A/N: Okay, I received messages telling me that some of the previous chapter was not enjoyed. I appreciate the honesty, but unless I am told specifically why, I can't correct the problem. I'm all for constructive criticism people, but it would help if you're specific while you're doing it. Also, I may not be updating this fic for a little while. I won't stop, I love my regulars too much for that, but I think that I'll go where there is active interest. I like to bask in praise.

Also, an impressively strong response against me writing Harry Potter fiction. I'm not sure whether it's because you all hate HP fics or because you think I'd stop the Buffy fics or because you think I'd suck at it or because of other, non-panda related reasons all together. Any which way, I'd like to know why. Knowledge is always helpful.

Disclaimer: I've said this five times already! Why won't you just listen to me? The shoes are not mine! I don't know how they got thrown through your window, but I wasn't even in town on Friday night! Get off my back about it!!

But I am Buffy

Buffybot sat attentively in the chair and waited for Spike to come down. It was really very fortuitous that she ran into her once enemy now erstwhile ally. He could help her slay! Although, he did seem a little different. There was no bleach, or leather, which her programming assured her he was never without but who else could it be? He had the same aesthetically pleasing form.

Buffybot sat in the chair, waiting. She heard the keys at the front door long before the door opened and she turned to face the newcomer, hoping against hope it was a horrific demon to slay. She had been away from her three heroes for over an hour now, and she hadn't saved the world once! She was almost disappointed - almost - when she saw the newcomer was Joyce Summers.

"You're my mother" she declared with a broad smile. She continued to smile even when the older woman looked at her strangely.

"What did you do?" Joyce asked suspiciously. She hadn't seen Buffy smile this much since that time she had 'borrowed' the car and managed to mow down four letterboxes before destroying the car by wrapping it around a telephone pole when she was fifteen. Her suspicion only deepened when Buffy's smile remained unwavering.

"I slay and I save the world!" she declared cheerfully. Joyce's eyes narrowed. Buffy hadn't tried to pull that argument since she had lost Joyce's favourite necklace in her first year of college after having 'borrowed' it without asking. Whatever this was, it was bad.

Her attention was diverted by the sight of a slightly damp William descending the stairs with a nervousness she had never seen in the relatively timid young man. He shot wild eyes at Buffy before relaxing slightly when he noticed Joyce, even going so far as to smile a little. He was such a nice young man. It was nice to know that Dawn's current crush wasn't going to tempt her away and teach her to use drugs. If anything, the teenage girl would corrupt the young man.

"Mrs Summers, lovely evening, isn't it?" William asked, obviously unsure. His anxious gaze kept sliding to Buffy. Joyce sincerely hoped he never took up poker, because he seemed unable to lie. He obviously either knew what was up with Buffy or he was involved in it. Buffy smiled widely at William, who then looked even more nervous. Joyce turned a hard stare on her eldest.

"Yes, it is a lovely evening William" Joyce said levelly, before Buffy rapidly cut her off, confusion writ large on her face.

"He's not William, he's Spike!" she declared in a puzzled tone. William blanched visibly, casting a horrified glance at Joyce. The older woman looked at her daughter, concerned, before going to the phone. As she dialled the number, she wondered just what had gotten into her little girl.

Anya followed her fiancé, already bored with the situation before they got there. They lived on a Hellmouth, so you'd think that there would be some serious variety in the odd happenings. There wasn't. There was a strangely consistent amount of head hitting and memory loss and vampire bites. It was really depressing. Plus, Buffy had to face all of it, not just some of it. They were lucky she hadn't gone crazy before, really. She was an unstable girl.

She had been interrupted. She and Xander had been watching a movie, and Anya had been enjoying the experience. It had nothing to do with money or orgasms, and yet Anya had been enjoying herself. It had been... nice, comforting to rest in the crook of his arm and feel his chest move when he laughed. Of course, it was something you'd only do on a rare occasion. Nice it may be, but it didn't beat repeated orgasms.

The ex-demon trailed her husband-to-be into the Summers house listlessly, all too aware that this little visit to observe the crazy Slayer was cutting into her time. She could be doing many more useful, enjoyable things with this time. Like counting her money, or achieving orgasms, or counting her money again. As the pair entered the lounge room, Anya's ears perked.

"You're Willow, my best friend, and a lesbian!" Buffy's upbeat voice called out. Anya looked at the scene in the lounge room. Willow and Tara sat on the couch, both facing Buffy with concern in their eyes. Joyce stood, telling Xander something now, near the entry of the room and the pair threw worried glances towards Buffy. The now youthful William, still a very attractive specimen, was throwing panicked glances at the Slayer. Buffy smiled widely.

