Tommy handed his second piece of cake to Chuckie.
"Could you hold on to this for me? I'm gonna go see if I can find Lil
anywhere."
Chuckie nodded.
"Sure thing, buddy."
Tommy wandered away from all the commotion. He made his way up the stairs
of the Deville's home.
"Lil?" He called softly.
He knocked on her bedroom door and called her name again.
There was no answer. He continued searching the upstairs- looking
everywhere from the closets to Phil's room and the bathroom to Betty and
Howie's room. He couldn't find her anywhere. Tommy made his way down the
stairs. He paused. He felt something inside him tingle. It could have been
his gut. He didn't know. He just knew he had a feeling of some sort telling
him to check in the porch. And that's exactly what he did.
"Lil?" He called again.
He saw her eyes flare open and he noticed her tear stained cheeks.
Lil wiped away the tears that still remained on her face. Tommy was the last person who she wanted to see her like this. He was so brave. What would he think of her if he saw her crying like a baby? "Hey Tommy." She greeted him, her voice as sweet and high pitched as ever. "Hey." He greeted back. "I, um, brought you some birthday cake." He made his way to where she was sitting and sat down next to her. "Thanks Tommy." "No problem." "So, how does it feel to be fifteen?" He asked her, attempting to make small talk. Lil sighed. She didn't know how she should answer that. Did she even know? Did it really feel any different from fourteen yet? "It feels great." She simply said. Lil finished picking at her piece of cake and gently laid the remains on the table next to her. She twisted her body so she was no longer facing straight, but rather away from Tommy. She didn't want to seem rude, but she didn't really want to face anybody. How could she?
"Well, it's a great party. Kimi just chased your brother outside and is probably tackling him right about now for smearing her with frosting. It was pretty funny." Tommy chuckled. Lil forced out a small laugh that sounded more like a grunt than anything else. Tommy sensed the uneasiness in the room. This was the first time he had ever felt awkward around Lil. They had always been so close and could easily talk about anything, whether it was within the group or by themselves. "Lil?" He asked softly. "Lil, please, look at me." Lil forced herself to look in the direction of Tommy, but could not get herself to look him in the eye. "Lil, we've know each other forever. If something's wrong, you would tell me, wouldn't you?" There was a long silence, and, for just a brief second, Tommy and Lil's eyes locked. "Wouldn't you?" Tommy repeated, more anxiously than he intended.
"Look, Tommy...You know that if anyone of us had a problem there's always someone in the group that we could go to and talk to about it. And for me, that's usually you or Phil. But, there are just some things that I...what I mean is...sometimes there are certain situations that you just can't let anybody know. And for me, what's going on in my life right now is just too difficult for you to understand." Lil didn't even dare to look Tommy in the eyes now. She couldn't bear to see the pain in his eyes. And she knew that if she were to look at him just then she would let her emotions get the best of her and she would end up crying again. "Lil." Tommy said. "I don't want you to feel pressured or anything, but I'd like to think that I would be able to handle whatever you told me. I thought that we had the kind of relationship where we could tell each other anything. Please, Lil. Tell me." Tommy pleaded with her and at the same time, as much as he tried to, was unable to disguise the hurt that he felt when she told him that she wasn't able to tell him this one problem. "Lil, please tell me what's wrong." He pleaded with her again. When Lil didn't respond, Tommy decided that he wouldn't get anything from her. At least not right now. "Fine." He said. "Whatever." As he went to get up and leave, Lil couldn't stop the tears from coming. "Tommy..." She choked on the words that escaped her mouth. "Tommy, if I told you, you'd hate me. You all would. You'd think that I was some kind of sick...pig! I hate myself so much! God! I don't even know how I live each day with myself." Lil had finally lost it. She was bawling to the point where she could no longer breath.
