18.
(-)
"Whose side are we on?" Joey asked.
Yugi sighed, tired of the whole damn thing. "To tell the truth, I'm honestly not sure. I don't know, we're on the side that gets us out of this place and then leaves us alone."
"I don' think that side exists," Joey said, bemused. "I mean, th' kid wins, I don't really know what he'll do. I mean, he won't want our bodies, right? Bein' evil an' treacherous and all, he probably won't give us to his flunkies, either. Suppose he might trap us here or somethin', but I dunno. An' if Kaiba wins, we'll get out of here, all right--probably--but then we've still got that stupid tournament thing, so he'll never leave us alone."
Yugi smiled. "Yeah, exactly."
"So I guess we're on our own side." Joey looked at the battle thoughtfully.
"Yeah, who knew Kaiba was such a jerk?" Tristan piped up thoughtfully.
"Shuddup, you treacherous Noah robo-vermin!!!" Joey yelled, shaking a fist.
Tristan squeaked and huddled closer to Serenity, who glared at her brother. "God, Joey! Go easy on him! Even if he isn't Tristan, that's not his fault."
The monkey-robot's pixelated face made a face at Joey that was hard to decipher, but, Yugi decided, was probably a raspberry. This in mind, he edged Joey aside.
"Joey," he said quietly, "I could be wrong, but I really do believe that's Tristan."
"Yeah, me too," Joey said calmly. He glanced over Yugi's head, saw the Tristan monkey-robot looking at him, and waved his fist menacingly, glaring.
Yugi blinked. "Wha? Then-- then why do you keep yelling at him?"
"Because he's Tristan," Joey said, as if it was obvious.
Yugi blinked some more. "Um, you'll have to explain that a little."
"He really thinks he can put the put the moves on S'renity without tellin' me?" Joey scoffed. "An' he thinks I won't notice? An' then he gets his butt kicked in a duel an' scares my little sister to death? An' now he gets ta use this to his advantage? Let 'im suffer a little, man."
Yugi broke into surprised laughter.
"Seriously, maybe it'll make me look stupid later, but it's worth it."
Yugi nodded, partly out of happiness that he seemed to be right. Joey thought it was Tristan, too; maybe he wasn't crazy.
/I try to tell you these things, and you never listen./
/Hush./
"So where are we?" Joey asked.
Yugi blinked. "What do you mean?"
"I don't mean place-wise, 'cause we can all figure that out for ourselves; this place, you don't know any better than we do. I mean-- in terms of strategy, y'know, with the people. Whose side should we be on? What should we be doing, who should we trust?"
"Uh, isn't at least some of that the sort of thing you have to decide for yourself?"
"Yeah, but-- I think I speak for everyone when I say I'd kinda like ta hear what Yami thinks about all this."
"And what am I?" Yugi asked, slightly angry. "You don't want to know what I think?"
"Uh, Yug'..." Joey scratched his head. "You're really great at this, with the strategy an' all, you know we know that, but... First of all, this kind of junk is what Yami does best. Well, for all I know, maybe not, but it's hard t'imagine anythin' being done better. I mean, this-- this is his gig, man, this started with him and it's gonna end with him, I'm sure, all of this. And there's the whole thousand-year-old thing, kinda makes him an authority figure in all this."
Téa and the monkey nodded. Duke and Serenity stared at Joey, wondering what the hell he was talking about.
"An', uh, no offense, man, but you trust everybody." Joey scratched his head, already sheepish.
"Excuse me?!"
"What about that thing a couple weeks ago, with the 'fortuneteller'?" Téa said thoughtfully.
"YOU BELIEVED HIM TOO!"
"And nobody's asking for my opinion, either!"
Yugi sighed.
"Yeah!" Duke said, having figured out at least one part of the conversation. "Whatever you're talking about, we do need to come up with a cohesive strategy."
"Think you're so damn smart, using words like 'cohesive'..." Tristan muttered.
"And fast," Duke said, ignoring him.
"All right then."
Everyone but Yugi spun around. There, quietly leaning against the truck, was the translucent figure of Yami.
He shrugged. "Ask."
"...Who the hell are you?!" Duke sputtered.
Yami sighed. "I thought I was finished with this conversation..."
Yugi, fortunately, had been devoting a great deal of his spare time to attempting to come up with a shortish answer to that very question. "He's a ghost. He used to be a Pharoah in Egypt, but then he got trapped in the Millenium Puzzle-- this thing--" Yugi held it up. "--so he's an ancient ghost and for some reason I can apparently channel him."
Yugi paused, trying to think if there was anything he'd missed. "And his name is Yami."
"We think," Yami added.
"Yaamii! I had it under forty words!!"
"It was forty-one, but I will admit that's an accomplishment."
"So I can probably get it to at least thirty-nine..."
Duke stared at them like they were crazy. At this point, he had little reason to believe they weren't.
"...Hi Yami," said Serenity.
Yami inclined his head to her. "Is that all?"
"...How the hell is that possible?!" Duke cried.
"We really have no idea," said Yami.
"Not a clue," Yugi reinforced.
"But since it has happened, it is, hopefully, possible."
"Though for all we know it might not be."
"We're having a bad time," Yami summarized.
"Right, I think that's enough background," Joey said, taking over. "So. How much do you trust Seto Kaiba?"
Yami laughed mirthlessly. "I don't."
Joey nodded. "'Cause he doesn't give a damn about us and he's still got the tournament."
"Essentially. Also, he is far too easily manipulated."
Joey blinked. "Really?"
"You must remember that first time we dueled him," Yami said calmly. "He was utterly irrational. He was being controlled then, and I doubt that he's ever realized it, even now. And it is possible that there is something else that has never stopped controlling him..."
Joey was stunned. (This,) he thought, (is more like it. This is the kind of thing we need to hear.)
"Perhaps it's paranoia... But sometimes, all of these things seem to happen... too perfectly..."
"Wha d'you mean?" Joey asked warily.
