DISCLAIMER: I am owned by Naruto and—um, er, that didn't come out quite right um uh, just read the story!
Warning- a slight bit of Sasuke bashing
An Avenger Tested
The outside of the trailer was very run down. What little siding was left was covered in dark stains. Part of the roof looked like it was about to cave in. Sasuke wished that the windows weren't boarded up; he wanted to look in to make sure that this was the right place. It perfectly fit the description, but still was just so outlandish. So Sasuke took a deep breath, steeled his nerves, and kicked the door open.
"The door was unlocked, you know," complained Kisame, sitting on an overstuffed leather couch while playing video games in the cozy living room.
At the sound of running water, Sasuke turned his head to see his older brother filling up a glass of water in the immaculate kitchen.
"Hello, foolish little brother," Itachi said before taking a graceful sip of water. "I take it you have come to kill me?" The Taller, handsomer, more powerful, all around cooler Uchiha didn't give his emotionally retarded moron of a younger brother a chance to respond. "In order for me to fight you, you first must pass a test to show that you're ready. I don't want to waste my time fighting a total weakling."
"But I thought weaklings were your favorite to-" Kisame started.
"Not now, Kisame," Itachi interrupted before directing his attention back to his unworthy brother. "So, do you accept the challenge?" Sasuke glared and nodded slowly. "Good. Kisame, ready the living room!"
Sasuke found himself slightly nervous, not having any idea what his older brother had planned. He quickly pushed away any doubt. After all, he was Sasuke, the boy so perfect that everyone would love him no matter how much of a jerk he was.
While Sasuke was lost in thoughts of how great he was and how much of an avenger he was, Kisame was at work. He pushed back the couch and tossed the tasteful Oriental rug aside. Where the run once was, now two metal squares were. They each had four arrows, one for each of the cardinal directions.
"Let me see your speed, agility, balance, coordination, timing, and endurance," Itachi said, walking so smoothly that he might as well have been floating. He stood in the center of the first square and waited as Kisame switched out disks in the Playstation 2.
Sasuke cautiously approached the second square, very alert for any devious traps. Kisame disappeared into the kitchen as Itachi fiddled with the game settings.
"W- wait," Sasuke's uncertainty and confusion rang clear in his voice. "What am I supposed to do?"
"When the arrow hits the arrow hit the arrow," the returned Kisame said in a nonchalant voice, sinking into the couch and opening his beer.
While Sasuke tried to wrap his brain around the instructions, Itachi activated his Sharingan and started the game.
It was a sensory assault on Sasuke. His ears were overwhelmed by the throbbing electronic beat. His eyes saw too many bright, overlapping arrows zooming across a busy neon background. Sasuke stomped, almost at random, desperate to stop the chain of 'boo's on the screen. He frantically jumped from arrow to arrow, always behind the beat. Suddenly, the game sung out, "100 Combo!" Sasuke paused in his play to look on his brother's side of the television screen, where all arrows were brightly exploding into perfect after perfect. Sasuke looked to Itachi, whose face held a blissful slight smile. The older Uchiha wasn't even breathing hard. Feeling a fresh wave of determination, Sasuke turned his attention back to his game.
As he was just getting a rhythm, getting almosts and goods, a jump combo took him by surprise. He twisted mid-air and landed off-balance. With no time to collect himself before the next three arrows were upon him, he frantically twisted and stomped. Suddenly, his left foot swung forward only to meet opposition from his right, and he found himself unable to stop his fall. Kisame exploded in laugher, but Sasuke could do naught but lay on the ground panting. The song came to an end. Sasuke had received an "E," and Itachi a "AA."
"Oh, man," Kisame said with a snorting laugh, "that was sad!" Itachi smirked a very self-satisfied smirk. Sasuke glared defiantly though his heart sank with despair.
In the most patronizing tone of voice that Sasuke had ever heard, Itachi said, "Its ok. He can still redeem himself. We have two songs to go."
Sasuke fought back the desire to cry.
