X-Men Evolution and GI Joe characters? Don't own 'em! Just a fluffy fic that came in my head when a lot of people complained that there wasn't enough of Lina, Spyder and Angelica.
What Do The Normal Girls Do?
"Hold still will you?" Lina told Spyder. "I have to make sure this fits."
"I can get dressed myself you know?" Spyder told her as Lina adjusted her new sweater.
"I tell you one thing, Pietro does do good work," Angelica said as she admired her new yellow dress. The girls were trying on and admiring their new clothes.
"Yeah you'd think that was an actually 100 dollar dress," Spyder whistled. "Like you see on fashion models."
"It's a good thing he can sew," Lina said. "What with Hawk stressing over the budget and all."
"I'm used to homemade clothes and all but this…" Angelica was amazed. "And I thought I could sew!"
"You can sew?" Spyder asked.
"I had to," Angelica said. "Dad and I didn't have much money so I had to learn how to make things last."
"I'm only learning just now," Lina told them. "It's needed in case I have to perform surgery some day."
"Wow, you're really getting into your medical training," Spyder blinked. "Is it hard?"
"Some things are," Lina told her. "But a lot of it is interesting."
"You're lucky," Angelica sighed. "As a medic you don't have to worry about combat training."
"Obviously you have never had to give some of the Joes their shots," Lina grinned. "Trust me, you need to learn some serious moves if you don't want to end up as your own patient."
"Let me know if you ever have to put those moves on Beach Head," Spyder grinned. "That I gotta see. You know normally I wouldn't be caught dead trying on clothes, but this is kind of fun."
"I'm gonna try on that blue skirt next," Angelica took it and went into the next room to change.
"We should really hang out more often you know?" Spyder told Lina.
"Oh really?" Lina grinned.
"Well you and me are kind of alike you know?" Spyder told her. "Both of our dads ditched us and we're both bug types."
"A spider is an arachnid but I can see your point," Lina smiled. "You do kind of remind me of my little sister." She frowned for a moment.
"You miss her don't you?" Spyder said.
"Yeah," Lina admitted. "I know she used to bug me sometimes but…She probably hates me now."
"You don't know that for sure," Spyder told her. "And if she does good riddance!"
"Spyder!" Angelica chided as she walked in.
"Well it's true," Spyder said. "We're your family now."
"Some family," Angelica scoffed. "Full of nuts and lunatics."
"Hellooooo ladies," Pietro zoomed up to the door and grinned at them.
"Speaking of which…" Angelica rolled her eyes. "What is it Pietro?"
"You guys need to come downstairs," Pietro said. "Come on! Come on!"
"This better be important, Pietro," Angelica said as they went downstairs.
"It is! You gotta see this!" Pietro said excitedly. "Look you got something!" He handed them each a brightly wrapped present.
"What's this?" Spyder asked shaking the box.
"They're gifts! Open them!" Pietro said.
"Okay…" Lina shrugged as the girls did so.
FOOM!
The next thing the girls knew they were covered in whipped cream. "Something's missing…" Pietro snickered. "Oh yes!" He zoomed around them and put funny hats shaped like cherries on top of their heads. "Perfect! You got that Arcade?"
"Oh yeah!" Arcade laughed as he popped up from behind the counter and took a picture. "Say sundae!"
"Say your prayers!" Spyder shot out some electric webbing at the two but missed.
"Well somebody overdosed on sugar today," Lina grumbled as she wiped the whipped cream from her antennae.
"Very funny you two!" Angelica shouted.
"You bet it was!" Arcade laughed as he and Pietro ran off.
"How original," Angelica grunted. "The old Put Funny Hats and Exploding Box full of Whipped Cream gags."
"You know we have to get them back right?" Spyder said.
"Oh yeah," Angelica grinned. "And I have just the thing…"
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
"You know we really should do more stuff like this together," Angelica said later as the girls worked. "Pass me the super glue."
"Here you go," Spyder gave her the glue. "You sure this trap will work?"
"A plate of cookies and BA's coffee in the middle of the room?" Angelica looked at her. "Yeah I think this will tempt them."
"I don't know about this," Lina looked worried. "What if someone else walks into the room?"
"Don't worry," Spyder said. "I warned everyone but Pietro and Arcade. And they ain't telling them. We're all set."
The girls left the room. "Now all we have to do is wait," Spyder rubbed her hands as they sat down on the couch.
"That shouldn't take long," Angelica said. "Those two can smell sugar from across a flaming oil field. They'll take the bait."
"Girls, I was just thinking about something while we were setting up the feathers. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be…normal?" Lina asked. "I mean I still think about it, for obvious reasons."
"I once heard normal is relative," Spyder told her. "Or was it there's no such thing as a normal relative? I forgot."
"I think they're both right," Angelica smirked. "But yeah the thought does cross my mind sometimes."
"Well, what's so different about our lives than that of normal kids?" Spyder asked. "I mean besides fighting evil villains, living on an army base, having mutant powers go crazy and stuff."
"People wouldn't look at us and hate us," Lina said. "But then again I'm half Indian and half black so some people would hate me anyway because of how I look."
"You're an Indian like Spirit?" Spyder asked.
"Not Native American," Lina explained. "Indian. My mother was from India. She and my father met there when he was on a missionary tour when he was young. They got married and all of us kids were born here. My mom's parents were able to give him enough money to buy a few companies as a dowry. So we were always well off and had a maid to help around the house."
"No offense Lina but that doesn't exactly sound normal to me," Angelica said. "Of course I grew up in a single parent house and we were on welfare, so I'm not one to talk."