"Pegasus, for instance. Why on earth was he attempting to take over KaibaCorp? How could that possibly have helped him? He said his goal was to gather the Millenium Items, but that he could have accomplished on his own, and another corporation couldn't possibly have helped him. It makes no sense. It doesn't even make sense that he got the Millenium Eye in the first place..."
"The Millenium Eye?" Duke asked blankly.
"The gold thing," Téa said, and pointed to her own eye.
"...Oh."
"Why on earth would you give such a powerful magical object to someone who was so obviously unbal-- distraught?" Yami shot a mild diagnostic glance at Duke, to see just how sensitive he still was to mention of Pegasus. Duke, he concluded, was still a little touchy, but mostly safe. "It would be a rather incredibly stupid thing to do. And in this context, we can use the word 'incredibly' literally."
"He means we can't seriously believe someone would be that stupid on their own," Yugi translated.
"Do I really need translation?"
"Yes," Joey said, "and please drop it."
"...Right."
"And what about Mokuba?" Joey asked. He knew he was changing the subject, but since he was changing it back to what it had been in the first place, he didn't feel too guilty.
"What about him?"
"Should we trust him?"
"Now? Absolutely. In the future? It will all depend on the context. He's very bright, and he truly is a friend of ours, but his first priority will probably always be his brother. He's not even going to make any attempt to hide it. He doesn't need to."
Joey blinked. "Huh?"
"All you will have to do to predict Mokuba's actions," Yami explained, "will be to determine what is in the best interest of his brother. However, that is a less simple position than one would think. You have to realize that Seto Kaiba by no means consistently acts in his own best interest."
"So you're saying that, uh, if Kaiba was goin' to go up to some rickety space station, you'd think Mokuba would support 'im, but he'd be more'n willing to help anyone who wanted t'duel 'im, just t'keep him here on Earth," Joey said slowly.
Yami smiled and nodded.
"So Mokuba's all for Kaiba, but he's not necessarily gonna think that what Kaiba's workin' for is good for him."
"I believe that's what I said."
"Right," Joey said, "I think I knew that, but not in those words."
"Liar," Tristan said.
"SHUDDUP, DEMONIC NOAH ROBO-VERMIN!!" Joey screamed at him.
"Joey!!" Serenity cuddled the monkey and glared at Joey accusingly. "Let up on him already! He's a robotic monkey, for crying out loud!"
"An' what's so bad about that?"
"Look at him, for heaven's sake!"
Joey grinned at Tristan's expression. "Yeah, poor sap. Anyway. How about the monkey? Should we trust him, or run over 'im with the truck?"
"JOEY!" Serenity yelled.
"Or maybe we could throw 'im in a river."
"I don't remember seeing any rivers nearby," Yami said, not bothering to restrain a smile.
"Yeah, well, there's gotta be one around here somewhere. Or I could see how far I can throw him!"
"Him!" Serenity latched onto the word.
"A'course him!" Joey retorted.
"You think it's Tristan too!" Serenity cried victoriously.
"Of COURSE I think it's Tristan! Why the hell else would I be threatenin' him so much? Jeeze!" Joey rolled his eyes.
"Any other questions?" Yami asked, smiling to himself.
"Yeah, what the hell did Joey just say?" Serenity asked, staring at him.
"I said get your face outta my sister's chest, ya PUNK!" Joey threw a pebble at Tristan.
Tristan made a strange electronic squeaking noise. "What?! You know it's ME in here?! And you've been threatening me all day?!!?!"
"I don't know it's you in there, but I'd bet on it."
"AND YOU'VE BEEN THREATENING ME ALL DAY?!?!??!!"
"AND THAT DIDN'T TELL YA I KNEW IT WAS YOU?!??!!"
Téa raised her hand. "What's with this Noah person, anyway?"
"He wants Kaiba's company," Yami explained, ignoring Joey and Tristan's rapidly escalating argument. "I believe he claimed to be related to the last Kaiba tyrant, but he could have been lying."
"Okay," Téa said, "thanks."
"Are we ever going to get out of here?" Serenity asked plaintively, attempting to drag a straining Tristan back by the tail.
"Noah is an utter imbecile, so yes, I would assume so."
"But then what do we do?" she asked, changing tactics and throwing Tristan in the air.
Yugi answered that one. "If we're really, really lucky, Marik will get so angry with Noah for disrupting the tournament that he'll run off to kill him and let us all go home..."
"Which is not going to happen, but it is a heartening thought..." Yami noted.
"If we're really, really unlucky, Marik will kill us all and take whatever he's looking for..."
"A tactic that will never occur to him and, I can assure you, would fail miserably if it did..." Yami commented.
"If we're really lucky, Marik will get beaten by someone else and be so depressed about it that he gives us Mai's soul back and leaves to become a monk..."
"None of which will happen..." Yami qualified.
"If we're really unlucky, Marik will beat us in a duel..."
Yami laughed, and let that suffice.
"And if our luck holds steady, we'll have to duel him, but we'll beat him."
"You have it reasoned out that far?" Téa asked, amazed.
"Further," they said, regretfully.
"It's a prerequisite for the course," Yami explained sadly.
Yugi went to resolve Joey and Tristan's argument by whispering a suggestion to Téa. Téa nodded and walked up to Joey, who was yelling at Tristan and being restrained by Duke. Calmly, she smacked him upside the head.
"Guys!" she said to both of them. "Hello! This is your stewardess for the flight. Due to the fact that we are not only off-course but also two of the engines are on fire, I would like to ask all passengers if they would please refrain from killing each other until we land back at home. That okay?" she said sweetly.
Joey reluctantly shut up. Tristan kept yelling-- until Serenity hit him upside the head. Then he, too, subsided.
As they dispersed, they noticed that Yami had disappeared.
"Where does he go, anyway?" Joey asked, unnerved.
"...You've got to have a frame of reference," Yugi said.
Joey wanted to argue that point, but couldn't, and so they settled down to watch Seto Kaiba win the duel.
(-)
19.