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His breathing was labored and every single muscle in his body felt like it was on fire. His head was throbbing so much that he didn't want to chance opening his eyes. Some people were talking, whispering really. Sasuke didn't strain to make out the words, he just wished that the bussing would stop so he could return to comforting unconsciousness.
"When I find out who did this to him, I'll kill them!" Only one person had a voice that loud and the lack of sense to shout in a hospital. Naruto. And Naruto wasn't done there. Sasuke didn't bother attempting to comprehend the rest of the spastic blonde's rant- the very noise was just too much for him.
"Naruto," he struggled to groan, "please shut up!"
"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura shrieked, constricting him in a death-hug.
Sasuke was in pain. He squirmed away from her, muscles protesting. "Please, Sakura," he rasped out. She turned bright red and quickly retreated from the bed. Unfortunately, her movements were too abrupt and the bed too bouncy. Sasuke found himself flung off the bed. His fall was broken by a large cardboard box. He collapsed against it, groaning. "What happened?"
"That's what we wanted to ask you," Kakashi said, finally drawing attention to himself. "You were pretty messed up when Anbu found you. How much do you remember?"
"Not much," Sasuke lied. He clearly remembered embarrassing defeat after embarrassing defeat. But that still didn't explain how he had made it back to Konoha. Would Itachi have returned him?
"In that case, it would probably be best for us to leave you to get some rest," Kakashi cheerfully said, placing his hands on Naruto and Sakura's shoulders to direct them out. After shoving them out the door, he turned back to Sasuke. "You will need to tell me what happened soon," he said, revealing that he saw through his student's lie. "But rest and recover for now. Ja ne!"
Sasuke breathed a sigh of relief, as he was finally alone. He began to sturdy himself for the climb back into bed when he noticed the box he was leaning against. He poked at it and noticed that, across the top in bold block letters, it read, "For Sasuke." Wondering which of his female fans it was from, Sasuke opened it.
Inside of it, there were several neatly packed boxes. The first was a Playstation 2. Second and first were both flexible, soft plastic pad forms of the metal that Itachi and Kisame had for playing the next item, a brand new copy of Dance Dance Revolution. The last item in the box was a note. After reading it, Sasuke crumbled it in rage. His vow to kill his older brother was renewed.
A sense of determination flooded Sasuke's veins. He would dance until there were no more steps left to be danced. He would eat, sleep, and breathe DDR until he had trained enough to defeat Itachi. Sasuke went to stand, but his worn out legs gave in and he ended up in a disgraceful heap half on his bed. And his plans were modified. He'd wait till after his nap to start training.
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Sasuke grumbled as he carried the cardboard box to the apartment door. After waking from his nap, he was very eager to start training. He had been thwarted, however. Sasuke did not own a tv, and to play DDR one simply must have access to a tv. And that was how he ended up knocking on Naruto's door.
From the apartment came some kind of a crash, and then the door opened. "Eh? Sasuke?" came the hyperactive blonde's questioning greeting.
"Do you have a tv?" Sasuke asked, getting straight to the point.
Naruto nodded his head. "Nope. Why do you need one? And what's in that box?"
Instead of answering his teammate's question, Sasuke took one hand off the box, grabbed Naruto's door, and slammed it. 'This poses a problem.' he thought to himself as he turned to walk away. 'I need someone with a tv and who is enough of a moron not to ask questions. He mentally went through a list of people. 'Sakura and Ino are out- going to either f them would just encourage them too much. Shikamaru and Chouji probably have at least one tv between the two of them, but I've never really talked to either of them. Hinata would be a good choice, but I just know Neji would show up and...' And then it hit him. He knew the absolute perfect person to turn to.
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Sasuke didn't even have to knock on the door before it was answered by a happy, if slightly confused, Lee. "Sasuke-kun, what brings you here? Do you wish to fight me?"
"Actually Lee, I wanted to know if you wanted to do some... secret special training with me," Sasuke said.
