A/N: Short Ken POV fic. Dark themes. Psycho!Ken Err...I guess it kind of takes place a little before Glühen. I don't write much fanfiction and this is my first Weiß Kreuz fanfic. But it was 3:00 a.m. and I just felt the need to write this...so um..here it is. ;

At one point, we all ask each other the question; "If you could go back and live your life over again, would you make the same choices?"

Most people, when answering this, will laugh and make some remark about how they wouldn't want to change their life. How we should be grateful for each experience we attain throughout our lives and cherish all our memories.

I am not like most people. I am a murderer. Or maybe...I am just starting to become one.

Right now there is a part of me that longs for the chance to go back and start things over again. Do things differently and lead a normal life. But there is also another part of me. It is a part of me that I have hidden for a very long time and it has just now began to emerge.

It is the part of me that lusts for blood. The part of me that relishes in the deaths I cause and allows me to feel such ecstasy each time I plunge these bloody claws into a person's flesh.

The thought of deriving pleasure from killing sickened me at first and I did my best to ignore those feelings. But the more I suppressed them the harder it was to deny them. Eventually, I gave into them and accepted it.

The others noticed the change in me, but we never really discussed it. Perhaps they were afraid of what they might hear. If I was in their position, I might be afraid as well. Afterall, one's sanity is never a fun thing to bring up in a conversation.

Let me tell you a little about how it feels to take a human life. It is not something that can be easily explained and I suppose the feelings will vary from person to person, but these are my feelings.

Whenever we are sent out on a mission, I experience an intense burning sensation in my chest. Noises around me grow dimmer and I can hear the beating of my heart. Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump. I concentrate my vision on the target and attack. Clothes and flesh meet little resistance to my bugnuks, but when I hit bone I always get a shiver down my spine that seems to linger there. I no longer hear them screaming, all I can hear is the pulsating of our hearts and then.....

I will only hear one heartbeat.

Groups of people have always provided me the most pleasure. They huddle up like animals as soon as they catch a glimpse of me and when I make my move they will scatter like roaches and I will begin this bloody dance of mine.

Twist, turn, step, slash. Duck, extend, dig them in. Now you're getting the hang of it!

Sometimes I find myself laughing. I don't really understand why I am laughing, but I do it anyways. I laugh so hard that tears will form in my eyes and drip down my bloodied cheeks. I tell myself to stop, but my body disobeys me and I will continue. Always laughing. Always crying.

Lately, it seems that the more I kill, the more dissatisfied I feel. After a mission I am always left wanting more. If I go for too long without soiling these hands with blood I will begin to ache and long for it. I am afraid that one day the ache will overwhelm me, just as this lust for blood once did.

When that time comes, I will become a murderer.

We, as Weiß, justify our killing by claiming we are ridding the world of evil beasts. But what if I was to become a beast myself? What would I do then?

I can only wait and see.

End