"Yes, that's true," Willow agreed in a careful tone, looking worried, "but I think you might be a bit stressed." Buffy's smile dimmed, a confused expression covering her features. The redhead sighed. "I'm not trying to judge you, here. It's just, I had no idea you've been having sex with William."

"I haven't had sex with William!" Buffy declared solemnly. There was a collective sigh of relief around the room. "But I would if he wanted to. You should see him naked! I mean, really."

There was a moment of horrified silence, in which everyone's gaze slowly turned to the now scarlet young man who sat on the opposite side of the room from the beaming Buffy. Strangely, only Anya's look was speculative. Everyone else's was unaccountably accusatory.

Xander gestured frantically at Willow, probably in what he thought were covert gestures and Anya took her place at Buffy's side.

"So you saw William naked?" Anya asked after a slight pause. Buffy smiled widely.

"Yes. He was very well proportioned and well endowed."

Buffy and Anya shared a massive smile, blissfully oblivious to the stares of shock, horror and in William's case, confused embarrassment.

Buffy wandered through the cemetery without any particular direction. Her life was, simply put, far too complicated. And so much of the complications in her life revolved around an annoying, irritating, stupid, bleach loving, leather wearing, liquor drinking, frustratingly sexy British vampire.

Spike had to run hot and cold all of the time, didn't he? One minute he's all sweet and caring, which is wiggy enough on it's own, then the next he's acting all offended and angry and growly and storming out. Because honestly, when you get down to it, who storms out anymore? And then he has to go and make things worse and get sick to make her feel all guilty, when vampires shouldn't even be able to get sick. Stupid vampire.

As she strolled amidst the grey tombstones, she heard the sound of an engine rumbling in the distance halt suddenly. That was a strange thing to hear in the middle of a cemetery in the middle of the night in the middle of Sunnydale. The Slayer wandered towards the sound, and before long a van was dimly visible.

She continued to approach it carefully and after a few tense moments, she saw three figures exiting the van and heading towards her.

"Oh, thank God. There she is" an almost familiar voice from the past called out. The figures started to jog towards her.

"I told you we'd find her, Sparky" another man's voice declared, this one completely unfamiliar. Buffy tensed, preparing to fight. Three mysterious figures looking for her in cemeteries could not be of the good. Buffy was shocked when the identity of the figures became visible.

Three people, all men. One was tall, with brown hair, a big nose and no fashion sense. Another was kind of average height, with sandy blond hair and a very nervous expression on his face. The other was very short, with close cropped dark hair. Jonathon Levinson.

"Jonathon?" Buffy asked, incredulity pasted all over her. Jonathon and the nervous boy both stopped and stared at Buffy in suspicion, but the third man kept approaching.

"Okay, Buffy, it's time to go home." Buffy shifted her glare to the boy now gripping her arm. The boy just rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Come on. I'll let you please me when we get home,"

Buffy shot the boy a black look at his attempted enticing tone. Jonathon and nervous-boy edged closer, looking at Buffy as though she might explode. They were obviously the smart ones.

"Uhh, Warren, I don't think that's-" the mousy boy tried to get out, but Warren just ignored him.

"Come on, Buffy," the Slayer frowned at the odd emphasis he put on her name, "if you come home right now, I'll even let you pleasure me orally."

That was it. Buffy twisted her wrist and dislocated the smarmy, grabby boy's arm and immediately took off, in pursuit of the other two. Darting between headstones, the Slayer quickly caught up with the unknown man and a sliding kick into the back of his legs brought him toppling to the grass, screaming of a broken ankle. Buffy rolled her eyes. She hadn't heard or felt a snap.

Springing to her feet, she sprinted off after Jonathon who was still running despite his heavy panting. Terror seemed to be a great motivator for exercise. Buffy caught him after a very short time, and he surrendered the second he felt her hand on his shoulder. She spun him around and immediately noted his guilt ridden expression.

"We have a lot to talk about, Jonathon."

Spike groaned as he dragged himself off the floor. Whatever was making him feel so bad was getting worse. The stabbing pains had started shortly after he had left the Slayer and only gotten sharper and deeper in the last hour since they started.

He hated to admit it, but maybe the Slayer was right. Maybe he was sick, but that couldn't be. Vampires didn't get sick. Probably a spell, or a hex, or a curse or something supernatural. Dealing with the supernatural was the Slayer's business, too.

In his current condition, even Spike had to acknowledge that he'd be unable to find the Slayer without coming up against something nasty and being unable to defend himself, so he clambered down the ladder and set off through the underground tunnels towards the Summers home.

After a walk that seemed to take forever, even though Spike had only had to stop twice, both times because of the pain that seemed to be affecting him randomly, but he finally managed to emerge out of the sewers at the manhole down the road from 1630 Revello Drive. Spike staggered down the street before stumbling through the Slayer's door.