"Really? Secret special training? I have a couple of hours before I have to meet my team for training. Can we start soon?" Lee said, eyes flashing with enthusiasm. There was nothing he loved more then training.
"One thing first," Sasuke started, "do you have a tv?"
Lee nodded, confused, "Yes, but what does that have to do with training? The only thing on at this time of the day are the soap operas that Gai-sen-- I mean, soap operas! They're the only thing on at this time of the day!"
Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the secret that Lee accidentally let slip. "Our training does not involve watching soap operas. We need to hook this," Sasuke lifted the cardboard box for emphasis, "to your tv. Guide the way?"
Lee nodded and gave an overly exuberant "Hai!" He then guided Sasuke into his living room. Against the wall was the tv (larger then Itachi's, Sasuke made a point of noting). Lee just watched as Sasuke calmly plugged in wires and set up the dance pads. After he finished, Sasuke stepped onto the first pad and gestured for Lee to take the second.
It gave Sasuke a slight sense of satisfaction that Lee looked so lost and confused. In fact, the satisfaction was more then slight, so Sasuke decided to start the game right away, neglecting to give the older boy any instructions on what he was supposed to do. When the arrows started not so much flying as meandering across the screen, Sasuke quickly picked up the beat and started stepping. Lee's bowl haircut bobbed around as he awkwardly stomped, not sure what he was supposed to be doing. Sasuke's face suddenly twisted to a mask of annoyance when he realized that he spent a moment too long watching Lee. He missed an arrow, ruining his seventeen step combo. Sasuke did not spare his companion another glance until the song ended.
As they looked at their scores, Lee was the first one to break the silence. "Hey, that was fun! Around half-way through it I think I got the hang of it!"
Sasuke smirked at his score, which was a good deal higher then Lee's. "Ready to try something a little bit faster then?"
The flaming determination of youth radiated from Lee's eyes. "I will get an A in every song on this game or I will kick the log five thousand times!" Sasuke just smirked and selected the next song.
Unfortunately for Sasuke, Lee really had gotten the hang of it. For the next few songs, they traded off victories. But soon, off came Lee's leg-weights and the gap between them became a chasm Sasuke could not hope to cross. But still he pressed on. After all, if he couldn't even beat Lee, how could he hope to defeat Itachi's mad dancing skills? And so time became meaningless to the two boys locked in fierce combat. They didn't even pause between songs, not wanting to show even the slightest sign of weakness.
Suddenly, there was a change in the pattern. Lee's front door was thrown open and a boisterous voice called out, "What terrible misfortune has caused the dedicated Lee to miss training?"
With a cry of, "Gai-sensei!" Lee leapt into his mentor's arms, totally neglecting his game. "I'm so sorry Gai-sensei! But I have been training! This game! It is an enthusiastic challenge to speed, balance, precision, and, and, and! Gai-sensei! You simply must have a match against me!"
Before he had a chance to protest, Sasuke found himself pushed off his pad. Twin bowl-cuts bobbed around as Lee explained the game to his beloved sensei. Sasuke noticed that Neji and Tenten had followed their teacher and were eyeing the duo with a practiced patience.
And then, the dam broke. They started a song. The sight of twin green-spandexed figures frantically leaping around on a small plastic mat was too much for Tenten, who doubled over in laughter. Neji very eloquently summed up his feelings, "They look stupid." Sasuke couldn't help agreeing in thought, but he also took note of the amount of perfects flying across the screen.
As soon as the song ended, Lee's voice rang out again. "Neji! I challenge you!"
"No," the Hyuuga said plainly.
"Come on," Lee started again. "With the Byakkugan you could even play with your back to the screen! That would be so cool!"
"No it wouldn't. It would be stupid, and I refuse to play it."
Sasuke was torn. He knew he needed to train more in order to defeat his brother, but he didn't want to risk looking less then badass in front of a rival like Neji. But when it came down to it, Sasuke really didn't have a say in it anyway. With some eccentric battle cries, Gai and Lee were competing again. In a sudden stroke of brilliance, Sasuke decided to just sit back and activate his Sharingan. 'Oh, yes,' he thought to himself, 'Itachi, you are going down.'