Spoilers: Up to the episode which could be titled: "Karma, Meet Kaiba. Kaiba, This is Karma." Or, more specifically, the-- I'm fairly sure it's the second episode of the Noah v. Seto duel. If you've gotten over chuckling that Noah had an Ark at the very end of the episode, you're too early.
Notes:
I'm calling Ryou Bakura Ryou, and the spirit of the Ring Bakura. I dunno, the way the dub's going, it doesn't seem very logical to call him Yami Bakura. So... Whatever. ; Same logic with Marik, except they're both called Marik. Which is... odd. ;;;; Yeah.
(-)
/Yugi, I'm going to see if I can do something./
/You mean you're not watching the duel?/
/No, I don't really care enough./
/But it's very exciting./
/Yugi, if I do watch this duel, do you know what will happen?/
/Uh, I guess not./
/I will almost undoubtably encourage Noah Kaiba./
/Noah?!/
/I've thought it over, and for the moment, I've decided I like Seto even less./
/But you wouldn't cheer him on./
/I'd try to help him to win./
/...Have a nice time, then./
/Thank you./ Yami neglected to mention that he was almost certain he wouldn't.
This space... What exactly was it? Was it anything at all? An illusion... Well, of course it was an illusion, a transparent one, though no doubt it looked far more real to Yugi and his friends than it did to him. It was easily explained; he, Yami, had not been accounted for. This world was-- some sort of electricity running through some computer, and it looked 'real' because their minds were being told that it was.
But according to the program, Yami didn't exist. There was no way to feed anything into his mind, except for when he saw the world through Yugi. The metaphysics were completely beyond him, but they hadn't always been...
(So this is not a dimension. It is, at most, some sort of subset of the normal one. I doubt it's even that. To the ones without bodies, it may be a dimension. But for us, it is merely a delusion.)
He wasn't absolutely sure how he knew that, but he did, and he knew it was true.
(So it should be no trouble...)
Yami closed his eyes, and woke up. He looked around.
(The blimp... So I was right.) And he could hear Marik yelling at the engineers.
"What sort of fools are you?! Get them back here!!"
"We can't," a high female voice said patiently.
"And why not?!"
"We could rip them out of the program," said a man, "but it would probably kill them. So what would be the point?"
"If you want to duel them," said another voice, "you'll have to wait for them to win. Which can't possibly take much longer."
"You could try to kill Noah while you're waiting," the man offered. "Can you get into the computer world?"
"It would speed things up..." the first woman said doubtfully.
"And help us all a great deal," the second woman added, without remorse.
"Don't blame us if you can't," the man said-- rather foolishly, in Yami's opinion.
That, of course, did not end the discussion; Marik yelled something at the people, who yelled back. The people-- probably flight attendants or the pilots or engineers--seemed to be just in their league, just barely able to hold out against him. And, Yami noted, they were bright enough to refuse any duels. Without that, there was little Marik could do to them. Except kill them.
(But they're safe; he needs them, and it's not his style...)
So he'd learned two things here. One was that the blimp was all right, the situation relatively stable. Secondly...
(Logic. I'm not visible. I can't touch anything, and I can't speak. Normally I could... but normally Yugi would be here, and he's elsewhere. For all practical purposes, at least. So I'm ridiculously dependent on Yugi; nothing new...)
But there was one place where that didn't apply, and he'd intended to visit, anyway. Like this, it was second nature to enter the Shadow Realm.
Marik had a section of this place... there was some reason why, which escaped him. It was possible for someone else to take someone out of that sector, but it took knowledge, work, and time, and Yami was short of all three. He was sure he could do it if it was necessary, but the direct route-- beating Marik-- would be easier.
But there was little to stop him from visiting.
And so he found her, suspended in some sort of diamond above the beach.
Mai looked at him, something strange about her eyes. "Hi."
"Hello," he replied, and looked around. There was some sort of party on the beach-- that was them having a party-- but Mai was facing away, to the sea.
"Are you that guy again?" she asked.
"Hmm?" He glanced at her.
"The jerk, with the... I can hardly remember... Why is it so hard?" She concentrated. "The blonde guy who said I'd forget everything. You're not him."
"No," he said, slightly chilled by Mai's strange state of mind.
"I'm supposed to be looking at them," she said, gesturing at the beach. "And I did for a while, and I didn't like it. But then I turned away. And now I don't know why it bothered me so much, except it does make me a little lonely. But I don't see what's so special about that; I always have been. Was this supposed to be a punishment?..."
"A badly constructed one," Yami said, slightly surprised that Marik hadn't seen this loophole.
"But what did I do?" she asked, looking up at him like a child.
Yami pondered that for a moment. "You stood up," he finally said.
"And that's all it took?" Mai said quizzically.
"He's used to destroying everything in his path."
"And I guess he has." Mai looked troubled, defeated. "I don't even remember my name anymore."
"Your name is Mai," Yami told her.
"Mai." She grabbed onto the fact, held it with a fierce concentration. "That's right! My name is Mai. How did I forget that?" Her eyes narrowed, a lot more like the Mai Yami knew. "--I know how I forgot that. And I'm not going to forget it ever again."
"He hasn't destroyed you," Yami told her, staring at her somberly. "You're still who you are, even if you don't remember why. I know; I know you."
"You do?" She looked up. "Are you Joey?"
He shook his head. "He doesn't know how to come here yet, but he'll learn, and we'll get you out of here. We will get you out of here."
"And then I'll kill that man," Mai said simply.
"Assuming no one else does first," Yami said, smiling faintly. "The waiting list is fairly long. But I won't stop you."
She looked at him. "How did you get here?"
"It's something I can do," he answered, noticing the first faint indications that something had found him where he was not supposed to be.
"And why did you come?"
"Because I can. And I wanted you to know... we all want you to know... we're working on getting you out of here. We've been sidetracked, but we will get you out."
"I believe you," she said, and meant it.
"My thanks." He bowed his head. "But I have to leave now. He will find me."
"Then what the hell are you waiting for?" Mai asked. "Get out!"
And, regretfully, Yami did.
(What a fool this Marik is...) Yami thought angrily. (He thinks he can destroy anything in his path... Not anymore...)
