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Chapter 7
Marissa lay on her bed starring at her ceiling fan. The fan hypnotized her, the constant circling drew her in, predictable, calming. Her mom's words rang in her head. "He isn't high society! He doesn't belong here!" Marissa winced. That wasn't true! Ryan did belong here! He had to belong here. She needed him here. Her mom was wrong...wasn't she? "I knew from the beginning that he would only hurt you!" Julie screamed in Marissa's head, taunting and gloating about how right she had been.
"No!" Marissa spoke out loud, disrupting the silence and surprising herself. She shook her head, they had been and love. She was still in love. Who was it that said "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"? That wasn't true. She would give anything to go back a year when she thought she was happy. What did it matter if she wasn't in love? At least a year ago she didn't feel so isolated from everything she cared about. She was so numb inside, yet she was still drowning in her emotion.
Marissa sat up and frantically began to search the room. She took out a bottle of vodka that had been inside her drawer. She took a big sip, and closed her eyes. Images of Ryan flashed in her head. Chrismukkah, when he had gotten so angry at her, she then spit out the drink right on her carpet. She whimpered a soft, "No." but it began to grow in loudness until she was screaming. She threw the bottle across the room. She watched it shatter on the wall, leaving a mark and soaking her carpet. She then collapsed onto the floor. She pounded on the floor, she wanted to cry so badly. She filled her images with sad pictures, she locked eyes with Ryan as he drove away in Theresa's car. She saw Ryan during all of their fights, she tried to remember exactly what Ryan said when he announced that he was leaving, but no tears came. She just continued to pound her ground, and take in the air, which was a mixture of hot sea breeze and stale liquor. She was so consumed in her tantrum, that she didn't hear her cell phone ring....