And Sasuke sat back to let Konoha's Beautiful Green Beasts do the work for him.
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Sasuke was happy, an angsting brooding kind of happy of course, as he made his way back to the trailer where Itachi and Kisame lurked. He was very confident that his copied moves could defeat his brother. He even had a song in his heart. So what if it was a techno DDR song that he had made up lyrics for? In fact, he was even softly singing his song as he walked. "I am an avenger! I will take the devil's fruit for power! I'm gonna kill Itachi! I'm the coolest genin and you knooow it's truuuue!" He was getting rather into his song by the time he reached the trailer, and was slightly disappointed that his arrival meant no more singing. Right as he was about to kick the badly repaired door in, Sasuke heard a noise from the other side of the trailer. He used his ninja-stealth to creep around and investigate.
The scene that met Sasuke was interesting, to say the least. The trailer had concealed a very lovely looking swimming pool. On a lounge chair next to the water sat the evil beast who ruined Sasuke's life. His older brother had forsaken his Akatsuki cloak for a red Hawaiian shirt and a pair of khaki shorts. He was sipping some blue, frosty liquid from a glass that had a little umbrella in it. Slightly farther from the pool stood Kisame, wearing a white wife-beater shirt and baggy flame-print swimming trunks. The shark-like man was carefully attending to hamburgers on a grill.
Right when Sasuke was about to leap from his hiding place to challenge his brother, Itachi spoke. "Back so soon, little brother?"
Sasuke stepped into view, his posture defiant. "Itachi, I challenge you to a match of Dance Dance Revolution!"
At this, Itachi and Kisame chuckled shortly. "I'm sorry, little brother, but that is not possible. We loaned our copy of DDR to Orochimaru just earlier this morning."
Sasuke glared for a moment before speaking again. "In that case, lets skip the challenge and I'll kill you now!"
Itachi and Kisame chuckled again, and Sasuke felt his temper boil. "No, it just means you'll need to pass a different ninja test to fight me. Do you accept or flee?" the elder Uchiha challenged.
"I accept!"
Itachi made a great show of thinking. "Hm," he fakely pondered, "what would be a good test? I know!" He snapped his fingers theatrically before continuing, "You must defeat Kisame in a swimming race!"
Not needing to hear anymore, in one smooth movement Kisame flung off his shirt and dove into the pool. Sasuke knew this was a challenge that he couldn't win, but it was too late to back out now.
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"My eternal rival! I have a challenge for you! Your modern attitude shall not defeat my dance spirit energy power!"
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Itachi swept the patio while Kisame cleaned their grill. Their pool party had long since ended, and Sasuke, safe if unconscious, had been returned to Konoha. Kisame paused from scraping the grill with a harsh brush. "It always is so much fun when your brother comes to visit. What do you think we'll do next time?" the shark man asked.
Itachi paused in consideration before replying. "I think I'll tell him that I won't fight him until he's mature and then I'll give him The Talk."
Kisame winced in sympathy for Sasuke. "You really are evil."
THE END
AUTHOR'S NOTES
So, here ends my first Naruto fanfic. If you're reading this, I guess its safe to say you lived through it. Congratulations! You're well on your way to becoming a great ninja!
Though there is something I probably should explain. And what would that be, you might ask. It would be why the hell I put Itachi and Kisame in a trailer. The explanation is simple (if your sense of logic is as twisted as mine.)
You see, I have no idea how it happened, but I somehow got it in my head that Kisame wears a wife beater under his Akatsuki cloak (which is why he's wearing it at their little pool party in the end!). And I needed some place to shove Itachi and Kisame so that Sasuke could bother them. And where do you find someone wearing a wife beater but in a trailer park? Except I doubt those two would be good neighbors, so they just have a lone trailer.
And if that explanation made any sense to you, look into therapy. Regardless, um, yeah. The story's over. Have a nice life!