Something yanked him from his path--
Startled, he fell into another part of Marik's sector.
"You!" said the evil form of Bakura."What the hell are you waiting for, get us out of here!"
"What the hell are you doing here?!" Yami asked.
"We're here," Ryou said acidly, "because he's an idiot."
"For five damn minutes! Would you shut up??" Bakura yelled.
"Make me," Ryou said sweetly.
"YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL WE GET OUT OF HERE!!"
"Could you two stop bickering?!" the original Marik yelled. "It's getting very annoying!"
Yami tried not to smile at Bakura's predicament. He completely failed. "How did you get here?"
"Wipe that damn smile off your face!!" Bakura yelled.
"The Wise and Mighty King of Ancient Bandits here decided to duel Marik," Ryou explained, shooting a black glare at his counterpart.
"Then why is he here?" Yami asked.
"He's not Marik, you idiot," Bakura snapped.
"Oh! Really? And here I thought it was, even when I know Marik is in the real world and would have threatened me by now! He doesn't seem at all different to me! Dear Lord! I am dense!"
"Don't use sarcasm," Ryou said. "It'll fly right over his head."
"You talk too much," Bakura snapped.
"He's the other Marik, less evil to some degree. I didn't fall out of the Puzzle yesterday, you know. But why is he here?"
Marik sighed. "I was trying to help him," he explained, gesturing at Bakura.
Yami laughed. "Wow, did you back the wrong horse."
"I am now aware of that," Marik said darkly.
"Shut up!!" Bakura yelled.
"I tried to tell him!" Ryou cried. "I asked him, what makes you trust him? and he said, he knows Marik's plans. And I said, why the heck do you think that? I don't know your plans. And he said, he'll help me use this card. And I asked him, why do you think he can? And he said, because he's Marik. And I said, but I can't steal souls, and you can! And then he called me a moron and shoved me in my room."
"That's about how it went," Marik admitted.
"AND WHO'S SORRY NOW?!" Ryou yelled.
"I'M SORRY YOU WERE EVER BORN!!" Bakura roared.
"EXACTLY! YOU!"
"SHUT UP!"
"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!!" Marik yelled.
"ALL of you shut up!!" Yami yelled.
"SHUT UP!" they yelled back.
"Oh for God's..." Yami put his head in his hand. "Could we talk like civilized people?"
"He isn't civilized," Ryou said.
"Civilization is overrated," snapped Bakura.
"How about we just agree that nobody will say 'shut up' again?" Yami suggested.
"Whatever," said Bakura.
"The wrong horse," Marik muttered to himself.
"Shu--" Bakura paused. "Bite me."
"Why am I here?" Yami asked, half rhetorically.
"Our Lady of the Brilliant Plans wanted you to get us out of here," Ryou explained.
"Did you just call me a lady?" Bakura asked dangerously.
"Indeed I did."
"When we get out of this place..."
"Look," Yami said, "I'm sorry, but to get you out of here, I would have to break into his space. That would take time that I don't have."
"Why haven't you beaten him yet, since you're so damn good?" Bakura demanded.
"We've been sidetracked."
"By what?!"
"Seto Kaiba has a half-brother," Yami explained serenely. "This half-brother wants the company. In some strange, twisted leap of logic, this half-brother has sucked us into a virtual world in order to duel Seto Kaiba and get it."
Bakura blinked. "He's trying to duel Seto Kaiba."
"Yes."
"To get his company."
"Yes."
"In a virtual world."
"Yes."
"Dear god, he's stupider than you are," Ryou said, awed.
"Bite me," Bakura replied.
"And he seems to think he's hyper-intelligent," Yami said.
"What gave him that delusion?" Marik snorted. "That plan is transparently stupid, and I know nothing about either of them."
"Indeed; he seems to think that attacking his enemy at his strongest point is wise. Though he has been making some attempt at the weakest."
"But why is that stopping you?" Ryou asked.
"Simple; he brought us along with him."
"Him too?" Marik asked.
"Him?"
"Marik," Bakura explained. "They brought along Marik and he hasn't ripped the guy to pieces?"
"Everyone was brought along, save the engineers, pilots, and him," Yami qualified.
"Has he killed the pilots yet?" Marik asked fatalistically.
"No."
"It's just a matter of time."
"The engineers seem to be skillfully deflecting him. Barely."
"It's very confusing that you two have the same name," Ryou commented.
Marik shrugged. "I think he has a name, but I can't pronounce it and I don't care. Or... One or the other. I-- can't actually remember, but I won't lose any sleep over it."
"We could call him dung-head," Bakura proposed sullenly.
"You've been calling him that all along," Ryou said. "Except in slightly different words."
"And would you like to tell me that name isn't apt?"
Ryou considered that. "Not really."
"So?"
"So you were right," Ryou sighed.
"There's one thing that still confuses me--"
"ONE thing?" Bakura said, incredulous.
Yami glared at him. "Why didn't Marik attempt to put you in some sort of hell, as he has done with all his other victims?"
"He did," Bakura and Marik chorused.
"Then what happened?"
"He has," Bakura clarified. "See?" Bakura swung at Ryou, who didn't even flinch. And for good reason; Bakura's fist passed right through.
"Indeed," Yami said, amused. "You are stuck with each other, you cannot do anything about it, and you are forced to rely on me for help. Marik is a truly evil soul."
"He doesn't have a soul," Marik snapped.
"I'm having a pretty good time, myself," Ryou said, surprised, like it had just occured to him.
"Shut up," said Bakura.
"Well," Yami said, "I'll put you on my list. But I must leave. Noah Kaiba is battling Seto Kaiba."
"I'll bet it's riveting," Bakura said sourly.
"Not really," Yami answered. "But if I want to ever get out of Noah's playpen, I shall have to attend."
"Have a nice time," Ryou said brightly.
"Burn in hell," Bakura muttered, and Yami wasn't sure who he meant. Possibly everyone. It didn't much matter.
"Until later," Yami said, and returned to the illusion.