Tommy sat down next to her on the wicker love seat again. He wrapped his arms around her and tried to pull her close to him. "Stop! No! Leave me alone! I hate myself!" Lil screamed. Finally, Lil gave in and collapsed into Tommy's outstretched arms. "Shhhhh." Tommy coaxed. "Shhhhh. It's okay. It's okay. I could never hate you. No matter what you did. It's okay Lil. Calm down." Tommy could feel the sleeve of his shirt becoming wet with her tears. He wrapped his arms tighter around her. "I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I don't know how I could have let that happen. I hate myself." She cried quietly into his shirt.
Lil wiped away the tears that still remained on her face. Tommy was the last person who she wanted to see her like this. He was so brave. What would he think of her if he saw her crying like a baby? "Hey Tommy." She greeted him, her voice as sweet and high pitched as ever. "Hey." He greeted back. "I, um, brought you some birthday cake." He made his way to where she was sitting and sat down next to her. "Thanks Tommy." "No problem." "So, how does it feel to be fifteen?" He asked her, attempting to make small talk. Lil sighed. She didn't know how she should answer that. Did she even know? Did it really feel any different from fourteen yet? "It feels great." She simply said. Lil finished picking at her piece of cake and gently laid the remains on the table next to her. She twisted her body so she was no longer facing straight, but rather away from Tommy. She didn't want to seem rude, but she didn't really want to face anybody. How could she?
"Well, it's a great party. Kimi just chased your brother outside and is probably tackling him right about now for smearing her with frosting. It was pretty funny." Tommy chuckled. Lil forced out a small laugh that sounded more like a grunt than anything else. Tommy sensed the uneasiness in the room. This was the first time he had ever felt awkward around Lil. They had always been so close and could easily talk about anything, whether it was within the group or by themselves. "Lil?" He asked softly. "Lil, please, look at me." Lil forced herself to look in the direction of Tommy, but could not get herself to look him in the eye. "Lil, we've know each other forever. If something's wrong, you would tell me, wouldn't you?" There was a long silence, and, for just a brief second, Tommy and Lil's eyes locked. "Wouldn't you?" Tommy repeated, more anxiously than he intended.
"Look, Tommy...You know that if anyone of us had a problem there's always someone in the group that we could go to and talk to about it. And for me, that's usually you or Phil. But, there are just some things that I...what I mean is...sometimes there are certain situations that you just can't let anybody know. And for me, what's going on in my life right now is just too difficult for you to understand." Lil didn't even dare to look Tommy in the eyes now. She couldn't bear to see the pain in his eyes. And she knew that if she were to look at him just then she would let her emotions get the best of her and she would end up crying again. "Lil." Tommy said. "I don't want you to feel pressured or anything, but I'd like to think that I would be able to handle whatever you told me. I thought that we had the kind of relationship where we could tell each other anything. Please, Lil. Tell me." Tommy pleaded with her and at the same time, as much as he tried to, was unable to disguise the hurt that he felt when she told him that she wasn't able to tell him this one problem. "Lil, please tell me what's wrong." He pleaded with her again. When Lil didn't respond, Tommy decided that he wouldn't get anything from her. At least not right now. "Fine." He said. "Whatever." As he went to get up and leave, Lil couldn't stop the tears from coming. "Tommy..." She choked on the words that escaped her mouth. "Tommy, if I told you, you'd hate me. You all would. You'd think that I was some kind of sick...pig! I hate myself so much! God! I don't even know how I live each day with myself." Lil had finally lost it. She was bawling to the point where she could no longer breath.
Tommy sat down next to her on the wicker love seat again. He wrapped his arms around her and tried to pull her close to him. "Stop! No! Leave me alone! I hate myself!" Lil screamed. Finally, Lil gave in and collapsed into Tommy's outstretched arms. "Shhhhh." Tommy coaxed. "Shhhhh. It's okay. It's okay. I could never hate you. No matter what you did. It's okay Lil. Calm down." Tommy could feel the sleeve of his shirt becoming wet with her tears. He wrapped his arms tighter around her. "I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I don't know how I could have let that happen. I hate myself." She cried quietly into his shirt.