"Slayer?" he called out hoarsely, dropping to his knees when he felt the agonising burn of his unidentified attacks. When it was over, he weakly raised his head and saw something he had never expected to see but had been hoping to see for a year now. A concerned Buffy.

"Spike?" she asked tremulously, her expression immensely worried. Spike stared into the Slayer's eyes avidly, before nearly collapsing in despair.

"You're not Buffy"

Xander was freaking out. A whole lot of weird stuff had been going on lately. First there was that whole experience where he had been a woman. In retrospect, he probably shouldn't have been so shocked since he did live in Sunnydale, but still... Then they get turned back, everything is fine.

Only not. Something had gone wrong with William and he had come out of it a teenager. Again, Sunnydale ergo weirdness, but it was worrying. Aside from Spike, who didn't count because he was a vampire and Xander hated him, and Giles, who didn't count because he was old and British, William was the only male in the Scoobies. Xander needed more male friends to offset the corrupting female influence.

Then the next wiggy thing had happened. Anya had decided against counting her money when the alternative had nothing to do with money, weddings or orgasms. She had decided to watch a movie with him. One that didn't revolve around vengeance, money or sex. That probably should have warned Xander about future badness.

Then there had been the call from Joyce, saying he might want to come around because something seemed wrong with Buffy. He and Anya'd rushed around and come face to face with something he had never feared before, and now realised was one of his biggest. Buffy had gone crazy. There was no other explanation for it. The pressure of school and slayage had finally caught up to her and she'd cracked.

He'd never thought she would though. She was so strong. Only now she was all over everyone. He was even fairly sure that he had seen her batting her eyelashes at her mom! And besides that, she had started to talk like Anya, and not just in the constant way she compared the sexuality or sensuality of the different men... and women.

Then, icing on the cake, Spike had burst into the house calling for Buffy. When everyone had gone to see what was wrong with him, they had found him collapsed on the floor just in the door, writhing in pain. Then Buffy had tried to see if he was all right, and he had said she wasn't Buffy before grunting and squirming on the floor again. Then he passed out.

Xander and William had carried Spike down the stairs into the basement, depositing him on the cot where William stayed to watch over the vampire and report any dramatic change. Xander had gone back upstairs and everyone had sat around the room in awkward silence, wishing Giles were there. The silence in the room stretched out, and everyone watched one another, waiting for inspiration to strike. This was normally where Buffy took charge, only now she was looking as distressed, if not more so, than everyone else. It was disheartening, to say the least.

Then, another shock arrived. The front door was shoved open, from the sound of the loud bang (Xander winced on hearing this. Ever since his job in construction started, he was generally opposed to any destruction of property) and Buffy's voice had echoed through the doorway, despite the fact that Buffy was on the couch.

"Mom? There's a robot version of me running around and she's... here" Buffy trailed off as she turned the corner and came face to face with herself. The two Buffys looked at one another, before the one who had been at the house all night smiled broadly.

"You look like me! We're very pretty"

"I see. And you all thought that the disturbing, smiling, freaky sexbot was me?" Buffy asked, obviously not impressed in the slightest. Willow felt her face flush hotly, and noticed everyone else looked just as uncomfortable. Particularly Joyce.

"Well, kinda. Dawn didn't know, she's at Janice's" Willow informed her best friend guiltily. She felt really bad that she hadn't noticed it before, really. The sexbot had been nothing like the real Buffy, personality wise. Actually, it had been a lot like Anya.

"How could you guys think that was me?" Buffy asked, staring at the now turned off robot. "I mean, look at it." Everyone in the room wisely chose not to comment on the fact that, excluding the different clothes and hair styles, the pair were identical. "Anyway, the guys who made it are in jail right now. Can you believed they robbed a bank?"

Everyone turned suddenly as William popped out of the basement door, his mouth frozen mid-word when he noticed the pair of Buffys. Willow noted the truly panicked expression on the boy's face. Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Evil sexbot, not me." she explained succinctly, William nodded, seeming slightly mollified but he was still looking at Buffy with a haunted expression on his face.

"I thought I should mention it, Spike seems to be in a lot of pain nearly constantly now." He delivered calmly, but Willow could see that he was barely holding himself together. The poor fella was absolutely freaked.

"Wait? What's wrong with Spike?"

A/N: I'm so very evil. Mwahahahaha. Okay, enough of that. We find out what happened to Spike soon, so don't pester me too much about it. I think I'm nearing the end of this fic, too. I suspect there will only be a handful more of chapters, but I do hope to create a longer sequel in the future. I just want to have that one planned out a little more to avoid writer's block. I was basically winging this one, flying by the seat of my pants so to speak. So review, let me know what you think, what you feel, smother me in praise, whatever feels right. Just REVIEW!