(-)
"Whose side are we on?" Joey asked.
Yugi sighed, tired of the whole damn thing. "To tell the truth, I'm honestly not sure. I don't know, we're on the side that gets us out of this place and then leaves us alone."
"I don' think that side exists," Joey said, bemused. "I mean, th' kid wins, I don't really know what he'll do. I mean, he won't want our bodies, right? Bein' evil an' treacherous and all, he probably won't give us to his flunkies, either. Suppose he might trap us here or somethin', but I dunno. An' if Kaiba wins, we'll get out of here, all right--probably--but then we've still got that stupid tournament thing, so he'll never leave us alone."
Yugi smiled. "Yeah, exactly."
"So I guess we're on our own side." Joey looked at the battle thoughtfully.
"Yeah, who knew Kaiba was such a jerk?" Tristan piped up thoughtfully.
"Shuddup, you treacherous Noah robo-vermin!!!" Joey yelled, shaking a fist.
Tristan squeaked and huddled closer to Serenity, who glared at her brother. "God, Joey! Go easy on him! Even if he isn't Tristan, that's not his fault."
The monkey-robot's pixelated face made a face at Joey that was hard to decipher, but, Yugi decided, was probably a raspberry. This in mind, he edged Joey aside.
"Joey," he said quietly, "I could be wrong, but I really do believe that's Tristan."
"Yeah, me too," Joey said calmly. He glanced over Yugi's head, saw the Tristan monkey-robot looking at him, and waved his fist menacingly, glaring.
Yugi blinked. "Wha? Then-- then why do you keep yelling at him?"
"Because he's Tristan," Joey said, as if it was obvious.
Yugi blinked some more. "Um, you'll have to explain that a little."
"He really thinks he can put the put the moves on S'renity without tellin' me?" Joey scoffed. "An' he thinks I won't notice? An' then he gets his butt kicked in a duel an' scares my little sister to death? An' now he gets ta use this to his advantage? Let 'im suffer a little, man."
Yugi broke into surprised laughter.
"Seriously, maybe it'll make me look stupid later, but it's worth it."
Yugi nodded, partly out of happiness that he seemed to be right. Joey thought it was Tristan, too; maybe he wasn't crazy.
/I try to tell you these things, and you never listen./
/Hush./
"So where are we?" Joey asked.
Yugi blinked. "What do you mean?"
"I don't mean place-wise, 'cause we can all figure that out for ourselves; this place, you don't know any better than we do. I mean-- in terms of strategy, y'know, with the people. Whose side should we be on? What should we be doing, who should we trust?"
"Uh, isn't at least some of that the sort of thing you have to decide for yourself?"
"Yeah, but-- I think I speak for everyone when I say I'd kinda like ta hear what Yami thinks about all this."
"And what am I?" Yugi asked, slightly angry. "You don't want to know what I think?"
"Uh, Yug'..." Joey scratched his head. "You're really great at this, with the strategy an' all, you know we know that, but... First of all, this kind of junk is what Yami does best. Well, for all I know, maybe not, but it's hard t'imagine anythin' being done better. I mean, this-- this is his gig, man, this started with him and it's gonna end with him, I'm sure, all of this. And there's the whole thousand-year-old thing, kinda makes him an authority figure in all this."
Téa and the monkey nodded. Duke and Serenity stared at Joey, wondering what the hell he was talking about.
"An', uh, no offense, man, but you trust everybody." Joey scratched his head, already sheepish.
"Excuse me?!"
"What about that thing a couple weeks ago, with the 'fortuneteller'?" Téa said thoughtfully.
"YOU BELIEVED HIM TOO!"
"And nobody's asking for my opinion, either!"
Yugi sighed.
"Yeah!" Duke said, having figured out at least one part of the conversation. "Whatever you're talking about, we do need to come up with a cohesive strategy."
"Think you're so damn smart, using words like 'cohesive'..." Tristan muttered.
"And fast," Duke said, ignoring him.
"All right then."
Everyone but Yugi spun around. There, quietly leaning against the truck, was the translucent figure of Yami.
He shrugged. "Ask."
"...Who the hell are you?!" Duke sputtered.
Yami sighed. "I thought I was finished with this conversation..."
Yugi, fortunately, had been devoting a great deal of his spare time to attempting to come up with a shortish answer to that very question. "He's a ghost. He used to be a Pharoah in Egypt, but then he got trapped in the Millenium Puzzle-- this thing--" Yugi held it up. "--so he's an ancient ghost and for some reason I can apparently channel him."
Yugi paused, trying to think if there was anything he'd missed. "And his name is Yami."
"We think," Yami added.
"Yaamii! I had it under forty words!!"
"It was forty-one, but I will admit that's an accomplishment."
"So I can probably get it to at least thirty-nine..."
Duke stared at them like they were crazy. At this point, he had little reason to believe they weren't.
"...Hi Yami," said Serenity.
Yami inclined his head to her. "Is that all?"
"...How the hell is that possible?!" Duke cried.
"We really have no idea," said Yami.
"Not a clue," Yugi reinforced.
"But since it has happened, it is, hopefully, possible."
"Though for all we know it might not be."
"We're having a bad time," Yami summarized.
"Right, I think that's enough background," Joey said, taking over. "So. How much do you trust Seto Kaiba?"
Yami laughed mirthlessly. "I don't."
Joey nodded. "'Cause he doesn't give a damn about us and he's still got the tournament."
"Essentially. Also, he is far too easily manipulated."
Joey blinked. "Really?"
"You must remember that first time we dueled him," Yami said calmly. "He was utterly irrational. He was being controlled then, and I doubt that he's ever realized it, even now. And it is possible that there is something else that has never stopped controlling him..."
Joey was stunned. (This,) he thought, (is more like it. This is the kind of thing we need to hear.)
"Perhaps it's paranoia... But sometimes, all of these things seem to happen... too perfectly..."
"Wha d'you mean?" Joey asked warily.
