL NERVOUS, AND I STAND HERE, EXPECTANT, AND YOU ASK ME TO TIE YOU FROM A TREE?!?!?!?!??!?! YOU'RE SO SELFISH!"

"Oro?"

"QUIT OROING LIKE THAT!!!"

"There, there, Sir Ken," said Tokio softly, gently, untying Kenshin from the tree. "It's okay. I'll protect you from the mean old lady"

Kaoru fumed. "OLD LADY?!"

"You heard me!"

"Get your hands offa Kenshin! And don't you dare ever call me an old lady, ever, ever, ever AGAIN!"

"Does the truth hurt, Kaoru?!"

"You wanna see pain?! Well, meet my fist!", Kaoru threatened. Kenshin grabbed her fist before it hit Tokio.

"Now, now, ladies," he said innocently, "maybe we can all set aside our differences and work together-"

"STAY OUT OF THIS!" they yelled.

Kenshin sighed, while everybody else ate apples, munching and crunching and chewing. So, Kenshin joined in. It would seem, to the one watching, that the games hadn't even started.

Remember to read and review!

Oro: an expression of profound surprise Kami-sama: I think it means God Yes, yes, that chapter was kinda...dumb....but I promise to improve! FORGIVE ME! (gets on hands and knees) PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!