"At least your dad cared about you," Spyder pointed out. "My uncle practically raised me until he died. Then I was on my own. My dad spent more time gambling and hanging out with floozies than with me."
"Now that I think about it I don't think any of us grew up in a normal household," Lina said. "In one way or another it was different than everyone else's."
"I didn't even have a house," Spyder said. "Just an old bus that had a bathroom in it my pop won in a card game."
"So what would be a normal household?" Angelica asked.
"Well let's think about what we see on TV," Spyder took out a pencil and paper. "Let's write down and compare our lives to it. First there would be one mom and a dad."
"The mother would be wise and understanding while the father would be a bit bumbling," Angelica said. "And for some reason the father's almost always fat."
"Or the mother would be complaining how fat she was," Lina pointed out.
"No offense Lina but I think with Freddy we've got the fat part more than covered," Spyder snickered. "But the mom and dad thing…"
"Well Cover Girl is like our mom," Angelica said. "She's smart. She understands us. She's real good with makeup and tools. She fixed our air conditioner. As for the dad…"
"Polly will you stop biting me?" Shipwreck hopped by covered in duct tape. Polly was stuck to his head. "I didn't mean to duct tape us together! I was trying to fix the furnace! OW! NOT MY NOSE! FINE! AS SOON AS I CAN MOVE MY HANDS I'M TAPING YOUR BLASTED BEAK SHUT!"
"One bumbling father," Spyder made her list. "Check. We've got that."
"SHIPWRECK YOU ARE SO DEAD!" Low Light shouted. He was duct taped to Roadblock and they were shuffling along the floor trying to chase Shipwreck. "YOU HEAR ME! DEAD!"
"Why did we let him talk us into this?" Roadblock moaned. "Why?"
"Because we're idiots that's why!" The Blind Master shouted. He was duct taped to Spirit's back.
Spirit grunted as he carried the Blind Master along. "I am not the one who had to drink those two bottles of tequila!"
"Just carry me next to Shipwreck so I can kick his butt, okay?" The Blind Master snapped as they left the room.
"Boy do we have that covered," Spyder blinked.
"I think we've got extra," Angelica said.
"Well there was that show 'My Two Dads'," Lina remembered. "And on a lot of sitcoms there's always an uncle or friend or some guy helping out the family."
"You've got a point," Spyder nodded. "Now as for kids..."
"Well there used to be just two," Lina said. "But now the trend has moved to three."
"Yeah, I've noticed that too," Angelica said. "I guess three is more popular now."
"Hey, let's not forget the Brady bunch," Spyder said. "There were six kids there. Seven if you add Cousin Oliver."
"Yeah, but nobody really counts him," Angelica said.
"Of course he counts," Lina told her. "He was accepted as a member of the family!"
"But he wasn't really one of them!" Angelica snapped. "He was just some glasses wearing oddball thrown in to keep the ratings up. Which of course it didn't work."
"It's not about ratings," Lina told her. "He was a relative who lived with them and was accepted. He counts."
"Well he did do a lot of wacky things with the other kids," Spyder conceded. "But I gotta admit Angelica has a point there. I mean just throwing some kid with glasses into the mix just for laughs seems kind of unrealistic."
That was when Arcade slid by them screaming. He was covered in feathers and olive oil. "AGGGHHH!"
"Good," Spyder grinned. "Our idiot trap works perfectly."
"One down and one to go," Angelica nodded. "Let's shelve the Oliver discussion for dinner."
"Let the guys argue about it," Lina agreed. "It's more entertaining anyway. Now where were we?"
"We were talking about kids," Spyder told her. "Look no matter how many there's always at least one of each gender."
"We've got that," Angelica said. Xi then happily skipped by munching on a cookie. "And an extra to spare. What else?"
"Well they sit down together and eat at the dinner table," Lina said.
"We do that," Spyder told her. "Whenever it's not on fire."
"Well they always seem to go through a lot of problems but they're usually resolved in a half hour," Angelica said. "Unless it's a two part episode."
"Oh boy do we have problems up the wazoo," Spyder groaned. "I wish they only lasted a half hour!"
"They also fight with each other as well as do stuff together," Lina added.
"GET HIM!" They heard Althea shouting.
Pietro ran by in terror. "Come on guys it was just a joke!"
"Covering our rooms in tin foil and bubble gum is not funny!" Lance shouted as the remaining Misfits chased him around.
"Neither is shoving me into that room yo!" Todd shouted. He was covered in feathers as well.
"Well one out of two isn't bad," Spyder remarked as she used her webbing to hit Pietro in the butt.
"YEOW!" Pietro screamed.
"Got him that time!" Spyder grinned.
Wanda hexed Pietro so that he would stand still and Fred grabbed him by the collar. "GOT HIM!" Wanda growled at her brother. "Of course you know dear brother that we must punish him!"
Cover Girl walked by reading a telephone book. "Cover Girl! They're going to kill me!" Pietro shouted.
"That's nice," Cover Girl said absently as she left the room. "Don't make a mess kids. Now where is that number for the Super Glue Hotline?"
"So what do we do with him?" Wanda asked the group.
"Let's take him to the Pit of Doom!" Fred shouted.
"NOT THE TOAD'S LAUNDRY HAMPER!" Pietro screamed. "ANYTHING BUT THAT! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" He pleaded as they carried him away.
"Well what do you know?" Spyder remarked. "We are normal!"
"That's the most frightening thing I have ever heard in my life," Angelica said.