"Pegasus, for instance. Why on earth was he attempting to take over KaibaCorp? How could that possibly have helped him? He said his goal was to gather the Millenium Items, but that he could have accomplished on his own, and another corporation couldn't possibly have helped him. It makes no sense. It doesn't even make sense that he got the Millenium Eye in the first place..."
"The Millenium Eye?" Duke asked blankly.
"The gold thing," Téa said, and pointed to her own eye.
"...Oh."
"Why on earth would you give such a powerful magical object to someone who was so obviously unbal-- distraught?" Yami shot a mild diagnostic glance at Duke, to see just how sensitive he still was to mention of Pegasus. Duke, he concluded, was still a little touchy, but mostly safe. "It would be a rather incredibly stupid thing to do. And in this context, we can use the word 'incredibly' literally."
"He means we can't seriously believe someone would be that stupid on their own," Yugi translated.
"Do I really need translation?"
"Yes," Joey said, "and please drop it."
"...Right."
"And what about Mokuba?" Joey asked. He knew he was changing the subject, but since he was changing it back to what it had been in the first place, he didn't feel too guilty.
"What about him?"
"Should we trust him?"
"Now? Absolutely. In the future? It will all depend on the context. He's very bright, and he truly is a friend of ours, but his first priority will probably always be his brother. He's not even going to make any attempt to hide it. He doesn't need to."
Joey blinked. "Huh?"
"All you will have to do to predict Mokuba's actions," Yami explained, "will be to determine what is in the best interest of his brother. However, that is a less simple position than one would think. You have to realize that Seto Kaiba by no means consistently acts in his own best interest."
"So you're saying that, uh, if Kaiba was goin' to go up to some rickety space station, you'd think Mokuba would support 'im, but he'd be more'n willing to help anyone who wanted t'duel 'im, just t'keep him here on Earth," Joey said slowly.
Yami smiled and nodded.
"So Mokuba's all for Kaiba, but he's not necessarily gonna think that what Kaiba's workin' for is good for him."
"I believe that's what I said."
"Right," Joey said, "I think I knew that, but not in those words."
"Liar," Tristan said.
"SHUDDUP, DEMONIC NOAH ROBO-VERMIN!!" Joey screamed at him.
"Joey!!" Serenity cuddled the monkey and glared at Joey accusingly. "Let up on him already! He's a robotic monkey, for crying out loud!"
"An' what's so bad about that?"
"Look at him, for heaven's sake!"
Joey grinned at Tristan's expression. "Yeah, poor sap. Anyway. How about the monkey? Should we trust him, or run over 'im with the truck?"
"JOEY!" Serenity yelled.
"Or maybe we could throw 'im in a river."
"I don't remember seeing any rivers nearby," Yami said, not bothering to restrain a smile.
"Yeah, well, there's gotta be one around here somewhere. Or I could see how far I can throw him!"
"Him!" Serenity latched onto the word.
"A'course him!" Joey retorted.
"You think it's Tristan too!" Serenity cried victoriously.
"Of COURSE I think it's Tristan! Why the hell else would I be threatenin' him so much? Jeeze!" Joey rolled his eyes.
"Any other questions?" Yami asked, smiling to himself.
"Yeah, what the hell did Joey just say?" Serenity asked, staring at him.
"I said get your face outta my sister's chest, ya PUNK!" Joey threw a pebble at Tristan.
Tristan made a strange electronic squeaking noise. "What?! You know it's ME in here?! And you've been threatening me all day?!!?!"
"I don't know it's you in there, but I'd bet on it."
"AND YOU'VE BEEN THREATENING ME ALL DAY?!?!??!!"
"AND THAT DIDN'T TELL YA I KNEW IT WAS YOU?!??!!"
Téa raised her hand. "What's with this Noah person, anyway?"
"He wants Kaiba's company," Yami explained, ignoring Joey and Tristan's rapidly escalating argument. "I believe he claimed to be related to the last Kaiba tyrant, but he could have been lying."
"Okay," Téa said, "thanks."
"Are we ever going to get out of here?" Serenity asked plaintively, attempting to drag a straining Tristan back by the tail.
"Noah is an utter imbecile, so yes, I would assume so."
"But then what do we do?" she asked, changing tactics and throwing Tristan in the air.
Yugi answered that one. "If we're really, really lucky, Marik will get so angry with Noah for disrupting the tournament that he'll run off to kill him and let us all go home..."
"Which is not going to happen, but it is a heartening thought..." Yami noted.
"If we're really, really unlucky, Marik will kill us all and take whatever he's looking for..."
"A tactic that will never occur to him and, I can assure you, would fail miserably if it did..." Yami commented.
"If we're really lucky, Marik will get beaten by someone else and be so depressed about it that he gives us Mai's soul back and leaves to become a monk..."
"None of which will happen..." Yami qualified.
"If we're really unlucky, Marik will beat us in a duel..."
Yami laughed, and let that suffice.
"And if our luck holds steady, we'll have to duel him, but we'll beat him."
"You have it reasoned out that far?" Téa asked, amazed.
"Further," they said, regretfully.
"It's a prerequisite for the course," Yami explained sadly.
Yugi went to resolve Joey and Tristan's argument by whispering a suggestion to Téa. Téa nodded and walked up to Joey, who was yelling at Tristan and being restrained by Duke. Calmly, she smacked him upside the head.
"Guys!" she said to both of them. "Hello! This is your stewardess for the flight. Due to the fact that we are not only off-course but also two of the engines are on fire, I would like to ask all passengers if they would please refrain from killing each other until we land back at home. That okay?" she said sweetly.
Joey reluctantly shut up. Tristan kept yelling-- until Serenity hit him upside the head. Then he, too, subsided.
As they dispersed, they noticed that Yami had disappeared.
"Where does he go, anyway?" Joey asked, unnerved.
"...You've got to have a frame of reference," Yugi said.
Joey wanted to argue that point, but couldn't, and so they settled down to watch Seto Kaiba win the duel.
(-)
19.
Spoilers: Up to the episode which could be titled: "Karma, Meet Kaiba. Kaiba, This is Karma." Or, more specifically, the-- I'm fairly sure it's the second episode of the Noah v. Seto duel. If you've gotten over chuckling that Noah had an Ark at the very end of the episode, you're too early.
Notes:
I'm calling Ryou Bakura Ryou, and the spirit of the Ring Bakura. I dunno, the way the dub's going, it doesn't seem very logical to call him Yami Bakura. So... Whatever. ; Same logic with Marik, except they're both called Marik. Which is... odd. ;;;; Yeah.
(-)
/Yugi, I'm going to see if I can do something./
/You mean you're not watching the duel?/
/No, I don't really care enough./
/But it's very exciting./
/Yugi, if I do watch this duel, do you know what will happen?/
/Uh, I guess not./
/I will almost undoubtably encourage Noah Kaiba./
/Noah?!/
/I've thought it over, and for the moment, I've decided I like Seto even less./
/But you wouldn't cheer him on./
/I'd try to help him to win./
/...Have a nice time, then./
/Thank you./ Yami neglected to mention that he was almost certain he wouldn't.
This space... What exactly was it? Was it anything at all? An illusion... Well, of course it was an illusion, a transparent one, though no doubt it looked far more real to Yugi and his friends than it did to him. It was easily explained; he, Yami, had not been accounted for. This world was-- some sort of electricity running through some computer, and it looked 'real' because their minds were being told that it was.
But according to the program, Yami didn't exist. There was no way to feed anything into his mind, except for when he saw the world through Yugi. The metaphysics were completely beyond him, but they hadn't always been...
(So this is not a dimension. It is, at most, some sort of subset of the normal one. I doubt it's even that. To the ones without bodies, it may be a dimension. But for us, it is merely a delusion.)
He wasn't absolutely sure how he knew that, but he did, and he knew it was true.
(So it should be no trouble...)
Yami closed his eyes, and woke up. He looked around.
(The blimp... So I was right.) And he could hear Marik yelling at the engineers.
"What sort of fools are you?! Get them back here!!"
"We can't," a high female voice said patiently.
"And why not?!"
"We could rip them out of the program," said a man, "but it would probably kill them. So what would be the point?"
"If you want to duel them," said another voice, "you'll have to wait for them to win. Which can't possibly take much longer."
"You could try to kill Noah while you're waiting," the man offered. "Can you get into the computer world?"
"It would speed things up..." the first woman said doubtfully.
"And help us all a great deal," the second woman added, without remorse.
"Don't blame us if you can't," the man said-- rather foolishly, in Yami's opinion.
That, of course, did not end the discussion; Marik yelled something at the people, who yelled back. The people-- probably flight attendants or the pilots or engineers--seemed to be just in their league, just barely able to hold out against him. And, Yami noted, they were bright enough to refuse any duels. Without that, there was little Marik could do to them. Except kill them.
(But they're safe; he needs them, and it's not his style...)
So he'd learned two things here. One was that the blimp was all right, the situation relatively stable. Secondly...
(Logic. I'm not visible. I can't touch anything, and I can't speak. Normally I could... but normally Yugi would be here, and he's elsewhere. For all practical purposes, at least. So I'm ridiculously dependent on Yugi; nothing new...)
But there was one place where that didn't apply, and he'd intended to visit, anyway. Like this, it was second nature to enter the Shadow Realm.
Marik had a section of this place... there was some reason why, which escaped him. It was possible for someone else to take someone out of that sector, but it took knowledge, work, and time, and Yami was short of all three. He was sure he could do it if it was necessary, but the direct route-- beating Marik-- would be easier.
But there was little to stop him from visiting.
And so he found her, suspended in some sort of diamond above the beach.
Mai looked at him, something strange about her eyes. "Hi."
"Hello," he replied, and looked around. There was some sort of party on the beach-- that was them having a party-- but Mai was facing away, to the sea.
"Are you that guy again?" she asked.
"Hmm?" He glanced at her.
"The jerk, with the... I can hardly remember... Why is it so hard?" She concentrated. "The blonde guy who said I'd forget everything. You're not him."
"No," he said, slightly chilled by Mai's strange state of mind.
"I'm supposed to be looking at them," she said, gesturing at the beach. "And I did for a while, and I didn't like it. But then I turned away. And now I don't know why it bothered me so much, except it does make me a little lonely. But I don't see what's so special about that; I always have been. Was this supposed to be a punishment?..."
"A badly constructed one," Yami said, slightly surprised that Marik hadn't seen this loophole.
"But what did I do?" she asked, looking up at him like a child.
Yami pondered that for a moment. "You stood up," he finally said.
"And that's all it took?" Mai said quizzically.
"He's used to destroying everything in his path."
"And I guess he has." Mai looked troubled, defeated. "I don't even remember my name anymore."
"Your name is Mai," Yami told her.
"Mai." She grabbed onto the fact, held it with a fierce concentration. "That's right! My name is Mai. How did I forget that?" Her eyes narrowed, a lot more like the Mai Yami knew. "--I know how I forgot that. And I'm not going to forget it ever again."
"He hasn't destroyed you," Yami told her, staring at her somberly. "You're still who you are, even if you don't remember why. I know; I know you."
"You do?" She looked up. "Are you Joey?"
He shook his head. "He doesn't know how to come here yet, but he'll learn, and we'll get you out of here. We will get you out of here."
"And then I'll kill that man," Mai said simply.
"Assuming no one else does first," Yami said, smiling faintly. "The waiting list is fairly long. But I won't stop you."
She looked at him. "How did you get here?"
"It's something I can do," he answered, noticing the first faint indications that something had found him where he was not supposed to be.
"And why did you come?"
"Because I can. And I wanted you to know... we all want you to know... we're working on getting you out of here. We've been sidetracked, but we will get you out."
"I believe you," she said, and meant it.
"My thanks." He bowed his head. "But I have to leave now. He will find me."
"Then what the hell are you waiting for?" Mai asked. "Get out!"
And, regretfully, Yami did.
(What a fool this Marik is...) Yami thought angrily. (He thinks he can destroy anything in his path... Not anymore...)
Something yanked him from his path--
Startled, he fell into another part of Marik's sector.
"You!" said the evil form of Bakura."What the hell are you waiting for, get us out of here!"
"What the hell are you doing here?!" Yami asked.
"We're here," Ryou said acidly, "because he's an idiot."
"For five damn minutes! Would you shut up??" Bakura yelled.
"Make me," Ryou said sweetly.
"YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL WE GET OUT OF HERE!!"
"Could you two stop bickering?!" the original Marik yelled. "It's getting very annoying!"
Yami tried not to smile at Bakura's predicament. He completely failed. "How did you get here?"
"Wipe that damn smile off your face!!" Bakura yelled.
"The Wise and Mighty King of Ancient Bandits here decided to duel Marik," Ryou explained, shooting a black glare at his counterpart.
"Then why is he here?" Yami asked.
"He's not Marik, you idiot," Bakura snapped.
"Oh! Really? And here I thought it was, even when I know Marik is in the real world and would have threatened me by now! He doesn't seem at all different to me! Dear Lord! I am dense!"
"Don't use sarcasm," Ryou said. "It'll fly right over his head."
"You talk too much," Bakura snapped.
"He's the other Marik, less evil to some degree. I didn't fall out of the Puzzle yesterday, you know. But why is he here?"
Marik sighed. "I was trying to help him," he explained, gesturing at Bakura.
Yami laughed. "Wow, did you back the wrong horse."
"I am now aware of that," Marik said darkly.
"Shut up!!" Bakura yelled.
"I tried to tell him!" Ryou cried. "I asked him, what makes you trust him? and he said, he knows Marik's plans. And I said, why the heck do you think that? I don't know your plans. And he said, he'll help me use this card. And I asked him, why do you think he can? And he said, because he's Marik. And I said, but I can't steal souls, and you can! And then he called me a moron and shoved me in my room."
"That's about how it went," Marik admitted.
"AND WHO'S SORRY NOW?!" Ryou yelled.
"I'M SORRY YOU WERE EVER BORN!!" Bakura roared.
"EXACTLY! YOU!"
"SHUT UP!"
"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!!" Marik yelled.
"ALL of you shut up!!" Yami yelled.
"SHUT UP!" they yelled back.
"Oh for God's..." Yami put his head in his hand. "Could we talk like civilized people?"
"He isn't civilized," Ryou said.
"Civilization is overrated," snapped Bakura.
"How about we just agree that nobody will say 'shut up' again?" Yami suggested.
"Whatever," said Bakura.
"The wrong horse," Marik muttered to himself.
"Shu--" Bakura paused. "Bite me."
"Why am I here?" Yami asked, half rhetorically.
"Our Lady of the Brilliant Plans wanted you to get us out of here," Ryou explained.
"Did you just call me a lady?" Bakura asked dangerously.
"Indeed I did."
"When we get out of this place..."
"Look," Yami said, "I'm sorry, but to get you out of here, I would have to break into his space. That would take time that I don't have."
"Why haven't you beaten him yet, since you're so damn good?" Bakura demanded.
"We've been sidetracked."
"By what?!"
"Seto Kaiba has a half-brother," Yami explained serenely. "This half-brother wants the company. In some strange, twisted leap of logic, this half-brother has sucked us into a virtual world in order to duel Seto Kaiba and get it."
Bakura blinked. "He's trying to duel Seto Kaiba."
"Yes."
"To get his company."
"Yes."
"In a virtual world."
"Yes."
"Dear god, he's stupider than you are," Ryou said, awed.
"Bite me," Bakura replied.
"And he seems to think he's hyper-intelligent," Yami said.
"What gave him that delusion?" Marik snorted. "That plan is transparently stupid, and I know nothing about either of them."
"Indeed; he seems to think that attacking his enemy at his strongest point is wise. Though he has been making some attempt at the weakest."
"But why is that stopping you?" Ryou asked.
"Simple; he brought us along with him."
"Him too?" Marik asked.
"Him?"
"Marik," Bakura explained. "They brought along Marik and he hasn't ripped the guy to pieces?"
"Everyone was brought along, save the engineers, pilots, and him," Yami qualified.
"Has he killed the pilots yet?" Marik asked fatalistically.
"No."
"It's just a matter of time."
"The engineers seem to be skillfully deflecting him. Barely."
"It's very confusing that you two have the same name," Ryou commented.
Marik shrugged. "I think he has a name, but I can't pronounce it and I don't care. Or... One or the other. I-- can't actually remember, but I won't lose any sleep over it."
"We could call him dung-head," Bakura proposed sullenly.
"You've been calling him that all along," Ryou said. "Except in slightly different words."
"And would you like to tell me that name isn't apt?"
Ryou considered that. "Not really."
"So?"
"So you were right," Ryou sighed.
"There's one thing that still confuses me--"
"ONE thing?" Bakura said, incredulous.
Yami glared at him. "Why didn't Marik attempt to put you in some sort of hell, as he has done with all his other victims?"
"He did," Bakura and Marik chorused.
"Then what happened?"
"He has," Bakura clarified. "See?" Bakura swung at Ryou, who didn't even flinch. And for good reason; Bakura's fist passed right through.
"Indeed," Yami said, amused. "You are stuck with each other, you cannot do anything about it, and you are forced to rely on me for help. Marik is a truly evil soul."
"He doesn't have a soul," Marik snapped.
"I'm having a pretty good time, myself," Ryou said, surprised, like it had just occured to him.
"Shut up," said Bakura.
"Well," Yami said, "I'll put you on my list. But I must leave. Noah Kaiba is battling Seto Kaiba."
"I'll bet it's riveting," Bakura said sourly.
"Not really," Yami answered. "But if I want to ever get out of Noah's playpen, I shall have to attend."
"Have a nice time," Ryou said brightly.
"Burn in hell," Bakura muttered, and Yami wasn't sure who he meant. Possibly everyone. It didn't much matter.
"Until later," Yami said, and returned to the illusion.